Hi! I want to thank those who've been following for putting up with my ridiculously late update. This is the last chapter and I hope you guys like it! It's an early Valentine's Day gift to Arthur and Merlin as well as for the rest of us. :)
Merlin sat in his car and watched the rain cascade down the front windshield. The rain beat down on the roof of his car with a vengeance and his mind was filled with the roar of the sound. He looked across the street to the blurred light coming from one of the windows. Merlin let out a sigh and shoved his head back into the headrest and stared up at the ceiling. He let out a sharp breath and thought back to what Arthur had said.
"Merlin, I like you a little bit more than that. That's a lie; I like you a whole lot more than that. Like with a capital L, maybe love with capital everything because I forgot the caps lock on."
He banged his head against the headrest a couple times before he turned his head to look at the light shining behind the curtains. He told himself that he was only waiting for the rain to let up, that as soon as it stopped pouring he'd go up and knock on the door. He'd been telling himself that for the past two hours, enough time for the car to cool down enough for him to see his breath illuminated by the old-style streetlamp he'd parked underneath.
He couldn't help thinking that once he got out and knocked on the door he was walking into a territory that he didn't know how to navigate.
Merlin thought of Arthur's face, completely stripped bare after he'd told Merlin of his feelings. The hurt that had pierced his face when Merlin had hastily pushed himself away from the table, away from Arthur, so he could get away, so he could breathe without feeling like someone had shoved an entire apple down his throat.
He swallowed. His eyes traced the shadow of a figure that moved behind the curtain. Merlin took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. He ran across the street as the rain pelted his hair and rolled down his coat. He climbed the steps that led to the front door of the house and raised his hand to knock. His hand hovered mere inches away from the yellow door as the rain ran down every inch of him. He rapped his knuckles on the door twice and the sound was heavy in the silence. He wished he could take it back, the sound was too sharp. It sounded like a demand.
Merlin shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to slow his heart. He'd walked through this door so many times, never had knocking been so terrifying. Now, he stood on the welcome mat and wondered if he indeed was welcome.
Merlin knocked again, a bit softer this time. "Come on Arthur, I know you're in, I saw you walk by the window," he said to the door. "Please," he continued as his voice fell, "please Arthur, I need to talk to you."
He heard the lock click and the door opened slowly.
Arthur stood there, clad in a sweater and jeans, holding onto the doorknob as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep the door open for much longer. Merlin felt some of the warmth escape out of the house as it brushed past him. He looked at Arthur who tiredly looked back at him, not quite meeting his eyes and instead hovering on a spot above Merlin's right shoulder.
"What do you want Merlin?" Arthur didn't invite him inside and Merlin didn't ask.
Merlin wanted to pause the moment until he got his heart under control, until he caught all the thoughts that threatened to run away under Arthur's tired, apathetic gaze.
"I want to – I need to talk to you," he repeated.
Arthur frowned and rubbed at his face with both hands. He took a breath and dragged his hands slowly down his face before he looked at Merlin, really looked at him this time.
"Can we not? I don't want to do this Merlin, not with you. I have a brilliant idea, how about we forget what I said," Arthur waved a dismissive hand, "blame it on the incense burning in the hut."
Merlin stood in the cold as the rain flattened his hair to his head and the clothes to his back and he felt his hope tear apart. He felt the pieces drop to the floor and turn into a soggy mess as the rain had its way with them. Something inside him stiffened with resolve at the sight of his drowning hope. He crouched down and peeled off all the pieces and laid them on the palm of his hand. When he straightened up his hands fisted around the pieces and it started to reshape.
Merlin looked Arthur squarely in the eyes. "I don't want to."
Arthur gave a weary sigh. "Look Merlin –"
"No," Merlin interrupted. "You've said your bit already. Just let me say something."
Merlin's heart sped up when Arthur didn't say anything and Merlin knew he had his attention. He breathed past the throbbing pump and tried to recapture the words he wanted to use. It was so much easier when he'd practiced saying the words to his steering wheel. Now he couldn't think of two words to rub together.
"I shouldn't have run. I'm sorry," Merlin said quietly. "I don't know why I did."
Arthur snorted darkly and crossed his arms across his chest. "I think it's pretty obvious, wouldn't you? You ran away Merlin, I got the message loud and clear."
"You don't understand," Merlin jumped in.
"You turned and left," Arthur said loudly, "I don't think we need to have a discussion to figure out what that means."
Merlin shook his head. "No, you don't understand, I have to tell you something."
"Fine," Arthur snapped and reached out a hand to clutch the door. "You want to tell me something? Fine, then tell me why you left. Tell me why you got up and left, like I didn't even warrant an explanation."
"Because," Merlin started and fell short.
"Becuase? Becuase why? Just say it. Just say it so we can lay this to rest and go back to being the friends we've always been. So just tell me. Because why?" Arthur goaded.
"Because I was scared," Merlin shouted. Arthur's face smoothed. They stood there, breathing heavily, looking at each other. "Because I was scared," Merlin whispered.
"Because I was an idiot and I didn't know what to do when the one thing I wanted the most, the one thing I'd wanted for the longest time, was actually coming true. Because something in your eyes, your face, made me jump away because there was too much honesty."
Merlin looked at Arthur through his wet lashes. "Because I'm a coward and I've been driving around ever since I ran out until I got dangerously low on gas and parked outside your house, willing myself for the last two hours to knock on your door," he said in a rush.
He swallowed thickly and brushed his hands over his face, swiping away some of the rain. Arthur stood stunned in the doorway, his hand forgotten on the door.
"Why?" Arthur asked so quietly that Merlin wondered if he even knew that he asked. Arthur seemed to come back into himself and he looked at Merlin in confusion. "You always look away when you catch me looking at you."
"You must know." Merlin shook his head as he looked down and let out a quick breath. When he looked up at Arthur he smiled although the edges wobbled. "You must know, that at night I would take out the memories of all the times you looked at me with softened eyes, all those times you'd throw your head back in pure abandon as you'd laugh, the slight brushes of your fingers on my arm as you passed me by – Arthur, I would take all of those memories and mold them into something beautiful. It was something I only let myself picture for a couple minutes before I fell asleep because I knew it was impossible." He closed his eyes and squeezed them tight. "But it was too beautiful to be left to collect dust." A muscle in Merlin's cheek trembled.
Arthur stared at Merlin, speechless. Merlin's heart was beating so fast he was pretty sure he was going to throw up.
"So," Merlin smiled weakly at Arthur, "to conclude," he laughed a short nervous laugh but felt the knot in his throat loosen when he saw Arthur's lips twitch into an involuntary smile, "I've been in love with my best friend for as long as I can remember, probably even before."
Merlin waited for Arthur's reaction but he stood frozen. Arthur blinked once, twice, then burst out laughing. He was laughing so hard that he had to use the hand on the door to keep himself upright. Merlin watched him, shivering from his wet clothes, not exactly sure what to make from Arthur's reaction. In all his dreams where he declared his love for Arthur none of the scenarios had Arthur laughing until he was crying.
Arthur straightened up and rubbed his face, still laughing a little to himself. He said something but Merlin couldn't hear because of Arthur's hands in front of his mouth.
"All this time," Arthur said as his laughter faded away. Arthur raised his hands and shook them in the air. "This whole damn time," Arthur said to the ceiling. Merlin wasn't exactly sure whom Arthur was talking with and was strangely tempted to just stick his head inside to make sure Arthur didn't have some weird tenant who liked to suction himself to the ceiling.
A couple residual laughs caught hold of Arthur as he looked at Merlin. "The two idiots who'd been in love with each other for twelve years and didn't realize it until some weird gypsy woman gave them the stink eye. Reads like one of those corny books Guinevere likes to read, don't it?"
Hearing Arthur say it again made Merlin's breath get stuck somewhere along the way. Arthur must have noticed because the laughter rolled off his face and he took a step closer to Merlin. He was standing on the metal doorstep, the wind tugged at his sweater and the rain from the doorframe dripped onto him. He didn't step back though.
"I meant it, you know," he murmured. He was close enough for Merlin to get tangled in his eyelashes. This was everything Merlin had ever dreamed and more because the cold and the rain made it more real.
"I did too," he whispered. Merlin watched Arthur close his eyes. He was close enough to see the faint web of capillaries on Arthur's eyelids.
"I can't believe you didn't know." Arthur smiled gently. "All those times you caught me looking at you. I figured you knew because you always looked away." Arthur opened his eyes to look at Merlin.
Merlin shook his head lightly. "I didn't. I looked away because it was too much, I didn't want to build it up in my head and, you know..."
Arthur smiled because Merlin wasn't looking away. "Yeah."
Merlin opened his mouth to say something but the thought got sucked away when Arthur stepped off the metal doorstep towards Merlin. The rain was slowly starting to seep into Arthur's clothes as well but he didn't seem to care. Arthur reached out a tentative hand and took one of Merlin's hands.
Arthur frowned. "Jesus you're cold." Arthur's hand squeezed around his own and his numb fingers twitched at the warmth. From where he stood, Merlin could feel the warmth radiating from Arthur and he wanted nothing more than to close the last foot of distance between them.
"Let's get you warmed up," Arthur said and took a step back towards the door. Merlin frowned and before Arthur could say anything he pulled Arthur back towards him with the hands that were still enjoined. Arthur stumbled into him and Merlin reached up with his other hand and placed it on Arthur's cheek to steady him. He crossed the space between them until he was kissing Arthur and he was willing his numb lips to move. After a surprised moment Arthur's hand went around to Merlin back and he pulled Merlin even closer. Merlin's fingers brushed through Arthur's hair and he could feel the heat of their breaths. When they broke apart for a proper breath Arthur wore a dazed expression.
"I've waited twelve years for that. Twelve years. You're crazy if you thought I was going to wait another minute."
Arthur smiled a smile so wide that Merlin was almost positive he could count all of Arthur's teeth. The smile slowly ebbed. "You're not going to run anymore, are you?"
Merlin shook his head. "No. Are you the running sort?"
"You git," Arthur rolled his eyes, "I live here. I'm not going anywhere." He reached out a hand and grabbed Merlin's soggy coat and pulled him in through the door. "And neither are you."
Thank you to all of you who've read, favorited, followed and to those who've written reviews. You guys are all so kind! ^.^