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And YAY!!! Harry Gregson-Williams does the Wolverine Score!!! I so love his music!!!
Repairing what's lost
Three hours later, Jean lay still awake in Logan's arms and had her legs pulled close while she stared at the opposite wall in the dark. While he breathed evenly against her neck and was spooning her from behind, her mind was racing horribly and too many thoughts at once washed over her like a wave. Unaware of her surroundings, she kept on staring at the wall and recalled the hours before. She had been scared to death despite his gentleness and hadn't been able to stop herself from crying. She hadn't been hurt at all, it had been quiet the opposite, but her mind had fought against what her body had wanted and she had been too close to lose the fight. What Logan had given her in the past hours had confused her more than anything else. He had shown her things and emotions she had already forgotten about or hadn't believed in anymore. Now, there were too many questions she had begun to ask herself…
While her eyes were still fixed on the wall, she didn't notice that tears were running down her cheeks or that the light was suddenly switched on by Logan, who had been awoken by the sniffs she obviously was unaware of. "What's wrong, darlin'?" he asked and touched her shoulder since he wanted to look at her.
"What?" Jean asked in confusion and turned around.
"What's wrong?" he said once more and began to furrow his brows. "I hurt ya, didn't I?" he added and was angry with himself to have it let come so far. He knew they should have stopped when there had still been time to do so.
"No…," she sniffed and wiped her tears away before she sat up and buried her hands in her hair.
"Then why are ya cryin'?" he asked in a gentle voice and sat up next to her; reaching out to stroke over her hair and back, which made her shiver.
Jean, who had pulled her legs close and was hugging them, leant her head onto her arms and turned to look at him through wet eyes. "Why did I let this happen, Logan?" she asked him after a moment and in a voice that was barely audible even to his senses.
"I told ya it was too early…," he replied and shook his head. "Ya weren't ready for this…"
"That's not what I meant," she said and kept her eyes on his worried gaze. "Why did I let everything happen that Richard did to me? Why wasn't I able to fight back?"
"I don't know," Logan shrugged and pulled his legs closer so that he sat cross-legged next to her. He made sure to keep at least one hand on her back to show her that he paid attention and was there for her. "Fear can do this to ya... I think." Thinking about it, he didn't really know what fear meant. Sure, he could feel uncomfortable in a situation, but he had never felt true fear… At least he couldn't remember… Looking up, he noticed that she was still looking at him. "Stop doin' that t'ya, Jean," he begged and brushed her hair back.
"I'm trying…," Jean sighed and shook her head a bit. "I just don't understand it…"
"You're tired and ya need t'sleep or you'll be too tired for my plans later," Logan said and began to push her slowly back down.
"What plans?" she asked and returned the kiss he gave her after he was leaning a bit over her.
"You'll see," he smirked and wiped her tears away but became serious soon. "Honestly, do ya regret it?"
Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. "No…," Jean replied and began to stroke through his messy hair that stuck up into every direction possible. "I'm just messed up because of everything…"
"And I didn't hurt ya?" she heard him mumbling into her chest and managed a weak smile. She truly loved how worried a tough man like he could become and suddenly bit her lip. "No you didn't…," she mumbled and he raised his head with a cocked eyebrow. Her scent told him it was the truth but the way she had answered made it quiet the opposite.
"What's wrong now?" Logan asked and supported himself with both hands next to her body.
"I've been so stupid…," Jean said and turned her head away from him. Realizing what she'd secretly known before made cold chills run down her spine.
"What do ya mean, darlin'?" he asked her since he didn't understand a thing.
"I…," she began and heaved a deep breath. "This is embarrassing…"
"What?!" Logan asked and cocked an eyebrow. "I can't follow ya."
"I was devastated after you were gone. I really believed that you had only used me and…when I found out that I was pregnant." She shook her head and wished to be elsewhere right now. She'd never wanted to talk to anyone about it. Especially not to him. "I didn't know what to do. I knew it was yours but I was afraid to tell Scott the truth. I knew he would leave me… And I didn't think that I could care for a baby all by myself."
"The others would have helped ya, ya know that," he replied and lay down next to her where he wrapped an arm around her protectively.
"Everything was just too much… And I was afraid of how they would react to the news," she mumbled and shivered when she became aware of how cold the room was all of a sudden.
"How did they react?"
Jean shrugged and wiped a tear away. "They never told me what they truly thought… Ororo only said that she knew it would happen one day, Hank gave me disappointed looks… What Charles thought… Well, I don't want to know if I'm honest…"
"Actually it's none of their business what ya do," Logan grunted and yawned. "I don't care what they are doin' in their free time or rooms either."
"Yes, but everyone expected me to be faithful," the redhead disagreed. "For them we were the perfect couple… The ideal of what a relationship should look like or whatever you want to call it…"
"Doesn't sound ya were that happy…," he mumbled into her neck and nuzzled it.
"I was happy with Scott," Jean replied and couldn't see the look he gave her. "But…" She heaved a deep breath and shook her head. "I wanted more than he could ever give me…"
As I thought…
"What?" she asked and turned to look at him with furrowed brows.
"What do ya mean?" he asked innocently. "I didn't say anythin'…"
"You were sending," she said and received a cocked eyebrow. "I heard your thoughts…"
Surprised about this, Logan sat up a bit. "I thought… Didn't ya say ya can't use your powers anymore?"
"They…they kicked back in when we went to that fair…," Jean replied and felt embarrassed.
"So…ya heard everythin' I thought in the past days?" he asked her and met her gaze, only to let out a whistle when she nodded. "Well,…I still think that blonde bitch's a hooker…" He shrugged and rolled back onto his side to pull her close. The silence that was suddenly between them meant one thing to him and that was that she didn't want to tell him what was still on her mind. But in fact he knew. Maybe she really thought he hadn't notice, but he had. "Ya can say it…"
"Say what?" Jean asked sleepily and stopped stroking through the hair on his chest.
"Why ya went with that fucker in the first place…," Logan replied and instantly her movements froze. Showing her that he wasn't mad, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Jean,…no two people are alike. There might be people out there that look alike, but the personality of someone's unique…," he told her bluntly and felt the redhead tensing under his touch. "I know ya went with him because he looked a lot like me…"
Jean sighed aloud and buried her face in her hands. Not only was her heart racing in fear of what he might think of her now, she also felt ashamed and embarrassed like never before in her life. "I…I really don't know what has gotten into me to do it," she said barely audible and shook her head. "I would never go or even sleep with a stranger… That's not like me…"
Logan didn't say anything first but glared at the opposite wall. "People do weird stuff under too much pressure, Red. Ya said yourself that ya suffered from strong depressions…"
"Still that's no excuse for what I did…," she disagreed and was surprised that he just turned her around so that she was now facing him and pulled her close. "How can you even look at me…?" Jean asked and didn't understand him, since she was disgusted of herself.
"Because I love ya, that's why," he grunted and kissed her forehead. "And now stop livin' in the past. That fucker's dead, he can't harm ya anymore. Ya have a second chance t'start all over again, so use it!"
"I know…," Jean sighed and snuggled deeper into his embrace, where she remained silent for a while and began to bring an order into everything she was feeling right now. "You won't leave again, will you?" she finally asked what she was afraid of.
"I told ya before I have to if the need me for a mission…," he said and caressed her back absently.
"I'm not talking about that…"
"No?"
"No," the redhead replied. "I mean… I just don't want to wake up one morning and you are gone for a couple of weeks or even months… And you've told me once that you can't stay at one place for long…"
"I won't run out ya if that's what ya think, Jeannie," Logan grunted and his deep voice almost appeared to be like a growl.
"I hope so," she mumbled into his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist; feeling at peace for the first time in months. "Because I missed you…"
Hearing it, Logan smirked. "Same here, darlin', same here…," he said and placed one last kiss onto her forehead before they finally drifted off to sleep.
Well, one more chapter to go. So the next chapter (I have already pre-written the main part of it), will be the last one. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, even if not a lot has happened. ; ) Please review!!!