Chapter Five

He smelled like warmth and cinnamon and just a touch like rain, Sousuke concluded as bleary eyed he woke. His face was buried at the back of Makoto's neck and hair still. And Souske breathed in another spiced sample.

Next to him, his phone buzzed with his alarm. Sousuke found it, flipping it off before looking back over to the boy he was sharing a bed with. Makoto was still turned towards the wall, but he was much more relaxed. Sousuke shifted up onto his arm as he looked down at Makoto.

The night before had been-different. He'd just wanted a fuck and had ended up tangling himself three way to Sunday in all of Makoto.

The guy had no idea how charming he was with his polite smiles and shaggy hair and big droopy puppy eyes.

Sousuke sighed as he rested his arm on his forehead. He wasn't sure if he was making his life easier or harder. His eyes skirted over Makoto's honey skinned shoulders. A dark patch at the junction of his shoulder and neck made Sousuke smile. It was at least going to be fun to watch Makoto stammer off a reason for that at practice that night.

He couldn't spend all morning in bed though and Sousuke shifted up and out of bed.

Twenty minutes later, showered, packed and dressed in his pristine white uniform Sousuke hesitated at the edge of the bed. He made an unsure noise in his throat before he leaned down and let a lingering hand caress down Makoto's side, even continue over the sheet to his thigh.

Straightening, Sousuke headed for the door. With the night Makoto had had he could use a morning in bed. Sousuke could cover for him.

He quietly shut the door behind him before meeting Rin in the hallway for morning class.

He was late to class, but sneaking in through the back, Makoto tried to be quiet. He'd woken up alone in the room, and scrambled to get a flash shower and into a uniform.

It seemed they were back to Sousuke ignoring he existed, or at least somehow liked. The teacher scolded Makoto and class continued as Makoto dug his notebook out of his bag. Looking up for the lecture, Makoto didn't miss seeing Sousuke's surprised expression. Rin next to him looked miffed and poked Sousuke, asking something in whisper. Sousuke answered in a whisper as well before looking back at Makoto.

He knew he was blushing again as he looked down at his notebook. It surprised him just how much it-he knew Sousuke didn't care about him. It had all been physical, but a part of him had at least hoped things would get easier between them.

Around his middle Makoto squeezed his arm a bit tighter. It was just a fraction of what it usually felt like, but it still-he was feeling hollow.

He smiled a sad smile, maybe it was just it being a another rejection. It's not like his initial wound had really ever healed, so every little abrasion now made the old ones ache.

It was fine, he'd managed this far, he'd keep managing on his own.

Makoto made sure to stay out of Sousuke's way the rest of the day at class. By the time swim practice started it was feeling like a normal day after all.

At least until his nerves were set on end, as Sousuke stepped up next to him.

Makoto noticed most of the other teammates had all filtered out of the room and we're talking and laughing as they continued on to the pool.

"How's your shoulders today?" Sousuke asked in a hushed voice. "You kept rolling them all night after we'd gone to bed."

Startled, Makoto wasn't sure how to respond for a moment. "Uhm, they're fine."

Sousuke nodded. But still stood directly in Makoto path to the pool. He looked down before asking. "You were okay-with what we did?"

Makoto looked to the door. Literally there were people fifteen feet from them. "Uhm, uh it was fine."

"You sure?" Sousuke's voice was deeper growl this time. "It was a little intense."

Whether it was consoling Sousuke's conscious or what ever, it seemed Makoto wasn't going to get out of this with out giving a clear answer. "I'm fine. Taking off the duck tape hurt but besides that it was just fine."

Right, fine, fine, fine. What was Makoto supposed to say? Good, felt like the wrong word, and great or wonderful were just way out of the question, but alright made it sound like he hadn't enjoyed the sex-which he had-but it wasn't like they were really all that into each other. It had been just sex.

Sousuke nodded, "Kay." He mumbled. Those eyes shifted back up to Makoto, pinning him again.

Teal eyes were still on him a second later. He looked to the lockers before pushing off, calling over his shoulder. "Come on, you've got plenty to work on before prefecturals."

Sighing, Makoto closed his own locker and stared out in the pool. He wanted nothing more than to dive head first into the current and swim everything away. But before Makoto could manage to get into the water, Rin was stepping up to him.

"You two are getting along better."

Right. Yeah. Or at least that's what Makoto wanted to say. Instead he just smiled and shrugged. "I guess."

"He doesn't talk about you anymore." Rin went on.

Makoto nodded, not quite sure what Rin meant, but pretty sure he didn't want to ask. Rin had a way of saying things and not realizing he said them out loud, or at least that's what Makoto hoped went on.

Rin sighed. Giving Makoto a more significant look. "He's always been a bit of a real loner." He shrugged. "It's just really surprising to see him making a new friend or two." He smiled at Makoto before leaving off.

Yeah just another friend. Makoto pulled his swimming cap on followed by he goggles. He could really use a swim. Samezuka had been his plan to stay uncomplicated. That wasn't working out very well.

Makoto was avoiding going back to his bedroom, and Makoto wasn't quite sure exactly how to get past that. He had even showered in the locker room, and now standing dressed in front of his locker he frowned. It had been three days since they'd-Makoto reddened. He'd managed to stay out of the room alone with Sousuke till then. Practicing late, doing his homework in the library, and even just going on walks across campus. He'd managed to blow enough time until it was about ten thirty or so and it was late enough for Sousuke to be in bed, or it was acceptable for Makoto to go straight to bed.

But tonight, Maktot didn't think he had the avoidance in him. He was exhausted. He'd swam at least six or so hours every day since the week had started. With prefecturals the weekend after next, Makoto was pushing harder. He had the fastest time for backstroke in Samezuka, but that wasn't what he was worried about.

It was his freestyle times. He wasn't having Rin timing him, but he knew he wasn't amazingly close to Rin's times and that's what he needed.

Makoto glanced at the clock. Eight. That meant an hour or so alone in the room with Sousuke. but there was no way Makoto could do anything more that night but chill a little.

Sousuke had been-different. He still didn't really seem to enjoy Makoto's presence but he didn't fight it. Not that Sousuke wasn't saying all that much to Makoto, and when he did it was always back to the jabs and insults. But they went to class together and ate most meals together and saw each other at practice, all of course accompanied by Rin or another swim team member.

It wasn't like he could do anything about it, he'd have to face Sousuke eventually.

So taking a deep breath, Makoto slung his swim bag over his shoulder before starting up to his room.

Sousuke was laying on his bed, when Makoto came in. It looked like he'd washed his bedding and made it since Makoto and he had-uh-soiled them a few days earlier.

"Hey," Makoto greeted as Sousuke looked up at him.

"Hey," Sousuke said back, turning back to the book in his hand.

Not feeling awkward at all, Makoto trudged in. Shutting the door behind him as he set his swim bag down and started to work on removing his shoes.

Turning around Sousuke was watching him again. He looked irritated. Or maybe Makoto was bit scared of what would happen again when Sousuke was irritated. Sousuke seemed to have bit of a resting bitch face problem and Makoto was never sure any more on what was real irritation and what was just his normal expression.

"Why did you keep that bag?"

A little taken back, Makoto looked back to his swim bag.

"I-" Makoto tipped his head smiling. "I guess a part of me still will always feel like Iwatobi has a piece of me." That was surprisingly honest Makoto realized as he said it. He removed his jacket, hanging it up before going back to his desk.

"You should get a Samezuka one." Sousuke mumbled. He tipped his head to the closet as well. "As well as a jacket, you may not wear the other one, but I've seen it there."

"Maybe," Makoto said.

Sosuke sighed behind him. "You need to start considering yourself a part of this team."

Stopping, Makoto looked down at Sousuke. He wasn't sure if Sousuke was right or not. Going with the safe route, Makoto made sure to speak quietly. "I would never do anything in this team to bring the others down, especially Rin."

This time when Sousuke put down the book, he snapped it shut. He sat up a second later as he pinned Makoto with his gaze again.

"I wasn't referring to Rin." Sousuke growled. "You're not going anywhere with out these fucking people!" Sousuke gestured outwardly towards the door, more than likely meaning the rows of rooms lining the halls.

Startled, Makoto wasn't quite sure what to say. Why the hell did this even matter to Sousuke?

"You know for all Rin keeps talking about you being one happy-go-lucky dumb ass of a friend maker, you don't seem to have made a single one while here." Sousuke continued. His teal eyes were still tracking Makoto.

Makoto opened his mouth still unsure, before suddenly he spoke, "I could say the same for you." It wasn't exactly the insult of the year, but Makoto wasn't sure he even had it in him to say unkind things-At least up until now.

The world was an awfully cruel place after all. Sometimes it managed to break even the best of them. And Maktot was so tired of feeling, so tired of worrying about everybody else.

Well the good news was Makoto could clearly tell when Sousuke was really starting to get angry still. His brow furrowed deeper and his eyes narrowed. "Excuse me, Tachibana?"

Sousuke was up and standing before Makoto in an instant, using is full height to his advantage again as he spoke again. "Why the fuck are you here?"

Makoto took one step back as Sousuke took one forward. "I've told you."

"Really?" Sousuke asked though with the face expression it was probably rhetorical. "You left your home, your little pity party of friends, your family, your little godforsaken nobody school all because Samezuka is, 'a great opportunity' for you?" Sousuke shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so."

Sousuke leaned in deeper, his face hard and cold and very close to Makoto's. "Why are you really here?"

For once in Makoto's life he found he had the real compacity for apathy. And he had no desire to fight it. "Why are you here, Yamazaki-kun?" He asked in a steady voice. "Not chasing anyone in particular?"

"Don't fucking-" Sousuke started with an ugly sneer on his face.

"What ever you think of me in your head is probably right," Makoto interrupted. "Spot on. I'm here to destroy myself from the inside out. I'm here to talk a good talk and leave empty handed. I'm here to drown myself in that big, fancy Olympic pool." Makoto stepped closer, for once choosing to invade Sousuke's space. "But at least I'm not here clinging to someone so tightly I'm pulling them under the current with me."

Sousuke looked at him for a second, before his face twisted again, and this time Makoto wasn't sure if it was anger or pain, but what ever the hell it was, Makoto had hit a nerve.

"You have no idea why I'm here." Sousuke hissed.

Makoto's nodded, before hammering the last nail into the coffin. "Does Rin have an idea why?"

Makoto couldn't bring himself to bother with feeling guiltily as he snagged his laptop off his desk and pushed his way past Sousuke on his way to the bunk bed.

He was stopped by Sousuke's hand on his arm before he made it to the ladder.

"I'm going to fuck your mouth." Sousuke said, tipping his head up, his eyes were dark and murderous as he looked at Makoto. "I'm going to make you beg to lick up my cum from the floor, and you are going to do everything I ask, the second I ask it, like the pathetic slut you are."

Makoto sighed. He reached down, taking Sousuke's hand from his arm as he intertwined their fingers. He brought Souske's hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to Sousuke's knuckles. "Of course, Yamazaki-kun."

Makoto released Sousuke's hand before setting his laptop on his bed and climbing up onto it as well. He refused to look down at Sousuke as he crossed his legs, back against the wall and opened the laptop.

Already though he felt like his insides were leaking out of his rib cage, like they were sand again, running out and leaving nothing but the raw, painful hollow feeling. Sousuke had been right. Makoto had left behind so freaking much. And the ghosts of his old life were always ever present, always there to haunt him of his loss.

If possible he had the sinking feeling he'd just made things so much worse.

Chapter end.

Don't join cults. See you next water time.

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