The Date
After Good Clark stands up Lana at the movies, she accidentally runs into Evil Clark unbeknownst to her and resumes the date.
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Evil Clark and Lana sat opposite each other in a booth at a local restaurant. Clark handed the menu back to the waitress.
Lana waited for the waitress to leave. Clark wasn't even attempting to keep up his end of the conversation. "Well, Clark, here we are."
"You're mad," Clark commented.
"You wanted to see this movie, we made plans from last Tuesday, and at the last minute you bail?" Lana cried exasperatedly.
"Sorry, Lana, I … just wasn't thinking. What difference does it make as long as …we're together." Evil Clark secretly made a face at the sentimental slop he had to schlep in front of Lana.
"Maybe it's not so bad. Gives us a chance to talk." Lana said.
"About what?"
"Well . . . what about what we were talking about earlier?"
"Give me a hint," Evil Clark squirmed.
"You, Clark! You said you were going to fill me in on you! Your secret, remember?"
"Oh, I did, did I?" Clark said straightening up from his slumped position.
"It was your idea. You said you would tell me everything."
"Ri-i-ight," Clark drew it out slowly as he tried to figure out how he would handle this. He leaned back in his seat. "Yeah, Lana, about my secret. . . . I don't know. Chloe is so much better at explanations than me. Maybe you should ask her."
"Chloe knows your secret?"
"Yeah, she'll tell you all about it."
"Why did you tell Chloe and not me?"
"I don't know. I figured I could trust her."
"You could trust a newspaper reporter, a person who blabs for a living, but you can't confide in me?" Lana steamed.
"Listen, if you're not speaking to Chloe for whatever girlie reasons," Evil Clark said snidely, "why don't you contact Pete? He can fill you in."
"Pete knows, too?"
"Well, you don't think I'd keep it from my best friend, do you?"
Lana was ready to get up and leave, but she stayed in a slow burn. "Who else knows, Clark?"
"Well, obviously you're not talking to Lex. Or you'd be clued in, too."
"And Lex knows," Lana said acidly.
"You shouldn't be such a prude, Lana, or you'd be part of the in-crowd, too."
"Anyone else, Clark?"
"Well, I told Alicia when she was still alive. Remember? The girl I MARRIED."
Lana winced. That smarted.
Evil Clark continued nonchalantly. "There were a couple others. Let's see, there was Kara, and that Indian girl. I never told you this, but both of them were ramping up on wedding invitations before things went awry. Oh, and my parents gave their blessings to BOTH nuptials. And then there's my mom and dad, they knew, of course. Lionnel and … Gee, I don't know, it seems like the whole town knew," Clark said oblivious. "I don't know why I even thought it was a secret. Oh, that's right. You didn't know."
"You mean all those heartfelt breakups we had that could have been avoided, all that drama, all the misunderstandings, it was all some private joke?"
"God, Lana, what do I have to do? Put up a billboard? I mean, everyone else was up to speed."
Lana sighed, shaking her head.
"Tell you what," Clark perked up. "I'll tell you what my secret is right now, but you gotta promise not to tell anyone."
Lana gave him a dirty look.
"Oh that's right. There's no one left to tell," Clark snickered. "Hey, once I tell you, you'll see it'll be no big deal. We'll both have a good laugh over it."
"Would you just get on with it, Clark?" Lana said impatiently.
"It's my past, Lana. I was afraid you wouldn't understand," Evil Clark said, mind racing.
"Try me. I'm here for you, Clark," Lana said putting her hand gently on his.
"Well, it's this way." Clark took a deep breath. "I was a hit man for the mob."
"What?"
"They took me in when I was too young to know any better," Evil Clark raced on. "They preyed on teens like me because they knew we wouldn't be legally held responsible since we were under age. We were members of the Jr. Hit Squad."
"Did you kill anyone?"
"Not anything they can pin on me," Evil Clark said quickly. "It's best I not tell you any more, Lana. What you don't know won't hurt you." He paused. "Nothing's changed, has it? You promised."
"I don't know what to say. I'm in shock," Lana said staring into space.
Evil Clark gave a smirk, but quickly wiped it off his face when Lana looked up.
"How old were you when all this was going on?" she asked.
"Oh, when I was 13, 14 . . . 15 . . . 16. Oh, I don't remember, it was so long ago.
"All those times you stood me up . . . my 15th birthday . . ."
"Yep. That was me taking care of business."
"Your no-show as best man for Lex's wedding …"
"Duty calling."
"Clark, how could you do such a thing—"
"I had to, Lana, I was on call."
"You're telling me you committed murder!"
"Believe me when I tell you, those days are long behind me. Will never to do it again, scouts honor. Are we okay on this?"
"But . . ."
"See what I mean? That's why I didn't tell you. Look at your reaction. Look, I learned my lesson, okay?"
"But Clark, you killed— "
"Will I ever hear the end of it? I mean, how many times are you going to rehash this? Come on, new slate. What's it going to take to make it up to you?"
"To me? What about all those people you killed?"
"You're just not going to let this drop, are you? Look, it's over. Nothing can bring them back, Lana. It's time you moved on. I know I have."
"That's what disturbs me, Clark."
"Oh, come on. It's not like you never tried to kill anyone. How many times did you try to kill me?"
"That's because I was under the influence of something!" Lana sputtered.
"I'm a person with flaws, okay? Can we forget it? Hey, all this talk is making me feisty. What do you say we pack it up and hit the sheets?"
"Clark!"
"There's a bottle of Manoshevits with your name on it at the loft."
"Clark—"
"We don't even need a corkscrew, it's a twist off."
Just then Evil Clark saw Good Clark standing in the doorway looking for Lana.
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