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Repairing what's lost

Since Jean had decided to hide from him for the rest of the day, Logan had enough time to figure out that a nearly two year old had more energy than him. After playing in the garden for hours, then going on with it inside and after dinner, he now lay exhausted on the sofa in the rec-room with the TV still showing the end of a Disney movie and was dozing off. "So…," Ororo purred and bent over the sofa a bit to look him directly in the eyes after he'd opened them a bit. "You don't like that kid, hm?" she teased him and looked at Julian, who was soundly asleep on his father's chest with the puppy half on his back, also sleeping. "You don't know how to handle him and your greatest wish is to get rid of him?" she went on and ignored his growl. "I can see that…," she nodded and walked around the sofa. "And…," Ororo announced before she held up something that he couldn't really see from his position. "This nice little picture here, will remind me and everyone else about what a bad liar you are, mister!"

"Picture?!" Logan grunted and began to narrow his eyes.

"Yes, picture," she smiled and hid it quickly. Laughing about his attempt to get up and leap at her, which didn't work thanks to the boy, she walked back over to the door. "You should go to bed, Logan," Ororo remarked teasingly. "You look like someone that has just finished round 20 in the Dangerroom on level 10."

"Shut up!" he snapped and got slowly up while holding Julian close to his chest and also paid attention to the puppy. Drowsily, he made his way to his room upstairs, where he put the boy into his bed and the dog at the end of it. After running a hand through his hair and noticing that it wasn't even 9, yet, he decided to go and find the redhead.

Thanks to his senses, Logan hadn't much trouble to track her down. A few minutes later he stood in front of her room door and knocked lightly. "Go away!" he heard her saying from within and chose to ignore it. In the next second he had closed the door behind him and looked around the dark room that was only illuminated by the small lamp on the bedside table. "I said go away," Jean said once more and glared at him. "I don't want to see you."

"But I wanna talk t'ya," Logan replied and came closer.

"Go away!" she said more demanding and backed off a bit when he knelt down in front of the bed.

"I want t'talk about it," he gave back and shook his head. "And I ain't gonna leave before we did." Holding her glare, he watched how she looked away and curled up under the sheets. He looked at her for a while, how she lay on her side and hugged her legs and stared into nothingness; determined not to pay any attention to him. "You've been crying," he noticed in a soft voice and rested his arms on the edge. Not knowing what else he could do, he figured that he had just to try and talk to her. "Jean…, why do ya think that? That I left, I mean?" he asked and kept his eyes on her, but she still stared at the bedside table next to him. "Explain it t'me!"

"Because you did," the redhead replied through clenched teeth and he didn't need a college diploma to figure out that she was angry.

"Is that the reason why you're avoidin' me?" Logan demanded to know. "Because ya think I left ya?"

"I don't think it!" she said loudly and looked him directly in the eyes. "You've been gone on the next morning. Gone for two years without telling anyone where you went!" Shaking her head when tears began to gather in her eyes, she buried her hands in her hair. "I should have known that you'd do this. You had what you wanted…"

"This ain't true!" he gave back and straightened his position in front of the bed.

"It is!" Jean shot back in anger and disappointment. "You could finally add me to your list, so you left to find the next woman. I hope you had fun with her and all the others afterwards. And now leave my room!"

Surprised about her outburst, Logan remained silent for a while and just looked at her. "There hasn't been any one else!" he replied but noticed too late that he sounded angry.

"Sure," she mocked and looked away again.

He sighed. "Look, let's take a deep breath and start again, okay?"

"I want you to go!" Jean replied instead.

"No," he said and shook his head. "I don't let ya accuse me of that. It was ya that hadn't shown up."

"What?!" she asked and looked back at him with furrowed brows.

"You've understood what I've said," he grunted and narrowed his eyes. "Ya have no right of accusin' me that it had been just a quick fuck for me," Logan went on and released his anger this time. "It was ya who'd obviously decided that your precious Scooterboy was the better choice, so don't give me that shit! Where's he now, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" Jean asked loudly.

"That I've waited for ya and ya haven't shown up!" he replied when she suddenly laughed.

"You're trying everything, don't you?" the redhead asked darkly and shook her head. "It won't work, Logan! I'm not falling for your tricks anymore."

Only shaking his head, he ran a hand through his face and heaved a deep breath. "Listen," Logan began in a much calmer voice. "If it was just sex for me, as you think… Why would I've asked ya t'spend the night with me afterwards?"

Jean shrugged and glared daggers at the bedside table again, while she chewed on her lips. "To get everything you could out of the situation?" she asked cynically and he snorted.

"If you're mad at me now, then why didn't ya show up?" he asked in a hurt voice and her eyes switched back to him.

"Showed up where?!" she asked back in confusion. "What are you talking about, Logan?!"

"That I asked ya t'come with me if this really meant somethin' t'ya and ya didn't show up," he replied angrily. "If you'd told me that it was just a weak moment, okay, if you'd told me you would stick t' Scotty, okay… But ya said nothin'!"

"Stop making up stories!" Jean shook her head and glared at him.

"I ain't makin' up nothin'!" he snapped.

"But I don't understand a thing!" she shot back. "Goin' where with you? And how should I've known about it?"

"Coz I left ya a note?!" Logan asked cynically.

"A note saying what?" she sighed tiredly and began to massage her temples.

He only rolled his eyes. Either she was trying to make a fool out of him or not listening at all. And it annoyed him. "A note sayin' that I'd t'leave for a mission, which would probably take a couple of weeks and that, if it meant somethin' t'ya, I want ya t'come with me," he replied and sounded like a robot.

Jean suddenly smiled knowingly. "I said you're a liar," she mumbled and sounded disappointed. "Charles didn't send you on any mission. He didn't even know where you were!"

"Not Chuck, damn it!" he groaned and ran a hand through his hair in complete frustration. "When I headed back upstairs, I received a phone call. They needed me for a mission and told me they'd get me around 5 and wanted me t'be ready," he explained and noticed that she wasn't at all convinced. Not knowing what else he could possibly do he leant back against the bedside table and decided he had to go the hard way. That was telling her something, he didn't want her or anyone else to know. "Look…," Logan began and stared at his hands. "I did some stuff in my life, the part I can remember, that I ain't proud of. I did some things that've brought me into trouble and those men…" He shook his head. "There are enough guys out there that want t'see me dead. And those men protect me. I don't know why, but I own them. So I had t'go when they called me…" Looking back at her he turned around a bit. "Jean, I swear this is the truth. I wanted ya t'come with me… I waited for ya as long as I could…"

"Then why didn't you come back?" she demanded to know after a moment.

"Coz I thought… I thought you'd chosen Scott," he said honestly and held her gaze.

"Then why are you here now?" Jean sniffed and wiped her tears away, just to look at her hands next. She still felt too torn to decide what to believe…

"Because of you…"

Looking up and staring right into his eyes, Jean could easily tell that it was the honest truth. "Why?" she whispered and lowered her gaze when he took her hand.

"Because I thought that ya were married t'Scott by now," Logan replied. "I thought it'd be easier then… To know that I can't have ya anymore…" Looking back into her eyes, he reached out to wipe her tears away. "I swear if I'd known ya were pregnant…" He swallowed. "I'd have come back after that mission…"

"No, you wouldn't have," the redhead said and broke eye contact. "You don't care about Julian…"

"That ain't true, Jean!"

"Yes it is!" she nodded and met his eyes again. "I've heard how you talked about him… You hate it that you're stuck with him. You'd be happy if he didn't exist…"

"If I really didn't care for him, I wouldn't even bother t'look at him," Logan replied and made her look up with it. "It's just…. I don't know how t'handle a kid. I ain't someone who goofs around or does the stuff kids like t'do…," he admitted. "But I do care for our kid. I just think he'd be better of with a different father… I ain't a good one, I know that."

"That's not true," Jean said barely audible and made him look back into her eyes. "He wouldn't stick to you if he didn't like you. Children can feel if they are not loved…"

Nodding and entwining their hands, he remained silent for a while. "Why are ya so distant t'him?" he asked and received a shrug. "C'mon, it has a reason… 'Ro told me ya suffered from strong depressions after ya gave birth t'him. But that can't be the case anymore."

"I just…," the redhead sniffed and bit her lip hard. "I don't deserve him…"

"Why?!" he asked in confusion and pushed some strands back.

"What kind of mother am I, who leaves her baby behind, Logan?" Jean suddenly began to cry. "I never cared for my baby… I have no right to suddenly reappear and act as if I've always been there for him, because it's not true! I don't deserve to be called a mother…"

"You'll make a great mother," Logan tried to soothe her and sat down on the edge of the bed, while he stroked over her trembling back. "Ya just have t'give it a try…"

"How if I can't even go to a public place with him?" she sobbed and rolled onto her belly to cry freely into her pillow.

"Did he call again?" he grunted but she shrugged.

"I don't know. I avoid all phone calls…" Feeling how he kept on stroking over her back soothingly, she turned her head to look at him through a blurred vision. She wanted to believe him so badly, wanted to believe that he hadn't just used and thrown her away afterwards… "Where did you leave that note if there really was one?" Jean sniffed and took the tissue he gave her.

"I sneaked into your room after I got of the phone," he told her and brushed her hair back again. "Ya must've been still in the kitchen, so I left the note on your pillow."

"There wasn't a note!" she said and sounded angered again.

"All I can say is that I left it on your pillow, Jean," Logan replied as calm as possible. "I swear!"

She shook her head and looked away. "Just go!" Jean begged and turned her back to him.

"Fine," he sighed and got up to walk over to the door. "But it is the truth," he said before he left the room and went back over to his.

In her room, Jean rolled back onto her back and stared at the ceiling while tears were still running down her cheeks. She didn't know what to believe. Part of her wanted to believe that he hadn't just walked out of her life after they had finally given in to their mutual attraction. The other part still felt the pain and shock, which she had felt after getting up on the next morning just to realize that he was gone, that not a single part of him had been left in the mansion. It had appeared to her as if he'd never been there at all. Sniffing, she sat up and wiped her tears away. Finally, she got up and left her room…

I know it's shorter than the last chapter. Sorry for that. Thanks to the reviewer, but it'd be nice to get a few more. : ( See ya!