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Repairing what's lost

When Jean awoke a few hours later and noticed that she was pressed against a body, she began to panic. It took her a moment to realize where she was and how she had ended up on a bed that was definitely not hers or Ororo's. But as soon as she caught his scent she tried to calm her racing heart and told herself over and over again that he had promised not to hurt her. After a moment, Jean leant carefully back against Logan's chest and tried to get comfortable again. But as soon as her eyes caught the sight of the cast on her wrist she began to cry silently. She couldn't help but remember what her boyfriend had done to her and how much it still hurt.

"You awake?" Logan asked sleepily and felt her nodding weakly against his chest. About to ask something else, he felt how something wet kept on dripping onto his arm and figured that she was crying. Not knowing what else he could possibly do, he reached carefully out to stroke over her hair and made her startle. "What are ya afraid of?" he asked. "What does your mind tell ya when someone reaches out to touch ya?"

First not saying anything, Jean bit her lip hard. "That I'll get hurt…," she finally admitted in barely more than a whisper.

"No one here wants to hurt ya, Jeannie," Logan replied in a calm voice. "We want to protect ya." He stroked through her hair again and asked himself if he could ask her what was on his mind just now. "He always hurt ya, didn't he?" After a moment she nodded weakly. "And now you're scared that bein' touched means pain, right?" he went on and received another nod from her. Logan gave Julian a brief look and noticed that the boy was still in a deep slumber. "Then let's work on it," he offered and watched how she sat up to give him a mistrustful look.

"On what?" Jean asked him and brought a distance between them.

"That touchin' and bein' touched doesn't mean pain," Logan explained and saw how her eyes widened. "I ain't talkin' about that!" he quickly said and shook his head. But still he noticed that she wasn't convinced at all. "Look," he sighed. "I touch your hands and go up as far as ya want me to. When ya say stop, it's stop. Ya need to learn it again. If ya realize that bein' close t'someone doesn't automatically mean to get hurt…" Logan sighed again. "Well, I just think it might help ya," he added and held out both hands to her. "Let's try." Unsure of what to do, Jean looked at him for a while before her eyes fell onto his hands. She couldn't prevent her heart from nearly bursting through her chest. The fear of being touched was just too strong and she felt the strong urge to run becoming stronger within her. Finally, she reached out and allowed him to take her hand into his gently. While holding it, Logan concentrated his senses onto her alone.

He was overwhelmed by how nervous and scared she actually was. Nevertheless, he began to slowly stroke over her palm and went up to her wrist. When she began to quiver he looked up and into her eyes. "Say stop when it becomes too much for ya t'handle, 'kay?" Logan reminded her and Jean nodded. Still looking into her face to read her emotions even better, he went on and soon reached her shoulders. He couldn't help but feel worried when she even allowed him to stroke over her cheek, but as soon as he touched her neck Jean back off. "That was actually more than I had expected," Logan said and knew it was true. He had first thought that she would just let him touch her without doing anything against it at all. But allowing him to touch her that far showed him that even if her trust in others was destroyed, she obviously trusted him at least a bit. "Now you," he said and held out his hands to her. "Go as far as ya can."

Jean took his hand after a moment and he watched her the whole time through, while he concentrated on her emotions. He noticed her hesitation of touching his cheek and neck but was surprised that she even went as far as his chest and stopped there. Smiling at her, Logan nodded and met her gaze. "That was actually really good," he said and gave her hand a brief squeeze, as Julian sat up and rubbed his eyes. Logan looked at him when the boy turned his head and looked at them while yawning. He also noticed the look Jean gave the boy. "Do ya wanna hold him?" he asked and began to frown when she first stared at him with big eyes and then began to shake her head. "Why not?" Logan asked her, since he didn't understand her reaction at all. "He's your kid." While backing off, Jean kept on shaking her head and suddenly got out of bed quickly. "Jean, what's wrong?" he asked her in confusion and watched how she still backed off and moved over towards the door.

"No," she said and panicked when she couldn't open the door.

"It's locked," Logan said and went over. "Jean, calm down, okay?" he added since the woman had begun to pull on the doorknob as if she intended to tear it off. Pulling her hands away, he opened the lock and looked at her in confusion. "What's wrong all of a sudden?" he asked her calmly.

"Nothing," she replied, wrapped her arms around herself and backed off until her back hit the wall. "I…I want to go…," Jean added with a nod at the door.

Logan sighed and ran a hand through his still tousled hair. "Ya can leave, but tell me at least what's wrong," he begged her. "Why are you so afraid of the boy?" Instead of saying something, she turned and left the room quickly; making him only shaking his head.

"Ah," Julian made to get his attention and Logan gave him a glare. During the night he had almost managed to forget that the boy was there and now it was up to him to care for him again. He let out a frustrated sigh and went over to the bathroom, determined to ignore the child until it was time to eat something. Nevertheless, his plan was destroyed by Julian stumbling over to him when Logan was about to close the door to the bathroom.

"What do ya want?" he grunted and glared at his small copy that stood in front of him and looked back with his big eyes. "I ain't gonna shower with ya, kid, so go back t'bed," Logan growled and shut the door into the child's face, not reckoning with Julian beginning to cry aloud. Determined to ignore him, he was about to enter the shower when the boy's cries changed into high pitched ones and Logan knew that Ororo's full wrath would hit him if she found out about it. Cursing under his breath, he went back to the door and pulled it open. "What?!" he snapped and watched how the boy looked at him sniffing, just to walk past him next. Growling, Logan shut the door again and glared daggers at the boy. "Fine, then stay there and don't move," he grunted and went once more over to the shower. About to close the curtain, he heard another protesting cry and rolled his eyes. "Kid," Logan growled after opening the curtain again. "I swear to God I smash ya t'pieces if ya don't shut up and let me have my shower!"

"Ah!" Julian made sniffing and held up both of his arms, begging to being pulled up.

"Fine!" Logan grunted and undressed the child quickly, before he pulled him under the shower with him. "And now shut up and let go of my legs!"

"Hank and I both think the same, Charles," Moira said and put the chart away. "She needs to see a psychologist and work with him."

"From what we can tell Jean suffers from two very heavy traumas," Hank went on while the Professor was listening to both of them very attentively. "On the one hand she suffers from the so-called Rape Trauma Syndrome, on the other hand she suffers from a trauma that was caused by the domestic violence she experienced. Both have a great impact on her and she needs help to learn to cope with it."

Nodding, Charles heaved a deep sigh. "Did she say anything up to now?"

"No," Moira shook her head. "At least not really. All I can tell is that the symptoms she shows are typical for both traumas."

"Which symptoms?" he asked.

"She believes it is her fault," Hank replied and the woman next to him nodded. "It often happens that victims believe that they deserved what happened to them. It's the same with Jean. She believes that it is her fault and that she deserved it."

"I called a friend of mine," Moira added. "She is a psychologist and has dealt with many cases similar to Jean's. She said she would be glad to help us and would even come to the school, because Hank and I doubt that Jean would voluntarily leave the mansion."

"Thanks for calling her," the Professor sighed and shook his head. "I really hope she can help her…"

Exchanging a look with Hank, who only nodded, Moira gave the bald man a concerned look next. "There's something else, Charles," she said and the Professor looked up. "Since Jean refused to let me do a scan, I drew some blood and analyzed it."

"What are the results?" the man asked, feeling confused because both mutants in front of him seemed to be very concerned.

"It's something serious and we think that Jean won't be able to deal with it," Hank said. "We need to watch her."

"You think she will try to…," the Professor began and was unable to finish the sentence.

"When she gets to know the result…," Moira said and nodded. "Then yes…"

In the kitchen Logan shook his head while he watched how Julian was spoiled by everyone around him. He began to ask himself why he had to care for the kid, if this one already had a fan club on his own. Nevertheless, he began to frown after a while. "Where's Jean?" he asked Ororo, but the woman shrugged.

"She said she would come down for breakfast."

"Well, obviously not," he grunted and got up to go and look for the redhead. Checking Ororo's room first, he was surprised that the woman wasn't in it. On the corridor Logan began to sniff and picked easily up on Jean's scent, which led him to his own room. He couldn't help but frown and asked himself why the redhead would be in his room again after she'd wanted to leave it before. "Jean?" he called after entering and furrowed his brows, since the woman wasn't in it. Sniffing when his nose picked up on an odd smell, he froze on the spot and stared at the bathroom door. Not thinking twice, Logan rushed over to the door and pushed it open, just to stare at the ground in shock. "No…," he gasped and knelt down next to the woman, beginning to shake her. "Jean?" he asked aloud and reached out to take two towels. After taking care of her as good as he could, he pulled her up and ran down to the kitchen. "Furball," he said urgently and made Hank, who was just about to pour himself a coffee, look up. "She cut her wrists."

"God, no," the blue man gasped and stared at the two towels that were slowly soaked with blood, before he followed Logan to the next elevator.

Sorry that it took a bit longer this time. I'll try to update soon! Thanks to all reviewers!!!