If you haven't seen the episode just skip the author's note in the end, no spoilers, just the effects of the episodes coming out through cap locks and rantings.

Chapter: 12

Makings of a Monster

"A word Emma?" Ingrid asked. It wasn't a question. Emma would usually blow her off, Ingrid had tunnel vision when it came to her family, and sure she liked to pretend that Emma was a part of it, but they all knew that she wasn't. Emma wasn't blood so according to Ingrid, she wasn't family, not really.

Ingrid waited until they were out of Killian's earshot before voicing her concern "Someone's been in his head." She told her, glancing at him suspiciously. Emma didn't like her looking at him like that. Emma was still livid after seeing her have her hands on him. He was her Sailor, no one else's. She didn't like the idea of Ingrid using magic on him.

"We encountered a jabberwocky," She told her, getting in between. "It did some damage, he doesn't have the magic to bounce back like we do." It was why he seemed different, less kindhearted, angrier, hurt. Killian was oh so hurt.

Ingrid smiled condescendingly. "Something else." She insisted. "I understand he saved you, but you need to be wary, he may be compromised."

Don't ask her why, but Emma was furious by this, furious that Ingrid dared to doubt her sailor. It was like she was telling Emma that it was crazy to think that anyone could care about her. He had to be plotting something.

"Why don't you mind your own business?" She spat. "And keep your grubby hands off Jones."

Ingrid nodded. "Ok. I will." She promised. "But heed my warning, from what I gather from Elsa's tale, you two…you are from vastly different worlds."

Nothing new there.

"If you think he could ever understand you, you're wrong. You will never fit into his world, nor him in yours. He's afraid of you."

Emma laughed. "Why should I listen to you?" She asked. "You tried to kill me then abandoned me." She spat. "You lost the right to give me any sort of advice."

And she walked off.

What did Ingrid know about love anyway? Just as much as the Jabberwocky that's for sure. Whatever she had, or could have with Killian, it was none of her business.

"So what port are we stopping in?" She asked that next day. She was looking forward to masking her identity, running around, and to see Killian in his natural habitat. As a deckhand, he was accustomed to ports, to sailors, to restocking ships, it was his home. She could see it in the way he smiled, a real smile, the way he stood, confident. She wanted to see this side to him, see exactly who Killian Jones is.

"I also have a friend at this port." Killian said. She looked at him in surprise. He had never mentioned friends, although he was friendly enough, she'd like to meet his friends. Friends were a good indication for what type of man he was. "I'd like to separate and see him by myself if you don't mind." He was looking at her, asking permission.

"He's afraid of you."

Wasn't she stupid, thinking, even for a second that things could be normal, she wasn't normal, she was a villain and he was a deckhand. They belonged to different worlds, just because she was inviting him into hers, didn't mean he had to do the same, and didn't mean he even wanted to.

"Don't let me stop your social life." She muttered, turning away from him. "I'll go by myself to get supplies."

She didn't want to see his happiness that he could get away from her for a couple hours, nor let him see how hurt she was that he didn't want her along for the trip.

"He may be compromised."

Unless Ingrid was right and Killian wasn't the cowardly deckhand who had magically transformed into this…brave sailor, maybe it was a trick of her mother's to find the dagger? To hurt Emma yet again? Perhaps this was a rendezvous for whoever he was working for?

It didn't take her superpower to see through that lie, the lie she was spinning for herself.

Emma just wanted an excuse to validate her current activity, following Killian around the port. She used magic to keep herself hidden, seeing him talk to some of the other sailors, he laughed slightly, rubbing behind his ear when he got nervous. He moved along to the tavern. Killian smiled at some of the bar maiden's, (a little too much for her liking) he was asking them something.

He had that serious look on his face. He was fishing for information, who better to tell him than the woman supplying the alcohol to all the men of the town? He slipped a piece of gold to a dark haired girl, giving her a scandalous wink.

When she first met him, Killian didn't curse, or apologized when he was in her presence. The Killian she met would have never done that, never even spoken to the maidens, never slipped gold down their blouse. What had changed? Had she been this much of an influence?

There was no time to think on this as Killian took off fast paced out of the tavern and down the street. She took off after him, wondering what had prompted this. He reached a door farther from the docks than she would have expected. He knocked on the door ferociously.

Emma held her breath in anticipation as the door opened. Then her heart sank

It was a woman.

Should have known that he picked this place because he had a little something on the side. She thought bitterly, seeing the woman's blonde curls and inner sweetness. She embraced Killian and he her. They spoke openly, friendly, he looked happy, more animated than he'd ever been in her presence.

She invited him into her home. It didn't take much imagination to imagine what was about to transpire between him and that tramp.

Emma could practically see her arms in his dark hair, his lips on hers, hands roaming.

She had half a mind to rush in and snap the little thing's neck, pull him out by his heart.

"If I want to take your heart, and have my wicked way with you, than I will."

She had warned him after all. It was the very nature of her parents' relationship, after her mother's childhood love had died, she had tracked down his twin, stolen his heart because she wanted to pretend, in the dead of night, that her lover still breathed.

Emma was still debating said action when something clamped their hand on her wrist.

"Witch! Witch!" A voice shouted angrily. She pulled away out of instinct. You just messed with the wrong girl buddy.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She retorted backing away. Emma turned, wanting to flee, come back later to stake her claim. He was her sailor and no tramp was going to change that.

"Don't try and deny it!" The man retorted. "Your friends sold you out." She blinked back, coming back to reality to understand what these people were saying to her. Someone told the town that she had magic? She had been watching Kilian the entire time! Who could-

Elsa. She'd roast her later.

She looked around, people were staring. Emma smirked. "Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?" She said with a shrug. It was about time to get out of here. She called up on her magic, preparing to poof right out of there-

Nothing happened. She gazed at her wrist, from where the man had grabbed her, a piece of leather remained; it felt tight against her skin.

"Those are anti-magic cuffs, given to us by the wizard." The man explained, pulling his sword, pointing it at her. "Prepare to die." The man lunged, she dodged, trying to pry it off, but it didn't budge.

Shoot.

The man lunged again, catching her on the side, bright red blood splattered on the cobblestones. The man obviously knew what he was doing. She was in trouble. She looked around for an escape attempt, a weapon, anything.

People were starting to gather, two more appeared behind her, blocking off her only escape route.

The man who had stuck the cuff to her wrist stepped forward, slamming the blunt side of his blade against her head. "You can't get away." He sneered as she collapsed onto her knees. He delivered another kick to her ribs. Emma's instincts flared as she grabbed him foot as he went in for a second blow.

"I'm not aiming to go anywhere swine." She hissed, pulling him off his feet. She lunged for his blade. Two other villagers grabbed onto her arms, pulling her back. The man got back to his feet. He raised his blade, Emma closed her eyes.

The Dark One was going to die to this peasant.

The sound of metal catching metal sounded.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing attacking my sorceress?" Demanded a voice. She knew that voice, but just didn't understand how it was possible. Emma opened her eyes.

It was Killian.

She suppressed her happiness as she noticed the way his vest was buttoned incorrectly, jacket tossed on without being smoothed down like he generally preferred. She didn't want to know how far he had gotten with the blonde, how sweet her kisses were, how much he preferred to kiss her rather then-

"Your sorceress?" The man demanded.

"The law states that no magical being is allowed to freely walk the region, it does not however say that one may attack another's. This one is bound to me and so it makes her mine." He declared with a rare bought of possessiveness. Emma suppressed a growl.

She was no ones.

"Prove it." The man demanded. "Make her do something."

If he thinks I'm just going to play along-

She saw a flare of anger rush through him, the first bit may have been an act, but this was none. Killian struck out against him, disarming him with a flick of his wrist.

"Prove it? Do I need to prove to you which house my gold pays for? Prove which woman I chose to bed?" He dared. "Do you dare to doubt my honor to ask me if I can make her jump and dance for your amusement?" He placed the edge of the blade against the man's neck, making him stumble to the ground. "Perhaps I should prove to you whether or not I am strong enough to cut your throat like an animal."

Damn.

The man stood back up, hands raised in defeat.

"My apologies." He stuttered before fleeing. Killian turned his dark gaze to the men holding her.

"Release her before I decide to have her tear out your hearts and feed them to you, trust me, she'd enjoy it" He growled.

Deciding to have her own fun, she batted her eyes and giggled darkly. "Awe, you always get to have all the fun!" They dropped her arms just as quickly, fleeing off into the town.

Killian went, gripping her elbow, pulling her along rougher than he needed to.

"You followed me." He grumbled.

"So? What did I interrupt you having fun with your girlfriend?" She snapped. "I didn't need your help."

He chuckled, leading her into the house he was currently in moments ago. But it just made her angrier. She didn't want to meet the woman who had been moments from being with Killian, she wanted him to stop leading her inside, to stop whatever this was between them. If he didn't feel anything for her, he should just man up and tell her already! Because seeing him defend her just made whatever she felt for him stronger.

"Oh Swan, how much you don't know." He remarked, pulling the cuff from her wrist. She pulled away, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Get your hands off me!" She hissed. "I know enough! I followed you!"

She expected an angry retort, but didn't get one, instead saw him suck in a pained gasp, hands clutching his side. "Damn it Swan." He cursed, hunched over. "When will you realize that all I'm trying to do is protect you?"

He nearly fell, but Emma went to catch him, supporting him to get to the couch. Her simple movement should not have caused that much damage. "I don't need protection." She said plainly.

The blonde came around the corner.

"Oh! You got her, that's good Killian." She said sweetly, but then she spotted Killian. "It reopened again didn't it?" She demanded. The woman looked to Emma.

"Here, lay him down, I'll go get Victor."

Emma did what she was asked, despite Kilian's complaints. "What reopened?" She asked him once he was settled. "I didn't see anyone get you with their sword, was it Elsa after you knocked me out? I'll-"

Killian shook his head, eyes shut clenching in pain. "Before…before I came to get you, perhaps a day or so, I was injured. I haven't exactly been on bed rest since then." He admitted.

"So it's been bothering you since? Why didn't you tell me! I wouldn't have been so rough when we fought!" She said outraged. "Has it opened up a lot?"

Killian shook his head. "Just once after the fight with the guard…and again the morning after we sparred…"

Emma could feel her heart tighten with guilt.

"I'm sorry, I…I didn't know." She managed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He tried to reply, but was interrupted. "Because he's a stubborn arse." Came a curt reply. The blonde woman came down followed by a thin man slightly taller than her, with ashy brown hair. He wore a long white coat around him. Emma moved back as he pulled up a chair near the wound.

"Now, next time I tell you to wait until I finish will you are you going to listen?" The man asked him with a groan of exasperation.

Killian smiled sheepishly. "Am I going to live?"

Emma watched in silence as he pulled up the vest, revealing a nasty cut from under Killian's ribs, it looked slightly healed but bleeding heavily. She could see how painful it was from Killian's face.

"Lizzie, get the rum. He's going to want to be hammered for this."

Killian struggled under the man's grip.

"No. I'm fine, just do it already." He insisted.

"I know you hate the feeling, but last time I went ahead you kept moving." The man argued back. Emma decided that this was the perfect opportunity to step in.

"Here, let me." She said, placing a hand on his chest. It would just take a simple spell to take away his pain so the healer can work. Her fingers glowed faintly

"Swan-" but his complaint died as her spell spread about, a dazed expression crossed his face. "Never mind" He murmured, eyes fluttering shut.

The man nodded a thank you and began stitching up the injury. Emma watched his work, it was much more skilled than she had seen before.

"Oh your bleeding too!" The blonde exclaimed, taking her hands. "Come, I'll patch you up while Victor finishes with Killian."

"Now sweetie, come, take off your coat so I can see what those men did to you." She continued. Emma hesitated.

"Who are you? Who is he? Who is Killian?"

The woman laughed. "Whoops! Where are my manners? My name's Elizabeth." She introduced. "Elizabeth Whale." She shook the woman's hand. "My husband over there is a doctor, but that doesn't mean anything to you here." She laughed.

"I know what that means." Emma said softly. "I've been there." Elizabeth's eyes went wide briefly before she nodded in understanding. A silent understanding passing between them.

"Wait, you said you and Victor are married, does that mean you and Killian are not-"

The woman looked at her blankly.

Didn't she feel like an idiot. She just was glad that this Elizabeth seemed too sweet to understand what she was asking.

She found herself losing her cloak and vest, pulling up her blouse to reveal the deep red wound on her skin. The first she'd ever seen, most of the time, her wounds healed in a matter of minutes, but this one wasn't.

Emma hissed when Elizabeth started patch up the wound, pulling away at the unfamiliar feeling.

"Stay still!" She snapped. "You're worse than Killian." She said with a sigh.

Killian.

"How do you two know each other? Killian I mean?" Emma asked as she kept her body still when the woman tried again to patch up the injury.

"Killian's brother helped my husband when we were in…a peculiar situation." She admitted. "After Liam's death, Victor promised to watch out for Killian. He deals with all of Killian's 'falls'." She muttered irritated, the stitches started getting sharper as she went, obviously unhappy about something.

"Falls?" Emma asked.

"I'm a kind person Miss Swan." Elizabeth said with a sigh. "I would never wish harm on anyone. The Captain however, he I wouldn't spit on if he was on fire." She seethed. "Killian deserves better."

Now that had her curious. Killian spoke of The Captain the first day or so, about how he needed to get back so the Captain wouldn't be angry.

"What did the Captain-"

The blonde shook her head, she wasn't going to elaborate. "You have a broken rib right here." Elizabeth explained touching her chest, making Emma gasp. "Killian said you have magic, shouldn't it be healing already she asked?"

Emma didn't like it when people asked about her magic, she was going to say something dramatic when she saw nothing but good intentions curiosity in her gaze.

"Whenever my magic is contained, it takes a while for it to readjust. It might be hours before it is back to full strength." She admitted.

"Do you care for him?" She asked next, surprising her.

"What?" Blue eyes narrowed.

"Killian. He's like a brother to us, and he's had a very bad bit of luck with woman." She explained. "I don't want him hurt again."

She avoided her look. "I care for Killian, but he isn't interested. We're too different to be anything more than…" Friends? Acquaintances? "What we are."

Apparently Emma couldn't get her half-truth over on the curly haired woman.

"I am no fool Miss Swan. I know devotion when I see it. I know what it's like to care about someone so whole heatedly that you don't think of the risks, you don't think period. That you just need to be with them, that your heart just fits in the other's hand." She said softly.

"I'm not-" Emma tried, but was cut off.

"I'm not talking about you Swan. When he thought you were in danger, Killian ran to help you, he didn't have to, you know, but he did, he did because he cares about you."

Emma shook her head. "He shouldn't though. He shouldn't. You are right to worry Mrs. Whale. I am not good for him. I am not good for anyone, I am a monster…"

A hand rested on her shoulder. "I've seen monsters Miss Swan, the real ones, the ones that were hurt so badly that all they see is red, that all they see is the being who wronged them. I've looked creatures like this in the eye. I know them when I see them. So let me tell you this, you are not one of them." She could feel experience glittering in her gaze. Emma wondered who were these people, she took back her earlier statement about her, this woman was not naive. Just as quickly as it appeared, the sad look in Elizabeth's eyes stopped, she looked up, smile brightening.

"They should be finishing up right about now." She said waving her off. "He'll be asking for you." Emma proceeded around the corner slowly, hearing the tail-end of a conversation as Elizabeth started sorting through her supplies muttering a tune under her breath.

"You lied to me!" He hissed. "Does she know? Is my entire life some bloody joke to you?!" It was Killian, he was fuming mad, even under the pain reducing spell she placed.

"Keep your voice down. No she doesn't. I did the best I could with this bad situation." Victor's voice said in a controlled tone.

Killian laughed darkly. "Bad situation. That's rich coming from you, Frankenstein. I thought we were friends, I thought you were helping me because you saw me as family." He said trying to get up. Killian locked eyes with her as he relaxed himself, but turned away from both of them.

"We should leave Killian to rest for a bit." The man said, content with ignoring the situation, as if she hadn't heard Killian curse the man for something he had supposedly done.

"Dark Swan? Can I talk to you in the other room? I can check out your other injury." She nodded politely, taking one last look at the deckhand. A part of her wanted to strike the man down now, but she held back, content with gaining intel first, then she'd kill the doctor if Killian so desired.

"Please, not now I'll…" His voice broke as he tried to catch his breath, eyes pleading with her. "I'll explain everything, I promise, just not here. Go get seen too, I'll be here." Emma gave a nod and followed the good doctor.

"Come on and shut the door." Snapped Victor. "I take it Liz sewed you up?" He asked as he approached her, she tensed.

"Relax, tension isn't good for healing." He chuckled "Let me see." He asked carefully as she looked him over warily.

Emma sighed, pulling up her shirt where the soon to be purple bruises would be. He pressed something cold to her skin, metal. A small metal disk attached to a shiny tube that connected to his ears. He moved it over every few seconds, telling her when to take a breath.

"Lucky there's no internal bleeding." He muttered darkly. "Or perhaps I should say unlucky for us." She pulled away, yanking down her blouse as he laughed at his morbid joke.

"Great bed side manner." She muttered. It made him smirk.

"Liz doesn't know what you are, but I do." He told her simply, "She always liked fairytales, she just always liked the Disney kind. Give me your hand." She did, not bothering to ask what he meant.

"What were you and Jones arguing about?" She asked.

"None of your business" He shot back. "But I would have thought that you of all people would let fate take its course."

She didn't understand, nor did she like it.

"You're changing him." He said, looking over the bruise the leather cuff had made. He took poured something over it, it made Emma hiss as it hit her wrist.

Whale ignored her complaint.

"He's acting more like Liam than even Liam." He continued. "Contrary to Killian's beliefs, Liam was not a good man."

Emma remembered the utter rage she had seen in Killian after he killed Hans. He had changed quickly, in only a few days; he had made a complete personality swap. She had thought that he was getting braver, more confident and this was just the result. But maybe…maybe there was more to it than that.

"Why are you telling me this?" She asked.

"Liam was not a good man, but he was strong. He was stubborn and he would never condone half of the things Killian has gone through. I don't know if becoming like him is good in the long run, but maybe, just maybe, it'll help him find his own path, his own bravery."

Emma still didn't understand, she wanted to ask more questions, but he got up and held out the door for her. The conversation was over.

Killian seemed even more mysterious than before.

He was by himself when she got there, rubbing and scratching at his tattoo, standing.

"All good?" She asked as she stood, crossing her arms. He froze looking up at her warily.

"Why did you follow me?" He asked directly. "Elizabeth isn't here; she went out to get the supplies while we wait for the men to forget all about you." He added sharply.

"I wanted to know who you were meeting." Emma responded. "Why did you visit a healer without telling me?"

He looked tense. "Why? Why do you care who I visit? Did you think I'd leave you and the Ice Queens' without a captain?" He demanded. "I told you I'd come back so I will."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Because you gave me your word right? That's the only reason you have, your damn insistence on good form." She muttered crossing her arms. She averted her gaze for a moment. When Emma looked back, he was closer, just a step away.

"Why did you follow me?" He said softer. She looked up at him. "Why do you keep pulling away from me, one minute you're telling me…secrets just as I am you…the next minute you're accusing me of being involved with my friend's wife."

Emma should push him away; snap something about him not deserving a single answer from her. He should have just asked her to come with; he should have trusted her to be able to behave herself with his friends.

"Why should I trust you?" She asked. He could hear the hidden meaning, the hidden question in her voice. The question that Emma herself couldn't voice, not even to herself. "Why did you kill Hans?"

He didn't move. "He was hurting you, I didn't want that."

She bit back a gasp, his blue eyes didn't move from hers. She wanted him to; hhe didn't know how alluring his eyes could be. But she didn't. She didn't want to stop looking at them. She dropped her arms, letting down her wall ever so slightly.

"And what exactly do you want Sailor?" She dared, just like that first day. Emma expected him to avert his gaze, trip on his feet, his face to flush. She expected him to say that he wanted to find his brother, that she was a means to an end, that she was just The 'all powerful' Dark One.

"What do I want?" He asked, closing the distance a bit more. She could smell his leather jacket, the one she had found in one of the deep areas of the ship; it had fit his pirate persona perfectly. "What do I bloody want? Are you really asking me that?" He demanded. His anger still red hot, anger and passion mixing dangerously.

"You." He challenged.

She opened her mouth to respond, to question what in the world he was implying.

She didn't get that chance. Killian crashed his lips against hers. It was surprised her at first, for a moment she was still, he pulled back, face flushed in embarrassment, rage and passion draining instantly.

"I'm-"

But Emma wasn't.

She grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him in for a real kiss. It was positively electric, she could feel his hand in her hair, the other on her waist. She hadn't been kissed with this much want, this much passion…maybe ever. It felt like he was water and she was beyond parched. For the first time in years, Emma felt like a woman, not a creature. The way she pressed against him, tracing the way his shoulders tensed and relaxed, it was…

When they parted, it left her breathless, she was never breathless. When she had been with the Huntsman, it had been enjoyable at best. This... Emma stared at Killian, his fingers on his lips looking at her with disbelief. This…Deckhand made her feel alive.

"That was…" She breathed, her hand still in his hair, his own arm still wrapped around her waist.

"Yeah…" He echoed.

She was going to say something, anything because for all her strength, she couldn't find enough of it to make her let go of this man.

"Viccy, Killy, Dark One, I'm back!"

They practically leaped away from each other, like flustered teenagers.

"Now what did I walk in on?"

I needed some fluff. I needed my fan fic fluff after two hours of...of...of just sadnesss.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

I want to write about the most recent episode but I fear I wouldn't be able to write coherent sentences.

WHY CAN"T THEY JUST BE HAPPY

See? What's worse is that I don't have cable in my current location, but next week will be the one week where I'm by a tv, but NOPE NO EPISODE

The feels are real. I mean, I planned to do stuff to them in this story but like, this was just...

MY SOUL IS SINKING WITH THE SHIP.

Now on to my version of these characters, they get their long awaited kiss. Yes, first kiss after 12 chapters. It felt right.

Now I shall go down my misery on chocolate.

WILL THEY EVER BE HAPPY

Season 6, when or whatever it may be has to be a bit lighter, please? Pretty please?

Sorry for long author's note. It's just my heart shattering, no big deal

~Luna