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Repairing what's lost

Feeling dizzy and more than tired, Jean opened her eyes and blinked against the bright light. It took her a while to realize where she was and how she had ended up here. Her hand wandered up to her stomach and she closed her eyes while biting her lip hard. After heaving a very deep breath she began to realize how bad she actually felt.

"Need t'throw up?"

Jean looked aside and noticed for the first time that Logan was really sitting next to her bed, as Moira had told her and looked at her. She gave him a brief look through her blurred vision and looked away again. Heaving deep breaths, she tried to get her emotions under control again that began to rage within her. She felt guilty for doing something she'd always believed she could never do. And she knew that what had been done couldn't been reversed. Thinking about it and feeling the pain within her, the redhead began to sob and felt how he took her hand into his.

"Are ya in pain?" Logan asked her concerned and got up to push a button that, as he hoped, would make Hank and Moira run to the ICU. While he waited and held her hand, he looked at the picture of misery in the bed and thought about what to do. "Does it hurt?" he asked her again and saw how she gave a weak nod. He couldn't react so fast and hand her the bucket next to the bed, as she suddenly turned to throw up.

"What's wrong?" Hank asked and entered the room followed by Moira.

"She said she's in pain," Logan said and held Jean's hair back, while the woman was still coughing. "Done?" he asked when she leant back and waited for a nod before he handed her a glass of water. He then watched how Moira did a quick scan and kept on holding the redhead's hand, while this one had her eyes closed and heaved very deep breath.

"Are you feeling dizzy?" Hank asked after checking the pulse and received a nod from her. "It's the reaction to the anesthesia. A lot of people have trouble coping with it," he said and exchanged a brief look with Logan. "You only need to rest, Jean. The feeling will go away soon."

"She has no internal bleeding," Moira confirmed and switched off the scanner again. "I'll give you a higher dose of the painkillers, Jean. If it still hurts in two hours, then let us know. You'll stay with her?"

"Sure," Logan said and sat back down. He waited for the two doctors to leave again, before he gave the redhead a worried look. "You'll be fine without them?"

"Yeah," Jean nodded. She tried to get comfortable and ignore the pain and dizziness.

"Try t'sleep," he said in a calm voice and stroked over her palm. "Ya really need it." Only receiving another nod, he watched how she closed her eyes again and could tell that she was asleep soon. He knew the painkillers had probably done their job and leant back in his uncomfortable chair again.

A few days later, after Jean was allowed to leave the ICU, Logan was roaming the mansion and did his casual check-up when he couldn't sleep. As usual some students were still talking about their casual gossip in their rooms and he could only shake his head. He knew one particular girl was responsible for at least half of it. While his hands rubbed his knuckled unconsciously, he asked himself if a particular redhead was fine with Ororo and hoped that Julian was still asleep in his room. If he didn't want something than it was to be forced to run from one part of the mansion to the other again, because his son had woken up in the middle of the night and had found out that he was alone in the room. His run back to his room had again resulted in another annoying night for him.

When Logan walked past the rec-room he stopped in surprise and went inside. "Hey…," he said and came slowly closer. "What are ya doin' here?"

"Can't sleep," Jean replied and pulled her legs closer when he sat down next to her.

"Ya know that you're not allowed t'be alone," he reminded her and gave her a worried look.

"I won't do it again," she mumbled and wrapped her arms around herself while she stared at the table and chewed on her lip.

"'Ro will be worried if you're not in her room," Logan said after a moment. "And ya look tired like hell. Ya need t'sleep." He watched how she nodded before he cocked an eyebrow at her. "Are ya cold?"

Looking at him with furrowed brows, Jean shook her head. "No."

"You're shakin', Jean," he said in a concerned voice and reached carefully out to touch her cheeks and forehead. "What's wrong?" Logan asked and sighed when she gave a shrug only. Not knowing what he could do, he got up and reached out for her hand. "C'mon, ya can sleep in my room." Waiting for her to take it, he got confused when she suddenly began to sob. Thinking that he had done something wrong, he kept his distance to her. "What's wrong now?" he asked and saw how she shook her head before she buried it into her hands. Only staring at her, Logan sighed and sat back down. "Jean, why are ya cryin'?" he asked in a gentle voice and gave her a worried look from aside. "Did I do or say somethin' wrong?"

"No," Jean sobbed and buried her hands in her hair.

"Then what is it?" he asked in confusion and still kept his eyes on her. "Why are ya cryin'?"

"I don't know!" she snapped and made him cock an eyebrow at her. Realizing what she had done, Jean's eyes grew wide and she began to pant. "I…I'm sorry," she stuttered and startled when Logan moved. "No…," she quickly said and covered her head.

"Jean," he said as calm as possible and touched her shoulder. "I ain't gonna hurt ya. C'mon, let's put ya t'bed." Taking her hand he gave her a gentle nudge. "C'mon," Logan said once more and noticed her surprised look. Nevertheless, she allowed him to lead her upstairs, but stood rather helplessly in his room. "Ya can have the bed," he offered and pulled a pillow and blanket to the ground. He began to cock an eyebrow at her since the redhead didn't move. "What's wrong now?"

Sighing, Jean shook her head and ran a hand through her face. "I don't know…," she replied in barely more than a whisper and looked up when he came closer.

"Ya scared because of tomorrow?" he asked and watched her lowering her head. "That woman only wants t'help ya. And I told ya I ain't leavin' ya side." Logan laid a hand on her shoulder and gave her another gentle nudge. "Go t'bed." He waited for her to do so before he gave Julian a brief look and switched off the lights.

Even if he tried it, he still couldn't find any sleep. In the end Logan got up to look out of the window and heaved a deep breath. It hadn't happened in days that he couldn't find any sleep at all. Usually he at least slept for a few hours, even if his sleep wasn't really what others would call sleep. Tired as he was, he ran a hand through his face and looked aside where the bed of his son was. Noticing that the boy had obviously moved a lot, Logan knelt down to get the blanket from the ground and tucked him back in. It was then that he noticed the change in Jean's former calm breathing. He remained at the window a bit longer in case she would calm down again, but figured that it only got worse. Soon she began to move a lot and he heard her mumbling something. He walked back over to the bed and switched on the light again, just to see that the redhead was crying again. Looking at her for a moment, Logan finally reached out and woke her up. Sitting up with a shriek, Jean panted heavily and he figured that she was caught in some kind of panic attack. "Jean, it's okay," he said and quickly grabbed her hands when she began to fight against him. "Calm down." Holding her steady, he waited for her breathing to calm down and let go of her again. "Ya alright?" he asked her worriedly.

Looking at him through a blurred vision, Jean rand both hands through her face and shook her head. "No…"

Sighing, Logan moved a bit closer and looked at her. "Wanna talk?" he offered but she shook her head. "Ya need t'talk about it, Jean. Ya have those nightmares every night." He noticed her look. "I can hear ya through the walls. Ya should know that. What was that dream about?"

Sniffing, she pulled her legs close and hugged them. "I can't…," Jean told him and shook her head.

"Ya can. Was it about him hurtin' ya?" Logan asked and watched how she lay back down. But she shut her eyes tightly and shook her head. "Not about him or ya not gonna tell me?"

"Logan, please," she begged and buried her hands in her hair, before she pulled her legs even closer. "I can't…" Accepting it, he nodded and was about to lay back down, when she grabbed his hand. "Don't go."

"I don't leave," he assured her. "I'm right next t'ya."

"I'm scared," Jean whispered and sent even more tears down her cheeks when she blinked.

"He ain't here, Jean," Logan said and shook her head. "You're save here, he can't hurt ya anymore." Pulling his hand away and reaching out to switch off the lights again, he saw her shaking her head and giving him a pleading look. "What do ya want me t'do, Jean?" he asked and shook his head in confusion.

"Stay here," she said and saw how he cocked an eyebrow at her.

"I am here," he replied. "I'm right next t'ya and I won't go away." Looking into her eyes, her fear became too obvious to him. Still he didn't know what to do. "What do ya want me t'do?" Logan finally asked and watched how she moved over to the opposite side of the bed.

"Stay here…," Jean begged.

Holding her gaze for a moment, he shook his head. "That ain't a good idea, Jean," he said and heard her sniffing. "Look, you're scared of bein' touched. What if I accidentally touch ya? I don't want ya t'freak out again and bein' scared of me."

"I'm scared," she said again in a half sob and he rubbed the back of his neck to find a solution.

Finally, he tucked her in and lay down on the sheets as far away from her as he could. Reaching out her took her hand into his and switched off the lights with the other one. "Now sleep," Logan said and heard her heaving a deep breath. But even if he tried, he didn't find any sleep that night.

"Hello, Jean," a brunette woman, who was in her mid forties, said and entered the room with a bright smile. "I am Allyson. It's nice to meet you," she went on and held out her hand to Jean, who sat on a sofa in the Professor's office and had her legs pulled close. Only looking at the hand, she reluctantly took it for a brief moment and hugged her legs again. Allyson gave Logan, who sat on the other side of the sofa a brief look and sat down in the chair opposite of them. "How are you doing, Jean?" Receiving a shrug, she nodded and took a book and pen out of her bag. "Why don't we start by you telling me who that man is?" she asked and waited.

Looking up to give her a mistrustful look, Jean looked down her hands again that were wrapped around her legs. "Logan," she mumbled and the woman nodded, while he gave the redhead a worried look.

"Who is Logan, Jean?" Allyson asked and looked up from her book once more.

"A friend," Jean said through clenched teeth and now Logan began to cock a surprised eyebrow at her.

"A good friend of yours?" the brunette asked and the redhead nodded while her face was tensed. Writing it down, the woman exchanged a brief look with Logan and gave him a disapproving look. To her he rather appeared to be the culprit, who now wanted to make sure that his girlfriend didn't say anything against him. "Sir," she said as politely as possible and earned a cocked eyebrow from Logan. "I've to ask you to leave. I need to speak with Jean alone and she obviously feels uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I wonder why," he grunted and knew that his first impression of the woman had been correct. He couldn't stand her even if he wanted to.

"Sir?" Allyson asked again and nodded at the door.

"Jean asked me t'stay, so I'll stay," he replied nonchalantly and leant back in the sofa. "If she wants me t'leave, I'll leave."

The brunette gave him a scornful look and turned her attention back to her patient. "Jean, it would be really helpful if the two of us could talk alone," she said with an encouraging smile that faded when the redhead shook her head. "You know, I am here to help you. But in order to do so I need you to talk to me. I can't help you if you don't talk to me, Jean."

Sighing, Logan ran a hand over his forehead and looked at the woman next to him. He could easily tell that they could sit here until Christmas and she wouldn't say one word to that woman. And he knew why. Jean didn't trust her and the woman's behavior did everything to make the impression she had on him, and probably Jean, too, even more negative. "Wanna go?" he therefore asked the redhead and the woman nodded. "Then c'mon," he said and got up to take her hand. Entwining hers with his, Jean got up and followed him to the door.

"Excuse me?" Allyson said and got up too. "But this won't solve her problems. It is obvious that Jean needs help and leaving now…"

"She doesn't need your help," Logan grunted. "She won't talk t'ya."

"I think that's for Jean to decide, sir," the brunette gave back, obviously angered. "And the influence you have on her…"

"Influence?!" he cut her off and cocked an eyebrow. "What are ya talkin' about?"

"Well, she obviously doesn't want to talk because of you," Allyson said and put her book and pen away. "Who are you anyway?"

"As she said…," Logan growled. "Her friend."

"To me, sir," Allyson said and crossed her arms. "…you rather seem to be the man who did this to her."

"Excuse me?!" he asked and gave her a look in disbelief.

"I want to leave," Jean said before he could say something else. Only nodding, Logan opened the door and led her out of the office.

"What's wrong?" Hank asked them in surprise, since he had waited with Moira and the Professor on the outside and was confused that the session was already over.

"First, she doesn't want t'talk to her," Logan grunted and just walked past them. "And second," he added with a glare at Allyson, who had just come out of the office. "I don't let a hooker like her accuse me of bein' a rapist."

"What?" Moira asked and looked at her friend. When she looked back, Logan and Jean were already ascending the stairs. "What has gotten into you to accuse him of being a rapist?!"

"Well, she's obviously influenced by him," Allyson defended herself. "So I thought that…"

"Logan helps Jean," Hank snarled. "He would never do the things to her or any other woman Jean's ex boyfriend had done."

"Whatever," the brunette sighed. "If she refuses to talk…then I can't help her." She checked her watch. "I'll be in my office. Call me if Jean changes her mind."

"Yes," Moira nodded and shook her head after the woman was gone. "I can't believe it. How can she think about Logan like that?"

"Well, it doesn't change the fact that we still have the same problem," Hank sighed. "Jean needs to talk. She needs help."

"Do you know if she has talked to Logan about it?" the Professor asked, but they shook their heads. "Maybe she has and he can tell us more about what happened. We can then call Allyson again and ask her how to proceed from there. But it is useless to try and make Jean talk if she doesn't want to."

Nodding her agreement, Moira ran a hand through her long hair. "Has she eaten her breakfast today?"

"No, at least I haven't seen her eating it," Hank said and followed her down the corridor. "Why are you asking?"

"Because she hasn't eaten, as far as I can tell, the whole day through yesterday," the woman said. "I go and ask Logan," she added when she had reached the staircase. "I'll ask him about the others things, too, and let you know, okay?" Nodding at her, Hank watched how she ascended the stairs, while he made his way to the lab.

This was the longest chapter so far. I hadn't had the change to do the beta, yet, but I will do it soon. Thanks to the reviewers!!