Last time found our online heroes meeting new friends and attempting to figure out just how Kairi arrived in ALO. After much thinking, it was theorized that Kairi's digitization might have something to do with an allegedly cursed dungeon known as Hell House.

Back in the real world, our heroes on Radiant Garden were horrified to learn of the fall of The Land of Dragons, while the villains at Castle Oblivion celebrated their new Interocitor, now they just have to put it together. 'Nuff said, on with the show!

Chapter 3: Into Hell House

"Either this is the mother of all coincidences," said Albion, "or there's something incredibly rotten in New Aincrad."

"I'll say it's rotten," said Kairi in a shaken tone as she looked at the picture, "I know her!"

"You do!?" exclaimed Asuna, Kirito and Yui at the same time.

"Her name is Chrissie Chesterton," said Kairi, "and she's my friend." She then looked at Albion, her eyes blazing with righteous fury, "and you're gonna take me to Hell House! Now!"

"We can't go there," said Trillion.

"Yes, we can!" insisted Kairi.

"No, we can't," said Trillion, "the Admins clearly said that all players are to avoid Hell House."

"But some players still go into the dungeon," said Beatrice.

"At the risk of losing their character files and Full Dive hardware!" said Albion, "you won't catch me going in that dungeon."

"Fine, you can stay, but I'm going!" said Kairi, "my friends are there!"

"How can you be sure that this is your friend?" Felix asked, "for all we know, it's just an NPC who bears an uncanny resemblance to your friend."

"I'm still going," said Kairi, "I have to. If I've been digitized against my will, there's a good chance that one or more of my friends have been too!" she indicated the screenshot of Chrissie, "I have to know if that's really my friend! I have to know if it's Chrissie!"

"And you won't be satisfied until you do know," said Xenophon, "so be it. If you're going into Hell House, I'll go as well."

"Are you nuts or something?" asked Felix, "we can't go there! It's forbidden! The Admins and GM's…"

"They didn't exactly say it was forbidden," said Trillion, "just something to be avoided."

"It's not like they'll punish us for trespassing," said Beatrice, "we just want a look around. The worst that happens is we lose a day's progress or so."

"We'll lose a lot more than a day's progress!" snapped Albion, "you wanna have your character erased and all your progress and achievements lost forever? Or better yet, you wanna buy a new AmuSphere?"

"I have a theory that might just save our characters and the cost of a new AmuSphere," said Beatrice, "if we do go to Hell House and end up dying in the dungeon, don't hit continue when prompted. Try logging off, rebooting your computer and AmuSphere, that should take you back to where you first logged in today. You'll lose all progress made from then but everything else should be safe."

"And you're willing to gamble your own software and hardware on a theory?" Felix asked. He then smiled, "well, so am I. Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat; Fortune Favors the Bold."

"Are you serious?" Albion asked.

"I'm feeling lucky," said Felix, "after all, my online surname is Latin for lucky."

"If you're willing to gamble for Kairi's sake, so am I," said Mercedes, "besides, this is a haunted house dungeon. You'll need someone experienced in kicking things that go bump in the night in the ass."

"A wizard is always a welcome addition to any adventure," said Xenophon.

"What about you, Asuna?" Beatrice asked, "and you, Kirito? Are you willing to gamble?"

At that Asuna and Kirito looked at each other, as if they didn't need words to make up their minds. But then Yui made their decision for them, "of course we'll go," said Yui, "if it's really Kairi's friend and she's really in trouble, then we'll help."

"But time is a bit of an issue," said Kirito after checking the time on his main menu, "Asuna and I have to log off in a few hours."

"For what?" Mercedes asked, "What could possibly be more important than helping a friend."

"It's really not that big a deal," said Asuna in a slightly embarrassed yet cheerful tone, "seriously, I can reschedule."

"You can't reschedule a college recruitment meeting," said Kirito, "not if you don't want them to take you seriously."

"You're having a college sitdown?" Albion asked, "what school?"

"It's…it's…" said Kirito in a thoughtful yet confused manner, "you know, I can't remember how you say it. I do know it's one of those Ivy League schools in America."

"An Ivy League," said an impressed Beatrice, "let me guess, Harvard? Or perhaps Yale."

"Betcha it's Princeton or Brown," said Mercedes.

"It's Miskatonic University in Massachusetts," said Asuna.

"M.U.?" a surprised and delighted Mercedes asked, "shut up! I go to M.U.!"

"So do I!" said Trillion.

"Same here," said Albion as he looked at Tirllion with suspicious eyes, "wait a second…have we met on campus?"

"It's a distinct possibility," said Trillion, "but I'll bet you're at one of the other branches."

"You're probably right," said Albion

"Okay, I'm confused," said Kirito.

"It's not that difficult," said Xenophon, "Miskatonic University's main campus is in Arkham, Massachusetts, along the Miskatonic River, but their academic programs are so widespread, they have established campuses across the U.S. and in several countries. I myself attended at the Fredericksburg campus in Virginia."

"You went to M.U.?" Felix asked.

"Class of '09," said Xenophon, "I majored in mechanical engineering. You?"

"Class of '20," said Felix, "my major was ancient and medieval history."

"Class of '21," said Beatrice, "ancient literature and archeology."

"Well, I'll be kicked into next week," said an astonished Felix, "six individuals, upon whom only two know each other, and we all either attend or have graduated from the same college," he then looked at Asuna and Kirito, "and here we have two young adults ready to apply to the exact same university."

"Uh, I'm only meeting with the recruiter," said Asuna in a slightly nervous tone, "I'm nowhere near ready on deciding which college I want, and Kirito-kun's a year younger than I am."

"Really?" Mercedes asked, "you really are just kids."

"Oh for crying out loud!" snapped Kairi, "if you're all gonna stand around and talk about college, I'll find Hell House myself!"

"You can't go off by yourself!" said Kirito, "you'll never survive!"

"Oh really?" Kairi asked in an insulting tone as she glared at Kirito, "let me tell you something, mister! I've seen horrors and fought evils the likes of which would give you nightmares for the rest of this life and all of the next! What makes you think I can't handle a computer game?"

"This is no ordinary game, Kairi," said Asuna, "and you should feel lucky that you're in New Aincrad and not the original."

"Why? What's the difference?" Kairi asked.

"Then you truly don't know," said Beatrice.

"How could she not know about the death game?" Felix asked, "how can she not know about the crimes committed by Kayaba Akihiko?"

"It's a long story," said Yui as she saw Kairi's confused look.

"If you're really set on going to Hell House, then we'll go with you," said Kirito.

"What's a missed college meeting compared to a friend in need?" Asuna asked.

"And a few new friends while you're at it," said Mercedes as she, Felix, Xenophon, Beatrice, Albion and Trillion, exchanged their real-world email addresses. After that the six of them, along with Kirito and Asuna, formed a party together.

"Okay, so we're all going to Hell House on the 6th Floor," said Trillion, "just one question; where on the 6th Floor is the dungeon?"

"About three kilometers up the road from Milliways," said Albion, "then you take a side trail through some woods until you come to a very large hill."

"Milliways?" Xenophon asked. He then laughed heartily.

"Did I miss a joke or something?" Beatrice asked as she and the others looked at Xenophon with confused eyes.

"Sorry," said Xenophon, "it's just, Milliways, from 'The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.'"

"The what now?" Kirito asked.

"Oh come on!" said an irate Xenophon, "am I the only one who's read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?"

"Apparently you are," said Kairi, "at least in this group."

"God, I miss the twentieth century," sighed Xenophon. "Alright, let's go, and for goodness sake, Don't Panic."

"Why would we panic?" Kirito asked as he, Asuna, Trillion, Albion and Mercedes pulled out teleportation crystals.

"Never mind," said Xenophon as he readied his staff, "you guys teleport and I'll follow with a spell."

"I don't have a teleport crystal!" said Felix.

"Neither do I," said Beatrice, "remember, this is our first visit to New Aincrad."

"Just grab on and hold tight," said Trillion as she grasped Beatrice's hand, while Albion grabbed Felix's hand.

"What do I do?" Kairi asked.

"Just hold on and relax," said Asuna as she gently took Kairi's hand.

"But brace yourself," said Yui as she settled into Kirito's coat pocket, "the first time's a little intense."

"Teleport!" shouted Kirito, "Milliways!"

With a flash of blue light, the eight players, navigation pixy and Kairi, left The Town of Beginnings.

…New Aincrad…Floor 6...Milliways…

"So this is the famous Restaurant at the End of The Universe," said a sarcastic Beatrice as she and the others found themselves in front of a three-storey roadside tavern with a sign above the front door marked 'MILLIWAYS.' The tavern was situated in the middle of grass covered hills between two large patches of woods.

"Oh, so you have read the works of Douglas Adams," said Xenophon.

"I read a lot of fiction," said Beatrice, "there's nothing like curling up in your favorite spot with a good book, that and a VRMMORPG."

"Amen, sister!" said Mercedes, "so, which way to Hell House?"

"Three kilometers up the road, through the woods and up the hill," said a slightly annoyed Albion, "just like I said back in The Town of Beginnings!"

"Yeah, but which way up the road?" Mercedes asked, "the road goes both ways, you know."

"Uh…" said a confused Albion as he looked one way, then the other, "I…guess I don't know."

"Men, never admitting when they need to ask for directions," said Beatrice as she walked towards the tavern and went in.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Asuna asked as she saw Kairi look around the area with wonder in her eyes.

"It's all so real," said Kairi, "I mean, it feels real to me, but how real does it feel for you all?"

"Very real," said Kirito, "the Full Dive system directly interfaces the brain with the game. Instead of moving your arm in the real world, you move here," he raised his left arm in example, "while at the same time you see, hear, feel, taste and touch everything in the virtual environment."

"All thanks to the mad genius of Akihiko Kayaba," said Felix, "he may have been a murdering sociopath, but what he created was nothing less than a technological miracle."

"You sound like he was a monster with a heart of gold," said Kairi.

"It's a long story," said Beatrice as she exited the tavern, a look of annoyance in her eyes, "can you believe it? I had to pay some player bloke 400 col just for some directions!"

"You had to pay someone?" Kairi asked.

"Hell House isn't the most popular destination," said Albion, "I'm not surprised such information is at a premium."

"You should have warned me," said Beatrice, "I'm just glad that the currency from Victorian Noir is exchangeable for money in ALO. Oh, there's an item store and repair shop in the tavern. Anyone wishes to stock up on items and fix anything, now's the time."

Our heroes and allies spent the next few minutes buying healing items and crystals, while repairing damaged weapons and equipment. They soon set out north.

Along the way Asuna and Kirito took turns telling Kairi the story how they and 9,998 other players were imprisoned against their will at the start of the original Sword Art Online, how they were forced into a game of life and death; where to die in the game or to have their Nerve Gear removed would result in true death in the real world.

"And Kayaba did it intentionally?" Kairi asked in a horrified and disgusted tone, "why? Why on Earth would he do such a terrible thing?"

"Who knows why," said Kirito, "when we met with him after the game was cleared, he told us that he forgotten his original motive. Regardless, it took us two years and nearly four-thousand lives to clear Floor 75. That's when I realized that Heathcliff, leader of the Knights of the Blood Oath, wasn't who he said he was."

"All that time," said Asuna, "the man whom we all thought would lead us to freedom, he was the one who imprisoned us the first place."

"One thing lead to another and Kayaba agreed to a fight to the finish," said Kirito, "if I won, the game would end and everyone left would be freed. If I lost, then the game would continue until floor 100 was cleared and Kayaba defeated there."

"I'm guessing you beat him," said Kairi.

"Well, more or less," said Kirito.

"Both mama and papa died," said Yui in a matter of fact tone.

"You did what now?" Kairi asked, "wait, you couldn't have died. You told me that the Nerve Gear was rigged to microwave your brain cells if you died in the game or if someone tried to take it off in the real world. If you died in the game, you should be dead for real."

"We should, but we're not," said Kirito, "even now we don't know how Asuna and I survived, how we overcame the rules of the system, but we did."

"Long story short," said Asuna, "everyone left logged off, while Kirito-kun and I were also alive. I was still stuck in cyberspace while Kirito-kun woke up, but that's another story."

"Good grief," said an exasperated Kairi, "two years trapped in a living nightmare, where the slightest mistake and you'd die. How is it that you two aren't crazy?"

"A lot of players did go crazy," said Yui, "I know; I was forced to watch them fall into hopeless despair."

"Yui-chan was originally an A.I. program to help players deal with any psychological stress," said Asuna, "but the game control system, Cardinal, blocked her out."

"Can you imagine how horrible it was to see so many people in pain and you couldn't do anything to help them?" Yui asked, "I nearly lost my mind too." She then smiled and looked up at Asuna and Kirito, "but then I met mama and papa and they saved me, in more ways than one."

"Another story for later," said Asuna.

Just then several goblin-like creatures materialized on the road a few paces in front of our heroes.

"About time we had an encounter!" said Albion eagerly as he drew a pair of knives, while Trillian unslung her reinforced guitar, "I could use some exercise."

"Mind if I help?" Xenophon asked as he readied his staff, "I may be used to turn-based combat, but I've got some pretty impressive spell up my sleeves."

"And such wide sleeves you have," said Mercedes as she cracked her knuckles.

"Have fun, that's what the game's here for," said Kirito as he and Asuna stood aside.

"It's show time!" shouted Trillian. She then strummed out several reverberating chords on her guitar that stunned several goblins. At the same time Albion rushed from the left and began fighting some of the un-stunned goblins, while Mercedes attacked from the right. Several paces back stood Xenophon as he held up his staff and chanted a spell.

"You're not going to help them?" Kairi asked anxiously as the three fighters and wizard fought the goblins.

"Four players are enough for this small band of enemies," said Felix, "but if they need help, I'm there."

"I'm not that much of a fighter," said Beatrice, "but if I have to," she then tapped the point of her parasol on the ground, earning a loud clanking sound, revealing that the umbrella was heavier and more solid than it looked, "I am more than capable of defending myself."

"So, for now, just enjoy the show," said Kirito.

"I will," said an impressed Kairi as she watched Albion got behind several goblins and stabbed them in the back, Trillian smash goblin heads in with her guitar, Mercedes punched and kicked, and Xenophon blasted with fireballs and magic missiles.

"Why are their weapons glowing?" Kairi asked as she pointed at Trillian and Albion.

"Those are Sword Skills," said Asuna, "they're much more powerful than straight-on weapon attacks. That reminds me, Kairi, you said that you faced plenty of enemies in your time. Do you remember any of it?"

"Some," said Kairi in a thoughtful manner, "my friends and I, we've been to many worlds and fought a lot of monsters and…and…and things, I can't remember what they're called, but they're plenty dangerous. If I see them again, I'll remember them, without a doubt."

At that point nearly all the goblins in the enemy band were defeated, destroyed in a burst of crystalline polygons. Only the leader of the band remained; a particularly large and nasty specimen of a goblin armed with a large, spiked club. It growled menacingly as it rushed at Trillian. She blocked its club with her reinforced guitar, causing the creature to flinch back.

"Switch!" shouted Trillian as she jumped back, allowing Albion to run in, jump up and throw two shuriken into the eyes of the goblin leader. The creature let out a bellow of rage as it exploded in a shower of crystal polygons.

"That's game!" said Albion triumphantly, while windows marked CONGRATULATIONS appeared in front of him, Trillian, Mercedes and Xenophon. The windows displayed earned experienced points, currency and items from the fight.

"VICTORY SCREECH!" shouted Trillian as she slung her guitar across her back again. She then let out a bellowing, tongue-waggling ululation with both fists raised in the air triumphantly.

"Uh, you're not gonna do that every time we fight enemies, right?" Mercedes asked in an uncomfortable tone.

"Yeah, it's kinda my thing," said Trillian.

"Uh-huh, yeah, right," said Mercedes, "screw you guys, I'm going home." At that she brought up her main menu and selected the Logout option.

"Wait! Don't go!" said Asuna as she rushed over to Mercedes, "she won't do it again!"

"That's right, she won't," said Albion. He then glared at Trillian, "won't you?"

"Hey, I partook in that battle and won," said Trillian, "I can celebrate victory anyway I want."

"Yeah, just as long as it doesn't piss the hell out of everyone else," said Albion.

"It was kinda annoying," said Asuna.

"Seriously, please don't do that again," said Kirito.

"But it was kinda funny," said Yui as she flew over to Trillian, "can you teach me how to do it?"

"Do that and you're grounded, young lady!" said Asuna irately.

"Oh, please, mama?" pleaded Yui, "it's not that bad."

"Trust me, Yui-chan," said Kirito, "it is."

"Alright, I won't do it," said Trillian. She then muttered to himself, "that often that is."

"Wonderful," said Mercedes dryly as she closed her main menu, "now can we please get going again? I've got a full evening planned tonight and I'd like to wrap this quest up with plenty of time to spare."

"I agree, the sooner we finish this, the better for everyone," said Xenophon in a slightly offset tone, "I'm getting a bad feeling about this."

"Me too," said Beatrice, "let's get going."

"So, what kind of items do you win from beating monsters?" Kairi asked as they continued their trek up the road.

"The usual RPG items you'd win," said Xenophon, "meat and animal hides from monsters, raw materials for item crafting, the rare weapon with special attributes. But goblins are usually low-level monsters that aren't worth much more than XP and gold."

"Sometimes you do get lucky," said Kirito, "I remember when we defeated the first Floor boss of SAO and I won that Coat of Midnight," he then frowned, "I had to delete it and the rest of my SAO items when I started ALO. I really liked that coat."

"I liked it too," said Asuna, "black really is your color, Kirito, and it's still my lucky color."

"Speaking of colors, Asuna," said Beatrice, "I understand that to play in ALO you had to choose one of the nine faerie races, but why haven't you outfitted your avatar in white? I thought that was your color, or so I've been told."

"I did wear white in battle," said Asuna, "nearly two years as a Knight of the Blood Oath. Had I started ALO with Kirito-kun, I would have picked white again," she then closed her eyes and shuddered in revulsion at an unpleasant memory, "let's just say that it'll be a while before I wear white again while in cyberspace. Besides, it's after Labor Day."

"It's alright, Asuna," said Kirito as he placed a comforting arm around her shoulder, "he's behind bars and can't hurt anyone ever again."

"I know, Kirito-kun," said Asuna as she leaned against him, "but I sometimes wake up at night with his touch on my skin and I have to remind myself that I was just a nightmare."

"Well, that nightmare is over," said Kirito, "and I'll be damned if Sug Nobyuki ever touches you again."

"Just hearing you say that makes me feel a whole lot better, Kirito-kun," said Asuna. With that the two of them kissed.

"Ain't love grand?" sighed Mercedes.

"Must be nice to have a special someone like that," said Beatrice.

"Especially if it's true love," said Kairi.

"How can you tell if it's true love?" Beatrice asked.

"This is more than just an online romance," said Kairi, "in the real world, they're soul mates. Someone once told me that you can easily spot true love if you know what to look for."

"Who told you that?" Asuna asked.

"I…I don't remember," sighed Kairi. By now they were in an area where scattered trees lined the road sight and Kairi leaned against one and irately beat one fist against the bark in frustration.

"Hey, take it easy!" said Asuna as she walked over to Kairi, whom was pounding her fist again and again against the tree, "you're going to break your hand at this rate."

"What difference does it make!?" snapped Kairi as she hit the tree harder, "it's just a game, it's not like it'll hurt…OUCH!" she then flinched away from the tree, clutching her right hand in her left, horrified at the bruising and splinters of bark embedded in her hand.

"She feels pain," said an astonished Beatrice, "fascinating! I mean that in a purely scientific manner, of course, it's not right at all! But still, fascinating!"

"I thought the Full Dive system negates pain reception!" said Albion.

"It does," said Kirito, "only GM's with high-level administration access can turn off the pain-blocking protocols."

"Believe me, my friends," said a wincing Kairi, "this is really hurting me!"

"Just relax," said Asuna, "you'll be fine in a second." She then closed her eyes, held out her hands and chanted a healing spell, the golden words of the spell materializing in front of her, while Kairi's hand glowed brightly. Within seconds the bruising and embedded bark splinters were gone.

"Thanks," said Kairi as she flexed her fingers. She then sat down with a look of sorrow on her face, her eyes beginning to brim with tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Asuna asked as she sat down next to Kairi, "are you still hurting somewhere?"

"Yeah, in here," sobbed Kairi as she placed her hand on her heart.

"Oh My God!" exclaimed Albion, "she's having a heart attack!"

Trillian then smacked him on the back of the head, earning a cry of surprise from him and her a warning message from the system against rough contact between players.

"She's having an emotional moment," said Xenophon, "which is understandable considering her situation."

"What do you know about my situation!?" cried Kairi as tears began to fall from her eyes, "I'm trapped inside a VRMMORPG with no idea how I got here or who did this to me! I barely remember who I am and can barely remember who my friends are!"

"Well, it could be worse," said Yui as she flew over and sat on Kairi's shoulder.

"How?" Kairi asked as she wiped her eyes, "how can it possibly be worse?"

"You could be all alone in a VRMMORPG with no idea how you got here or who did it to you and can barely remember who you are or your friends," said Yui.

At that Kairi laughed, wiped her eyes again and stood up, "yeah, it can be worse."

"Feeling better?" Asuna asked.

"Much," said Kairi.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Mercedes, "that dungeon isn't gonna conquer itself!"

They resumed their progress up the road, until they came to a path that branched off into the wooded area. A few minutes walking through the trees found the party at a rapidly flowing river that had an aged and slightly rotten wooden bridge.

"This place is screaming monster ambush," said Beatrice as they looked at the river.

As if in answer, a crab the size of an elephant with four bone-crushing claws burst from the water, snapping its pincers at our heroes.

"Giant Enemy Crab!" exclaimed a laughing Xenophon.

"Sometimes I hate it when I'm right," said Beatrice.

"I got it!" said Kirito as he unsheathed his sword.

"Attack the weak point for Massive Damage!" laughed Xenophon.

"No, allow me!" said Felix as he advanced towards the crab monster. The creature lashed out with its claws but Felix blocked with his shield, then jabbed at it with his spear. The iron tip barely scratched the crab's shell, but then Felix stabbed it in one of its leg joints, disabling that leg.

He then blocked another claw strike and ran beneath the creature. He pushed up with his shield with enough force to flip the crab onto its back. Drawing his gladius, he stabbed the crab in its underbelly, shattering it into crystalline pixels.

"Nice kill," said an impressed Mercedes.

"One worthy of Tiberius Claudius Nero himself," said Felix as he examined the spoils of his battle, "Before he became a degenerate emperor, Tiberius was one of Rome's greatest generals. Say, Asuna, you're a fairly decent cook, right?"

"'Decent?'" Asuna asked irately, then adopted a slightly smug attitude. "I maxed out my cooking skills last week, and it only took me a few months this time. Took me almost two years in the original SAO."

"Well, I think I may have found something interesting to cook," said Felix as he brought up his items menu, summoning into his hand what appeared to be a large piece of meat in the shape of a normal-sized crab.

"What is that?" Kairi asked as everyone looked at the item.

"'Scavenged Crab Meat,'" said Felix, "what do you say, Asuna? It's yours if you wish."

"Hmmm," said Asuna in a thoughtful manner, "you know, I think we'll be having crab for dinner."

"Wait a second!" said Kirito as Felix transferred the crab meat to Asuna's inventory, "how come you want to cook crab when you wouldn't even touch that toad meat?"

"Because I like crab," said Asuna, "and I did touch that disgusting Scavenged Toad Meat." She then looked at Yui, "you saw me touch it, right?"

"You threw it all away!" snapped Kirito.

"Are they always like this?" Mercedes asked Yui.

"No, only when it comes to toads," teased Yui.

By now Kirito had grudgingly calmed down and the party had crossed the river. A few minutes later they found the forest thinning and found themselves in a rapidly darkening area.

"It's not that late in the day, right?" Felix asked as he checked the time on his menu.

"It's not the time," said Xenophon as he looked up, "it's the clouds."

True enough, the sky above was heavily overcast with dark gray clouds that rolled and boiled as if a storm was about to break. Every now and then lightning flashed and thunder boomed overhead.

It was then that our heroes noticed that they were at the bottom of a small but steep mountain, atop which stood a large mansion.

"That's Hell House?" Asuna asked as our heroes looked up, she then looked at Albion, "you said it was on a hill!"

"I was wrong," said Albion.

"How are we gonna get up there?" Beatrice asked, "it's too steep to climb without equipment, which we didn't bring, of course."

"And not all of us can fly up there," said Felix.

"Fly?" Kairi asked.

"Of course," said Asuna as she made her wings appear, as did Kirito, while Trillian and Albion summoned their wings as well, "everyone flies in ALO."

"Alfheim literally means 'Land of the Faeries,'" said Kirito.

"Well, not everyone in this game is a Faerie," said Felix.

"That's okay, we'll carry you," said Trillian.

"I think we both need to carry you," said Albion, "what with all that armor of yours."

"Uh-uh, no one's carrying me," said Mercedes, "I can get up there myself," she then jumped up at least thirty feet, easily catching hold of a small rocky outcropping, pulling herself up and jumping a further twenty feet up the mountain, "see you at the top, slowpokes!" she called down.

"How did she…?" Albion asked.

"She's a Slayer, they're strong," said Beatrice, "now, I'm not ashamed to ask for a little assistance, so…"

"I gotcha!" said Kirito as he grabbed Beatrice under her arms and easily carried her aloft, while Trillian and Albion carried Felix.

"Just hold on, Kairi," said Asuna as she grabbed Kairi, "and don't look down."

"This isn't the first time I've flown thanks to faerie magic," said Kairi as Asuna carried her aloft, "I wish I can remember exactly when I've flown with faerie magic, but…"

"It'll come back to you," said Asuna in a reassuring manner. She then looked down, "oh, we forgot about Xenophon."

"Just hang tight, Xenophon!" called Kirito, "we'll be back for you in a bit!"

"No need!" shouted Xenophon, "why else were polymorph spells made than not for this kind of situation?" He then chanted a spell and with a flash of magic, transformed into a red and brown feathered hawk that flew up and overtook Kirito, Asuna and the others.

"What kept you?" Xenophon asked in his human form atop the summit of the mountain after Kirito, Asuna, Kairi and the others caught up.

"You just happened to get here first," said Mercedes as she brought up the rear of the group, struggling over the edge of the summit.

"A wizard is never early or late," said Xenophon as he grinned, "he arrives exactly on time, all the time."

"Well, at least it's not Mordor," said Beatrice as she and the others looked at Hell House. Up close, the dungeon was everything a typical haunted house should be and more; peeling paint and decaying wood, broken windows, bats and crows roosting in the rafters, that, combined with the threatening storm about to break above, gave the whole area a sinister and skin-crawling atmosphere.

"And I thought the creepy old house down the lane was creepy," said Felix.

"You wanna back out?" Kirito asked.

"Heck no!" said Felix, "just…well…"

"Oh, it's just a haunted house dungeon," said Mercedes, "I'll bet there's nothing in there but ghosts, skeletons, zombies, the occasional mad scientist, a few vampires and werewolves. If we're lucky, we might even meet Frankenstein's Monster, or even Dr. Frankenstein himself."

"There's no Universal Horror monsters in there," said Yui as she looked at the dilapidated house in a thoughtful, "this is something else."

"What are you talking about, Yui-chan?" Asuna asked.

"This particular dungeon was supposed to be the first of several dungeons based on famous theme park attractions," said Yui.

"You know what, it does look like The Haunted Mansion from Disney World," said Xenophon. He then looked at Kirito, Asuna, Trillian, Albion, Felix, Mercedes and Beatrice, "and if any of you kids say that you've never even heard of Disney World, I'll be very disappointed."

"Are you kidding?" Mercedes asked, "My family goes to Disney World at least twice a year." At that she, Felix, Beatrice, Albion and Trillian all began talking about their favorite rides and attractions.

"I've never been to Disney World," said Kirito.

"My parents took me a few times when I was little," said Asuna.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Kairi, "though the word 'Disney' does ring a bell, sort of."

"Well, this is no longer a tribute dungeon," said Yui in a serious tone as she flew closer to the decaying mansion, "it's been corrupted, not by a virus, but…"

"But what?" Kirito asked.

"It's as if someone hacked into the system and overwritten the dungeon's programming," said Yui as she flew back over to Kirito.

"Someone hacked into ALO and messed with the code?" Beatrice asked, "I don't know if I should be impressed or outraged."

"I'm both," said Kirito, "all of this," he indicated the game environment, "came from Kayaba's original programming. No one was able to hack the original Sword Art Online from the outside, while Yui-chan barely survived changing the code from the inside that one time."

"Who would do such a thing?" Felix asked, "hack into a game that's open for all to enjoy?"

"Perhaps the same person or persons in possession of technology capable of digitizing solid, living matter," said Beatrice, "the same person or persons whom trapped Kairi in the game."

"Whoever's responsible," said Kirito, "the answers might just be inside that house."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Kairi asked. She then looked around, as if expecting something specific to happen, then sighed with disappointment.

"You okay?" Mercedes asked.

"For a second I almost remembered something," said Kairi, "my friends, whenever we were about to start a new adventure or get into a big fight with our enemies, one of my friends would say something inspiriting and cool."

"Well, nothing else to do but go forward," said Asuna. They walked towards the front door, which had a gargoyle-like doorknocker, while large gargoyles flanked the doors. Kirito reached for the doorknob, but the doors opened by themselves with an ominous groaning of the hinges.

"That's not a good sound," said Beatrice cautiously.

"Typical opening trick of a haunted house," said Mercedes, "come on, those ghosts aren't gonna scare anyone alone!" she then walked in with a confident smile on her face, "last one in is a pile of troll turds!"

"No one calls me troll turds!" said Albion as he, Trillian and the others ran inside.

They found themselves in the entrance hall of the house. The room was dimly lit by candles that revealed dust-covered tables, vases, a suit of rusting armor and macabre paintings adorning the walls.

Just then our heroes and allies heard an ominous laughing that seemed to come from all around them.

"Welcome, brave mortal travelers," said the voice, "We're so pleased you decided to stop by. The masters of the house, all 999 resident spirits, wish you a pleasant stay, one that will be long and…well resting." the voice then laughed again.

"This isn't how the ride starts out," whispered Xenophon, "I should know, I've been on it enough times."

"Alas, the masters of the house aren't in the best of moods today. You've come at a most unfortunate time. A most unwelcome guest has arrived before you, one that has brought nothing but trouble to this humble haunted house."

"This must be the start of the dungeon's main quest," whispered Asuna.

"Ya' think?" Kairi whispered.

"The masters have asked me to submit to you this request," the voice continued, "to rid this most esteemed mansion of the unwelcome guest. The dangers involved would be most unpleasant, while the rewards for success would be well worth your time and effort."

At that a window appeared in front of the party.

DO YOU WISH TO START THE 'UNWELCOME GUEST' QUEST?

WARNING: ONCE YOU BEGIN, ESCAPE THROUGH THE DUNGEON ENTRANCE WILL BE DISABLED. DO YOU WISH TO CONTINE?

YES/NO

"What does that mean?" Kairi asked.

"It means that once we start, the only way out is forward," said Kirito.

"Oh yeah, my friends told me that they couldn't run out the way they came in," said Albion.

"You could have warned us!" said Trillian irately.

"What about teleport crystals?" Asuna asked, "can we still use them?"

"It doesn't say anything about that," said Kirito, "on the other hand, this could be a no-crystal zone."

"Like when we faced The Skull Reaper," said Asuna, "and that room where the Moonlight Black Cats died."

"At least this time we won't die for real," said Kirito. He then looked at Xenophon and the others, "anyone wants to back out, now's the time."

"And miss out on the chance to kick some supernatural ass?" Mercedes asked, "I don't think so!" at that Felix, Beatrice and Xenophon nodded in agreement.

"Just checking that we're all on the same page," said Kirito. He then touched the YES option on the window, which flashed green and disappeared.

"I'm so glad you decided to stay and help," said the voice, "though you may come to regret it. From here on out, there's no going back!" the voice then laughed wickedly as the front doors slammed shut behind our heroes, while at the same time the doors at the far end of the foyer swung open.

"So nice of them to show us the way," said Beatrice, "shall we?"

With that the party proceeded into the room ahead. It was a dust and cobweb-strewn sitting room with a table and a dozen chairs in the middle, while on the table was a tea service. Three other doors were in the room, one on the left, one ahead and one to the right.

"Welcome to the Tea Room," said the voice, "unfortunately we're out of sugar and the cream has gone sour. But feel free to sit down and relax. You may be in here for a while."

At that the door our heroes walked through slammed shut.

"But don't fret, yet. There is a way out, you just have to find it. But once you do, you have to make a choice. One door will lead forward, as will the second, though opening it will have some rather unpleasant consequences. The third will have the most unpleasant consequences of all, so when you are ready, be very careful about your choice, it may be your last." The voice then laughed wickedly again.

"Now what?" Mercedes asked.

"Now I go to work," said Beatrice as she cleaned her glasses, then began examining the room, "this is obviously a puzzle to solve in order to progress further in the quest."

"Oh yeah," said Albion, "my friends told me that each room was a different puzzle."

"You're really dropping the ball today," said an annoyed Trillian.

"Is there a time limit on the puzzles?" Xenophon asked as he looked around warily for traps.

"Not on the first one," said Albion, "but this isn't the puzzle my friends ran into when they came here."

"The rooms and puzzles obviously change with each running of the quest," said Beatrice, "to keep the dungeon fresh. From what I can tell so far, the right door will lead us to the next room without anything bad happening. If we pick the other right door, we may have to either escape a death trap or fight our way through some enemies. The third will most likely kill us all."

"I don't want to die on the first room of the dungeon!" said Mercedes irately.

"Then hush and let me do what I do best," said Beatrice in an admonishing manner. She then walked around the table, "hmmm…interesting. The rest of the room is covered in dust, cobwebs and some signs of rot, while the table, chairs and flatware look better taken care of. I think we have to sit down for tea."

"I think I know where this is going," said Kirito as he and the others stood around the table, "we have to pick the right chairs to sit in to unlock the doors."

"How do we know which ones?" Asuna asked.

"Twelve chairs and nine players," said Trillian.

"Ahem," said Yui, "don't forget about me." She then took flight and hovered above the table, "normally I wouldn't do this, but we're in a bit of a rush." She examined the chairs closely, "the chairs are booby trapped. Nine will unlock the doors, while three will trigger the death trap."

"Now that is a logical conclusion worthy of Sherlock Holmes," said an impressed Beatrice.

"I guess so," said Yui as she smiled modestly.

"So how do we know which ones are booby trapped?" Trillian asked.

"Have you tried looking under the chairs?" Kairi asked. She knelt down and looked under the chairs, "There! Those three have bombs under them!"

"It can't be that easy," said Beatrice. She knelt down, looked, then stood up with an astonished expression on her face, "apparently it is that easy."

"I don't think we were meant to figure out the booby trapped chairs so soon," said Kirito as he and the others took places around the bomb-free chairs.

"This is just the easy part," said Beatrice as they all sat down, which produced the sound of three doors unlocking, "and remember, this is only the first room of the dungeon."

"We still have to get to the second room," said Kirito as everyone stood up and walked towards the three doors, "which one? Any suggestions, Yui-chan?"

"Sorry, papa," said Yui after she looked at the doors, "they all look alright to me."

"We'll just have to try one and hope we get lucky," said Felix as he walked to the middle door and opened it, only to reveal a brick wall behind the door.

An instant later several vampires materialized in the room, each creature had pale skin, red eyes and rows of razor-sharp, bloodstained teeth.

"Remind me to never play poker with you!" said Beatrice as our heroes took a few steps back from the encroaching vampires.

But then Mercedes jumped forward among the vampires and stabbed one in the heart with a wooden stake. The creature let out an inhuman wail of defeat as it shattered into crystal polygons.

"Oh…" said a disappointed Mercedes, "I like it better when they turn to dust." She then punched another vampire in the face with enough force to knock it down, kicked another and stabbed it in the heart, vanquishing it.

"Shouldn't we help her?" Kairi asked as our heroes watched Mercedes destroy the vampires.

"Nah, this is her thing," said Kirito.

Within seconds the last of the creatures had been destroyed, while at the same time the brick wall in the doorway vanished.

"Over already?" Mercedes asked as she looked around for more enemies, "I was just getting warmed up."

"You get any good items?" Trillian asked.

"A few old gems and jewels to sell," said Mercedes, "you can have them," she then activated her appearance menu and equipped an item. Her left hand now had a gold ring with a large ruby on her finger, "though this particular bit of bling all but had a neon sign blinking my name."

"I'd be careful with items from undead monsters," said Asuna in a cautious tone, "you never know if it has any negative effects until its appraised."

"That ring may be cursed," said Albion, "for all we know it could turn you into a toad or some other kind of vermin small enough for a vampire to grab and eat."

"I'll take my chances," said Mercedes, "so, onward?"

"And upward!" said Felix as they walked through the doorway and into a corridor.

"And next time I pick which door to go through," said Trillian.

…The Real World…

"They've gotten past the first room," said Dr. Remington.

"And in less than five minutes," said an impressed Dr. Weatherby, "a new record."

"It only means we get to unleash the real horror that much sooner," said Dr. Winchester.

"What about Kairi?" Dr. Weatherby asked, "she's inside the mansion but we're not ready for her yet. DiDe isn't ready yet."

"Then we'll have to make sure that no matter what happens," said Dr. Remington, "that Kairi remains driven to complete the dungeon, no matter the cost."

…Hell House…

"STOP!" shouted Yui, a look of fearful anticipation on her face.

"What is it, Yui-chan?" Asuna asked.

"Something's coming," said Yui, "something bad."

It was then that the walls, ceiling and floor of the corridor warped and distorted, expanding to the size of a basketball court.

"I told you that ring was cursed!" said Albion to Mercedes as he and the others readied their weapons.

"It's not cursed!" said Mercedes stubbornly.

Just then dozens of data-type Heartless, Magnum Loaders, Strafers and Devastators, appeared in the expanded corridor.

"Okay, maybe it is cursed," said Mercedes as she pulled the ring off her finger and threw it to the ground, where it shattered into crystal polygons.

"What the hell are these things?!" Felix asked as the creatures encircled our heroes and allies.

"Heartless!" exclaimed Kairi, "they're called Heartless!"

"How do you…?" asked Asuna.

"I just remembered," said Kairi, "they're the main enemies my friend and I fought."

"I don't suppose you know how to fight them?" Kirito asked.

"Yeah," said Kairi confidently as she raised her hand, "with this!" with a flash of light, she summoned her Keyblade.

"You're just full of surprises," said Asuna as the first of the data-type Heartless rushed forwards, only for Kairi to smash it with her Keyblade, destroying it.

"They're not that tough!" shouted Felix as he stabbed a Magnum Loader with his spear, then smashed it with his shield, destroying it.

"Easy for you to say!" remarked Trillian as she dodged a blast from a Strafer, only to be hit in the side by a Magnum Loader, knocking her down.

"Hang on, Trillian!" shouted Beatrice as she smacked a Strafer with her parasol, "Just as soon as I…" that's as far as she got before she was shot point blank by a Devastator with enough force to slam her against the wall.

"Beatrice!" shouted Asuna as she and the others Beatrice's lifebar rapidly deplete, going from green to yellow and red.

"Don't…hit Continue!" shouted Beatrice as the last pixels of her life bar vanished, "logout and reboot! Logout and…" with a flash of crystal polygons, Beatrice vanished.

"Is she…?" Kairi asked as more and more data-type Heartless spawned in the room.

"She'll be back, I hope!" said Kirito as he destroyed two Strafers, then a Magnum Loader.

Just then everyone heard Felix cry out as a Magnum Loader struck him from behind, followed by a blast from a Devastator that knocked his life bar down to a bare few red pixels, only for a Strafer to shoot him in the chest.

"'Quintilius Varus!'" shouted Felix as his hit points dropped to zero, "'Where Are My Eagles!?'" with that he vanished in a flash of crystal polygons.

"Now would be a good time to get the hell out of here!" shouted Albion as he blocked an attack from a Magnum Loader, then destroyed it with his knives.

"We can't run out the front door of the dungeon!" shouted Mercedes as she punched and kicked a Strafer, then kicked a Devestator with enough force to destroy it, "and now would be a really bad time to admit that I don't have any teleport crystals."

"What?!" exclaimed an outraged Trillian after she bashed a Strafer with her reinforced guitar, glaring at Mercedes, "you came all this way and don't have a teleport crystal! And what about healing crystals and other items?! Is your inventory full of just steaks and…" that's as far as she got before blasted by several Strafers and two Devastators. She fell to the floor as her life bar rapidly fell from green, to yellow and down to red, then it was gone as she vanished in a flash of crystal polygons.

"That does it! We're out of here!" shouted Albion as he pulled out a teleport crystal. He grabbed Mercedes by the arm, "Teleport! Milliways!" with a flash of light the two of them teleported out.

"Time to go, Kairi!" shouted Asuna as she and Kirito pulled out teleport crystals.

"We can't leave!" shouted Kairi as she destroyed another Magnum Loader, then threw her Keyblade at a Strafer, destroying it, "we've got to…" she then saw something at the far end of the room, something that turned out to be a familiar face, "Chrissie!"

"Kairi!" shouted Chrissie as two Magnum Loaders grabbed her and pulled her out of the room via a secret doorway.

"Chrissie! Hold on!" shouted Kairi, "I'm coming!" she then smashed two Magnum Loaders and tried to run towards the doorway, only to find her path blocked my more and more Heartless.

"We've got to go now, Kairi!" shouted Kirito.

"No! That's my friend!" shouted Kairi, "I can't leave her here! I've got to…arggh! Let go of me!" she exclaimed as Asuna grabbed her by the arms.

"Don't be a fool, Kairi!" shouted Asuna, "we can't stay here!"

"I can't leave Chrissie! I can't lose her and the others! Not again!" shouted Kairi, only for Yui to zap her with a stunning spell.

"I'm so sorry, Kairi," said Yui as Asuna and Kirito slung the unconscious Kairi over his shoulders, "but now's not a good time to go crazy!"

"Teleport!" shouted both Kirito and Asuna as Yui flew onto Asuna's shoulder, "Milliways!" with a flash of light, they vanished.

…The Real World…

"Well, if that's not enough incentive to make Kairi want to come back," said Dr. Weatherby, "I don't know what is."

"She'll be back," said Dr. Winchester, "and she'll drag as many of those other players as she can."

"They'll only slow her down," said Dr. Winchester in a thoughtful manner as he looked at some data displayed on a screen, "those three who were killed, they weren't the most promising gamers. The data acquired is…disappointing at best," he then looked at some specific data, "then again, there's one among them with more potential than I gave credit."

Just then a technician whispered something into Dr. Remington's ear, something that didn't please him at all. "Gentlemen, I believe we have a problem. Two of the players with Kairi, they're Kirito and Asuna."

"You mean the Kirito and Asuna?" Dr. Weatherby asked.

"As in Black Swordsman Kirito and Asuna the Flash?" asked Dr. Winchester.

"The same," said Dr. Remington, "which means that not only will our eccentric colleague be most pleased by this turn of events, it means that our efforts have become much more difficult."

"Kirito and Asuna," said Dr. Winchester, "the ones who defied the system and defeated Kayaba Akihiko."

"It matters not," said Dr. Weatherby, "they'll still fall when the time is right. And just imagine, gentlemen, the data we'll gather if they are defeated inside the mansion."

"If they are to be defeated, then we'll need DiDe," said Dr. Remington.

"DiDe isn't ready!" snapped Dr. Winchester.

"Then we'll make her ready," said Dr. Remington, "I won't risk the success of this operation, not with the likes of Kirito and Asuna running amuck. No, gentlemen, this is only a minor concern. A serious one, but minor no less."

"I wish I had your confidence," said Dr. Winchester.

The end of Chapter 3.

Next chapter finds more trouble online, as well as back in the Realms of Light. Reviews will be rewarded with cake and pie. See you then!