Chapter 18

Letting Go

She hated leaving him, being ushered away like a damsel in distress but Emma went along with it, she went along with it because this wasn't about her, it was about him. She knew that he needed this, he needed a battle to fight, proof of his own bravery.

Plus there was always something gratifying about facing an adversary and coming back on top, of winning despite the odds. If Killian thought he could win here, then sitting down here was just what Emma planned to do.

Unfortunately, that left her down here with Elsa and Ingrid until Killian was done playing with his buddies. She hoped he would hurry; she wanted to spend as little time with these ice queens as possible.

What she really wanted to do was get him back in that bed of his, back when he wasn't dead on his feet.

"Hi!" Said a bubbly voice, it startled her from her...less then pure thoughts about her sailor. "I'm Anna." Emma turned to the voice, narrowing her eyes. A red headed girl a couple years younger than herself stood hand outstretched.

"Anna?" She questioned before looking for Elsa and the way she didn't take her eyes off the girl. "As in Elsa's sister Anna?"

She nodded. "And you must be Emma." Anna reasoned. "The Dark One."

She actually did it. She performed an act of love, an act towards her sister. Her true sister.

And for some reason it burned her up inside, she felt nothing but rage towards the red head. The sister that never understood her, that had caused Elsa so much pain. Anna had abandoned Elsa and Elsa seemed to have let bygones be bygones.

Emma smirked. "Yes, yes I am." Anna flinched at her cruel gaze, allowing Emma to pass by her.

"You didn't need to do that Emma." Elsa interrupted, her voice low. "Anna means you no harm." Emma met her gaze just as sharply.

"What did I do Elsa?" She sneered. "Did I scare your precious sister?" She said sarcastically. It made Elsa flinch too. In all honesty, Emma didn't understand her own actions, she shouldn't be so upset by the puny red head, she shouldn't be taking it so seriously, but she was.

Emma looked up at the cabin's ceiling; wanting to know what was taking so long. All he had to do is call her name and Emma would be there to skin the foe who made her appear, and Killian knew it. All he would have to do is call her and the other ship would be sunk to the sea in mere moments.

Emma would get pure pleasure in ripping the sail off the boat.

Thankfully Elsa had receded towards the opposite corner where Anna sat, still shaking from the cold. Elsa draped a blanket over her shoulders. Anna looked up and smiled. She heard them chattering happily.

Emma recalled a time the two of them got stuck in an ice cave, nearly freezing, Elsa had done the exact same thing to Emma after Ingrid had found them, Elsa had been so sorry for nearly getting Emma nearly turned to a posicle. She remembered calling Elsa for the first time that day.

And now, seeing Elsa share that same moment with Ann, it made Emma want to light the blanket ablaze, preferably while Anna still hid under it.

Perhaps in all honesty, Emma did know why she snapped at Anna.

Ingrid however, decided to make the waiting more unbearable than it already was.

"I think the three of us need to discuss our issues." She said with her controlled grin. "Emma, why don't you start?" Did the witch think talking would make it easier to sit in a confined space while danger lurked just above? That she would benefit confronting her issues as her sailor was up there doing who knows what?

However, Anna(Of course the bubbly red-head would open her big mouth) raised her hand and interrupted Ingrid. "Not to be rude, but who are you exactly?" She asked looking at the older Queen with her too blue eyes. (Killian's were perfect, Anna's were annoying)

"Elsa, this is a family meeting, can you tell her to wait in another room." Ingrid said dismissing Anna, looking at Elsa.

Emma chuckled, leaning back, knowing very well how Elsa would react. It was going to be funny.

"Anna is my sister, she is my family." Elsa growled standing up ice creeping along the floor in her rage. She aught sight of it before closing her eyes for a moment and absorbing the cold back into herself, before starting again. "Anna, this is our aunt, she took me in and despite her prejudice for those without magic, she usually means well." She said, eyeing Ingrid dangerously.

As always, Ingrid didn't flinch, her cold gaze unwavering, always unwavering.

Emma shifted her gaze; hoping ignoring the older woman would forget, too concerned with Elsa to continue her line of questioning. She just trained her hears to hear what was going on, hear the other men come aboard, swords drawn…

"Emma? We're waiting." Ingrid lectured, tapping her nails against the wooden chair side. She cursed silently to herself. She couldn't quite hear what was going on upstairs.

"Sorry Auntie, Emma is too concerned with the sailor, she's gone soft." Elsa sneered. Anna elbowed her softly making Elsa roll her eyes.

Did the mouse think that she could have a say in what Elsa did?

"Quiet, I'm trying to hear what's going on." She snapped back at Elsa.

"Ok then, I'll start. I'm tired of Emma's selfish remarks. She's so concerned with vengeance that she doesn't even know that she's become the very monster she wanted to destroy!" Elsa growled. "You let Hans die and risk my sister's life. You are just like your mother."

Emma turned towards the ice witch. If she couldn't help Killian she was damn sure she would at least do something useful like thumping Elsa upside the head.

"Yeah? Fine. I'm sick of Elsa's poor me crap. Boo-who your parents hated you, they ran from you and ended up dying. Poor you that your little sister found love and would rather be tricked by a mad man than to love you." She growled. "And you!" She said eyes shifting to Ingrid. "Trying to force us to be a family when we don't want to? I hate you, I hate Elsa, the only reason I agreed to this was because the witch has a secret of mine." She sneered, not caring that she may have revealed a tad too much. "Had it been up to me, I'd let Hans melt you." She added with a grin.

She could feel Anna recoil, hiding behind Elsa. It gave her a feeling of glee. She always liked the feeling of fear, and Anna's was just a bit more enjoyable than most.

Elsa ended up standing up, glaring at Emma. "We were friends once Emma, don't forget that! It wasn't me that threw it away!"

Emma laughed darkly, it was all too convenient that Elsa would forget the most important part of their relationship. "Elsa, we were sisters before as you recall. You thought Anna was there living alive and happy in that castle, and you turned to me to fill that void!" She hissed angrily.

"And then you left!" Elsa growled back, both inches from each other. "I needed you and you left! You ran!" She could feel Anna pressing herself against the wall, looking at them with terror, pure terror.

While it thrilled her, she was thankful that Elsa wasn't looking in that direction. Despite their recent differences, Elsa didn't deserve to see that, seeing someone you love fearing you, it was one of the worse fates for someone like them.

"I couldn't take you staring out the window, waiting for someone who would never come back! People like us can't love like that! Waiting for your true love is like waiting for a sunny day here in Arendelle! If you want something, you have to stop moping and just go get it!"

Emma couldn't stand the thought of one day seeing Elsa's face light up, watching as the love of her life whisked her away, leaving Emma with nothing. It was better that she did the leaving, the heart break, before Elsa had a chance to do it herself.

"And I came back!" She spat back, reminding the witch. "I was sorry! I wanted my sister! I wanted her at my side, to hold my hand because I was scared, so scared after…after I realized what I was!" She fixed quickly. "And you froze me out! You wanted your vengeance over the sister you lost more than the sister who needed you!"

At eighteen, returning from yet another loss, she sought her sister first. And Emma had proven that she was right, that Elsa had abandoned her too.

She expected Elsa to shoot something hurtful back, but her eyes widen and she just slumps onto a make-shift chair. Emma can see the hurt in her face. She didn't want that, she just wanted them to leave her alone. She just wanted to listen and make sure that Killian was ok.

"Elsa-" Anna started. "Emma-" But the mortal was at a loss for words, her eyes closed, tears dripping down her cheeks.

"I loved him. Emma." Elsa admitted. "But how could I tell you that? You always said that love didn't exist, always said how betrayed you felt by love." Then she turned to Anna. "And I couldn't tell you because mother and father kept us apart, they didn't want me hurting you, I never wanted to hurt you. Telling you about him would only hurt you." She said softly.

"How would it hurt me?" Anna asked in a near whisper.

Elsa turned to her, moving a strand from her hair, an odd strand that was pure white."Because I let him in, I opened the door to him but not you. It seemed safer to me, safer to let him in because I could live with myself if I hurt him, but not if I hurt you." She said softly. "There would be no fixing me if I hurt you again." Elsa said with a trembling voice.

"Oh Elsa-" Anna exclaimed. Emma could see her desire to embrace her elder sister, but didn't. Anna was still afraid of her, wrapping her arms around her chest. Elsa turned back to Emma, obviously not noticing the look.

"You're right Emma. He's not coming back; it's been nearly two decades since he promised me..." She pulled out a gold coin. "He gave this to me before he left, before I became what I am, and I thought if I kept it…he' be back. I still keep it because I want to find him, I want to see him. I still love him. My magic stopped me from aging, that's why I'm just how you remember me, but he? He is probably dead by now, probably found someone else, started a family, and forgot all about the monster who was too afraid to open that damn door."

She sucked back a breath, hands clawing at the buttercup tattoo and the piece of old leather tied around her wrist. "I did the same thing Elsa, but I threw it into the sea when I realized that if he had loved me, he would have found a way." She admitted. The symbols on her wrist were of the hopes she had had of a family, of her family. The third trinket had hung around a silver chain was now gone.

"When was that?" Elsa asked.

Yesterday. Right after she kissed Killian, she threw out that damn Swan key chain right into the harbor. She watched it sink with a heavy heart.

"Doesn't matter, what does matter is that you're not all wrong. Our love, it isn't the traditional princess saved by the prince type. You can't wait around for things to turn out. You have to go and do something about it." Emma replied softly. "And you have your sister back, your true sister, through an act of true love. I'm sorry I didn't believe it."

Elsa smiled softly. "You'll find your happiness Emma. I know it." She promised. "Maybe you and Killian-" Emma cut her off, looking at her in surprise, she felt her cheeks blushing.

"There's nothing-"

Elsa's head dropped back as she let out a loud laugh. "Pleease!" She crackled. "Don't try to lie to me Emms, I can see the yearning looks you give each other when the other isn't watching." Emma could feel the tension easing as Anna lit up.

"Oh oh, is he that handsome man above deck who you tried to kill? Oh he's a looker, I'm surprised he hasn't been grabbed already!"

Elsa and Emma exchanged glances, while Anna meant well, she had somehow managed to say the exact wrong thing.

"That's Killian." Elsa said simply. "Still alive and kicking." She reminded Emma. A silent apology in her gaze. Emma nodded, accepting that that was as close to a real one as Emma was going to get.

"And mine." She added. "For as long as we're on this ship at least." Elsa rolled her eyes.

"Then you might as well get comfy Emma, because I have a feeling you want this to last as long as possible." She sneered. "I'll admit, he's actually growing on me a bit." She snickered. "He's changing, you both are." She replied.

Emma crossed her arms. "We are not." She refuted.

"You look lighter, less dark and controlled, you look peaceful here." Elsa added thoughtfully. "And the sailor seems more sure of himself, like he has his footing under him for the first time in a while." Emma thought for a moment, wondering when the last time she had seen the clumsy deckhand, tripping on his own feet, bowing his head away from her. It had been a long while.

"Elsa. That's enough. You know that people like us can't-" Ingrid interjected. It made Elsa groan.

"People like us can't be with people like them." She echoed the older woman's teachings. "We get it! You were burned by your family as a kid, but it doesn't mean that we have to give up!" She snapped. "It doesn't mean I can't be a family with Anna again, and it doesn't mean that Emma can't have a little bit of happiness with her sailor."

She was about to reply, agreeing with Elsa, but then she heard something. She heard someone shove open the doors race towards her and swept her off her feet, spinning her around.

Her first instant was to fight back, but then she smelled the leather and the salty air of the sea and she just felt it, felt the fluttering in her chest, the happiness in his voice as he called her name.

"Emma." He called, "I did it. I won." She could hear laughter, his laughter, his utter joy, it had caused him to act like this. And it made her feel like this.

Loved.

"Easy tiger." She laughed. "I knew you could do it." She promised as he put her down a blush on his face. It just proved to her that this action wasn't one he planned, wasn't even one he fully thought through. This was Killian Jones free from his fears. It was breathtaking.

Maybe believing in happy endings was enough, it had worked for Elsa after all. She had her sister back.

Maybe…maybe it was possible.

"Oh Elsa! They really are cute!" Anna whispered, nudging the witch. Elsa just rolled her eyes.

"They're nauseating." She grumbled, her admittance for actually liking the sailor gone. Emma suppressed a laugh, typical Elsa, hiding her feelings yet again.

Killian chuckled, putting her down. "Sorry love, I just got wrapped up in my excitement." He scratched behind his ear averting his gaze slightly. She thought it was adorable as reality hit him, pink flushing his cheeks. She'd kiss him right now if they were alone, if Ingrid's disapproving gaze wasn't making holes in her head, if she kissed him now, Ingrid would ruin the moment for him, for them.

And then of course, Ingrid had to open her big mouth and ruin it anyway.

Probably because she had come to realize that the second Elsa realized she still had Anna, all concern for Ingrid had vanished, now that Emma had Killian, her hatred for Ingrid had melted to plain indifference.

Never could handle sharing could you Ingrid?

"We were having a discussion." The Snow Queen said, her gaze harsh and angry. She could feel it unsettle Killian, making his smile waver just a fraction. "And you're interrupting, go above deck and take Anna with you. We still have more to discuss."

Her own smile dropping into a cruel snarl.

How dare she give her sailor orders? Who does she think she is?

"Elsa." She said looking at the Ice Queen. She was just as protective of Anna as she was of Killian. She didn't doubt that in this they were united. That the unspoken threat in the air had reached her just as clearly

"Emma." She agreed. Sharing her gaze. She recalled how livid she was seeing Ingrid talking to Killian, daring to use a spell on him, she never did figure out what she had done. She just remembered the blank confused stare he gave her. Ingrid was a powerful sorceress, she could hurt Killian, she could hurt Anna.

"Girls. Send your toys away. Now." She added in her commanding voice. It made one thing clear, something had to be done, and now.

"I have a better idea." Emma growled. "Killian, stay here with Anna. The three of us are going above deck for a bit, alright?" She was glad Killian was good at reading between the lines, he nodded without argument, stepping away from the door. She could see the way Ingrid's eyes glimmered with triumph over her orders being arried out.

It made Emma quake with fury. She reached over and pulled her sailor towards her, planting an angry kiss on is lips, feeling is hand on the back of her head and by her waist.

He was trying for gentle and all she cared for right now was vengeance. It wasn't fair to him, but it was what Emma needed.

I'll make this up to you Killian. She silently vowed.

And the three of them proceeded onto the deck.

"Ingrid. Why are you so cruel to Anna and Killian?" Elsa demanded, the first to speak and break through the tense silence. "Can't you see that they are important to us? They are good people, not like us, but good for us!" She insisted.

Elsa still saw good in her aunt, or maybe she still saw a way for them all to get along.

"They don't understand us Elsa. They may say they love you, but you cannot love what you cannot understand!" Ingrid exclaimed, her hand reaching towards her cheeks, holding the young ice sorceress close. "I'm trying to do what's best for you."

She saw Elsa soften, but Emma didn't. "No you're not, you're afraid, afraid that we won't need you, that we'll build a life away from you." She shot. The truth of her words flashed in her eyes, proving to her that Emma was right, always right, Ingrid would never care for her, for them. She was incapable of it.

"That Elsa will vanish with Anna and be a family and that I'll go somewhere with Killian, honestly that's a bit too far ahead in the future for me, but nevertheless you are terrified you can't control us." She hissed. "Even my years of rebelling and you still think you own me!"

Ingrid dropped her hands, coming closer to her. "I love you Emma. You are my sister, my little troubled sister. Can you say that he'll ever say those words? Do you even think it possible?"

She recoiled. "It doesn't matter if he will or won't, what matters is it's my life!" She hissed. She had only met Killian a few weeks ago, it was too soon for thoughts about the future, right now she liked him, she trusted him. Emma couldn't count a number of people with both those characteristics on one hand.

"He won't you know, he can't. He can't love you." Ingrid proceeded. "He'll leave you, he knows he's going to leave you. Did you know I offered to give him his memories back if he left you?" She challenged. "The memories that were opened when that beast messed with his head? Has he even told you what he remembered? Has he shared how uch pain he's in because of them? Do you know anything about him at all?"

No, she didn't know that, and no he hadn't told her what he knew. But how much pain he's in? Yes, she knew, she could see it in his eyes, the eyes of a person left alone for far too long. Did he really need someone with that same look? That same pain?

"I'm well aware that he didn't tell you, do you wonder why that is?"

Because he's going to take her offer, because he prefers the truth to her, prefers anything to her. She was a monster. She was changing him, darkening his heart, crafting him in ways he didn't like.

"Ingrid! Stop it!" Elsa snapped, breaking her from her thoughts, getting in between them. "Stop trying to mess with our lives. You have no idea what Emma and Killian have, whatever they have, it's no one's business but their own." Emma smiled softly at her, thankfully.

I haven't told him about Neal, or about Henry, or anything. Who am I to judge his secrets?

"And what about you Elsa? Do you think Anna is just going to stick around once we land? Once she has somewhere to run to? She already knows that you couldn't love her enough to free her." Emma raised her hand and blasted at Ingrid, she leapt out of the way, sending her own stream of light her way, hitting both of them, Emma on the shoulder. "She already knows that her sailor was the one who freed her."

Emma tensed ignoring the witch. It had to be a lie. Killian was her sailor; he couldn't be Anna's true love. No one could have two true loves.

"Do you want to let another person run away and destroy you all over again?"

Unless one was dead.

"We're tired of you!" Emma shouted, forcing the dark thoughts away. "Always picking on our insecurities, or pasts, we are not yours. So either shut it or get off." She growled, ignoring the burning pain in her shoulder. There was one thing about Emma's magic that she hated. Her forever weakness was light magic. She could only dodge the stuff, her skin could not heal it magically, nor could deflect it. It was one of the reasons she fled from Ingrid, her magic was always stronger.

Ingrid raised her hand, blatant refusal.

"I'm so proud you embraced who you are." She said. "Now you need to embrace who they are. Let's go home, remember? We were happy there."

Happy? Emma remembered the icey fortress, always being a bit too cold. She remembered Ingrid's silent breakfasts, the pointless small talk, the way Ingrid's eyes never seemed to warm her heart, never seemed to linger past her physical abilities. Ingrid never looked to her heart.

And Elsa? Ingrid rode her hard to master her abilities, made her so driven to use them that she inadvertenly taught Elsa to hate her kingdom, drove her to her first murder because They are not like us, they want to destroy us.

Ingrid's light magic was built on the blood of mortals.

Elsa rolled her eyes. "Maybe you were but I'm done with a kingdom of isolation. I want my kingdom." She bit back, covering her mouth in surprise. "I want my kingdom! I want Arendelle!" She shouted in realization. It was heart-warming to watch as tears slid down Elsa's cheek, warm wet ones as she laughed maniacally. "I want my happy ending!" She declared.

They raised their hands, pointing at Ingrid. "Together."

They each blasted magic, ice and dark, towards Ingrid. She easily blocked it with her own light, throwing them backwards. "Do you ever wonder why your dark magic is so unstable? You are the Dark One, an immortal being, the epitome of everything wrong with the world, but you still cannot defeat your mother, still can't defeat me?"

Emma hissed at her, wordless anger flowed from her veins.

"Because I am not a monster!" She roared. And then she opened up her hand. "I should have done this a long time ago." She growled, with both hand a stream of dark magic surrounded Ingrid. She wanted to suffocate the witch, make her pay for all the thoughts in her head that were not her own.

The insecurities, the hate, the confusion, the loss, in this moment when she saw Ingrid her head filled with thoughts of the dark haired sorceress that had once controlled her. At least her mother had used force and not mind games.

"Emma-" Elsa tried, holding out her hand to stop her. "Stop! You're going to kill her!"

Emma laughed. "That's the plan!" She cheered.

Ingrid was choking, she could hear her choking at the light was snuffed out by her mass of darkness. Ingrid tried to blast her way out, but while her magic may be the stronger element, Emma always had more of it.

"What would Killian think?" Elsa tried, clutching her shoulder. "Damn it Emma. He sees good in you! What would he tell you now?"

Her arms slackened a fraction.

"He would say that Ingrid doesn't need to die." She said bitterly, she dropped her magic with a curse. Ingrid was on her knees gasping for breath.

"Thank you Elsa, I always knew I could count on-" But she stops, moving her hands in a circle as a wide object formed, shiny and silver. It was an urn.

"You know what this is Ingrid. It's just for the ride, I know you mean well, but just because your magic is light…" She swallows painfully, keeping her eyes closed. "Doesn't mean you know what is right. I can't risk you hurting Anna nor Killian." She looks to Emma.

"Why don't you leave us alone for a moment Emma? See to your pirate, this...is a family affair."

Emma nods darkly. "I have some things to discuss with him anyway." She reached for Elsa, her friend, her sister, gripping her shoulder, hoping to comfort the other blonde. Elsa smiled, placing her hand over Emmas and returning the favor.

Without another word, Emma turned and bounded back to the crew quarters where she left Anna and Killian. She had to admit, her thoughts were rattling in her head.

Killian rescued Anna. Ingrid wasn't lying. She said it to hurt Elsa, but hadn't realized it had hurt her too. She didn't realize that if Killian freed Anna, that meant the he was her true love, that he would never love Emma, that he was claimed by the petite red head.

No, no, Killian is with you, anyone can see it. She tries to tell herself. The passion she feels between them, it was something, one of a kind.

She wasn't sure about love, but it was something.

Emma was planning on rushing in just as she was, but not stop with the sweeping as Killian had, no, she was going to grab him, slam him into the wall, and kiss him, kiss him so hard that she permanently burned herself into him. She was going to ruin him for anyone else as he had already done for her.

Voices, then Emma heard voices, Killian and Anna were speaking. She should have made herself known, but she hesitated.

"-I tried to find her, but I froze too quickly. I'm afraid of another accident, what if you aren't there to unfreeze me?"

So it was true. Killian unfroze Anna. He saved her. For some reason, Emma liked knowing that Killian was always there to save her, not that she needed it, but it was nice to know she had someone to count on for back up. But it was ridiculous to think that Emma was the only one Killian should save right? He's a good man. Maybe it was nothing, that it meant nothing.

"So I guess you know." Killian sighed. "About my feelings that she thinks I have."

Relief, Emma was relieved. Killian couldn't love Anna, he barely knew her. This was all a big mistake, it had to be. Killian was not Anna's true love!

"I heard what Elsa said, about what the wizard told her. Thank you." She said softly. "I owe you everything."

She suppressed a growl, wondering how close they were, was Anna looking into his eyes, holding his hand, feeling his heart beat rapidly, was he blushing? Smiling at her, seeing what it was like to love someone free of darkness?

"But I don't. I can't. I can't love, not right now." He admitted. "It's not possible."

She smirked. Killian didn't love Anna. He wasn't giving her yearning looks; he wasn't feeling anything for her. She had to calm down and hold on to that fact. It was the only thing she had. For whatever reason, Killian was important to her.

"But you will that's what's important." Anna reminded him.

It reminded Emma too. It reminded Emma that the only love she could ever have, was love she had to take. Perhaps she could take his heart, keep him from this fated love. She saw him first after all.

But even that left her with a bad taste. She wanted Killian to want her, she wanted him to be by her side because he chose to be. She couldn't take him. It left her with only one option.

"Yes, I supposed it is."

She'd have to let him go.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays! Sorry (not sorry) for the angst right around the holidays.

I wanted this chapter to come out earlier but life happens, I didn't get a chance to read through this chapter until now. Its a busy time of year.

It makes me wish however, that this fic was the type I could stick in a little holiday merriment, but this isn't the type, or the moment for that. Perhaps next time.

Speaking of next time, next chapter is going to be the last before the epilogue.

Which is why I'm happy to announce that I do plan to write a sequel.

I've planned it all along. There were certain scenes I wanted to include, but I couldn't fit it in quite right, so a sequel was born. Its about half way done, and I hope to finish soon and not keep you waiting too long, since I won't post until it's finished.

Now, to answer my guest reviewer(s),

andria: Most of your questions were/will be answered. Thank you one again for reviewing every chapter of this story, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

~Luna