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Repairing what's lost
A few days after the incident, Jean was allowed to leave the ICU and was advised to stick at least to one other person. One morning she sat with the others in the kitchen for breakfast and stared at her plate as if she was unsure of eating what was on it or not. Her mind was still occupied with other things and so she not even noticed that Logan had sat down next to her. When she did notice it, she was so surprised that she startled and accidentally hit his plate. With widened eyes she stared at the food that was now on his jeans and began to pant while looking up and into his questioning eyes. In an instant Jean had turned around and grabbed a towel, which she used to clean the mess she had caused. "I'm sorry. It was my fault," she said over and over again.
"Jean," Logan said for at least the third time and exchanged a lot with Ororo, Hank and the others who seemed to be as puzzled as he was. "Jean," he tried again and finally grabbed her wrist to make her stop.
"No!" Jean said and instantly covered her face with her free hand. "I'm really sorry…," she added in panic and he noticed that she was crying again.
Sighing, Logan looked at her. "Jean…," he said once more and got up, pulling her with him, since she still didn't react to him and was watched by the others.
"Please don't it," they heard Jean begging and exchanged a confused look with each other. "I know it's been my fault."
Upstairs, Logan dragged her into her room and closed the door behind him, before he made her sit down on her bed. The whole time through she had kept on begging and crying and if he was honest to himself, he had no idea what she meant with it. All he wanted for her was to calm down and allow him to tell her that he didn't care about his jeans looking like one big breakfast mess. Looking down on her, Logan crossed his arms and waited for Jean to get her heavy sobs under control again. He knew it was useless to talk to her if she was such a mess. "Jean…," he nevertheless tried once more and made her at least look up.
"Please don't do it," the redhead sobbed and gave him a pleading look while she was shaking all over. "I don't want it…"
Still not knowing what she was talking about he made a step forward and stopped in front of her. About to ask her, Logan watched how she still gave him the same pleading look, before she suddenly lowered her head crying as if she'd been defeated. He suddenly felt how her hands touched his belt and noticed that she was about to open it. "Hey," he said and grabbed both arms quickly, which made her startle again. "What are ya doin' now?!" Logan asked in complete confusion and noticed her widened eyes. Since he didn't want her to be scared of him again, he let go of her arms and just looked at her. But suddenly it hit him and now it was he that stared at her in shock. "Is that what ya had t'do for him?!" he asked her in disbelief and that she looked away was answer enough for him. Only shaking his head, Logan ran a hand through his face and looked at her again. He then walked over to his drawer and pulled a new shirt and pants out of it. "Your clothes are dirty," he said in a calm voice and laid both things onto the bed next to her. "Can ya change alone or do ya want me t'get 'Ro so that she can help ya?"
Jean didn't reply and looked back at him in confusion. "So you…," she began and shook her head. "So you don't want me to…"
Logan shook his head and knelt down in front of her to carefully take her face into his hands and stroked over her cheeks. But even if she looked at him without fear in her eyes, he had no idea of what to tell her. "Look," he began and looked for the right words. "What this man did t'ya was wrong. Ya ain't no slave and have t'pay with your body. This ain't right, okay?" Still holding her gaze, he shook his head and looked down. "God, Jeannie, what did this bastard do t'ya?" he mumbled full of hatred and clenched one fist hard. Hearing how she sobbed, Logan pulled her gently down; ignoring that she fought against his touch for a second. He felt how she slowly began to rest in his light embrace and kept on stroking over her hair and back, while she cried into his chest. After a moment he let go of her and wiped her tears away. "What about the baby?" he asked and received a shrug from her. "If ya really don't want it, Jean," he went on and stroked over her cheek. "Then ya need t'do somethin' about it as long as it's still possible."
"I know," Jean mumbled and leant back a bit to rub over her arm.
"C'mon, get dressed," Logan said, got up to leave the room and get changed, too. By now the small of eggs and ham on his jeans was a bit too disturbing for his senses.
"Where are you going?" he heard her asking in barely more than a whisper.
"I go and get changed," he replied and stopped at the door to open it.
"No," Jean said and made him stop once more.
Logan cocked an eyebrow at her when he noticed the look on her face. "I'll be right back, Jean," he assured her but she shook her head. Sighing, he rubbed the back of his nose. "Fine, then get your things and come with me, okay?"
Doing so Jean followed him down the corridor and towards his room. The whole time through she made sure that no one was following her and still held her clothes close to her chest after they had reached his room.
"Ya can change in the bathroom," he said and nodded at the door. "Take a shower if ya want." Waiting for her to leave first, he quickly changed his clothes and tidied up a bit before he sat down on the edge of the bed. It didn't take long for Jean to come back. "Just throw the dirty stuff on the pile," Logan told her and waited for her to do so. "C'mere," he said next and beckoned her to come over to him. Doing it, she kept a distance to him when she sat down. "Look," he began and turned a bit so that he was facing her. "Chuck and the Furball want ya t'do a therapy."
"I don't need one," Jean replied and shook her head while she stared at the ground.
"Yes, ya do," he gave back. "Ya can't keep on livin' like a shadow of your old self and keep everythin' buried within ya. Ya need t'talk, Jean."
The redhead turned her head and looked at him for a moment. She could clearly see the concern for her in his eyes. "Can't you do it?" Jean asked him barely audible but he shook his head.
"I ain't no therapist, Jean," Logan replied. "I can't do it."
Looking down in disappointment, she swallowed hard. "You said you'll help me…"
"And I will," he assured her. "I'll do anythin' t'help ya, but ya really need t'work with someone who knows his job and this ain't me." She shook her head and he sighed in frustration. "Not even when I come with ya?" he offered.
"No," Jean replied determined and wrapped her arms around herself.
"Fine," he said and got up. "Then we need t'tell them about it. Ya comin'?"
"I want to stay here," she said and furrowed her brows when he shook his head this time.
"Ya ain't stayin' alone," Logan replied and took her hand to pull her up. "Ya heard what the Furball said. One of us stays with ya t'make sure ya ain't gonna pull a stunt like the one in my bathroom again."
Hearing it, Jean looked down and felt ashamed. She then noticed that he was still holding her hand while he led her downstairs to the Professor's office. After a knock they entered and she gave Hank and Moira, who said on the sofa, a brief look before she moved closer to Logan. "What can I do for you, Logan?" Charles asked and looked at his two visitors curiously.
"She doesn't want t'do a therapy," he told them matter-of-factly and heard Hank sighing.
"Jean, you need to do one," the furry mutant said but the redhead shook her head.
"It's only for your own good," Moira added.
"She wants me t'do it," Logan went on and ignored that all eyes turned to him. "But I already told her that I can't do it."
"Jean," Charles said and the woman gave him an insecure look. "It is important for your health that you work with someone who knows his job. Moira called a friend of hers who is a specialist on her field and she even said that she would come to the school to see you. Please talk to her at least once."
"No," Jean replied and Logan felt how she strengthened the grip on his hand.
"Once, Jean," the bald man said once more. "Only one single time."
Seeing how the woman next to him shook her head again, Logan sighed and pulled her aside a bit. He didn't notice that Hank was watching him closely. "Look," he whispered and touched her cheek to make her look up, while he still held her hand. "I'll stay with ya while that woman's here, okay? Try t'talk with her and if ya don't want it, then we'll leave. But at leat try it, will ya?" He picked up on the fear within her than suddenly became rapidly stronger and it didn't take long before she bit her lip hard. Seeing how she began to cry silently in despair, Logan reached out to wipe the tears away and stroked over her cheek. "Okay?" he mumbled and waited for her answer. He felt relieved when she nodded weakly. "When can that woman come?" he asked the others.
"She said as soon as we need her," Moira told him with a shrug. "She can be here tomorrow if you want."
"Okay," he nodded and looked at Jean. "Tell them."
"Tell us what?" Hank asked and looked to and fro between.
Knowing what Logan had hinted at, Jean heaved a deep breath and gave him an insecure look. "I…I don't want it," she told them and Logan cocked an eyebrow at Hank when this one heaved a deep breath.
"You know what I told you, Jean. This will only add another trauma to your condition," the mutant explained. "I think having an abortion in your already fragile mental state…"
"It will only make it worse," Moira replied.
"Hold on a sec," Logan said and stepped a bit forward. "Do ya want her t'have that baby?!"
"She can give it away after birth," Moira suggested. "But you have to understand that an abortion is a trauma for a woman. And she already suffers from two. Hank and I both believe that it will make it only worse."
Looking at Jean and seeing that she was in despair, he glared at the two mutants on the sofa. "Don't ya think it's much worse if she's to carry a kid that she doesn't want to for 9 months?"
"Logan," Charles tried to intervene but the mutant only glared at him.
"You are not the doctor here, Logan," Hank warned him.
"No, but she told me that she doesn't want t'have that kid and it's her fuckin' decision," Logan snapped. "Why else do ya think she tried t'kill herself. Do ya want this t'happen again?!"
"No," Hank sighed and looked at Jean. "Are you sure?" he asked her and still didn't feel really convinced when she nodded. "You know what this will do to you, Jean."
"I know," she replied in barely more than a whisper.
Hank and Moira exchanged a looked with each other again that spoke volumes. Both didn't feel well with that decision. "Fine, then bring her downstairs. We'll be there in a second," he told Logan, who only nodded and led the redhead out of the room. "I don't feel well with it, Charles."
"It's her decision, Hank," the Professor replied.
"Yes, but who says that she is in any state to make decisions on her own?" Moira asked him.
"I doubt Logan had told her to have an abortion, Moira," he said and shook his head.
"Did you watch them?" Hank suddenly asked and Charles nodded. "I can't believe she allows him to touch her. She didn't even startle when he did it."
"She trusts him obviously," the Professor replied. "Maybe Logan can convince her to work with your friend, Moira. At least he had managed to talk her into seeing her at least one."
Getting up, the woman nodded. "Better hope that her condition will not get worse…," she said and left the room followed by Hank.
About an hour later both looked down on Jean, who lay on the table in the infirmary and seemed to be scared to death. "You still have a choice here," Moira told her.
"I don't want it," the redhead said in a tearstained voice.
"Are you really sure?" Hank asked and received a nod from her.
Watching how they began to prepare her for the operation, Jean felt how the feeling of fear began to become unbearable for her. "Where's Logan?" she asked and began to quiver when tears rolled down her cheeks.
"He's waiting outside," Moira told her. "We'll anesthetize you. You won't feel anything and he'll be there when you wake up, okay?" she asked waited for a nod before she began to work. "Count from ten backwards, please." She listened to Jean and gave Hank a nod after she was convinced that the woman was asleep.
Okay, I did the beta (hopefully a successful one LOL) on the chapters 8-10 and I am still open for any suggestions or wishes from your side. ; ) Just let me know!!