Happy Sunday! Star Wars was epic! Here's chapter 20, thank you all for your support, once again.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Take me down to the river bend

Take me down to the fighting end

Wash the poison from off my skin

Show me how to be whole again

Fly me up on a silver wing

Past the black where the sirens sing

Warm me up in a nova's glow

And drop me down to the dream below

'Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass

Hardly anything there for you to see

For you to see

Linkin Park – Castle of Glass

Chapter 20 – Castle of Glass

BPOV

I stay at Edward's until the weekend, because he was planning to drive to Forks anyway, so I decide to drive back with him.

I'm on cloud nine from these last few days. Edward didn't have anywhere to be, so we were able to lounge around together and just be. There was a lot of heavy make out involved, but we also came up for air every once in a while, long enough to eat and spend some time with Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice.

When we drive into town, Edward drives me directly to Charlie's house, as it's almost dinner time, and I'd promised Charlie to make him dinner upon my return.

After sweet kisses and soft 'I love you's', I make my way inside as he drives away.

"Hi dad!" I greet my dad as I run upstairs to drop off my bags.

"Hey Bells, how are you?" He flips the corner of his paper down to greet me as I run by his chair.

I take a moment to go and sit on the couch in the living room to chat with him.

"I'm feeling better, dad."

He doesn't understand at first, but I see he eyes light up slightly when he finally understands.

"That's great, Bells."

Charlie has never been a man of many words, so I know that in these few words, he's telling me he's proud of me.

"Thanks." I give him a slight smile, then stand up and make my way to the kitchen to start on dinner.

About an hour later, we sit down to eat, with Charlie taking bites silently and me, basically missing my mouth because my mind is still with Edward in Seattle. When I emerge long enough from my daydream to take another bite, I notice there's something off.

"Something wrong, dad?" I break the silence with my question.

"Hmm? No, why?" His answer seems straight forward enough, but it doesn't explain the awkwardness between us.

"You look uncomfortable." I attempt for honest and hope it opens up some dialog between us.

"There's something I need to show you." He finally says after a moment of hesitation.

"Ok," I say, frowning.

He stands and walks out of the room, to come back a moment later with an envelope, looking somber.

"This came for you yesterday," He says as he hands me the envelope. I look it over, but there is no address on it. Only my name is written on the front in a handwriting I don't recognize.

"What is it?" I glance up at him and hope his years of finding clues for a living has given some idea of what this envelope holds for me.

"Um, I received a letter yesterday, from the state's prison for women. It's from Renée."

My hands start shaking, then I drop the envelope on the table as if it had burned me. I decide to ignore it for now and resume eating. Charlie sits back down, eyeing me curiously.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, no… I don't know. I'm not sure of how I feel about this. Let me just… digest this, okay?" I reply anxiously.

"Alright." Charlie never was one to push.

We finish our meal, I clean-up and Charlie goes to the living room to watch TV. When I'm done, I grab the letter and head up to my room.

An hour later, the envelope is sitting on my desk while I am on my bed, staring at it like it's going to jump at my throat any second. It takes another half hour before I finally tear at the flap and pull out the letter. I take a deep breath and start to read.

Bella,

There are no words to properly tell you how sorry I am about everything that happened to you. I wish I could say it wasn't my fault, but that would be lying. You deserve to know the truth.

Phil wasn't like this when I first met him. I'll spare you the whole story, and just jump to the main part. He was a minor league ball player; he had just signed with the Arizona Diamondbacks when he injured his knee. He had surgery, but the prognosis wasn't good. The doctors told him he couldn't play anymore. He wasn't the same after that. He became bitter and resentful. He spent his nights out. To this day, I still don't really know where he went, but he would always come home drunk and smelling of cheap perfume.

Then one day, he came home completely sober with a man, James Helwyre. Helwyre means hunter in Welsh, he had said. They wanted to open a club. At first, I wasn't opposed to it, I was actually excited. But they didn't tell me until it was opened that it was a strip club. Actually, they didn't tell me. I learned about it when I paid a surprise visit to Phil one night to bring him dinner. I was shocked, and sickened, I never stepped foot in that club again. That was the night he almost raped you outside the club.

You probably don't even care, and that's totally understandable. I abandoned you and your father because I wanted something more than Forks. Maybe I should have just stayed there… I regret leaving you both, but when I finally realized what I had done, it was too late to go back. I was hit by depression when that happened, and Phil and I fought a lot about it. Once, he told me to just pack up and go back to you and Charlie, but in my rage, I told him that it was him that I loved, not you or Charlie. What I can't figure out is how could I love someone that ruined my life?

You will never know how much I regret those words, even more so now. Bella, you have no idea how much I regret the words. The guilt grew stronger when Phil came home with you late one night. I didn't recognize you at first; I hadn't seen you since I left, so I didn't know what you looked like now that you were 18. Despite the bruise on your face, I thought you were beautiful. I shouldn't have been surprised at your beauty, you always were such a beautiful baby; I knew without a doubt you'd grow up to be a beautiful woman.

Once he had dropped you downstairs with the other girl, I asked him who you were. "You said she ruined your life," he'd replied. "So I'm gonna ruin hers. See how much I love you?" That made me change my point of view of the whole affair. Phil had told me that the girl in the basement was living with us temporarily, as she was new to the city and she didn't have a job. That was 2 years earlier. I thought nothing of it, as finding a place to live that is cheap isn't so easy in Seattle. But when he added you to the mix, I started suspecting that there was more going on. Another reason for my surprise visit at the club.

Phil wasn't the same man I'd married, but I was trapped. Despite all of this, a part of me still loved him and I couldn't leave. I couldn't leave him, but more importantly, I couldn't leave you alone with him.

Why didn't I go to the police? Why didn't I call Charlie? Why didn't I try to help you out? I'm sure you've asked yourself all those questions and more. Because I'm a selfish coward, Bella. I'm selfish, because I could finally see you for the first time in several years, and I wanted to keep you close to me. I'd tried to talk Charlie into letting me see you a few times, but he always refused me, saying I would just end up hurting you. I guess he was right, because by keeping you close to me, you ended up hurt. I know it's not going to make any difference, but I'm sorry, Bella. I am so very deeply sorry. You lost 2 years of your life because of me.

I'm not expecting anything from you. After all of this, I certainly don't expect anything. I hurt you enough. I have no right. But I do have a purpose for writing this letter, other than telling you the truth. Please, keep in mind that I am not expecting anything from you.

I'm dying, Bella. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few months ago, but it was too late. It had spread too much for the doctors to be able to do anything about it. So now, I'm just waiting for my time to come.

Charlie told me that your boyfriend's mother had a serious heart disease, and that she needed a transplant. I want to do at least one good thing in my life, so I'd like her to have mine. I signed my organs donation card and Dr. Cullen said there's a very good chance my heart would be compatible with her. I hope this one small gesture from me will bring some comfort to someone who knows and cares for you.

Okay, I lied. I will ask only one thing from you, and one thing only: please let them take my heart and give it to Ms. Cullen. I know you need her. You need a mother figure in your life. She'll be a better mother to you than I'll ever be. So please, let me do just this one thing. And I'm not even doing it for me; I'm doing it for you. Charlie told me they were amazing people and that Edward was amazing with you. How he takes very good care of you. Let them love you, Bella. Let them give you the love you deserve. Let Ms. Cullen give you the love I was never able to give you.

That's all I ask.

Renée

My vision is blurry. I'm crying. Enraged with myself, I throw the letter on my desk and grab my suitcase to unpack. A moment later, Charlie knocks on the door. When I don't answer, he turns the knob and hesitantly walks in.

"Everything okay, Bells?" I can hear the pain in his voice.

"Yeah, everything's fine." I don't know why I don't just tell him what's going on with me, maybe I'm just tired of being the victim of things. For once I want things to be normal in my life. As soon as I almost reach that status someone or something snatches me back to the victim stage. I'm just over it.

I think he knows something's not right, but he doesn't insist.

"Alright. Good night, Bells." I feel his eyes rake over my body one time as he assesses my condition.

"Night dad." I murmur without making eye contact.

He closes the door and I grab a few things from my suitcase to throw them in my hamper. I go back to my bag, grab a jacket and the top I was wearing for my date with Edward last night. I can't hold it in anymore. I scream, then grab each piece of clothing left in my bag and throw them around. When there isn't any left, I grab the suitcase and throw it as well. In my rage, I throw my helmet on the floor. And I throw it hard enough to crack the visor.

I feel arms circling me, and I'm pulled close to a warm body. My anger is too big to pull it back in just yet, I have to let the pressure off or I will go crazy one final time. The kind of crazy you don't come back from. I know the warm arms tighten and words are whispered, calm, soothing words but I'm too out of it to really notice what they say exactly. I know they are tryng to calm me down, but it's not working. I keep crying and screaming as I purge my body of my rage and pain, I can't hold it all in anymore. It's too much. This letter is the drop that made the proverbial bucket overflow.

Everything was going so well: therapy, Charlie, my friends, Edward. But then there's this set back. This letter. It feels like my world is falling apart. Like I was living in a dream and I'm just waking up now.

I feel like a castle of glass. The weight of the letter in my hands cracked me, but reading the words, well those made me shatter to pieces. Pieces that have scattered as they fell, and to be honest, I don't know how to pick them up. I don't know how to piece myself back together. I need help. I need… Edward.

Anger and pain flow from me in constant streams and as the streams slowly ebb, I suddenly feel a familiar pair of arms around me. I recognize his unique smell. Edward. He's here. He's here for me. With his presence alone, I feel myself calming down and coming back to my senses. I just sit in Edward's arms, surrounded by his calming smell. An scent I have grown to find soothing, but most importantly, to love.

"Edward…" I try words to express my gratitude to him. My voice is raspy and hoarse.

"Shh, Bella… I'm here, you don't have to explain anything. It's okay. Calm down."

I remain silent.

"What are you doing here?" I ask once I feel I'm calm enough.

"Your father called me. He said you were calling for me. He didn't really know else to do for you so he called me. I came right over." Edward's voice is soft and soothing as are his hands that rub circles over my back.

I nod, and we are silent for a few minutes.

"I broke my helmet." I explain as my eyes catch the broken plastic shattered across my floor.

"Bella, love, it's okay, I'll get you another one," He replies, kissing the top of my head.

This makes me snap again.

"That's the thing, Edward! Because you have money you think you can fix everything? You can't fix me, Edward! You can't! Nobody can't!" I'm hysterical and screaming again.

In my fit, I stand and walk away from him. He marches up to me and forces me to look at him.

"Bella," he starts seriously, looking me straight in the eyes, "who said that I wanted to fix you?"

"Nobody, but…"

"No, no buts. Nobody said that I wanted to fix you. I never said I wanted to fix you. I love you for who you are, baggage and all. I knew you came with baggage the second I met you, Bella. Have I ever complained?" His eyes hold mine pinned in place and I refuse to look away from him. I can't, he's my last foot hold in normalcy.

I can only shake my head no.

"No, I never complained because I love you, Bella, for who you are, and despite everything that happened to you. And believe me, I know money can't fix everything. If money could have helped my mother, I'd have paid whatever is needed to cure her."

I close my eyes at that and drop my head.

"Sorry…" was all I could say.

"You have nothing to apologize for. You were talking in the heat of the moment, that's totally understandable. I'm not offended."

I sniff and nod, and then he pulls me to his chest in a tight hug. Feeling slightly better, I hug him back. After a moment, I pull away enough to look up at him.

"You love me?"

"Yes, I love you, Isabella Marie Swan," He replies with a crooked smile. I smile back through my tears.

"I love you too, Edward Anthony Cullen."

Thoughts? Please review :o)

PS: There will not be an update next Sunday, as I will most likely still be out of town. Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it, and to everyone: enjoy this time with your loved ones, and I wish you all a happy new year, as I may wait until after the new year to update with the next chapter.