Hand Holding

She had always cherished every opportunity to touch him, perhaps because they has always been able to communicate more in gestures and touches than they could in words. Sometimes they could have full conversations in the span of a gentle embrace or slow caress. There had been a time when they weren't allowed to touch, when he had gone to prison. The two of them wilting like flowers without sunlight. The time apart had been a lesson in love and patience, it taught them to appreciate every touch and moment shared, no matter how small. It wasn't the first time they had been tested and it wouldn't be the last. When her world fell apart she thought the two of them would never be able to share a life together the way they once had. Anna had convinced herself that there could never be a "them" again. He had held her hand, had reassured her if this was all they ever shared it would be more than enough. And for months it was all they had, but he had been right. It was more than enough. She felt wanted. She felt needed. Most importantly, she didn't feel alone. They climbed out of that hell hole together and emerged with their fingers fastened together like an unbreakable chain.

When her past came back to haunt her and she was forced to a life without him, only to be released, and find out that the cost of her freedom was for him to disappear it had devastated her. Their little cottage had never felt so empty. Her soul had never felt so defeated. She tried to remember those simple moments shared. As she stared at the photo of them on their wedding day, her eyes focused on their hands that held onto one another like a lifeline. The two of them were one person. She thought back to a time before they were a "we".

Before they had been more than friends, it was just being in his presence that brought her such pure joy. John had kind eyes and a warm smile. The dimple on his cheek and the crinkles that bordered his eyes only seemed to appear whenever he smiled at her. Of course he had only been Mr. Bates to her back then. Eventually, being in his presence wasn't enough. Anna would find herself tossing and turning late into the night as she lay in her bed across from Gwen, who was fast asleep, and she'd imagine what it might be like to touch him. To simply hold his hands was her greatest wish. She'd become rather infatuated with them early on: their size, roughness, and tenderness. Many sleepless nights were spent hoping and praying for more than friendship, and for a time she thought it wasn't meant to be.

It wasn't until one day, a few weeks after the flower show that the two of them had been walking down the same road towards the village. They had walked in relative silence, occasionally making small talk, but mostly exchanging stolen glances and falling into step with one another. John had turned to look behind them and for a moment Anna thought someone might be coming up the road that they would need to move for. Before she had a chance to turn and check for herself he took her hand in his own. Initially, she felt her body stiffen as her brain quickly began to contemplate what this all meant. For the longest time all she could do was stare at the way they moulded to one another so perfectly. How her hand fit seamlessly within his. His fingers were lightly calloused and his hand was a bit sweaty, possibly from nerves. She was sure her own hands were doing much the same. Anna finally had the courage to stare up at him after a few moments had passed and when he smiled back at her she relaxed straightaway. He may not have told her he loved her that day outright, but she knew then this was his way of saying it. And it meant the world to her.

A few months later the news would come that a child would not be in the cards for them, or so she thought at the time. He had held her hand through all her tears. Had tried to convince her that it wasn't the right time given all they had been through. He insisted the two of them was all they would ever need and offered up the idea of adoption. All the while, his hand helds hers. Anchoring her, keeping her steady when fate seemed to have set them adrift once more.

That seemed like lifetimes ago now. A distant memory. She stared down at the beautiful babe that lay nestled in her arms. It was a foreign feeling, but once she could quickly get used to. Everything in her world finally seemed to be right. There was only one thing missing. John. As if reading her mind, their little girl grasped onto her finger with her tiny hand. Nothing in the world could have pulled her away from the beautiful sight set before her. That is until the familiar tap of a cane grew closer and the bedroom door creaked. Anna's eyes shot up seeking out his own.

"Can I come in?" he asked in a soft voice.

"Of course," Anna replied eagerly. Her voice remained steady and low so as not to disturb the baby that had just come into the world moments ago.

John set his cane against the dresser and moved slowly. She noticed he appeared anxious as his hands fiddled with one another, his steps much shorter than usual as if stalling for time.

"Is...erm...is everything alright?" he inquired in a voice that threatened to be cut off with emotion. His eyes had already locked onto the small bundle in her arms.

"Perfectly fine," she replied. Anna's eyes turned back to their daughter and smiled. She knew he had said he'd be happy either way, but he couldn't mask his delight whenever there had been mention of a daughter. Anna knew he was going to be beyond thrilled when she revealed the gender of their baby.

He let out a sigh of relief, still frozen to space he occupied at the foot of their bed.

Her free hand patted the free space beside her on the bed, encouraging him to take a seat and join them.

John looked down at the small person that had entered their lives and taken hold of his heart. He let out a nervous laugh when he took in their baby's appearance. The spitting image of Anna; blue eyes, flaxen hair, and a button nose. He couldn't have asked for more. "Oh Anna...you did brilliantly my darling," he stated before pressing a kiss to her temple.

Anna beamed proudly. "Well it wasn't all me. I couldn't have done it without you."

John let his hands brush through the downy soft hair and caress the baby's cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Beautiful," he proclaimed in a gentle timbre.

"That she is," Anna answered.

"She?" he asked.

"Mhmm. We have a daughter, John," her eyes and voice filled with tears, but for the first time in ages they were happy tears.

His hand reached out for hers. His fingers ran across the wedding band that adorned her finger as he kissed her fully. "I love her, and I love you. Both of my girls."