What Lies in the Heart
by: enchantingmagick

A/N: I owe you all an apology for that fact that it has taken longer than a year for me to get back to this story. I don't know how many of you are still going to read this or even remember this, but I would really appreciate it. It's been an excruciatingly busy year between graduating from high school and my first year of college, so please cut me some slack. As always, I would love to hear what you think, so drop me a review.

Summary: After Rhett's surprising arrival at Tara in time for Christmas dinner, things are tense between Rhett and Scarlett. They end up having to share Scarlett's bedroom for appearance's sake. Unfortunately, this leads to an argument about why Rhett abandoned Scarlett, why Ashley Wilkes is at Tara, and how Scarlett has been raising her children in Rhett's absence. The following morning, Rhett takes Ella and Wade riding. Scarlett promises to discuss their disagreements further upon his return.

"You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart,
watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.
Well, I can't explain why it's not enough, cause I gave it all to you.
Just leave me now, it's the better thing to do.
Well, it's time to surrender. It's been too long pretending.
There's no use in trying when the pieces don't fit here anymore. "
-The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore, James Morrison

(Who is This Woman Staring Back at Me)

Standing in the calm and quiet of her bedroom, alone at long last, Scarlett felt empty and numb. Stilted steps led her to her vanity, and she folded herself into the chair. Her head rested on her folded arms, and Scarlett surveyed her reflection. Haunted green eyes stared back at her almost frighteningly in contrast to the dark circles underneath her eyes. Time passed slowly at first, as she thought about what she wanted.

What did she want? Could Rhett really give her what she wanted? She wanted safety for herself and her children. This was no new revelation for Scarlett, but it didn't tell her anything new about her situation. Rhett didn't love her. At least that much was clear, because if he loved her he was going to great lengths to hide it. He had comforted her and held her in his arms, but there was no passion or desire in his embrace. It reminded her oddly of the embrace that had ruined everything with Ashley in the lumber mill that afternoon that felt so long ago.

Pulling the cord behind her bed, Scarlett rang for Dilcey. "Good morning, m'am. What can I get you?" Dilcey asked, opening the door into Scarlett's bedroom.

"I'd like some breakfast, Dilcey. Then, could you help me get dressed?"

"Of course, ma'am. It'll just be a second, and I'll be back with a little oatmeal and biscuits."

Scarlett hugged her wrapper around her slim frame and looked out her window, as she waited for Dilcey. She saw the blurred outline of her husband and children riding away from Tara on horseback. Soon enough, Dilcey returned with Scarlett's breakfast. Eating quickly, Scarlett focused her attention on the many tasks that needed to be completed that day. Dilcey noticed however, that Scarlett had finished her breakfast for the first time in a long time. Perhaps things were looking up for her mistress after all.

After finishing her breakfast, Scarlett asked to be dressed in the gown that she had picked out for the day. It was a simple, inoffensive gown of deep grey, with a little lace work around the neck. Taking in her reflection for the second time, Scarlett knew she was not using all of her best tools in her fight with Rhett. She steeled herself, knowing that Rhett's remarks about her state of attire were true. However, her sister-in-law and daughter deserved to be properly mourned along for the right length of time. It didn't matter that she was tired of black. It also didn't matter that Rhett was more comfortable with the old Scarlett.

In her mind's eye, she imagined what she must have looked like to Rhett all those many years ago at Twelve Oaks. Embarrassment flooded Scarlett's features, thinking of how she had acted in that dreadful room vying for Ashley's attention. Recalling her youthful smile and the joy that seemed to spring so naturally from within, Scarlett couldn't help but believe that everything had changed. Her appearance had changed of course, not at first glance, but the differences were still there. Her waist was thicker, and it couldn't be helped after giving birth to three beautiful children. Yes, the magnolia complexion that all the other girls had so envied was still there. The glint in her stunning, emerald eyes had faded significantly. Her smile was more reluctant and not nearly as exuberant, and that perhaps was the most telling change of all.

Scarlett was changed. Undoubtedly marked different for the circumstances that had befallen her, she was reluctant to believe in fairy tales and happy endings. There was a time when Scarlett knew exactly what she wanted, and she had no doubt that she would do anything to get what she wanted. Now, Scarlett was confounded by the realization that she was no longer in love with Ashley Wilkes. The belief that she wanted Ashley more than anything else in the world had guided her like a beacon, determining her actions for so many years. Realizing that she hadn't truly loved Ashley was like shaking the bedrock of her entire perspective. Knowing this in hindsight, Scarlett was reluctant to fall into the clutches of another all-consuming love.

Did she love Rhett? Undoubtedly. Rhett was clearly the love of Scarlett's life, and she knew that as clearly as she could tell the sun from the moon. It became apparent to her that in that moment, she would have to do what made her happy. "Rhett may not ever love me again," thought Scarlett. "I may fail this one time, when it matters more to me than ever. If that happens, I need to be able to live with myself. I need to be able to face the person I've become in his absence, and I need to find happiness for my own sake."

Quickly putting together that she would need to face her fears in Atlanta, Scarlett set to work making the necessary arrangements to return after New Year's Day. Abruptly she was reminded of Mammy, and that she would have to leave Mammy here at Tara in order to return to the Peachtree House. Then, she decided she would stay at Tara for as long as she was needed there. However, there was still a great deal that Scarlett could handle, even from Tara. Sitting down at her old childhood desk, Scarlett quickly found paper and a pen. She set to work refilling the ink in the pen from the inkwell, and began writing the first of many letters.

(In the Embers)

There was a bustle of commotion down stairs, and Scarlett knew the children had returned from their morning ride. She was almost finished with the letter she had been writing, so she scrawled off the last few closing lines. Signing off her name, she folded up the letter. She put all the letters in neat envelopes and addressed them to their respective recipients.

Gliding down the staircase, Scarlett stopped for a moment on the middle landing before the last flight. Looking over the edge, she saw her children's exhausted, yet smiling faces. They were excitedly recounting Wade's close call jumping a fallen tree towards the outer edge of Tara's property lines. Rhett affectionately ruffled Ella's hair, listening to her exclaim how much fun it had been to go riding with Uncle Rhett. Watching the scene play out before her, there was a painful pang in Scarlett's chest. She wished that she could be greeted by such a lovely scene every morning, when she came down from her bedroom. It her once again, how wonderful everything could have been, if she hadn't made so many grave mistakes.

Continuing down the stairs once again, she reached the bottom of the stairs. She had stood at the bottom for merely a second, before her daughter attacked her in a violent hug. "Thank you so much, momma! I had so much fun riding with Uncle Rhett, and thank you for letting me go."

"Of course, sweetheart. I'm glad you had such a good time. What about you Wade? Are you alright? I heard you nearly fell jumping one of the fallen trees out there by the river," Scarlett responded quickly in a rush. She gently unlatched Ella from her skirts, walking over to inspect Wade for any bruises or injuries.

Standing tall and straight, Wade couldn't have looked more like the young man he would one day become. Her fingers brushed over his temple, making sure he wasn't hurt anywhere. "I'm fine, really mother. Don't worry about me!" Wade replied quickly, attempting to remove her fingers from his face. Once she was satisfied, she kissed him briefly on the forehead. Then, she turned to Rhett, who had been standing silently at Wade's side.

"Hello, Rhett," she greeted him. "Had you ever been riding at Tara before?"

"No, it was my first time," he responded with an incredulous shake of his head, "Now, I can see what's so spectacular about Tara. It really is a beautiful piece of land." A slow, smug smile spread across Scarlett's lips at the compliment to her childhood home.

"It's a beautiful place to feel the earth beneath your feet," Scarlett said simply. "Well, it's time for lunch. Wade? Ella?"

"Yes. I'm starving, momma. Let's eat!" Ella answered running off in the direction of the dining room.

"Now, don't you two think you better wash up before lunch?" queried Scarlett. In answer, her two children took off bounding up the staircase. "Dilcey, will you help them wash up?" she asked of her maid. "Also where's Pork? I need him to run an errand." Dilcey took off in the direction of her children.

"I'm right here, ma'am. What's it, you'll be needing?" Pork responded quickly, walking into the foyer from the door outside.

"I need you to run into to town real quick and send these off, please," Scarlett demanded, before turning towards the dining room. Pork nodded, taking the letters from her hand and was out the door in a blink.

"Should we go in?" asked Rhett, facing his wife cautiously.

"Yes, I suppose we should. The children will join us in a few minutes." They both walked into the dining room, enfolded in a tense silence that neither party was willing to break. They sat down opposite each other at the ends of the table. "Polly, won't you let Will and Suellen know that we're having lunch now. I think that Will's in his study," Scarlett directed at Polly, who stood waiting to serve the food in the corner of the room.

"I don't suppose you have an idea of when we'll be discussing whatever you've got in mind," Rhett asked off-handedly, as he poured some wine into a glass.

Scarlett appeared contemplative for a moment, regarding his facial expression carefully. "Perhaps, after lunch," Scarlett responded non-commitally.

"Wade and Ella have grown up, haven't they? Wade almost looks like a young man, and why, Ella she's a little lady. I remember the first time I saw her, when I visited you sometime after you'd married Frank."

"Yes, they're growing up into wonderful children, the pair of them. I can't help but picture Bon-" Scarlett started to say without realizing, and glanced up to look at Rhett. She regretted it instantly, after seeing the brief flash of pain in his eyes.

Suellen and Will breezed in through the door, interrupting what could have been an immensely awkward moment between husband and wife. They ate in relative silence only broken by the meaningless chatter of the children and occasionally Will. They finished eating, and the children went off to play and read upstairs. Soon enough Rhett and Scarlett were left alone in the dining room, in the same tense silence that begun the meal.

(Wicked Game)

Rising from her seat, Scarlett paced across the foyer and hallway to the empty sitting room. She quickly chose the soft, velvet armchair by the fireplace and curled up beside the roaring fire. Heavier footsteps followed her into the sitting room, followed by the sound of the figure folding himself into the armchair adjacent her and the fireplace.

"I know that neither of us want to do this."

Scarlett looked up from the fire to see Rhett's dark eyes observing her. "I find it hard to believe that you don't relish telling me that you want to be free of me."

"I don't see any alternative, after all these years of marriage. I honestly believe that our relationship was better when we weren't married."

"I've changed, Rhett. I promise you. I am not the same woman that you married all those years ago. Tell me what I have to do to prove it to you," Scarlett pleaded earnestly.

"I'm not sure there's anything you can do, my pet. I've seen you change a lot over the years since that first barbecue at Twelve Oaks. You want to know what I saw in you back then?"

"I don't know what you could've seen in me that was attractive. I was just a silly little girl who was infatuated with a man who wanted to do nothing to with her," Scarlett answered more than a little sadly. Rhett gazed into her eyes as she spoke, and found himself drowning in Scarlett's eyes as he always did. He fought to pull himself back from the edge. He had fallen too many times already.

"Let me tell you what I saw. I saw a young, vivacious girl that hadn't yet found her match. Of course any fool could see you were more than appreciated for your beauty, but there was a good brain inside that pretty little head of yours. The way you cleverly manipulated the desires of the people around you to get what you wanted. There was this defiant, courageous streak in you, too. That day at the bazaar, when you defied the old hens to dance with me, in spite of your hatred of me. You were never afraid to take what you wanted. That day all you wanted was to dance," the speech streamed forth from Rhett's lips.

"All I want is you, Rhett. Nothing could make me happier. I know that I've made a mess of things, and you're right to blame me. You can't give up now, after twelve years," Scarlett replied evenly.

"Now, you want me. I must admit, darling, I've never been more afraid in my life."

"So you're scared?" Scarlett asked, her voice very small.

"I don't think you understand what it means, when I say that I've fallen out of love with you."

"You can't have. You said you cared about me just last night," she fired back.

"I can care about you without being in love with you, my dear. You are the mother of my only child, so I will always care about you."

"You can't mean that, Rhett. Take it back. I can't hear you say things like that."

"I fell in love with you nearly thirteen years ago, Scarlett. It has taken this long for you to be able to return my feelings, god help me. So much has happened to the both of us, I'm not sure there's much of this marriage that we can salvage."

"There is so much for us to salvage! Everything you said when you proposed to me is still true," Scarlett beseeched, "We are still a good match. We are the same, Rhett. I love you, and I want so much for us to be happy the way we were when we first got married."

"We might be the same, Scarlett. But I don't think we were ever much good at being married. We were better at being sometimes paramours. I broke every rule I ever had for myself, because of you. I never should have married anyone, let alone you."

"You should have told me that you loved me. It would have made everything so much easier. I had no idea that it wasn't just a game to you," Scarlett accused.

"How could I have trusted you with my heart? I couldn't even trust you with our daughter," Rhett replied almost cruelly.

"Don't say that. You took the last years of her life from me."

"That's not even fair, Scarlett. What kind of mother had I ever seen you be? Occasional hugs and murmurs of approval if she was wearing a beautiful outfit? Begrudgingly taking her on walks and attempting to repair our reputation?"

"There is no excuse that is good enough to separate a child from her mother, needlessly. Not to mention how you spoiled our little girl needlessly, she needed a firmer hand."

"A parent that pays his child attention is better than a mother who is just physically present. There's no point in our arguing over Bonnie, because she's gone."

"Yes, she is gone. But we could have more children, Rhett. I wouldn't mind having more children with you," Scarlett said throwing out her suggestion boldly.

"We can't replace Bonnie. And besides that wouldn't fix any of our problems. I thought you didn't want to have anymore children after Bonnie."

"I told you I changed my mind, after the second child. That was all because I of my misplaced sense of loyalty to Ashley."

"You think I didn't know that? I saw his portrait lying on the floor of your bedroom, when we had that argument. You sure are something, Scarlett. Throwing your husband out of your bedroom for your would-be lover. Except, I bet that he never was your lover. He doesn't have the guts for something like that. I know his type, honorable in his actions, if not his words."

"I have never done anything wrong, Rhett. Not once, since we've been married. In fact it was that night of Ashley's birthday party that I realized I had never truly loved him and that I was not in love with him. It was more of a fondness and familiarity that came with having known him since my childhood. I had idealized him as the epitome of everything a man should be."

"What a convenient explanation to blame the object of your affection for your affection, I'm sure you blame him for encouraging you in some way."

"He kissed me, Rhett. I had hoped never to tell you that. He kissed me during the war, after he was married to Melanie. He said things to imply that he was jealous of you. He said he couldn't imagine your touch on my skin, and because he said things like that I believed that he loved me in his own way. Ashley doesn't have any honor at all. Why, Melly was barely cold in her grave, and he would've kissed me if I hadn't stopped him. Now, I believe that he loves Melly truly. I think he realizes now that his family is incomplete and that I could save it somehow."

"Do you mean to spark jealousy in me now that Ashley wants you?"

"No! That's not what I wanted Rhett. I'm only trying to tell you the whole truth, if you would stop suspecting my every move."

"Darling, I think we're done here. There's nothing more I have to say to you. Be with Ashley, if you want to. You're a free woman," Rhett said, having a very clear idea of how much he had wounded her in saying as much.

"Rhett, I don't want to make you unhappy. That is the last thing that I want. We are still married. I want us to still be married, because I will fight for you. However, if you truly believe that our marriage is over and that I cannot make you happy, I will sign those divorce papers you must have brought with you."

Rising out of his armchair, Rhett leaned over to kiss Scarlett thankfully on the forehead. "Thank you." He left the room to retrieve the papers.

Tears rolled slowly out of her eyes, dripping down her cheeks. There was nothing more she could do, she reflected, watching his form retreat out of the sitting room. She wiped the tears away furiously knowing that he would return soon, and she didn't want him to catch her this way. She would attempt to come off as cold and calculated as he did.

Rhett returned with the papers and a pen, and he looked at her for a moment, thinking it was really sad that their marriage would end this way. "Sign here," he instructed to his wife.

"What will happen to me, Rhett? After I sign this? After I give you what you want? What will I be left with? Divorced, with two children to care for?" She sounded forlorn as she asked the important questions.

"We will remain friends, Scarlett. I will give you the Peachtree House, or if you would like to sell it, you may buy yourself and the children another house. I will give you half of everything else you are entitled."

"I'll be ruined, and you will return to your merry life," she laughed sarcastically. "Where do you even go when you're not in Atlanta?"

"My mother's house in Charleston," he responded honestly.

"I'm your wife, and I've never even met your mother."

"I wasn't received in Charleston, until very recently and you know that," he replied with a quirked eyebrow, confused about her line of questioning.

"Well, I think I'll read these papers carefully, before signing them. Give me some time to consider your offer," Scarlett said, hearing her children coming down the staircase. "I think that it's time for me to play with the children." Scarlett rose and walked out of the room to greet her children.

A/N: Thanks for reading. I heart reviews. I thrive on the feedback so let me know what you think about it all.