Beca should know better than this. She does know better than this. Every member of the Bellas knows better than to push Chloe too hard or too far, had learned that lesson freshman year when the redhead had finally stood up to Aubrey. They'd learned a few lessons that day, but that one had stuck the best, with only a few reminders over the years needed to keep it in mind.
And truthfully Chloe is a much better friend when you aren't pissing her off, cheerfully going above and beyond to help with whatever might be needed no matter what the situation, no matter whether you particularly want her to or not. It had always made Beca feel slightly awkward, knowing she could never compare to the effortless generosity that personifies Chloe, yet feeling obligated to somehow try. Even if she won't admit it, it's one of the main reasons she's stuck around to captain the Bellas, pushing her earlier plans to a back burner and leaving them there.
That's what makes this whole situation so hard on her.
She'd scored the internship of a lifetime, or at least one that should accomplish most early steps of her grand plan to make it in the music business, and she'd managed it while still in college. She'd expected her grades to take a hit, given the amount of time she'd be spending at the studio, but when she'd applied she'd been certain the Bellas wouldn't need her as much, not after two years together. Even with whatever new recruits they'd brought on, surely the others could help them outside of practice, and the veterans all knew each other well enough to harmonize in their sleep.
She hadn't expected the Kennedy Center disaster, hadn't expected Chloe's drive and determination to get them to Worlds with a winning set. The insistence on 100% dedication to the Bellas to the exclusion of all else had blindsided her, turning what should have been a mildly difficult senior year into a nightmare of balancing too many demands with too little time.
Her relationship with Jesse hadn't managed to last, not that she'd expected it would much longer after graduation anyway. They'd been growing both apart and closer together for the past few months, the romance fading into a comfortable habit more than anything else. And when the demands on her time had multiplied, the habit hadn't been enough to hold them together. She thinks maybe it's better this way, at least now she knows she can love and be loved in return, and Jesse is still one of her best friends so she knows the end of a romance doesn't mean the end of a relationship. The firsthand experience of that even helps erase the secondhand fear her parent's divorce had left her with.
But even without the added struggle of fitting a relationship into her limited time, there's too much to do in a day, and no good way to prioritize. She can't miss work, shouldn't miss classes, and every time she's so much as five minutes late for a Bella practice she can feel Chloe's stare for the rest of the rehearsal. She hasn't completely missed a practice yet, but the way things keep piling up she's afraid that's coming soon. She has essays due in more classes than she wants to think about, finals fast approaching, and the pressure of maintaining the minimum GPA Barden requires for any student group member is slowly getting to her.
She debates leaving the Bellas more times than she wants to admit to anyone, even herself, but she can't imagine her life without the awesome nerds she's come to love. She's lived beside them for years, fought with them and for them, cried and laughed in turn. She's gotten drunk with them, revealed more of herself than she'd thought possible each time, and learned more about parts of their lives than she'd particularly wanted to in turn. She can't leave that behind just because she's struggling to find enough time to sleep each night.
But it's getting harder each day, her boss is still ignoring her existence but the others have begun to notice her, have apparently decided they know her well enough not to point out each of her failings as she drops things when exhaustion makes her clumsy, when she zones out and misses them asking for something. And as much as she hates being the menial labor of the office for now, she'd known that would be the case, and this is step one of achieving her dream.
So every time it gets harder to keep up at work, the thought of leaving the Bellas gets a little more tempting. This is her last year anyway, will it really matter if she bows out before it's officially over, Worlds or not? They've seen DSM now, and as much as Beca wants to believe the Bellas can take them she has to admit the group is definitely intimidating as well as confusing. And with the lack of focus in the Bellas right now, a lack that can be almost entirely attributed to her current distractions, she doesn't know for sure that they can come out on top at Worlds.
Still, she probably should have found the time for a setlist given that she is still the captain, and is still in charge of their performances. And she probably shouldn't have told Chloe to get off her back because she's working on it when the redhead had asked if she had anything ready for the next rehearsal yet. She knows Chloe wasn't trying to push, despite Beca's general absence outside of practices and distraction during; she's been comparatively patient with her urging over the past few months. Or at least she hadn't been yelling at her as much as she had the others.
Which just makes Beca feel like that much more of an ass when she snaps, and she knows she deserves the words Chloe throws at her, hurt by Beca's sudden and seemingly inexplicable attitude towards her. But Beca still isn't known for being able to back down from a challenge, whether real or implied, so rather than immediately apologizing and admitting that she'd been wrong, she doubles down and clings stubbornly to her insistence that she doesn't need Chloe looking over her shoulder all the time.
It doesn't take long for the previously empty kitchen to fill with Bellas once voices raise, even Legacy is crammed into the corner trying to pretend she isn't there as the older girls try to figure out what's going on, their own shouts adding to the general din before Cynthia Rose finds two pan lids and bangs them together until everyone stops talking.
"What the hell is going on in here?" she asks with a pointed look at Beca, who bristles a little at the clear assumption that it's her fault. Which, it is, but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a little benefit of the doubt until they hear the full story. Or at least as much of the story as she's willing to share, she still can't bring herself to admit she's even considered leaving them to focus on her internship.
"Dudes, it's nothing okay?" Beca replies sharply, wanting to kick herself as soon as the words escape but unable to stop herself from continuing anyway. "It's good, we're good, everything is good, okay? Now can we all move on and go back to whatever we were doing? Nothing to see here and all that?"
"Like hell this is nothing" Amy says bluntly. "We all had bets on you that involved screaming, but this wasn't the option we meant." That throws Beca for a second while she tries to figure out what Amy is talking about, then where she'd gotten that idea, but it's not enough to distract her for long. But before she can launch back into her denials Chloe starts talking, and Beca knows she's pushed the redhead far enough for one night.
"Guys, we appreciate the concern, but Beca and I can handle this" she insists, sounding as stubborn as Beca feels. "There's no need for a Bella meeting over this." The pointed stares and glances between the other Bellas sets off warning bells in Beca's head, and she's far from surprised when Stacie speaks up.
"Look, you two are the captains" she starts, holding up her hand when Chloe goes to protest that she isn't captain, the same protest she's had for the past two years despite being as much of a Bella leader as Beca. "And normally we'd leave you to your personal fights and the whole unresolved tension you've got going on, but from what we heard this is as much about us as it is about you, so it's definitely Bella business." Beca has to hand it to Stacie, as often as she comes across as flighty and unfocused outside of her schoolwork, when she gets serious, she nails it.
"Dude, it's nothing" Beca says anyway, now almost physically unable to back down from the assertion that nothing is going on and she's done nothing wrong. Later, when she's had plenty of time to yell at herself and cycle through phases of remorse and self-accusation, she'll find a way to apologize to Chloe, but right now she's stuck in challenge mode.
It doesn't help that Chloe is rolling her eyes and looking like she wants to start yelling again, knowing as well as Beca does that it's definitely something and Beca is full of shit. Only the glares Beca is getting from the assembled women keep her quiet, and Beca has the random thought that at least something good is coming from them.
The thought fades quickly when Jessica and Ashley start whispering to each other before separating and talking to each of the Bellas in turn, keeping their voices low enough that Beca and Chloe can't hear what's being said. That alone is enough to make Beca worry about what's coming, but the almost malicious smiles sent their way each time a whispered conversation concludes has Beca almost legitimately scared.
"We have a solution" Cynthia Rose says when everyone but the two leaders has nodded their agreement with whatever had been discussed, and Beca fights to keep from physically shrinking back at the barely concealed gleeful satisfaction in her voice. She knows she's not going to like what's coming next.
"Bella Christmas decorating starts next week, and we vote that you two get to do it this year" Stacie adds, eyes narrowing in satisfaction when Beca and Chloe are both shocked speechless. They vote on who does which task each year, the massive amount of decorations requiring effort and communication from everyone to pull off successfully.
"And if you two can't play nice and get it done, we'll spend every waking minute for the entirety of Christmas break singing carols like tone deaf drunken dingoes, no matter where you try to hide" Amy finishes with a flourish. And Beca knows the Bellas well enough to take the threat seriously; she'd seen them do something similar to help break Cynthia Rose's gambling habit halfway through sophomore year. She still shudders at the memory of the dirty lyrics they'd come up with that spring break.
"All of the decorations, by ourselves?" Chloe asks in shock, clearly hoping she's misheard them.
"All of them" Cynthia Rose says, tone leaving no room for argument. "If you two can't talk to us, then you can talk to each other while you put the decoration up. This group needs you bitches to be sorted." Beca debates threatening them with cardio at practice, but it's been months now since she actually led a practice and she knows her word won't have any weight when they've all made up their minds. Not without Chloe's backing, and right now Beca knows she won't be able to count on that.
That's how she finds herself sorting through the boxes stored in the basement, looking over her shoulder every time she hears a noise, just knowing the ghost is likely to pop out from nowhere and join in on the hell that currently is her life. She still hasn't apologized to Chloe, the frustration at having this job forced on her pushing away her guilt and leaving her currently determined to get through it as quickly as possible, with as few words as she can get away with.
Chloe appears to have the same thought, at least as far as talking goes, the redhead hasn't said a single word since they'd come down here, poking through her own set of boxes with a carefully blank look on her face. It's almost enough to overcome Beca's stubborn determination, but backing down when she's wrong has never been something Beca is good at. On the other hand, she's had a lot of practice at ignoring the things that bother her, a skill that's problematic but serves her well in situations such as these.
It isn't until they go to head upstairs each carrying a load of decorations that Chloe says something, nearly restarting the fight. "Beca, what is that mess?" she says, pointing at the Christmas decorations that Beca has picked out for the front porch. And okay, so the Bellas usually vote to keep her away from choosing decorations and put her on snack runs or whatever jobs left over don't require power tools, but that doesn't mean her choices are that bad.
"Decorations for the front porch" is all she says, managing to keep the biting tone from her voice and the rest of the comment locked away. Stubborn refusal to give in or no, she still doesn't want to be any more of an ass to Chloe than she already has been. She doesn't deserve that, and it's not fair for Beca to take out her problems on any of her friends, and especially not Chloe.
"Beca, we never use those. They're down here because Aubrey will kill us if we throw them out, but they never go up, and especially not on the porch." There's no accusation in Chloe's tone, which is the only thing that manages to keep Beca from snapping at her. She's already had to turn down the opportunity to go in for extra hours at work in order to make time for this, and she knows there's no way they'll manage to finish today. Decorating the entire house usually takes the entire group a week, with only the two of them they're looking at not finishing until Christmas is already over unless she devotes every spare moment of time to the task.
"Okay, then tell me what to grab" Beca says, reminding herself that she got herself into this by fighting, and fighting again will only make things worse.
"Beca, are you okay?" Chloe asks instead of answering, stopping at the bottom of the stares and giving Beca one of her looks, the one that says she knows something is up. It's a look that's impossible to ignore, and once she's given it the easiest option is to just give in and come clean.
"Yeah, I'm like, totally fine dude" is what comes out instead, proving once again that Beca can't be trusted to make smart decisions. And Chloe is very obviously not convinced, blocking the way and showing no sign of moving until Beca actually explains.
It's a stare down for a few seconds while Beca debates how to respond, the knee-jerk responses of sarcastic rejoinders will do nothing to help the situation, but she can't bring herself to tell Chloe the truth. But the staring lasts only a few seconds before Chloe's expression softens, melting into nothing more than honest concern in the space of a few heartbeats.
"Beca, you know you can tell me anything, right? I know it's been intense the last few months, that I've been intense, but we're friends right? And friends are there for each other, no matter what." Beca can be stubborn in the face of challenge, but the honest care and emotion in Chloe's voice leaves her defenseless, unable to deny the truth of the fact that she'd been wrong.
Chloe obviously sees the moment Beca gives in, unceremoniously dropping her armload of decorations with a loud clatter and stepping over them to Beca's side, taking that load from her and setting it to the side rather than dropping it as well. And then tears are falling, for all that Beca tries to keep them back, cursing herself internally for letting them show. Chloe says nothing, just pulls her in for the tightest hug Beca thinks anyone has ever given her.
"I got an internship" she finally says when the tears slow, noticing with embarrassment that she's literally left Chloe's shoulder damp. "And it's been taking all my time, and stressing me out, and like I tried to find a balance but I don't know how much longer I can keep all of this up." She's rambling, she knows it, but the sheer relief of admitting everything has her unable to stop.
She's set to go on, pulling back to look at Chloe while she admits her failings, when Chloe cuts her off with a kiss that seems to come out of nowhere. Of all the responses Beca had expected this was nowhere on the list. Yelling and accusations she'd prepared for, as well as insistences that she quit her job and put the Bellas first. This soft, tentative kiss cuts through all of her frustration and guilt in an instant, and she feels herself responding before her brain can catch up to what's happened.
"Hey, are you guys okay, we heard- Oh damn, Stacie owes me twenty bucks!" The sound of Amy checking on them is the only thing that ends the kiss, each woman jumping backwards in surprise as they look up to the top of the stares and see Amy staring at them in glee before turning and all but running to find the rest of the Bellas.
And given that they'll definitely be faced with a roomful of questioning friends as soon as they go upstairs, Beca decides that they need to talk about that kiss now, before facing the others. "So, that was nice" she tries to start, wincing when she realizes how lame that had sounded. But Chloe only laughs, leaning in for another quick peck before pulling back again to answer.
"I couldn't help it, I'm just so proud of you Becs. You made it, you really did it." There's no frustration in Chloe's eyes anymore, however masked, no sign that they'd been fighting the night before and heading for another fight today.
"You mean you're okay with it?" Beca asks in shock, back to not having expected this reaction. "I mean, it's pulled me away from the Bellas, and you've been so much about 100% commitment lately."
"You may not have been giving us everything, but you've still been fighting for us" Chloe says with a shrug, a slight frown telling Beca that they'll probably have to talk about that situation later, whatever Chloe is saying now. "And this is what you want, what you've wanted for years. What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't happy for you?"
"Well apparently the kind of friend who doesn't kiss me" Beca says without thinking, grateful when Chloe laughs rather than taking her seriously. "I mean, not that I'm complaining you know. Like I said, that was nice. More than nice even."
"It was, wasn't it?" Chloe says with no sign of self-consciousness, utterly sure of herself and apparently her kissing abilities. "I've wanted to do that for years."
It's almost more surprising how little that fact surprises Beca when she thinks about it, but the shock still hits her for a second. "So like, that wasn't just a congratulations kiss or something?" she asks, not sure if she minds how much bare hope is in her voice or not.
"Not unless that's all you want it to be" Chloe answers, hesitation showing on her face for the first time while she waits for Beca to answer.
And it takes a moment, not that Beca doesn't know what she wants, but even after her successful relationship with Jesse she's still afraid of messing up her friendship with Chloe if something goes wrong. But the lingering taste of Chloe's mouth on hers is enough to push those fears down, enough to give her the courage to step forward and kiss Chloe again, letting her actions answer for her.
"Think this is enough communication for them to let us out of decorating?" Beca whispers when she pulls back, only half teasing. "Because I have essays due in a few days."
"If it's not, then we'll just have to convince them tonight" Chloe says with a wink.
And Beca definitely has no argument with that idea. Not a single one.