p data-p-id="50ce44b03c94e403b3ed13366b36c11a"emDan's POV/em/p
p data-p-id="5d254c8204d18a995e111e538d0a4be9"I keep my head low as the prefects lead us to the common room, not really wanting any attention directed on me right now. I hear giggling and whispering behind me, making feel kind of paranoid. What if they're talking about me? I try not to think about it too much but the possibility of already being made fun of on the first day makes me panic a bit. What have I done wrong again? Do I have a stain on my robe? Is my hair a mess? emOk Dan, don't go there, don't torture yourself. /emBut what if this year is just the same as all the others? Nope, I really don't want to be spending all my time in the bathroom again. I try to steady my breathing, try to calm the panic that is coming over me./p
p data-p-id="db7fdd19ce2b750891689510093f1ab2"emGet. Yourself. Together. /em/p
p data-p-id="a0c5a9d2d582f5d1d348af8e4ab0f6ad"We make it to the common room without me completely breaking down and the prefects show us around. I'm not really listening, losing myself in the beauty of this place. The ceiling is so high I wonder if it's actually there, and the walls are velvety with the soft fabric covering them. I brush my fingers against them while admiring the many portraits hanging there. Everything here screams the word magic, and for a moment I forget where I am and all the things that could go wrong./p
p data-p-id="bc25c837738605791b1a5e421abd77d6"I'm pulled out of my dazed state when the prefects introduce us to our dorm. I let out a inaudible sigh of relief when I see all my bags waiting for me and my black cat curled up in a ball on my bed, sleeping. I sit down and almost instantly my cat that I creatively called Batman jumps up and sits on me, rubbing his head on my lap. I chuckle quietly and stroke his head softly. Maybe I won't have a lot of friends but at least I'll always have this little guy. All the other guys have gone down to the common room to be social, but to be honest I'm feeling quite sleep-deprived. My eyes shut of their own will and my head falls back on the pillow, Batman rumbling against my chest. And then I'm taken by sleep./p
p data-p-id="514faf5a71b4f0f67374c388f37aa0d7"**/p
p data-p-id="eb97e69dd9133a85fe0238c0971663b0"emEverything is black. Everything. Have I gone blind? I push my eyes open but no, not a ray of light, nothing. Not a speck, not a little bit of light, nothing at all, just black, deep and tempting black. I try to move my fingers and surprisingly they obey. I try to move my feet now, take at least one step. But then I realize. There is nowhere to step. I am stepping on strongnothing. /strong/em/p
p data-p-id="84c12e10ac11a61759ef307163f89457"emI'm flying. /em/p
p data-p-id="424ad32bfa262a7af177da87466bee74"emSuddenly all my sense come back to me and I feel the wind blow harshly through my hair. I'm not flying no, I'm falling. At an incredibly fast rate I am falling through the black air, towards something that I can't see. Or maybe I'm falling towards nowhere. The thought makes me go completely crazy. To me there is nothing more terrifying than not knowing where you're going. Worse, knowing where you're going, but it's a black path, filled with dark obstacles and dark thorns, always stabbing you with their poisonous spikes. /em/p
p data-p-id="1a211024d7206e10a654bbfd34556f3d"emstrongA darkness that needs nurturing.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="9c8f569c9f0295e2e451ce27d7fbefd9"emI fall faster, images of my parents in front of me with smug looks on their faces flash before me./em/p
p data-p-id="e9189b50b48523dc340ad21fdc49b421"emstrong...I see what is in your soul./strong/em/p
p data-p-id="ae0152c5e8de8b3267aea94da3e4407f"emImages of my dad looking at me through blank eyes when I ask him to tuck me into bed and then becoming very very angry./em/p
p data-p-id="9f8ffda0efb3e5a8c8fa7af7e6e67d6e"emstrongA darkness that needs nurturing.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="60151f00d390593a3e23acaadc2edf0b"emImages of my dad yelling at me to be the man I have to be. /em/p
p data-p-id="36b63d52694c34525f128db537b8bd7a"em...strongI see what is in your soul./strong/em/p
p data-p-id="0a61cb60da26bd6d2e2cffbcae87ea82"emMy mum standing there as he yells, covering her ears, not even daring to intervene./em/p
p data-p-id="57a154d0806cc1430a4038aa54c909a9"emstrongA darkness that needs nurturing.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="ed1a32424c51ac8da35b03789582feab"em'not good enough son! Not. Good. Enough. You never will be, you're a worthless excuse of a son!'/em/p
p data-p-id="5f7b49f08ea27b195ea309f11d59b3fc"emstrong...I see what is in. Your. Soul./strong/em/p
p data-p-id="e459086e2a59973975449cae4bff1dee"emThe words echo in my head, as I rush towards a future that isn't even mine, only black. I don't want this, I never wanted this. /em/p
p data-p-id="fbd39fe0ecd01afaf01ea1957ef4a57c"emstrongNo./strong/em/p
p data-p-id="f2052cd3a6c02759435a2284490cfd87"emThe calm voice in my head repeats the word, then louder and louder, to make itself heard. He's right, NO. No I will not be what they want me to be. /em/p
p data-p-id="174a89a979aaa828c1a8659be7ff73d7"emstrongHome musn't be a great place to be.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="a27eed077f3df1b858a9c1ac34adebe4"emThe calm voice of Phil joins the yelling 'no'. /em/p
p data-p-id="cc830132f8267779b4a5a7de5994fd93"emstrongIt's not like they control your life.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="6418dcc07f4cc5a764dc84e9b4e4afce"emOh Phil if only you knew just how much they control.../em/p
p data-p-id="ddc7fccf921e00d0cad6fba4741184d8"emThe voices get louder, screaming in my head, drowning my fathers'. Because Phil's right, they can't control everything. Suddenly my rush past the black walls gets slower and I intake a sharp breath when I see the tiniest spot of light, and I'm crashing down to it faster and faster. The pressure is nearly stealing my breath away, the dot getting bigger and bigger by the second. I scrape my fingers down the walls, that are getting closer to me, nearly suffocating me. My nails scratch and tear the walls down, but it's not enough. Panic blinds me as the walls move closer, and the light grows bigger, nearly swallowing me. I push with all my force but nothing happens, I just fall faster, towards the light, but I don't think I'm going to make it. /em/p
p data-p-id="c965ec8f9915f4dd8578c389700668cb"emI take a deep breath but just as I exhale the front wall crushes against my chest, and the back one nearly breaks my spine, knocking the breath out of my body. No. Please, no. I can see the light blinding me it's so close. I try to breath but I panic when I can't, fighting my anxiety, and in the end letting it take over. /em/p
p data-p-id="dfff8c6720e24be70ad41e684142ea4f"emI was so close, so close to the light. So close to life. /em/p
p data-p-id="b92dbbaccb2ac7694f9fd8ee30ab21d7"emSo close to Phil's soothing voice./em/p
p data-p-id="bc339501bc36ce28f1d2b19cf8e272be"emSo close to escaping the black path./em/p
p data-p-id="741d869d4d9c4df2b50f5e2fecc1e0ec"em**/em/p
p data-p-id="a8b3230d5c35326b39137b2cbe42ccf4"I wake up trembling, every limb in my body completely shaken up by the nightmare I just endured. My hands shaking, I look for Batman on my bed and sigh deeply when I feel his soft fur pressed against my side. I sit up and put my head on my knees, trying to steady my ragged breathing. I don't even know what to think, did I just have a panic attack in a nightmare. It definitely feels like it, and I don't blame myself. It's the first time anything so horrible has ever happened to me and I vividly remember the walls crushing against my chest, making it impossible to breath. I stare at the ceiling, but everything seems black right now, way too black. I wipe my dampened cheeks, I hadn't even realized I was crying. The memory of the nightmare is way too fresh, I have to get out of here, now./p
p data-p-id="f8e0ce748cdea204d1d07c4b741636d3"I frantically look for my small battery charged lamp and find it in one of my bags and at the same time grab my ipod and my headphones. The room is filled with moonlight, and I find my way out of my bed and to the door, trying not to make too much noise. I really don't want to get caught, especially not on the first day. I know that right now I need some fresh air or I'll have another panic attack, this time a real one. For some time I don't move, listening for any footsteps, and I'm sure there's no one in this part of the castle, I tiptoe to the grand staircase./p
p data-p-id="3313d502fc3fdac12adfd70e6e6f1eab"Thankfully I make it outside alive, and not expelled. I plug my headphones in and start playing 'Dream' by Imagine Dragons, humming along as I walk in the grass barefoot. I see the lake not far and for some reason I'm instantly attracted to the calm and unmoving black water. I sit on the edge, staring into the abyss, seeing my reflection in the black stillness. "Everything's a messI can't help the silent tears that escape my eyes, running down my cheeks and dampening them again. I don't know how long I stay like that but my eyes gradually close and I feel myself drifting off./p
p data-p-id="0bbce0eb4a642f49a2c0a178b33f3a68""Didn't expect to see you here"/p
p data-p-id="30a2e6027bdc44a8300f1774a35015c9"I jump out of my skin and turn around instantly, taking my headphones off and preparing for the most intense scold of my entire life until I see the person behind the voice and relief washes over me./p
p data-p-id="e923d53029f6df6d6da9226d1b5d52b3""Phil..."/p
p data-p-id="f9af15476ea5fe0b0c83b214bbffab3a" /p
p data-p-id="2d6938fd003f7209eebd8bba3b123aee"strongWell guess who updated! Ha ha I'm really not good at keeping a schedule, good thing I didn't tell you what it was supposed to be hahahahaahahaha /strong*cough* *cough* /p
p data-p-id="369c998400ad47f00e4c844de0d9fee9"strongReview yo/strong/p
p data-p-id="11019087e1c5c2f9fd01ced22d1be5c2"strongStay alive /strong/p
p data-p-id="5d254c8204d18a995e111e538d0a4be9"I keep my head low as the prefects lead us to the common room, not really wanting any attention directed on me right now. I hear giggling and whispering behind me, making feel kind of paranoid. What if they're talking about me? I try not to think about it too much but the possibility of already being made fun of on the first day makes me panic a bit. What have I done wrong again? Do I have a stain on my robe? Is my hair a mess? emOk Dan, don't go there, don't torture yourself. /emBut what if this year is just the same as all the others? Nope, I really don't want to be spending all my time in the bathroom again. I try to steady my breathing, try to calm the panic that is coming over me./p
p data-p-id="db7fdd19ce2b750891689510093f1ab2"emGet. Yourself. Together. /em/p
p data-p-id="a0c5a9d2d582f5d1d348af8e4ab0f6ad"We make it to the common room without me completely breaking down and the prefects show us around. I'm not really listening, losing myself in the beauty of this place. The ceiling is so high I wonder if it's actually there, and the walls are velvety with the soft fabric covering them. I brush my fingers against them while admiring the many portraits hanging there. Everything here screams the word magic, and for a moment I forget where I am and all the things that could go wrong./p
p data-p-id="bc25c837738605791b1a5e421abd77d6"I'm pulled out of my dazed state when the prefects introduce us to our dorm. I let out a inaudible sigh of relief when I see all my bags waiting for me and my black cat curled up in a ball on my bed, sleeping. I sit down and almost instantly my cat that I creatively called Batman jumps up and sits on me, rubbing his head on my lap. I chuckle quietly and stroke his head softly. Maybe I won't have a lot of friends but at least I'll always have this little guy. All the other guys have gone down to the common room to be social, but to be honest I'm feeling quite sleep-deprived. My eyes shut of their own will and my head falls back on the pillow, Batman rumbling against my chest. And then I'm taken by sleep./p
p data-p-id="514faf5a71b4f0f67374c388f37aa0d7"**/p
p data-p-id="eb97e69dd9133a85fe0238c0971663b0"emEverything is black. Everything. Have I gone blind? I push my eyes open but no, not a ray of light, nothing. Not a speck, not a little bit of light, nothing at all, just black, deep and tempting black. I try to move my fingers and surprisingly they obey. I try to move my feet now, take at least one step. But then I realize. There is nowhere to step. I am stepping on strongnothing. /strong/em/p
p data-p-id="84c12e10ac11a61759ef307163f89457"emI'm flying. /em/p
p data-p-id="424ad32bfa262a7af177da87466bee74"emSuddenly all my sense come back to me and I feel the wind blow harshly through my hair. I'm not flying no, I'm falling. At an incredibly fast rate I am falling through the black air, towards something that I can't see. Or maybe I'm falling towards nowhere. The thought makes me go completely crazy. To me there is nothing more terrifying than not knowing where you're going. Worse, knowing where you're going, but it's a black path, filled with dark obstacles and dark thorns, always stabbing you with their poisonous spikes. /em/p
p data-p-id="1a211024d7206e10a654bbfd34556f3d"emstrongA darkness that needs nurturing.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="9c8f569c9f0295e2e451ce27d7fbefd9"emI fall faster, images of my parents in front of me with smug looks on their faces flash before me./em/p
p data-p-id="e9189b50b48523dc340ad21fdc49b421"emstrong...I see what is in your soul./strong/em/p
p data-p-id="ae0152c5e8de8b3267aea94da3e4407f"emImages of my dad looking at me through blank eyes when I ask him to tuck me into bed and then becoming very very angry./em/p
p data-p-id="9f8ffda0efb3e5a8c8fa7af7e6e67d6e"emstrongA darkness that needs nurturing.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="60151f00d390593a3e23acaadc2edf0b"emImages of my dad yelling at me to be the man I have to be. /em/p
p data-p-id="36b63d52694c34525f128db537b8bd7a"em...strongI see what is in your soul./strong/em/p
p data-p-id="0a61cb60da26bd6d2e2cffbcae87ea82"emMy mum standing there as he yells, covering her ears, not even daring to intervene./em/p
p data-p-id="57a154d0806cc1430a4038aa54c909a9"emstrongA darkness that needs nurturing.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="ed1a32424c51ac8da35b03789582feab"em'not good enough son! Not. Good. Enough. You never will be, you're a worthless excuse of a son!'/em/p
p data-p-id="5f7b49f08ea27b195ea309f11d59b3fc"emstrong...I see what is in. Your. Soul./strong/em/p
p data-p-id="e459086e2a59973975449cae4bff1dee"emThe words echo in my head, as I rush towards a future that isn't even mine, only black. I don't want this, I never wanted this. /em/p
p data-p-id="fbd39fe0ecd01afaf01ea1957ef4a57c"emstrongNo./strong/em/p
p data-p-id="f2052cd3a6c02759435a2284490cfd87"emThe calm voice in my head repeats the word, then louder and louder, to make itself heard. He's right, NO. No I will not be what they want me to be. /em/p
p data-p-id="174a89a979aaa828c1a8659be7ff73d7"emstrongHome musn't be a great place to be.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="a27eed077f3df1b858a9c1ac34adebe4"emThe calm voice of Phil joins the yelling 'no'. /em/p
p data-p-id="cc830132f8267779b4a5a7de5994fd93"emstrongIt's not like they control your life.../strong/em/p
p data-p-id="6418dcc07f4cc5a764dc84e9b4e4afce"emOh Phil if only you knew just how much they control.../em/p
p data-p-id="ddc7fccf921e00d0cad6fba4741184d8"emThe voices get louder, screaming in my head, drowning my fathers'. Because Phil's right, they can't control everything. Suddenly my rush past the black walls gets slower and I intake a sharp breath when I see the tiniest spot of light, and I'm crashing down to it faster and faster. The pressure is nearly stealing my breath away, the dot getting bigger and bigger by the second. I scrape my fingers down the walls, that are getting closer to me, nearly suffocating me. My nails scratch and tear the walls down, but it's not enough. Panic blinds me as the walls move closer, and the light grows bigger, nearly swallowing me. I push with all my force but nothing happens, I just fall faster, towards the light, but I don't think I'm going to make it. /em/p
p data-p-id="c965ec8f9915f4dd8578c389700668cb"emI take a deep breath but just as I exhale the front wall crushes against my chest, and the back one nearly breaks my spine, knocking the breath out of my body. No. Please, no. I can see the light blinding me it's so close. I try to breath but I panic when I can't, fighting my anxiety, and in the end letting it take over. /em/p
p data-p-id="dfff8c6720e24be70ad41e684142ea4f"emI was so close, so close to the light. So close to life. /em/p
p data-p-id="b92dbbaccb2ac7694f9fd8ee30ab21d7"emSo close to Phil's soothing voice./em/p
p data-p-id="bc339501bc36ce28f1d2b19cf8e272be"emSo close to escaping the black path./em/p
p data-p-id="741d869d4d9c4df2b50f5e2fecc1e0ec"em**/em/p
p data-p-id="a8b3230d5c35326b39137b2cbe42ccf4"I wake up trembling, every limb in my body completely shaken up by the nightmare I just endured. My hands shaking, I look for Batman on my bed and sigh deeply when I feel his soft fur pressed against my side. I sit up and put my head on my knees, trying to steady my ragged breathing. I don't even know what to think, did I just have a panic attack in a nightmare. It definitely feels like it, and I don't blame myself. It's the first time anything so horrible has ever happened to me and I vividly remember the walls crushing against my chest, making it impossible to breath. I stare at the ceiling, but everything seems black right now, way too black. I wipe my dampened cheeks, I hadn't even realized I was crying. The memory of the nightmare is way too fresh, I have to get out of here, now./p
p data-p-id="f8e0ce748cdea204d1d07c4b741636d3"I frantically look for my small battery charged lamp and find it in one of my bags and at the same time grab my ipod and my headphones. The room is filled with moonlight, and I find my way out of my bed and to the door, trying not to make too much noise. I really don't want to get caught, especially not on the first day. I know that right now I need some fresh air or I'll have another panic attack, this time a real one. For some time I don't move, listening for any footsteps, and I'm sure there's no one in this part of the castle, I tiptoe to the grand staircase./p
p data-p-id="3313d502fc3fdac12adfd70e6e6f1eab"Thankfully I make it outside alive, and not expelled. I plug my headphones in and start playing 'Dream' by Imagine Dragons, humming along as I walk in the grass barefoot. I see the lake not far and for some reason I'm instantly attracted to the calm and unmoving black water. I sit on the edge, staring into the abyss, seeing my reflection in the black stillness. "Everything's a messI can't help the silent tears that escape my eyes, running down my cheeks and dampening them again. I don't know how long I stay like that but my eyes gradually close and I feel myself drifting off./p
p data-p-id="0bbce0eb4a642f49a2c0a178b33f3a68""Didn't expect to see you here"/p
p data-p-id="30a2e6027bdc44a8300f1774a35015c9"I jump out of my skin and turn around instantly, taking my headphones off and preparing for the most intense scold of my entire life until I see the person behind the voice and relief washes over me./p
p data-p-id="e923d53029f6df6d6da9226d1b5d52b3""Phil..."/p
p data-p-id="f9af15476ea5fe0b0c83b214bbffab3a" /p
p data-p-id="2d6938fd003f7209eebd8bba3b123aee"strongWell guess who updated! Ha ha I'm really not good at keeping a schedule, good thing I didn't tell you what it was supposed to be hahahahaahahaha /strong*cough* *cough* /p
p data-p-id="369c998400ad47f00e4c844de0d9fee9"strongReview yo/strong/p
p data-p-id="11019087e1c5c2f9fd01ced22d1be5c2"strongStay alive /strong/p