Sorry for the lateness, people. I was anxious all day about this mid-season finale for Once Upon A Time... And I was right to be. This episode was epic. Anyways... here's chapter 18! Hope you enjoy it.

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Do what you what, you want, if you have a dream for better
Do what you what, you want till you don't want it anymore

(remember who you really are)

Do what you what, you want, your world's closing in on you now

(it isn't over)

Stand and face the unknown

(got to remember who you really are)

What You Want – Evanescence

Chapter18 – What You Want

BPOV

August. It's crazy how fast time passed since Rosalie and I were pulled from Phil's clutches. In the first few days, we were a bit disorientated, but we finally realized that we would wake up in the morning with clothes and a meal waiting for us. Another thing I had to get used to was that there was someone there to make sure I was alright and nothing was missing, because Rose and I were so used to rely only on each other.

While my father was wrapping up the investigation with the SPD, Rose and I stayed over at Edward and Emmett's place. I don't know about Rose, but I ended up feeling right at home there. It was a bit strange at first. Of course, Edward was the perfect gentleman and offered his bed while he'd take the couch. At first, I agreed, albeit reluctantly, but I needed to listen to my head instead of my heart, and take things slow. But then, Edward and Emmett started to argue as to who would sleep on the couch, and who would sleep on the floor. I refused to let either of them sleep on the floor, so I just told Edward that I'd rather we share the same bed. It was the truth anyway, I couldn't stand to be alone, and I selfishly wanted Edward to myself. When we first layed down in his bed, it was a bit awkward. Well... I was a bit awkward. I know we had shared the same bed the previous nights at the hotel, but it wasn't the same. My father was there then and the shock of all that had happened made it so much different than now. Here, no father in sight, or any parental figure for that matter. And the fact that my father trusted Edward enough to let me sleep at his place without parental supervision was a bit odd to me.

Over the course of the few days I spent at Edward's, I also met his mother, Esme. She's everything a mother should be, such a sweet woman. It's so sad to see her so sick, she doesn't deserve this. I learned that she was awaiting a heart transplant. I just hoped that they would find a matching donor soon. I could see how Edward, Alice and Carlisle were struggling.

After the investigation was over, I went back to Forks with my father. It was a bit strange to be back, but also comforting. Nothing had changed in the house, not even my bedroom. Charlie had explained that he had always had hope that he would find me. And even in his darkest days, when he felt like giving up, he couldn't bring himself to change a thing. At that, all I could do was cry.

"Hey, hey, why are you crying?" Charlie asked while holding me against his chest.

"Um, well... it's not just one thing. I'm a bit overwhelmed, to be honest, and what you just said... thank you. That's all I can think to say."

"Bella, you're my daughter. I can't possibly stop loving you at the drop of a hat. Changing anything would have meant that I forgot about you. I would be a more horrible father than I already am if I did that."

"You're not a horrible father." He made a small "pffffed" sound at my comment.

"It's true. I'm not blaming you, or anyone for that matter, for what happened. I always held hope that you would find me."

"You may not blame me, but I blame myself. I haven't been able to work the night shifts ever since your... disappearance."

"It may not change anything, but there is nothing to blame yourself for."

"No, it doesn't change anything, but thank you for saying that."

"I love you, dad."

"I love you too, Bells, I love you too."

We're still not so good at expressing ourselves, but Charlie and I have been closer since that night. He is a bit overprotective at times, but I can't certainly blame him.

As for Rosalie, she has been back in New York with Jasper since we left the guys' place. We speak regularly on the phone, and I was happy to learn that her family welcomed her back with open arms. She even started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago.

I'm seriously considering that option myself. As much as I trust everyone, Alice and Edward particularly, I can't bring myself to trust them without letting all of my guards down. Edward has been so patient with me... I don't feel like I deserve him. He tells me time and time again that I do deserve him, but I don't quite believe it yet. That's another reason why I'm considering therapy: I want to get better, feel better about myself so that I can say that I do deserve this relationship with Edward. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me, I don't want to lose him.

After the night I spent at Edward's, I went back to Forks with my father, at least until I knew what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to go to college, I just didn't know when. Since UW most likely hasn't kept my place, I have to do the process all over again, so that would make starting classes only in January. On one side, that would allow me to take my time settling back down into my old/new life, and to give therapy a try without the added stress of school. On the other hand, I don't know what I would do with all of this free time. Maybe I should discuss this with dad... or Edward. Maybe even both. I don't know, I'm so confused... all I really want is to be able to lead a normal life again. I may have thought my life was boring before I was kidnapped, now I would give anything to have that back. But how do I get there?

Sitting on my bed, that's my last thought before I hear a knock on the front door. I look at the time: 10 AM. It's Saturday. That must be Edward, he just got home from Seattle. I quickly get up and down the stairs, and all that without tripping. I should throw a party.

"Hey," I greet enthusiastically after I open the door.

"Hey baby, I missed you," he replies while stepping inside and enveloping me in his arms. There's no place like home...

Wait...what? Ok, let's leave this for another time, we have other pressing matters...

"I missed you too," I say, squeezing him a bit before releasing him and leading him to the couch, where he sits down and pulls me down with my legs over his lap. I grin and lean in for a chaste kiss.

"So how are you? How was your week?" He questions when we pull away.

"I'm fine, I guess. Still having nightmares, but they're less frequent. And my week was, well... boring. I don't really know what to do with myself, honestly. All I've really been doing is a lot of thinking."

"Hmm... well I hope I'm not too boring for you, then." Uncertainty takes over his face and changes his sweet smile.

"Nah, don't worry, you're the highlight of my week, trust me." I pull his chin up so that he looks me in the eye as I say this, I want him to see that I fully believe what I say.

"That's good to know. So what have you been thinking about?" I want to sigh when his expression changes back to his normal sweet smile again.

"Um...therapy, mostly." I say, looking down. When he's silent for a minute, I look back up at him. All I see is a blank expression. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, not at all. I'm actually quite proud of you, to be honest. I didn't think you would come to this conclusion so soon." I frown at that. So soon? What does that even mean?

"Did you think I wouldn't say I need therapy?" I marvel at how easy it is for the happy, calm feelings to be replaced with doubt and fear. Another reason I should go to therapy, I guess.

"No, baby, no. It's just that... I know you're stubborn, and I thought that you would first insist that you can make it on your own. I'm actually happy you mention it now, because I think this could just speed up your recovery."

"Oh... well, of course, I'm not quite comfortable with sharing my personal life with a complete stranger, but at the same time, I need a guide. Someone that will give me tips as to how I can feel better with myself. Let go of this guilt." I take a deep breath because it is a big deal that I am at a point where I can admit this to Edward. "I've realized I can't do this on my own. It terrifies me to go to therapy, but I can't recover on my own either."

"I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm proud of you, love. And I'll be there every step of the way, in any way you need me." He places a small kiss against my temple and I feel so loved and cherished.

"Promise?" The old fear makes me ask.

"I promise." And he sealed his promise with another gentle kiss. Damn, I love him.

Um...love? Already?

Why not? I answer myself.

Isn't it soon?

Again, I answer myself.

I don't know, you tell me. In my opinion, when you know that your partner is the one for you, there is no standard length of time before you can say you love someone. When you feel it, you feel it. Period.

Ok, point taken.

"What is it, love?" I hear Edward ask me at the end of my inner monologue. I blush a little.

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"About what?" I blush some more and bite on my lower lip. "Bella, what is it? Should I be worried?"

"No, no. It's just... I was thinking about my feelings for you."

He frowns a little. "Your feelings for me? Baby, are you sure I shouldn't be worried?"

Ok... should I just say it? I guess there isn't really any beating around the bush here...

"Um... yes. I'll just be bold here, okay?" He nods at me and I take a deep breath. "I love you, Edward."

He stops breathing for a moment, just staring at me. When he doesn't reply after being silent for a moment, I look down, tears starting to well up in my eyes. He doesn't feel the same way. He doesn't...

"Bella, look at me," I shake my head no and sniff. "Baby, please," he tries again. When I shake my head no again, he forces my head up with a finger under my chin. "Bella... Isabella Marie Swan, I love you. I've loved you for a very long time now."

The tears that had welled up in my eyes start to fall, but for totally different reason. He loves me.

"Really?" I ask, not sure I heard correctly.

"Yes, really. Bella, as I've said to you a while ago, I did notice you when we were in high school. The first day I saw you, I couldn't look away. You were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, and you still are. I've loved you since that first day."

With that, I kiss him. It's gentle at first, but it grows passionate quickly. We pull away slowly when we start to lack oxygen, but our foreheads touch.

"Then why didn't you ever approach me?" I ask quietly. He sighs.

"Because of my sister."

"Alice? What does she have to do with this?"

"She has everything to do with this. Alice was a huge control freak back then. And she had to be popular. Everyone had to love her, she had to be in the spotlight all the time. In her eyes, you were a loner. You weren't hanging out with the popular crowd, so you weren't considered a human being. Granted, she's never badmouthed you or anything, but still... that was Alice back then."

"It's weird, I can't reconcile today's Alice to the Alice you are telling me about."

"I know. She has changed a lot since then. Her relationship with Jasper has put a lot of things in perspective. She's still a control freak, but her vision has changed a lot since then. Even more so now since you've come into our lives. You're like a sister to her now, love. Now, she always puts the others before herself. Well... mostly. I tend to think there is always another motive that serves only her behind her actions, but I try not to question it too much."

I giggle at that.

"But how did that affect you?" I ask.

"It affected me in the way that Alice had to have control over my social life as well. I couldn't associate with anyone she didn't approve of. If you weren't Alice-approved, you were out. Period." He looked like he regrets this now. I can't say that I blame him when I look at all the time we wasted that we could have been together.

"Damn."

"Yeah. That period wasn't easy. I wanted to get to know you so much, but I couldn't. I tried to sneak around Alice a few times, but she found out about it every time. So I just stopped after a while. I thought that I could get to know you over the summer before we all left for college. But now that I think about it, it might have been a cruel thing to do. Had you not been kidnapped, we could have gotten to know each other, but then I would have had to leave for Dartmouth, on the east coast."

"Wow. I would have never thought Alice was like that. I knew she was popular in school, but I didn't think it was that extreme. But still... I wish we had known each other in high school. Maybe I wouldn't have been kidnapped."

"Bella, love, we can't go back. Let's not think about the 'what ifs'. Let's just concentrate on the present. Let's concentrate on what we have now. That's the most important thing for now. Regrets won't lead you anywhere." Edward was right, a different path might mean a different ending for us and I certainly didn't want that. So, I nod at his words.

"Come here," he says and I obey, leaning forward so we can hug. After a moment, I reposition myself so that my head is in the crook of his neck and we remain like that for a while in silence, just enjoying each other's presence.

Dad comes home from fishing a little while later and suggests we fry fish for lunch, inviting Edward to join us. Edward leaves as soon as we're done washing the dishes with the promise to call me later. Which he does not fifteen minutes later, inviting dad and I over for dinner, at Carlisle's request.

Dinner that night is filled with fun, and it allows me to ease my mind off of everything, and also to make a decision, which I share with Edward when we are laying on the bed in his bedroom some time after dinner.

"Edward," I call to him quietly.

"Hmm?" he slurs. I giggle.

"Were you asleep?" I ask, looking up at him. He chuckles.

"No, but I'm just so comfortable, I'd lay like this with you all day." I respond by kissing him sweetly. "Did you want to talk about something?"

"Actually, yes."

"Then go on, tell me."

"I think I've made a decision."

"Okay, what about?"

"About the path I want to take, about school and therapy and everything."

"Okay, tell me?" he whispers.

"Well... I was thinking that school would just add to the stress of everything, you know, therapy, and setting back into a routine... so I think I'll go back to school only for the winter semester, in January, and concentrate on therapy for now."

"Do you want to go to therapy here in Forks, or Port Angeles, or Seattle?" He turns his head to look at me as I answer.

"Well... that's the next decision I need to make. What would you do if you were in my place?"

"Hmm... good question. I think I would consult in Seattle. I'd settle there now, get a job, an apartment, and go to therapy. That way, I would already be there for the next semester." He offers his honest opinion and I love the idea but I'm not sure it's for me.

"Okay... I'll be honest, I don't think that would be very good for me. I think I'll keep the idea of going to therapy in Seattle, but I think I'll just stay here in Forks for now. Therapy shouldn't be more than once a week, right?"

"I don't think so, love. And if you want, you can stay at my place when you're in Seattle, you're always welcome."

"Hm, thanks. I think I'll take you up on that offer." He grins at me and leans in for a kiss, then abruptly pulls away. "What?"

"I just had an idea, but I'm not sure how comfortable you'll be with it." He's the unsure one now.

"Tell me, we'll see." I don't know if I should be scared that his idea leaves him uncomfortable or not. I bite my lip in anticipation of his thought.

"Okay, so here it goes... I was thinking that maybe we could, um... move in, um, together, when you come to school in, um... January..."

He's so cute when he stutters. I grin.

"I won't give you a definite answer now, but I must admit that the idea is very appealing." I reply shyly.

"I wasn't expecting an answer right now anyway, love, I promise. I just wanted to get the idea out there, just to tell you that this is an option you can consider." It thrills me that he wants me with him, all the time, living with him.

"I will definitely consider it. Thank you."

"You welcome."

He grins again and leans in again for another kiss. This time it builds up a little and just as he's about to roll us over, my dad yells from downstairs that it's time to go. He groans in my neck and I giggle.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I say in his ear and he nods.

"See you tomorrow, love. I'll call you in the morning." He glances down at me through his thick lashes and I melt at his beautiful eyes as they gaze at me.

"Good night," I whisper.

"Good night. I love you." I beam at him.

"I love you too." I can't get over how good it feels to say it to him.

I kiss him again gently, then he walks me downstairs.

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