Cinderella

Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape or form own Vocaloid. I thank whoever created it though :)

Chapter 6 – Phobetor visits me nightly

~ Len P.O.V~ His room

They say that dreams are the foundation of who you are. They hold your deepest secrets, your hidden desires, your future, your present, your past. Dreams can be both a blessing and a curse and unfortunately for me, it's the latter.

6 years. 6 godforsaken years of relentless nightmares from Phobetor, tempting me with what I know I cannot have. Is this my punishment for not protecting my Miku? For not jumping off that cliff like I should've?

I failed to protect her. If only I paid more attention! She would've been in my arms right now! She should've been in my arms right now! The person I loved the most in the world is dead because of my carelessness. My carelessness is what got her killed.

I was foolish to think that The Universe shows kindness. How naïve I was. I know better now. The Universe is ruthless, uncaring. Humans are nothing but mere fireflies; struggling to sustain their light against the magnitude of darkness.

Hoping and wishing and dreaming and loving. All for what? Nothing. Because in the end; we are worthless and primitive creatures who delude ourselves with false hope and happiness. The Universe is the ruler and we are its reluctant subjects.

I know many people would disagree with me, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I couldn't bring myself to do anything really. Living has become a chore. Everything is monotone; repetitive, mechanical. I was constantly tired from my lack of sleep.

I could barely stomach the food and water given to me. I couldn't bring myself to hold a conversation. My bed became my fortress against the cruel world I want to so badly leave. My life is worth nothing compared to the precious life I failed to protect.

Sometimes I wish that I took Miku's place. I wish that I was the one who fell of that cliff. I wish I was the one who died. I know she wouldn't want me to have these thoughts. She was such a caring and heartfelt person. So gentle and genuine. So sweet and caring. So beautiful that it hurt just to look at her. Sometimes I wonder what she would've looked like now. My chest started to ache painfully. I just knew in my heart that she would've become more beautiful, both inside and out.

I pictured her caring smile, her laughter and just broke down. The noise in the background faded. The only sound I could hear was the clamorous ringing filling my ears, and the sound of my blood roaring throughout my body. My entire being filled with dread, the pain in my chest increased by a tenfold. Salty tears blurred my vision and my sobs became breathless.

My thoughts were clouded by her. Countless amounts of people told me that crying made it better, that letting out all my grief would help me heal. I don't think they knew what they were talking about. It only hurts more and more and more.

I was alone. So, so painfully alone. No better half to complete me, No one to go to when I was sad, no one to make me feel warm inside, no one to show off my skills to, no one to, albeit rather shyly, peck on the cheek.

Mikuo once said I should try to move on, date another girl even. I almost punched him when he said that. Dating another girl is akin to forgetting her. To forget her would feel like I am betraying her, and I could never betray her.

I know he meant well, but 6 years after her death I can't help but still hold onto my memories of her. She's too precious to let go. She still has all of my heart and she always will. She is my forever; my everything. I love her so damn much.

I just couldn't stop crying, no matter how much I tried. I was reduced a deplorable sobbing mess. My emotions were an endless tirade of constantly changing, jumbled feelings, which left me confused and heartbroken. I just want her back…why can't I have her back? Why do I have to endure this torture? Why? Why? Why? The ringing in my ears was becoming louder and louder. The rapid throbbing of my heart increased in its intensity. My body trembled with every excruciating sob that escaped my mouth.

'Len' I vaguely registered someone's voice over the deafening sound of my grief. Another harsh sob escaped, the pain became insistent; demanding to be felt. 'Len!' the person placed their hand on my shoulder and started to shake me gently, effectively bringing me back to the present.

The tears in my eyes made it hard to see who it was but I recognised the masculine voice. '…Kaito?' I croaked out feebly. Oh gods…I look absolutely piteous right now. How'd he get in? The blurry image of Kaito came somewhat into focus; I could make out a blurry mop of blue hair. He stopped shaking me and instead opted to look at me anxiously.

'How'd you get in?' I voiced my previous thought. Kaito looked at me with unmasked distress. With his voice filled with almost palpable worry, he answered my question. 'I was coming to give you your lunch. I usually leave it outside, but I heard your voice and your door was unlocked…so I came in to see if you were all right…'

I glanced at my door quickly. Kaito had closed and locked the door behind him. Damn it. I can't believe I forgot to lock my door! Thank the gods he locked it, I don't want anyone else to see my sorry excuse for a man. I didn't know what to say to him, so I chose to keep silent. My eyes focused on everything but him.

I looked at the wall across from my bed. That proved to be a bad idea; my heart throbbed sharply when I saw the framed picture of Miku on the wall. I choked on a sob threatening to expose my vulnerable state. I didn't want Kaito to know why I was so pathetic and weak right now.

I didn't want the pity that he would surely give me. I didn't want the half assed "sorry"that always managed rear its ugly head whenever someone heard about Miku. So consumed by my thoughts about my lost love, a pair of arms holding me tightly was what shook me from my daze.

Warm. Was the first word that came to my mind as he held me. The reason for this sudden burst of physical contact eluded me. Why was he hugging me right now? Why would he want to be near a murder, let alone touch one? Was he…comforting me?

The idea left me puzzled. It was so peculiar I almost dismissed the thought. He should loathe me right now. I'm sure he's already found out about Miku. Why would he want to associate himself with me? The disgusting person who killed his own love.

'Lennykins?' Kaito's voice dispersed my dark thoughts. The sound of his voice was soft and gentle; filled with worry, the concern was almost palpable. His arms were strong and solitary. Safe. The physical contact kept me somewhat grounded as I tried to reach the surface of the sorrow I was drowning in.

My throat constricted; immobilizing my ability to speak. I think Kaito realised that because he didn't press me to answer.

'You know…Sunny has been getting lonely without you around to care for her' He kept his voice low and soothing. His attempt at cheering me up by mentioning my horse was fruitless. I couldn't even bring myself to smile at him. The pain was utterly unbearable, keeping me from doing the most simplest of actions. Will I ever be able to smile again? Is happiness truly impossible for someone like me? I never realised how important a smile really is…I took it for granted. I truly feared nothing would save me from this darkness; that I would never be rescued from the cage keeping me from forgetting the past.

Kaito, upon seeing my miserable excuse for a smile, proceeded to hug me even tighter than he already was, effectively robbing me of my breath, which already lacked stability because of my inability to cope with reality. His embrace was a welcome sentiment, though albeit slightly uncomfortable and claustrophobic. 'Len…I know I have no right to ask you something so personal, but please, please tell me what's wrong…please…' Kaito; impossibly, managed to further tighten his arms around me. His voice was distraught, audibly cracking as he voiced his worry. Understandably, I was utterly bewildered at the amount of raw emotion in his voice, he was practically begging me to tell him. Why is he begging someone like me? It shouldn't be like this! I should be begging him!

I couldn't wrap my head around it. Why is he doing this? How is he able to beg a murderer like me? Doesn't he know what I've done? I don't understand. His words scared me. I don't want to tell him why I was currently in this deplorable state. I don't want him to know how I've sinned. I am a killer, a murderer. I couldn't save the person who still holds my entire heart in her small, dainty hands. I don't want him to know, because I don't want him to hate me. I was scared of the rejection I knew I would, without a doubt, definitely face.

I was overwhelmed with panic. The desire to escape, from both this situation, and from reality itself was suffocating. I was aware that I needed to face him though. I reluctantly raised my head to look up at him, hoping to find the answers I was searching for in his face. What I saw…..what I saw resulted in a loud gasp which I unconsciously emitted. His eyes….I could barely believe what I was seeing. The varying emotions displayed in his eyes was endless and vast and, and, pure.

Worry and concern were, because of the situation, the most dominant at the present time. Beneath that though, I could see…love. I saw love which was different, but at the same time somewhat similar to that of the love I felt for Miku. I could see compassion, kindness, warmth, devotion and absolutely no hatred or fear whatsoever. Kaito tilted his head downwards and gave me a small smile, strong and unwavering and filled with affection for…for me!

His gaze, free of any hesitation, was resolute. My heart restricted painfully in my chest as I locked eyes with him. I wasn't aware of my rapid heartbeat slowing down, the clamorous ringing which previously rang insistently in my ears; receding, and the painful, throbbing ache in my chest; disappearing. I don't know why, or how, but I realised a truth which I was stupidly oblivious to for so many years, finally unveil itself before me. Kaito…Kaito loved me. I was important to him. I was his most important person. His dearest friend. His brother. His family.

I felt the unbearable burden, which lived with me since her death, lift off of my shoulders. I heard the almost imperceptible sound of the cage I was trapped in for years, click open and release me from the weight of my sin. Gathering all the courage I held within me, I looked resolutely up at Kaito, the spark sheer determination plainly visible in my eyes. I saw his smile broaden at the look I was giving him.

I was going to tell him. I was still scared, scared of telling him the truth. I knew though, that he loved me. The love which shone brightly in his eyes was proof that he wouldn't hate me. I knew that now. The relief and utmost happiness that I was currently feeling was all consuming. This feeling was beautiful.

I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and for the first time in 6 years, I smiled.

A/N: I decided to post a filler chapter of sorts since I lack any inspiration whatsoever. This is Len's thoughts way before he got that cryptic dream about his supposedly "dead" fiancé. He was in a "bad place" at this time. He was around 14 years old. He was devoid of the motivation to live any more so I kind of wanted to give a perspective on that. I haven't posted a chapter in ages (heh…more like years) and I feel like a colossal B word to those who enjoy my story. I am so new (even though I've had an account for 3 years…) to this whole writing online thing so I'm pretty insecure about my work. I'm more of a read-the-stories-than-write-them person so it's hard to gather motivation to actually do this. I also sincerely apologise to the people who were waiting for an update for so long; I haven't abandoned this story. I will try my best to complete it.

I have no idea where I'm going with this story, though I have the general Cinderella plot which helps a bit. So in other more non subtle words; I have massive writers block and I suck at writing. Writing is not my forte, reading is. If any of you have any ideas or inspiration, please tell me about it. I'd love to hear your ideas for this story, because not only would it make the story more interesting to write, it would help me connect with the people who want this story to move forward, the people who genuinely like Cinderella. Also; I couldn't resist, I added a bit of Greek Mythology into the story, because I absolutely adore mythology. Anyway's if you've bothered to read this, thank you very much! I really do appreciate it! It's your choice to Review. :)

Thank you to all the people who have reviewed and followed/Favorited my story. You've made me so happy with your interest!

Phobetor: Greek God of Nightmares and phobia's. Brother of the dream gods Morpheus and Phantasos. Father is Hypnos - God of dreams. Mother is Nyx- Goddess of night who is a daughter of Chaos. Phobetor usually takes the form of Large, frightening animals (but for the sake of the story, let's just forget about his physical form in the nightmares).