Ting, ting, ting.
My eyes fluttered open to the sound of someone stirring a drink. I saw him edge around my bed and come to a stop just below where my knees were. Prying my arm loose of the sheets, I attempted to sit up, but instantly got knocked down by a wave of nausea brought on by the pain in my gut.
I groaned and closed my eyes.
"Whoa there," I heard him whisper, "don't move. You of all people should know that."
I peeked through my eyelids to see his head down turned towards the steaming mug in his hands. The smell of coffee saturates the air. I am about to thank him, but then realize he probably did that on purpose to camouflage the sting of iron in the air, what with his super senses and all.
"Is that for me or what?" I croaked, opening my eyes once more to look down at him. I notice his cheekbones have become more pronounced lately, and the profile view I have from down here highlights his sexy stubble. His eyes are staring emptily in front, and a small pout has formed on his lips, his forehead slightly wrinkled up in concern. My heartbeat picked up the pace a bit as I struggled to keep it in check. I'm studying his eyes to see any indication if he has noticed.
The corner of his mouth quickly quirks up in a half-smile, but it's gone before I know it. He noticed. I can't hide anything from this guy.
"Of course" he sighed after a while, lifting the cup slightly in my direction, waiting for me to grab it, though I know he would be have been able to find my hands, perfectly well, on his own. "I couldn't remember if you liked milk or sugar, seeing as we have only really shared a few beers, so I left it black" he hurried to explain, tilting his head slightly so that his face was turned towards me, and his eyes pointed in my general direction.
"Black is perfect" I responded, carefully lifting the mug into hands.
I remembered back to when he had tried to explain how he saw the world. How, after such a long time, he told me he was not completely blind in all definitions of the term. That his view was that of a world on fire. I then became suddenly aware that I was out of my work clothes and in my pajamas, nicely tucked into my bed.
"Umm…" I started, "You changed me?"
"You were unconscious and bleeding, I had to do something" he stated so matter-of-factually, "I didn't think you would appreciate getting the rest of your apartment bloodied up as well, plus" he gestured to his eyes "not like I could see anything while I was doing it."
"Thanks, I guess" I mumbled. With everyone else in the world, I've been able to hold my ground and be who I am; Independent and strong, where rarely anything could and would phase me, but there was something about Matthew Murdock that just seemed to take down all my defenses. I sat down the untouched coffee on my bedside table, my eyes flitting anywhere but at him as I struggled to keep my vitals normal. With any other guy, this would be easy. Guys are normally oblivious to the obvious let alone the subtle, but with him, sometimes it felt as if he could see right through to my soul.
He bent over, placing one hand on the opposite side of my body. He looked straight at me, and I could feel myself slightly shaking.
"I'm so sorry" he murmured, "I'm so very sorry you got caught in the middle of that." His forehead is all wrinkled again. He looks so sincere, and I know he is. My eyes dart to his mouth, instinctively as he learns closer. His pink lips slightly parted as he sits there, probably trying to measure my reaction. The air between us feels charged, but maybe that's the iron in the air due to the blood soaked gauze wrapped around my torso.
I want so badly to just lean forward and kiss him. To feel his perfectly soft lips form to mine in that delicate sweetness that I had been able to experience once before. I guess he could feel the heat rise in my cheeks at the thought as he pushed back slightly and chuckled, shaking his head slowly back and forth. "You are one person I can't understand" he says.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, taking in his beauty that sadly he can't see for himself.
"You get caught in the middle of my quarrels" he responds "get shot even, and you aren't mad at me. You even want to kiss me?" He sounds incredulous, smirking all the while.
"So what?" I snapped, "You can read minds now? I know we crossed out the X-ray fingers abilities, but this seems a bit much."
A quick side wards glance at me tells me he is amused at my response, but I can detect a hint of relief that I hadn't denied it.
"Your breathing had picked up, your temperature rose slightly and your heartbeat, well…" he trailed off. "I feel like I would have made a pretty good med student" he jokes, finally getting up from where he had been sitting, "don't you think?"
I rolled my eyes at him, despite the fact that I know he can't see it. "You think you're cute?" I retorted as he walked to the door to my bedroom.
"Oh, I know I am." He returned, facing the door still, but I could tell he just has another one of those sly smirks on his face. "Get some rest now, I'll check on you in a few hours" he said as he turned the doorknob and pushed it open.
As he was stepping through, I quickly call his name.
"Matt…"
He paused, his hand still on the door with about an inch or two before it closed.
"Thank you."
"I think it's past my turn to take care of you Ms. Temple." He coolly replied. "Plus," he continued after a moment of silence, "I feel it would have been a bit weird to have anyone else change you, don't you think. At least this wasn't my first time to not see you undress." Closing the door then, I heard his footsteps fading away.
"Smart-ass" I called to the air.
My eyelids suddenly started drooping and I slumped down further into my bed, wincing. Maybe I'd be able to dream of something nice to help the pain go away. As they closed I heard Matt's voice once more, though I could't tell if it was actually him or some figment of my imagination. "Rest well." And with that I slipped back into a dreamless sleep.
Blinking my eyes open, I saw the evening sun's rays dripping through my semi-shut shutters. My room was now bathed in a warm glow, reflecting the improved mood I was in after sleeping for what felt like an eternity. My whole body ached like it had been run over by a truck, but thankfully it was just a bullet.
Clutching my side, I tossed the blanket aside and threw my legs over the edge of the bed. Standing up shakily, I wobbled out to the kitchen to grab something to eat. My stomach grumbled like I hadn't eaten for days, which to tell the truth, could be the truth for all I could tell.
Flipping the fridge door open I ended up diving for a beer, seeing as I didn't feel in any shape well enough to hold down real food. Rummaging through my pantry next, I snatched up some saltine crackers and a jar of peanut butter with a knife to spread it.
Hobbling over to my couch, I plopped down and start to prepare the chef worthy meal. I've never owned a TV because I never have had enough time to actually watch it. I was either working or running errands, but mainly working. And even if I did stay home because I was sick, which didn't happen very often due to my strong immune system, side effect of being a nurse, I would end up resting, eating and sleeping to get better, then right back into work I would go. However thinking about it now, it would have made a great distraction for every now and then.
After eating a few of the make-shift saltine peanut butter sandwiches, I took a large swing of my beer and heard, "Hello there, feeling better already?"
I sputtered into the bottle and whipped around, regretting this reaction instantly as a sharp pain stabbed my side.
"Whoa there, take it easy. I've made you something more sustainable than crackers and peanut butter" Matt continued. Jeez that man was like a ghost. I hadn't heard him come in, or had he been there the whole time?
He walked over with a bowl of tortilla soup, filled to the brim with shredded chicken and a glass of what looked like to be iced tea. If he was trying to make the point that I needed more protein, I think I understood.
"How did you get in?" I inquired, cautiously switching out the dish before me with the offering in his hands. "I don't think I ever gave you a key, and seeing as what just happened in my hallway, I don't believe you would have left the door unlocked…"
"You are right" he affirmed, "That's why I spent the day….night, and day here. Just wanted to make sure there weren't any…" he paused, "repercussions to my actions."
I smiled and tilted my head back so that I could look into his beautiful, unseeing eyes.
"What is it?" he asked, a quizzical look appearing on his face.
I laughed, "You know, I sometimes forget you are blind by all the things you notice."
"Uh, huh, so why are you smiling exactly?"
"I was just thinking that you were right. You would have made an excellent med student"
He shot out a short, loud laugh. "Mhm, and why the change of heart so suddenly?"
"Well," I said, lifting the edge of my pj top and tracing my finger over the gauze, "You definitely did a fine job with the stitches. I don't even remember them happening." Lifting my eyes once more to look at his face, I was surprised to see a look of concern there.
"What's the matter?" I asked, as a feeling of worry washing over me.
"I've had plenty of practice through my years. Especially as a child." He stated, his face going blank.
I hesitated, remembering back to when he told me stories of his childhood from after the accident. How his dad, when he was still around, would come back from his boxing matches pretty torn up and would ask for Matt's help to patch up. So he really did have some hands-on experience, to the literal definition of hands on as he would have to feel his dad's body part for each stitch or patch.
He knelt abruptly, coming to rest where my eyes were in-line with the top of his head. His hand lifted then gently, like someone trying to touch an injured animal backed in a corner, afraid to scare it. I took it and guided it to my face to encourage him. His palm caressed my cheek as I closed my eyes and leaned into it. Sliding it down, his thumb and forefinger softly took my chin and guided it so that my face was only a few inches from his.
I opened my eyes and I could feel his warm breath on my face as he spoke calmly.
"I will always be here to pick you up, but if you want not to fall in the first place, as I need you not to, you should stay away from me. I'm dangerous."
"What's life without a bit of danger" I breathed back. When he didn't respond I continued, "I don't think you are dangerous, I believe you are the solution to what aids this city, and to what aids me."
"But that's just the thing," he protested, leaning his forehead against mine. "I can only bring you pain and torment. You are better off without me in your life. If I end up getting into more trouble I don't want to drag you into it. Let me live with my choices on my own. They should be no one else's burden."
I pulled back, breaking all our contact. Staring at him, I slowly shook my head, "that's assuming you live through whatever you do. And it's too late, I'm already in this. You should have thought of this before you opened this thing between us." I gestured to the space between us. "The moment you first kissed me you made this about more than just yourself. So do the right thing and stop trying to cut me out. You don't have the right to decide these things for me. To tell me what is worth what pain. For heaven's sake, I took a bullet from your business and for no reason really, not even to protect anyone but rather from fleeing!" At this point my voice was getting haggard as I got exasperated. I know he could tell the emotions that had started to rage within me, boiling beneath the surface, better than even myself. The anger, the anguish, the love, and the loss of the past and the future.
I pushed to my feet, still with my arm wrapped around my midway, clutching my side. I hissed and he stood up, hands extended as if to offer comfort but I ignored him, turning and shuffling to the front door. I unlocked the door and opened it, turning to see him still standing in the same spot by the couch, as expressionless as a statue.
I gestured at him and then at the door, lowering my eyes as I couldn't bear to look at him. "You may leave now, thank you" I said curtly. For a moment, everything was silent and all I could hear was my heart, pounding in my chest. So this was how it was like? To hear someone's emotions in its purest form, no facade, just reactions. Well I hoped he could tell how raw my resentment for him at this moment was. After a few seconds he headed towards me, I side-stepped and he passed by, not looking back, just like he wanted I guessed.
Just more silence. I was sick of this tip-toeing around our feelings for each other anyways. I didn't need this trouble in my life, I just needed everything to go back to the way it was. That's what I wanted, right? The confusion and chaos within me would have to wait to be sorted out for another day. Healing up was priority number one. When that was finished, I would try to figure out what was the next step to take; One in the life I had before, when I had work to distract me from everything, or one in the life I had now, distracted by him from everything. Till another day, I thought to myself as I shut the door and headed back to bed.