They never found her body.
It had been over a month since the incident but still every conversation, every free moment, every thought he had was dedicated to finding Hawkeye.
Mustang had a reputation for putting off paperwork, it's true, but no one could deny the results the man got when he put his mind to something. But his dedication always came at a cost, mostly in the sense that there were few things that could waver his diligence. One of these things was Hawkeye. Mustang had a bad habit of working overtime and neglecting his health. He'd stay up late doing research and following leads and would come into work, utterly exhausted.
But he refused to acknowledge any of this when Hawkeye's life was on the line.
He refused to take his lunch break when he could revisit the scene of the crime and look for any evidence he had missed countless other times.
He refused to sleep when he could be walking Black Hayate by areas Hawkeye's attackers were rumored to be hiding out in to see if he could pick up her scent.
He refused to allow any of her things to be sold and so he continued to pay her rent so that if she ever happened to escape and make her way home one night, she would not be greeted by emptiness and the notion that everyone had moved on.
He refused to let anyone see him cry at her funeral. He refused to acknowledge it as her funeral.
Stubborn man, he could hear her say in his mind. Damn fool.
This was different than Hughes, maybe worse. With Hughes, he swore vengeance but at least he had her to keep him in line and look after him. But with her gone, there was no one left who really understood him. No one who knew how to bring him back into reality and stop his downward spiral.
"Brigadier General, do you have a moment?" asked Armstrong timidly as he half entered Mustang office.
"Well, it depends on nature of your visit," said Mustang with some frustration. "Do you have any new leads on locating Captain Hawkeye or are you just here to waste my time?"
"Sir, if I may," began the man gently. "We're all worried about you; you're going to make yourself sick. Imagine if Captain Hawkeye could see you now, what would she say?"
"If she were here we wouldn't be having this conversation then, would we?"
"Brigadier, please…"
"I appreciate the concern, Major, but you'll have to forgive me if I'm less than thrilled to be the only one still working on this case."
"You know we all miss Captain Hawkeye, but you must admit you are taking this far too personally."
"Perhaps none of you are taking it personally enough."
"They stopped looking for her weeks ago..."
"All that indicates is that the military gave up too easily," said Mustang sternly as he jotted something down. "Forgive me for seeking justice for one of my most loyal subordinates, not to mention my oldest friend."
"It's understandable sir, I'm not denying that," stated Armstrong, patient as ever. "But the fuhrer has expressed concern for your well being… and has requested you take some time off."
"The fuhrer!" expressed Mustang angrily, slamming his fists on his desk. "She's his granddaughter! He should be just as outraged as I am! Maybe more so! And he wants me to stop trying to help her? Ridiculous!"
He stood up in a rage and quickly walked past the Major, pushing the much larger man out of his way and began storming towards the fuhrer's office. Armstrong frantically went after him, hoping to calm him down.
"Sir, please don't do anything you'll regret…"
"It's too late for that, Major," said Mustang. "There's nothing I regret more than allowing her to be hurt."
With that, he burst into the fuhrer's office, much to the surprise of the old man who became even more startled when he saw the look on Mustang' face. He knew he wouldn;t very much like his decision (which is why he volunteered Armstrong to break the news) but he didn't expect him to be this upset.
"What's this I hear about you wanting me to take a leave of absence?"
"Good morning to you as well, Roy," responded Grumman calmly. "Care for some coffee?"
"I don't know what your angle is fuhrer, but if you think I'm going to give up, then you're wrong."
He sighed. "Of course not. I know you, Mustang. You're just like her, you know, you never give up."
"Then why try and send me home?"
"Because you're tired," he said simply "And frankly, we're all worried you'll work yourself into an early grave. I know losing Riza has been hard on you, but you need to accept that she's gone."
"How can you say that?"
"Roy, please don't take this the wrong way. I'm only thinking of what's best for you. I know you want to keep working, and we both know I intend for you to be my successor, but none of that can happen with you being so distracted and worn down. Sooner or later it's going to catch up with you and someone is going to take advantage of that. Don't let her death be in vain. Take care of yourself. If you refuse, I'll extend your leave indefinitely and temporarily revoke your state alchemist's license. I need to make it clear that I will not allow you to work in your current state, and until you make the effort to improve it I'm afraid this is my only choice."'
"Sir…"
"I can't force you to move on Mustang, and I won't try," continued the fuhrer. "It's hard, believe me I know. I loved her, and I miss her every day.. No, I'm not asking you to forget her by any means, but you need to let go a little. Imagine how she'd feel knowing she was holding you back from accomplishing your goal. She was willing to die for you, but if she knew you stop living because of her, it would break her heart."
Mustang lowered his head as the words sank in. "You're absolutely right, sir."
"You're damn right I'm right," he said. "So do we have an understanding?"
"Yes. I'll be back on track by Monday, I promise."
"Very well then," said Grumman, reaching into his desk drawer. "I know this whole ordeal has been hell for you, and I know there isn't much I can do to soften the blow, but I want you to have this." He took a small picture frame out of his drawer and handed it to Roy. "She'd kill me if she knew I still had this, but I think it belongs with you."
In the simple frame, was a picture of Riza like he had only seen her a handful of times. She was smiling as if she had just been laughing, really laughing, as if she couldn't contain herself. It was as if she didn't even know her picture was being taken, which she usually disliked. Her hair was down, and she held Black Hayate close to her chest who looked up at her like she was his whole world. Those who only knew Riza at work would hardly recognize her in this picture, but to Roy it seemed to capture her essence perfectly.
"I wanted a formal picture of her for my desk," explained Grumman. "She graciously agreed, indulging an old man, but she wouldn't smile. Not in a way that looked believable, which was understandable since she wasn't exactly thrilled to be posing for a photo on her day off. So, I was trying to get her to smile-she looked so much like her mother when she smiled- but we don't exactly have the same sense of humor. So just when I think I'm out of options and the photographer is getting tired of resetting the camera, I try one more thing. I say 'Riza, you'll never believe it; the colonel just called and it seems as though he refused to shower because you've made him aware of how useless water makes him.' And, I tell you boy, she just lost it, thought it was the funniest thing I;ve ever said. I had him take the photo right after she calmed down, and it's just beautiful, don't you agree?"
"Yes," said Mustang softly. "But I can't accept this sir. It's obvious you're very found of this picture."
"Nonsense, brigadier. I have plenty of pictures of her, but I think you deserve one of her where she's not in her military uniform. You should be able to remember her like this."
"Thank you fuhrer, I'll be sure to put it someplace safe," he tucked the frame carefully under his arm and offered his superior a salute. He turned on his heel and went to leave the room, he stopped just before he was about to leave and looked over his shoulder at the fuhrer.
"Fuhrer Grumman, could I possibly ask a favor of you?"
"Anything my boy."
"Could you please stop referring to her in the past tense?" his voice gave no indication he was fighting back tears.