Disclaimer- I'm sitting here writing fanfiction and listening to Paramore, does it sound like I'm J.K. Rowling? I don't own Harry Potter!

Author's Note- Yup, Lily's real birthday is January 30. I did check. And super big thanks to books4evah for adding this story to her community. I usually don't advertise people or anything like that, but I just felt uber special. Anyways go on and read, and review!

I tested my skills at British English, so incase you didn't know. Pram- Stroller; Knickers- Undergarments; Nappy-Diaper; Cot- Crib

Chapter Thirteen

Lily cupped her hands around a mug, letting the warmth radiate to her hands. Her brilliant red hair was tucked gently behind her ears. She took a quiet sip, trying to enjoy the quiet that would inevitably end soon. It had been nearly three months since Remus and Sirius had stopped for a "little visit". So much of a little visit, didn't they have their own houses?

Before Lily could gather the warm contents that filled her cup, hot cocoa with a mush of melted marshmallows swirling around in it, she heard a bloodcurdling scream from the upstairs. "Oh dear Merlin," she muttered to herself. Lily heaved herself, careful and cautious not to disturb the baby, up from the table and slowly glided out of the kitchen. They were all upstairs and who knew what kind of stunts they'd pull? Lily felt like she already had two children; James and Sirius.

She took one step on the rickety stairs and listened to the screams of James, "Sirius! Lily is going to kill you!" Lily shook her head in fear and paced herself faster. As she approached the top she heard James again, "Please, Sirius! It's her birthday in a few days!"

"Damn it, I thought they forgot," Lily muttered to herself. That would be her perfect present, if they just had forgotten her birthday and gone out to get drunk. That way Lily could have at least an hour alone. She eased upon the last step and found herself in the hallway.

"Do you think I look like Lily?" laughed Sirius from what Lily concluded was her bedroom.

Lily trudged through the hall, ignoring Remus's snickers, and straight to her bedroom. "What are you two-" She stopped; her mouth to the floor, her heart ready to fly out of her chest. She eyes couldn't tear away from Sirius prancing around in her knickers. A sheepish smile was drawn upon his face as he jumped down from the bed to greet her.

"Lils!" he screeched holding his hand out to hers.

She quickly snatched it away before he could merely come within inches of her. "Sirius! What are you doing?!" Her voice was drowned out by his cynical laughing.

"Oh about this," he started pulling at a strap that dug into his shoulder, "well James was calling you sexy when you were in your knickers-"

"JAMES!" Lily bellowed, her face deepening into a red shade.

"What?" James shrugged in utter innocence.

"And well I wanted to feel what is what like to be sexy as a girl. Because let's face it as a man, I'm pretty damn-"

"Enough! Sirius, take them off now and then burn them! Do you hear me, don't you dare put them back in my drawer!" Lily expelled a heavy sigh before turning on her heel and leaving them behind.

"Honestly, if she wasn't pregnant she'd find this quite amusing," muttered Sirius as he struggled to get out of the very tight fighting garments that were clinging to his body.

"Oh I'm sure she would, but honestly, Sirius what would possess you to wear Lily's knickers?" James asked trying to resist the urge to laugh.

"Yeah are not feeling very sexy?" chimed in Remus who was emerging from the doorway. He finished his roaring laughter before his face became serious. "What are you planning to get Lily for her birthday? Is it a step up from the toothbrushes, perhaps toilet paper?"

"Yeah maybe your horrible presents are the reason why she is repulsed by your very touch," laughed Sirius as he struggled to free himself of the top half of Lily's undergarments.

"What…how…why?!" James moaned. "Shouldn't pregnant women want to be closer, now that they're already screwed?"

"Well that's a pretty macho thing to say," Remus said, his voice thick with disapproval.

"Hey wanna hear a joke?" asked Sirius as he finally freed himself of Lily's knickers. He didn't wait for their answers, "What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?"

"Don't know," muttered Remus.

"You can only unscrew one!" He laughed greatly, in deep satisfaction.

"It's nice to know that you take the art form of pregnancy so seriously," Remus complained.

"Art! You think having the woman you love pregnant is an art form? It's more like a personal hell hole that you get trapped in for nine months!" James objected.

"Oh c'mon, she hasn't been that bad. You're only saying that because she won't sleep with you," Remus added matter-of-factly.

"Hmph," James grunted before returning back to his bed where he sat. "What am I supposed to get her? The whole perfume thing was a debacle," he continued changing the subject.

"How about something for the baby?" suggested Remus.

"What do you mean? I mean the only thing a baby needs is something to eat, somewhere to sleep and go to-"

"Stop! I really don't think we need all the details, Sirius," Remus interrupted him, his voice full of scorn. "Do you have anything for the baby, a pram, clothes, a cot?"

"Uh no," James bluntly answered. "Where are we supposed to get those?"

Remus sighed before answering, "A muggle store, and honestly I don't think you two should ever go in one again. You'll end up thinking nappies are marshmallows or something!"

"Couldn't you just summon them?" asked Sirius.

"No, that would stealing, and I for one do not steal!"

"Well you've stolen my sanity along with the rest of the penguins!" shouted Sirius.

"Oh dear, not the penguin thing again. I thought we went over this, Sirius. The penguins at the zoo are not out to get you," James said, his voice soothing.

"I swear they are!"

"No they are not! Damn it, Sirius, penguins are harmless creatures," Remus shouted back at him, obviously frustrated.

"But the way they look at you, it's like they're ready to peck you to death!"

"Penguins don't peck!"

"In my dreams, they do, and lots of it," Sirius mumbled.

"Do you know what this means?" James asked, shaking his head.

"Oh please, no!" Remus yelled realizing what James was getting at.

"Oh yes, this means we're going to have to take you to a muggle zoo and," he paused for a dramatic effect, "get you to face your fears of penguins!"

"NO!" screamed Sirius in horror as he collapsed to his knees. "Not the penguins!"

I wasn't intending to make the whole penguin thing, but with Sirius things just happen! Anyways review and the next chapter should be up soon!

I realized this was like the three month anniversy of my story...ha. Well here i am, still writing it, thirteen chapters and fourty-seven reviews later. I've never stuck to a story this, i'm proud, so proud in fact i deserve a muffin...