Is anyone even reading this story anymore? I feel like the only person I am writing to is myself. I really wish they would make this book into a movie.
-Julian-
What. Just. Happened. It was a good thing they decided to stop when they did, because any more heated and….. well it was getting a tad bit intense and you can only hold off for so long. In the past, he wouldn't have backed off, but he decided to try things differently after that day in the cave. "Couldn't you have just asked?" Well he was now. Instead of trying to force her to give into what he wanted, he was going to try to be what she wanted. Julian grinned like an idiot and sprawled out on his couch. How did he get so lucky? He had the most beautiful girl in all the realms with him, and she happily kissed him. Julian put his fingers on his lips, remembering the feeling of her lips passionately kissing his. Julian covered his face with his hands and groaned. You are acting like such a human, he thought reproachfully. He heard a chuckle from the doorway and turned to see Jenny leaning against the wall in his room. "Do I really have that much of an effect on you?" Jenny asked, a pleased grin spreading across her face. Julian disappeared and reappeared by her side. Jenny gasped, startled. Her eyes widened slightly as she looked at him. He put his arms on the wall on both sides of her and said, "Yes. Yes you do Jenny." Jenny looked at him curiously, and then he saw something spark in her eyes. Was that a… mischievous look? Out of Jenny the ever so sweet and innocent?! Julian was surprised. He didn't realize just how much he had changed her. "Soo if I did this then.." Jenny trailed off running her finger slowly up his chest. "Jenny," Julian growled, grabbing her hand. "Do you really want to do that right now?" "Well… yes. But, I suppose we have stuff we should probably do instead," Jenny replied with a sigh. She stepped out of his arms and moved to sit on the couch. Julian stared after her incredulously. WHAT. Damn. He really wanted to clarify exactly what she meant by that "yes", but there were "more important" things to do. Julian made his face unreadable and sat down on the opposite side of the couch. "So onto serious business then," Julian said, looking laconic. Jenny got serious and looked at him. She met his eyes and said, "What do we do?"
-Jenny-
Julian looked back at her and said, "I don't know. I guess we have to just play along. He wants a guide and it's the only way I can get out and have a future with you. I don't see another option unless we could figure out a way to trick him." "What exactly does he want? I don't really understand," Jenny asked, confused. "He wants to understand and experience love and compassion. He saw what I had with you and he wanted it. He wanted something new. He didn't understand how a shadow man, and ancient bloodthirsty demon who feels nothing but hate and malice could feel and become something so…. human, I guess," Julian replied. "The thing is, you've seen him. You know how far gone he is; I don't think he will ever understand and in turn he will hurt you."
"Anyone who is capable of hate is also capable of love," Jenny responded softly. "It's hard to see; it's buried so deep. But he can love, I know he can. We will just have to guide him to it." "You'll be better than me," Julian murmured. "No, Jenny replied. "not at all. You found me, not the other way around. Love comes naturally to me, but not to you. If anyone can lead him to love, it's you. You found your way, You can help him find his." Julian looked at her then, his impossibly blue eyes searching hers for something. Whatever it was, it seemed he had found it. Julian looked down, pondering her words. He had changed so much. She really didn't know him anymore. Gone was the arrogant smile, gone was the hungry look in his eyes. Gone was the evil side of Julian she had come to know. Who was he anymore? The way he acted was….open- like that day in the cave. She remembered it so so clearly. The way he looked at her… so open and vulnerable. He hadn't hidden himself behind a mask of power. Power was part of who he was, but he had shown her that it wasn't all he was. She remembered the kiss they had shared, such a passionate kiss, full of emotion. Nothing but Julian's lips trembling against hers. How their hearts had shattered when she had chosen Tom. Even in the middle of an unreal dream world, Julian had never been more real to her than in those moments. And now, even with no reason not to hide himself, Julian still chose to be real with her. This person who he was now…. Jenny didn't think she could resist him. She didn't want to resist him. She wanted to be his completely, now and always. Jenny's eyes widened a little as she began to understand just how in love she was with Julian. She loved him. She loved him with her entire soul and she never wanted to be apart from him. She'd thought she'd known love when she was with Tom, but that flame she had felt for him…. It was like comparing a candle and a bonfire. Nothing could ever be stronger than what she felt. No matter what happened, she was going to find a way to get him out of the Shadow World, and into the real one. Whatever it took, she would find a way. She had let him slip away once and she wouldn't make that mistake again. "Who knows," Jenny started. "Maybe this is a good thing. I mean, if we can change a second shadow man, that's another ally. Maybe it would start a chain reaction. We could just go with this and see where it takes us." Julian looked at her. " But if we do that, and Stephan makes me real again, what's to stop the shadow men from coming after both of us? I may be powerful, but I'm not strong enough to hold them all off forever." "What if we made a deal of some kind with them? We could…" Jenny had an idea. But could she ask him to do it? She couldn't ask him to give up everything he was, everything he knew. Could she? It would be something the others would accept though; it would be very hard for him. No… she couldn't ask him. "Could what? Julian asked. "N-nothing. I don't know what we could do," Jenny stammered, turning away. "Hey," Julian said, gently turning her around. "What were you thinking?" Jenny met his impossibly blue eyes for a moment and bit her lip. No, she thought. I can't do this. "Nothing, it was a stupid idea. Forget about it."
-Julian-
A flash of annoyance crossed his face, and he turned away. She was hiding something from him. Why? Had he not proved himself to her enough yet? What did she think would happen if she said it? She had no reason to feel like something bad would happen. It's not like he would get mad or something. She had to know that…. Or did she? I guess not, Julian thought with a flash of remorse. In the past… I would've gotten mad and reacted badly if she said something I didn't like. But she knows I'm different now… doesn't she? I've changed.
Or have you? It's just an act. This isn't you.
Of course I have. I love her and I will be anything she wants me to be.
That's what you think. You really think this is the new you? You really think it will last? It won't. You can't fight yourself for long… sooner or later nature will win out. Even your love for her can't fight it for long. Don't be foolish. I'm who you really are and you know it. I exist and you will never shut me out.
That's not true. I can be whoever Jenny needs me to be, Julian thought. I can do it. But Julian still couldn't get that small voice out of his head.
You will lose.
"Hey you okay?" Jenny asked curiously. Oh I bet I was silent too long, Julian thought. "Fine. I'm fine," he said distractedly. "If you're sure….." Jenny said. "I mean, you know you can come to me with anything right?"
"Of course." Oh the irony. After just thinking about how she wasn't trusting him with everything, she was expecting him to trust her with everything. Yeah right, he thought. Clearly you don't trust me as I am, how much less would you trust me if you knew my inner self was literally fighting with me? Then again….. Jenny had trusted him and grown to care for him before he had changed for her. But now that she had seen who he could be for her, would that still stand? Could she care for him if he still acted the way he used to?
Julian's thoughts were interrupted as Jenny yawned and crawled over to his side of the couch. She slowly laid her head on his chest –almost cautiously, as though she was unsure of his reaction. She breathed very lightly, almost as though waiting to see what he would do. Julian exhaled slowly and wrapped his arms around her. Jenny let out her breath and seemed to relax and melt into him. She probably thought you were going to try something, Julian thought. He looked at Jenny as she closed her eyes and her breathing began to even out. God she was beautiful. But what was she doing to him? It was strange, this new sensation inside of him. It was like warmth all over. What was this? It was almost like… contentment, but magnified. It was electricity everywhere their skin was touching. It was safety. It was so many things, Julian didn't understand it. He caressed her cheek the way he had when he had given her the silver rose. Seconds later, Jenny disappeared. Julian stared in dismay at the empty space in his arms. So that's how this worked. When she fell asleep, she would be sent back to her world. Only until tomorrow morning, Julian thought. I will be a part of her world again, he thought desperately, trying to hold on to that strange warmth.
-Jenny-
Jenny woke up alone in her bed. She tilted her head to look at the clock. 6:13 a.m. Jenny exhaled and ran a hand through her hair. Dawn came shortly after six this time of year. In just a little while.. Julian will be.. real again.