A/N: An early update! Whooo!
I know this update is coming early, but my good friend SummerRaeBenson is having a birthday today. Hope you enjoy your present Summer :)
Apparently everyone believed Fin would punch Elliot. Have to say, I expected that.
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU. There, I said it.
Enjoy and review.
Chapter 3: Retribution
Amanda Rollins had come to greatly respect and admire Olivia Benson over the two and a half years she had worked in Manhattan SVU. After her experience in Atlanta it was refreshing to serve with and under a distinguished female officer, Amanda having learned quite a lot from her over the years.
Thusly, noticing Olivia in a highly emotional state – something that wasn't too common at the bullpen – with a strange man – one with a gaunt appearance – in her apartment greatly worried her. "Anything wrong Olivia?"
Olivia could notice a tint of concern in Amanda's voice, hand ever so slightly ghosting across dressy jeans to her gun. "Everything is fine Amanda," she replied, setting her emotions aside and allowing a smiling facade to descend over her face. With the squad coming over she would have to tell all of them about Elliot. 'But I can't let Elliot see or hear that.'
Seeing through her façade, Amanda's eyes narrowed but she accepted it. Olivia was a smart woman after all.
However, the blonde detective was not alone. "Hey Liv!" called the cheery voice of the newly retired John Munch from behind the slightly ajar door. "Fin's parking the car, so it was my duty to escort these lovely ADAs."
"Such a gentleman," Alex Cabot deadpanned, smirking as the trio entered.
"Liv?" Casey Novak immediately noticed her best friend's disheveled nature. Despite Olivia's smile, the tear stains lining her cheeks were all too noticeable. "What happ…" Jaw dropped, eyes widening at the last person they expected to see.
Alex was completely still while Munch's mouth flopped open and closed like a fish. "Stabler?"
Elliot's mind willed itself to ease from his sudden nervousness. Aside from this Amanda woman – who had to be one of the new detectives Olivia mentioned – these were all his friends. Or at least were. 'God, what if they hate me too…' A fiery sting jarred him out of his thoughts, hand shooting to cup his cheek.
"Casey!" Olivia yelled in shock. The former ADA had crossed the carpet before any of them knew what she was doing.
"You bastard," Casey hissed. "How dare you show up here after what you did?"
Rather than hurt him – though it did hurt a lot – the slap actually helped clear Elliot's mind. 'Always thought it would be Fin,' he thought with gallows humor. Eyes zeroed in on the others. Amanda seemed embarrassed from being here, Munch… he couldn't really read Munch, while Alex's piercing blue eyes shot daggers at him. 'Not a good start.'
"El." Much of the tension in the air dissipated when Olivia hurried to his side, hand cupping his red cheek soothingly. "You ok?"
Fatigue catching up to him, Elliot nodded. He was tired, so very tired.
"Go rest El. You can use my bed." Sighing, Elliot complied. His muscles and bones ached too much to lodge even the weakest protests.
Watching the door close, Olivia turned to her friends with a glare, only to see it drop. Guarded anger was replaced by confused pain on their faces. "Had enough?" she asked, not meaning to sound too sarcastic or biting even if it came out that way.
"He looked so frail," Casey breathed, anger having melted away.
"What happened to him?" Alex added, shifting from Olivia, to the closed bedroom door, to Olivia again.
Before Olivia could respond yet another voice made itself known. 'Son of a bitch.' Olivia suddenly wished the party had been scheduled for a different night. "Hey everyone. Found an excellent parking space…" Fin stopped, noticing the gloomy air shrouding everyone.
"Elliot's back," Munch murmured, still shocked by Elliot's appearance.
As Olivia feared, Fin's eyes blazed red-hot fury. "That little shit! Where is he?"
"Fin! Calm down!" Olivia yelled. Despite having been just as angry at Elliot only an hour before, any hate directed at him enraged her. Breathing deeply, she forced her voice to return to a softer tone. "There is something I have to tell all of you.
EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO
Jesus, he was exhausted. Struggling to remain awake, heavy lids continued again and again to sheath over blue irises only to jerk back up – only to repeat the process. Two years of malnutrition and constant pain ate away at his once impressive stamina. Elliot fell to the lure of his weighted lids. A sigh escaped his lips at the previous day. 'So exhausting,' he thought to himself.
He spoke the truth; it was as if his soul had hitched a ride to a roller coaster. "Olivia." The woman he loved was finally back in his life… and it broke his heart. The still tough as nails Olivia Benson kept a strong front, Elliot allowed himself a small grin at how that hadn't changed, yet he could see it in her eyes. Once vibrant, gold flecked chocolate has dulled slightly. What remained didn't possess the animated sparkle he was so used to. 'Olivia, Liv, my Liv.'
Deep within his mind Elliot knew why. That motherfucker Muhammad never ceased to taunt him for it; that news had been the reason for his attempt, the reason for the most intense beating of his entire imprisonment. 'But I didn't break. I came back to her. For her.'
'You don't deserve her,' another voice hissed at him.
Anguish crossed Elliot's face. 'I know.'
Ears picked up the faint jiggling of the doorknob. "Elliot?"
Lids flung open. "Cap?" Sure enough, in came Don Cragen, squeezing through the doorway and shutting it behind him; Elliot felt grateful for the older man's respecting his privacy. "So you're retiring huh?" he observed, smirking weakly. "I didn't see pigs flying over the city in the last few days."
A chuckle escaped Cragen's lips. "Glad to see you're sense of humor hasn't changed," he observed, genuinely happy. Decades of experience hardening himself on the job had been needed for him not to show the wave of grief cresting over him at the sight of that wry grin stretched over a near-skeletal face. Elliot was the closest thing he ever had to a son. That in mind, the older man carefully sat on the bed next to him. Hands folded into his lap as Elliot shifted uncomfortably. "How are you feeling son?"
Shifting his gaze to the floor, Elliot shrugged softly – every movement felt like swimming through sand. "Overwhelmed at times, with all that's changed. I mean… I'm a grandfather now." That had been quite the shock. Holding little Joshie in his arms, it was so surreal.
"That's great Elliot. Maureen?" A nod answered that question, an uncomfortable silence descending in its wake.
Elliot was the first to break it. "Olivia told you everything didn't she?" It wasn't a question – not really.
A pulsing ache wormed its way into Cragen's bones, the older man nodding. "She did Elliot." What his – for all intents and purposes – son went through killed him inside. An impartial observer could have observed that Cragen aged at least five years in the hour since Olivia began Elliot's story. "I'm so sorry for you."
"You thought I left her like all the others." Once again, not a question. Elliot was surprised how dispassionate his words were. As with Muhammad's torture however, killing his emotions at that moment was less painful than focusing on the knowledge that his closest friends – and the woman he loved – thought so low of and ended in hating him. "Don't try and lie."
The former detective's words sunk like a javelin into Cragen's heart, but he couldn't blame Elliot. He was right after all. "I refused to believe it for the longest time. It just wasn't you Elliot. You would never have left her, at least not the Elliot I've known for twelve years."
Gaze returning to lock with Cragen's, the soon to be retired Captain met tortured, blue eyes. "I wouldn't. I'd rather die."
"I thought so Elliot, but when you didn't show up after Lewis I had to face facts. Turns out my original feeling was accurate." Hands fiddled nervously. "Do you know about Lew…"
"Yes," Elliot replied immediately.
Cragen blinked, slightly taken aback by his absolute knowledge. "How? Did Maureen or Kathleen tell you?" Elliot shook his head, slowly, painfully recounting the truth. The truth he had left out when bearing his ordeal to Olivia.
Silent, a stillness overcoming him, Cragen placed a comforting hand on Elliot's shoulder. "You have to tell Olivia about this Elliot," Cragen said in a low voice. "Her experience with Lewis nearly killed her." He remembered what Olivia had tearfully confessed to him, how the fact Elliot didn't even try to come to her. 'When she hears this…'
"No." Elliot shook his head forcefully. "She can't know, at least not now."
"She needs to know how much you care." Cragen paused. For their entire partnership, Elliot and Olivia had dodged countless rumors considering their longtime closeness and compatibility. "Please tell me the truth Elliot. Do you love her?"
Weakly turning away, Elliot blinked back tears welling in his eyes. "Yes." Any more eloquent answers died on his tongue. "But I don't deserve her."
"I don't under…"
"She is the most amazing woman I've ever met. Olivia deserves a man who can give her everything, a man who…" Elliot choked back an errant sob. "Who isn't broken beyond repair."
If this was the same Elliot Stabler, Cragen knew only Olivia could put him back together. 'And vice versa.'
EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO
"Are you sure you're ok Liv?" Casey inquired, green eyes staring deeply into brown. The ADA knew no one could ever possess the connection with Olivia that Elliot seemed to, but if anyone else could read the detective it was either her or Alex. "I could talk with you a little more if you…"
"No," Olivia responded quickly. A fatigue was evident in her almost-whisper. As if drained of all energy. "I'm fine Casey, really." Lips curled into a wan smile. Casey didn't buy it.
From the slight tensing in Fin's bicep, he definitely agreed with her. However the longtime detective knew Olivia well enough when not to push it. "Liv, uh." He shifted his feet along the carpet uncomfortably. "Could you let Stabler know that… I'm sorry for thinking all that bad stuff about him." It rankled Fin to swallow his pride, but this was easier than telling Elliot face to face wasn't it? "I mean, he and I never really got along but… what he went through… no one should go through that. Gulping, red flushed his cheeks.
Smiling, genuinely now, Olivia shared a chuckle with Casey at Fin's discomfort. "Of course Fin, I will."
"Thanks." Fin averted his gaze for a mere moment, eyes swiveling back to Olivia. "Let us know if you… or Stabler need anything."
"We're always here for both of you," Casey added. She was kind of hating herself for slapping Elliot as well.
"I know, and deep down he does do. Goodnight guys."
"Goodnight Liv."
Shutting the door, deadbolt sliding with a click, Olivia turned and slumped back against the door. Her whole body shook, muscles trembling with the weight of the past six hours. "Oh God," she breathed.
After informing everyone as they arrived, all of the anger and hatred nursed at Elliot had vaporized as the tragedy of his experience exposed itself. Elliot might not care for the pity that would naturally be sent his way – Olivia remembered how much she hated the kid gloves people gave her after the Lewis ordeal – but it was for the best. The squad was their family after all, and sympathy beat hate any day of the week.
"Why did this happen?" Including such luminaries as Gitano, the time in the beach house, and Sealview, Olivia had to admit this had actually been the most punishing sledgehammer to the gut she had ever experienced. "Elliot. Why wasn't I there for you?" In a way, she actually wished he had simply abandoned her; then he would have been happy, enjoying his life instead of rotting for two years in a terrorist torture chamber. Just picturing Elliot hurting and suffering alone like that sent a stabbing knife into her heart. "God, why didn't you take me instead?" Olivia would have gladly given her life so that her love would have been safe and happy.
Head shook violently. "What's done is done." Months of therapy with Dr. Lindstrom had drilled that fact into her psyche. After Lewis, dealing with the flashbacks and knowledge of her failure, it was important that she move on and focus on the future. So it was with Elliot. Fingertips brushing the cold metal of the bedroom doorknob, Olivia vowed silently to herself. 'I will not shirk. Elliot may have been alone all those years, but now he has me.' A tear rolled down her cheek. 'No matter how painful, I will always be there for him. I promise before God.'
Softly, she turned the knob. "El?"
Not a sound emanated from the darkened bedroom. Sock covered feet pattering on the carpet, Olivia leaned over him and felt her heart clench. Low light from the moon and street illuminated Elliot's sleeping face, giving it an even gaunter expression than previously. 'My El…' Further tears welled in her eyes. 'How could I have hated him so?'
Deciding it was best not to wake him, Olivia adjourned to her closet to change. Eyes blurred from grief as self-loathing burned within her. 'What kind of heartless bitch are you Olivia?' one voice kept snarling. 'Shouldn't you have known he would never leave you?'
'I'm sorry,' came the weak reply. 'I don't deserve him. He is the perfect man and he deserves someone far better.' Olivia had wanted to be that someone so desperately, ever since they had been introduced so long before. The fact that she failed him, not just this once but back after Gitano and in Oregon as well… She didn't think she would ever forgive herself with hurting him so.
Exiting, Olivia had changed into a pair of sleep shorts and one of Elliot's old t-shirts that she couldn't bear parting with. For so long she had worn it to bed, inhaling his scent in the most profound of sorrows.
"Liv?"
His voice was a gust of freezing air, stilling her in place. "El, you should be sleeping." It was remarkable that her deep caring for him returned so quickly. 'I love him,' she remembered.
"I…" He drifted off, voice hoarse with pain and… something else. Olivia blinked. Was it loneliness? "I don't want to be alone anymore. Can you stay?"
Seconds ticking as a shroud of silence descended over them, Olivia froze once more. Circuits were short circuiting inside her mind as it debated what to answer.
'He doesn't deserve you!'
'You betrayed him!'
'You're still with Brian. It's unfair to Elliot.'
Mouth opening, then shutting once all responses died on her tongue, all that finally came out was: "Are you sure El?"
Waiting, there was hesitation but when he did respond, a hint of the former Stabler determination attached to his words. "Please Liv. I… I can't be alone. Please, I need to know you are here."
Olivia's heart melted. 'How can I say no?' Wordlessly, she padded to the opposite side of the bed and slipped under the smooth covers. A boney hand immediately wrapped around her waist and pulled itself toward her. Fleeting calls within her told Olivia to back away, but it was too late. It felt so good. "Goodnight El," she murmured.
"Goodnight Liv," came the reply, settling in her arms. "Thank you."
"Anytime." At that moment she knew nothing between them would be the same, that the walls so carefully constructed during their partnership and friendship were irrevocably damaged.
Listening to his breathing, bathing in his intoxicating scent, Olivia Benson couldn't care less.
A/N: So many feels. Of course they will be alright. Liv and El can never be separated.
Kind of struggled with this chapter. Had to inform the squad without it being too corny or sloppily written. I was going to have a scene where we found out everyone's reaction but try as I might it never came out well. For the best I suppose. The primary focus is on Liv and El repairing each other.
Next up, Olivia helps Elliot get his life and health back together. Kathleen and Cassidy will be dropping by as well, and Olivia is forced to make a decision. A choice rather.
Be sure to review, and check out the latest updates of my other EO fics.
God Bless
Alex