chapter 8: making friends with the Eds, and my confession to the Eds

Eddy sighed, and tears began to form in his eyes as he spoke "no one likes us" he sobbed "no one, no one in this world gives a damn about the three of us" and as he said this, his friends held him as if to comfort him, and they began to sob too.

"I like you" I protested, and as I said those words, I felt a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders, I felt as if a great truth had been told and most of all, I had finally said it, said what I felt since the day I saw the trio facing me now.

The trio looked at me as I said those words, with a mixture of disbelief and hope, it was clear they were not used to being liked, for after all, they had spent their life being the target of abuse and hatred. There were tragically, too many haters all around, and to the three victims I was now trying to initiate conversation, I was but another hater, albeit a slightly better looking and less vicious one, but a hater nonetheless. And after they had stopped crying, Eddy once again looked me in the eye with sheer intensity.

"No you don't" Eddy blurted out, his voice filled with distrust and annoyance "You don't like us, if you did you woulden't have left us to be bullied so badly by the others, and why should you like us, why should you, such a popular person with so many friends like a bunch of weirdo outcasts like us, it just doesen't make sense".

"But I do like you" I protested, trying desperately to talk him down "It's just... well... its complicated, things have been complicated for me and that's why I haven't done anything to help you" and tears formed in my eyes and I only just managed to hold them back as I continued "Just... let me explain myself... please... please"

I was practically down on my knees, pleading now, and Edd seemed to show sympathy for my desperation, and to be softened by it the most. "Eddy" he said in soothing tones to his friend "I understand you're angry with Nazz, and that she's done some bad things in the past, but she clearly feels sorry about them and want's to make them right, so please just hear what Nazz has to say before you get angry with her for no good reason". Eddy scowled, but nontheless gestured for me to begin my explanation.

"So you'll listen to me" I said hopefully. "Yes" replied Edd, "for hours if you want". "I ask only minutes" I said gratefully as I began my confession.

So I began my explanation, starting from when I met Eddy's brother, and from the days when he relentlessly abused me. "I was once in your shoes" I explained, as I continued to explain some of the horrible things he had done to me, choosing my words carefully to outline the true extent of the damage which the horrific abuse had inflicted on me. Before I continued, I looked around in fear, it was as if Eddy's brother was about to spring out to attack me at any moment, like he said he would if I told anyone what he had done to me.

It took me several moments of silence and looking around to remember that Eddy's brother had left the neighbourhood now and that he would not come for me. Knowing that, the mental block inhibiting my ability to speak about the "incident" slowly began to fade and the expressions of distrust and anger on the faces of the Eds softened as I told them about the incident. I told them how he had ambushed me while I was walking home from school like I usually did. I told them how his beating forced me to undergo plastic surgery after it damaged my face so badly and how I still cried for the beautiful face I had been born with, which sadly I would never see again.

I told them how the beating made me a cripple after he broke both my legs and arms to an extent where my strength and mobility were permanently reduced greatly. I told them how the trauma and fear from the beating had left me mentally scarred for life, and how many epileptic seizures I had been through. And lastly, I told them how the trauma had left me permanently afraid and paranoid, how it had left me as a spineless coward who was afraid of just about everything, but bullies in particular.

"Sounds like that beating messed you up pretty badly" said Edd, putting an arm around my shoulder, nodding appreciatively. "Yeah" agreed Eddy, his tone was no longer cold or hard, but that of a friend who both understood and empathized with the sorrow of another friend. "Sorry my big bro did that you, he beat me up too you know, but I never thought he would go that far, sorry things turned out so poorly for you"

"Yeah" I chuckled nervously before continuing with my confession. I told the trio about Kevin, about how Kevin had threatened me with worse than hell if I were to be caught ever trying to take their side. I told them how the moment I showed the slightest sign of joining their cause, I would be labelled a double crosser and rejected by all my peers, years of popularity and respect among the neighborhood would be at an end for me and I would become yet another victim of Kevin's causeless vendetta.

"There'd be hell to pay if he saw me talking to you" I said "I'm sorry I never talked to you, now I realize that it was selfish of me to do what I did, and that I had no morals when I did what I did back then, and I am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize"

"Apology not accepted" said Eddy, though he was indeed moved by the tale I had just spent quarter of an hour telling, it was clear my actions were not so easy to forgive, having done them for so long. "If you really cared about us, then how come you never stood up to Kevin and the others when they came to beat us up, tell me, come on, spit it out"

"There was nothing I could have done" I replied apologetically "I tried telling the grown ups many times, Kevin's dad, the teachers, the principal, everyone, but no one believed me no matter how hard I tried.

"Well then why don't you just give Kevin a beating and teach him a lesson?" demanded Eddy furiously "I'm sure in a fight you would knock that "shovel chin jerk" flat, and that in no time at all he'd be down and out, and boy would he need a lot of bandages, so why didn't you?"

"I would have liked to, really I would" I responded wistfully "but Eddy's brother broke my arms and legs when he beat me up that time, and even now, they are still very badly damaged, the surgeon says it'll be years before they can even begin to start working normally again, and that even then, they might not" I sighed irrepressibly as I continued "I hate rats like Kevin, I really do, but if I tried to fight him now, he'd just beat me to a pulp and I would be sent back to hospital, which I'd really rather not, and so, I had no choice, I'm so sorry"

"Hmph" sneered Eddy, it was clear he had still not forgiven me "Well" he said slowly, "And you expect me to forgive you just like that?, is that it, you want us to forgive you?, because if it is then just go away, we'll never forgive you, no matter how hard you beg or plead or cry".

I realized that begging for mercy would get me nowhere with the hot headed Eddy who had every right to be angry at me for my past crimes. I was not suprised by his rudeness, rather I was relieved by it, I expected it, and yet I was disappointed by it for I did genuinely want to change sides. I was a turncoat now, a double crosser, and if Kevin said it was wrong, so be it, I didn't care anymore what he thought.

I changed tack. "I want to help you Eddy, really I do, so please, just let me help me, that's all I'm asking for" I pleaded desperately "If you let me help you, I can make you as popular as I am and do my best to protect you from Kevin, please just let me help you, I pity you, I really do, honestly"

"Don't pity me" sneered Eddy in an offended tone of voice "Pity yourself, pity yourself Nazz for being such a selfish, heartless and smelly jerk, pity yourself for never having the guts to do what was the right thing to do and for helping the bad guys win. If I were you and I saw a group of children out on the street, being picked on by Kevin and the others, I woulden't even care if I died trying to help or if I went to jail because they say I did the "wrong thing". I would do what was right, I would do what was supposed to be done , I would run up to Kevin fists flailing and tell him that either he stop bullying the poor children or face me in a fight"

As Eddy spoke these words, he raised his fists to show he meant what he said "I wouldn't let "shovel chin Kevin" get away with it, I would sort him out straight away and either stop him from ever bullying again, or make sure he goes to hospital with six stitches in his face and preferably every bone in his body broken or at least die trying"

"I'm a man" insisted Eddy, "I am not a baby despite what everyone says, I am a manly man, and I would be more than happy to spend my life in hospital knowing that I was sent to hospital fighting for a good cause,it would be better than to escape knowing that I was a selfish coward who couldn't be bothered to do the right thing because I was afraid that it would get me injured or killed, and for that reason at least, I think that makes me a man"

"And Nazz" he pointed his finger at me, as he continued his sermon in the voice of a learned philosopher "I think its about time you learned what being a good person is all about, its not just about going with the crowd and doing what your peers tell you to do because you think it'll make you popular and keep you out of trouble. Being a good person means you always help a person in need, you fight with every bit of your strength to help that person in need, you put your life on the line if that's what it takes to save that person, and Nazz. I'd like you to know, here and now that I don't want to die of old age. I don't want to die because I've gotten old and sick. I want to die sacraficing my life for the life of another. I want to die knowing that someone else will live because I died. That's what I want to die from Nazz, I want to die protecting the life of somebody else. And next time you leave us to be beaten up by Kevin and his gang, just remember that we've all got to die of something and so we might as well die for a good reason"

"Wise words indeed, Eddy" acknowledged Edd, having never heard his hot-headed, selfish and arrogant friend make such a heartfelt speech and sermon "And Nazz, however cruel and mean this may sound to you, he's right and I'm afraid he does have a point"

"I'm sorry" I said, Eddy's speech had taken the words out of my mouth and this seemed the only thing I was capable of saying. "I'm sorry" I repeated, my voice filled with genuine sorrow and regret, for Eddy's speech seemed to have magnified the regret I already felt for my actions tenfold and as I stood there, struggling once more to stop myself from crying, spasms of grief seemed to wrench my body whole as the regret which had welled up over the years, consumed me.

"I'm sorry!" and this time, I could not stop myself from crying, and could but bury my face in my hands as tears flooded from my eyes in the gallons. It was as if this was the first time I had truly cried in my life, for though I had cried before, it was never this strong and never from this much regret and remorse. "I'm sorry!" I yelled, over and over as the sorrow continued to consume me and I continued to cry.

"Please forgive me" I begged, as the tears continued to flood out of my incredibly sore eyes "please, give me another chance, please, PLEASE"

"Nazz, please, don't cry" pleaded Edd, as he patted me softly "Please, cheer up, or you'll make me cry as well, no Nazz listen, listen ,we forgive you, right guys?"

Eddy thought for a moment, looking me up and down before he said "what do you want from us?, tell me honestly, and truthfully, what exactly do you want from us?"

I managed finally to suppress my tears after taking several deep breaths, and in a calm tone that was far from reflecting the sadness I felt for my actions, I replied "I want to join club Ed, I want to be your friend, I want to help you and hang with you".

This fanfiction is now finished, please comment to speed up production of sequel (for details of sequel see last chapter) Any comments would be much appreciated and you would be an epic person for posting a comment. I worked very hard on this story and would greatly appreciate any reviews. Thank you