This is a slightly more light-hearted chapter. Or at least I amused myself while writing it.
She might not be able to keep away from him without hurting his feelings, but Darcy is determined to regain some control over this narrative. She doesn't believe in the friend-zone, hates the term, but that is exactly where she's going to place James. He is going to be a friend—a good friend—and know beyond a shadow of the doubt that she is off limits as more than that.
She has an idea on how to achieve this. It's a terrible idea, but aren't they all?
"Janie," she wheedles, keeping the wrench her friend is stretching for out of reach. "I need you to set me up with someone."
Jane pauses, squints at Darcy, then pivots to stare at the pile of discarded Red Bull cans on the end of her bench. "I finally did it. I finally overdosed."
"Naw, you didn't. I need you to find me a date. Preferably many dates."
Jane is guiding her away from the machinery gingerly, as if she's afraid Darcy's mere presence might cause it all to malfunction. "I only know scientists."
"I know."
"You once told me to never let you date a scientist and to never, under any circumstances, try to set you up with one. Not even if, and I quote 'He looks exactly like Brad Pitt circa Thelma and Louise and has the certified bedroom skills to match'."
"I remember. I had solid reasons, but my needs have changed. I'm enacting emergency protocol seventeen."
They'd been so bored in Tromsø, and yet so terrified of how events might turn out, they'd drawn up a list of rules for their relationship. Most related to working in the lab, or fieldwork ("because next time the big scary drunk guy probably won't turn out to be a lost Norse god"), some were about how they were going to navigate the world if Loki won while having each others' backs, the rest were sacred rules for their friendship. Emergency protocol seventeen meant Jane had to discard a promise she'd previously made to Darcy, a protocol which could only be enacted once.
"Are you sure? You can't take this back."
"I'm sure." Darcy knows Jane has questions. Jane is wise enough not to ask said questions. They'll only lead to the futility of trying to talk Darcy out of whatever she's planning. "I need people who I can go out and have a fun time with, who aren't looking for anything serious but I can maybe stretch to three casual dates with."
"Right. Give me a couple of days."
Bachelor number one is Craig, from the IT labs. She has him pick her up from her office to go to the movies. He's a little late, but he's texts her to let her know ahead of time. One gold star to him.
He earns another gold star when he doesn't quail under the glare James fixes him with when he turns up. Although that might be because he doesn't see it, since he's still typing on his Starkpad as he walks.
James has swung by to see if she's coming to dinner, but she's told him she has other plans. She deflects the conversation before he can ask for more information, asking him about his day, spinning wheels until Craig arrives. She makes an effort to smile especially brightly when she spots him coming up the corridor.
"Sorry," she says to James, cutting him off mid-sentence, "my date is here. Gotta go."
He freezes at her words, mouth wide open as he watches her gather her coat and purse. Then when Craig opens the door, gaze fixed on the screen, James turns towards him, rising to his full height and for the first time Darcy feels small near him. There's a hum of something…menacing…in the room, James' presence expanding to fill the space, and she thinks she can see a hint of him, the alter ego, leaking into James' expression from the corner of her eye. If looks could kill, Craig's head would have just exploded like a watermelon in a vice.
She rushes over to Craig, grabs him by the elbow and spins him around. "I'm ready, let's go!" she says, tugging him back into the corridor. "Don't want to miss the start of the movie. Bye James!" she calls over her shoulder as the door swings shut behind them.
At some point during a distracted viewing of Brooklyn, she decides she's glad for the menacing reaction. She suspects it was driven by a little bit of possessiveness, and she's determined not to get a thrill out of that. Still, it's easier to cope with than seeing him hurting.
Because Darcy is not a complete sociopath, she knows she owes Craig her full presence on this date. Her tack is to treat him like he's auditioning to be her best friend rather than a romantic partner, and it works like a charm. She's able to relax into a conversation with him over a post-movie burger, discovering a shared appreciation of 80s gaming hardware and internet memes. There's little spark between them, but when he asks her to come out with him again the following week, she doesn't hesitate to agree.
She returns to the facility with a stack of burgers, heading to the Avengers' common room. It's a gamble, since she doesn't know who will be around, but it never hurts to be on the ins with superheroes.
"I love you," Barton announces, vaulting off the sofa to grab two.
"I have to treat you all from time to time," she replies, as she's rapidly circled by grabby hands: Nat, Sam, and Steve. James is stood by the pool table, staring across sullenly, so she crosses to him with the last burger, Steve at her heels. "Want the last one?"
He nods and takes it from her without saying a word. Steve gives him a sharp look, a clear admonishment for his poor manners, then Nat joins them. She hands Darcy a pool cue and racks up the balls for a fresh game.
"So, Darce, how was your date?"
The woman should be living under a bridge somewhere. It's clearly her natural habitat.
"It was fun," Darcy replies, and then spends ten minutes talking about the movie, making poor shot after poor shot as she talks. She rounds off with "It was nice to get off base for a while, you know, do something normal for a change?"
"You could have asked one of us," Steve says. "Nat loves movies, don't you?" He turns to her, wide eyes signaling that she needs to agree with him.
"I like Russian art-house films," Nat replies drily. "I don't think they're Darcy's thing." It's a complete lie—Nat loves romantic comedies and anything with animals—but Darcy's not about to call her out when she's in Darcy's corner here.
Steve switches tack. "I don't like the idea of you going out there with people you don't know."
Darcy smiles and taps the taser holster at her hip, hidden for most of the night under her jacket. "Relax, I've got it covered. Plus everyone who works here has been vetted so hard we already know if their grandchildren are going to turn out to be Hydra. Isn't that right, Nat?"
"I oversaw the rectal probes myself," Nat confirms with a wink, leaving Steve spluttering.
"Besides, how am I going to meet anyone if I don't put myself out there?"
She returns her focus to the pool table rather then watching Steve's reaction, if only to discourage him from trying to sell James to her like a QVC presenter on commission.
James still hasn't spoken, but she can feel his gaze burning a hole in the side of her head. She hopes he's not deciding this is a cue to win her over. Nat has strict instructions to cut that off at the knees at the first inkling of him colluding with Steve.
"I get it," Nat says. "We've all got somebody out there with our words on. It'd be nice to have the time to search for them."
Darcy controls her wince. It's not an outright lie, but it's a carefully worded piece of misdirection, to remind James that Darcy is not his soulmate.
He looks like he's swallowed a lemon and leaves a few minutes later. Darcy bids everyone goodbye and retreats to her quarters not long after, stomach twisting with emotions she doesn't have the energy to examine too closely, not even as sleep evades her.
Darcy has to make the first move, sending James a photo the next morning of a small meltdown in one of the labs.
You would think there are enough PhDs in this place that someone would know which chemicals not to mix together.
He replies with a smiley face and she takes it as a good sign.
The burgers have earned her a standing invitation to the Avengers' common room and into the never-ending pool tournament.
"You know, this really isn't fair," she complains after getting trounced for the eighth game in a row. "Every last one of you is enhanced in someway or has spent years training to hit targets. I'm a glorified intern with less-than-perfect vision."
"I am neither of those things," Sam corrects as he sinks the 8-ball and beats her again. "I'm just much better at pool than you are."
"We could make this fairer," Nat suggests. "Teams?"
"Yes!" Darcy agrees. "Dibs on Rogers and Barnes."
"Dibs on not being in a team with Lewis," Sam says, and she sticks her tongue out at him.
James comes to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with her. "I'd kick your ass with one hand tied behind my back. Darcy's no handicap."
"Ah-ha! Suck it Wilson…hey, wait a minute!" She gives James a half-hearted smack to the chest when she notices the insult. He just grins at her.
Nat proclaims it would be unfair to have the archer and sniper on the same team, and James drapes an arm over Darcy's shoulder to stake his claim. She forgets how to breathe for a moment when he does it—it's the closest contact they've ever had, and he's so firm. She wants to nuzzle into him, or throw his arm off her and run away, but instead she takes a deep breath and forces herself to relax. It's a friendly gesture and she needs to treat it that way.
Sam has already picked his side, and Nat sticks with Barton. Darcy sends a text around to claim Thor, Jane and Erik for their team, while Nat nabs Wanda, Helen and Maria. Barton makes an ill-judged comment about an estrogen imbalance, until Nat points out that Helen was a state champion in college. And also punches him in the thigh.
"We going to invite Tony and Pepper to join in?" asks Sam.
Nat shakes her head. "You can't play games with Tony. He gets frustrated that he's losing and sets fire to things. Pepper only plays for money. Six figure money."
The lists of team members are pinned up next to the pool table and Barton scrolls "Avengers' civil war" across the top.
The tournament begins in earnest, team members able to cover for each other's absences. Darcy lets James win her games for her while enjoying the site of him repeatedly bending over in clingy sweatpants. She doesn't think sweatpants normally cling to people, but they do to him.
Mid high-five after another victory, he corrects her and tells her to call him Bucky instead of James. "James is too formal, and you're my friend."
She beams at him, and Steve beams at her over James' shoulder. Nat just raises an eyebrow.
In the meantime, Darcy goes on two more dates with Craig. It's becoming a Friday night standing date until she senses the shift when they return from the third outing. He's quieter as they exit his car in the facility's underground parking lot and head for the elevator, their conversation stuttering to a halt as he builds to something.
She blocks the elevator call button before he can press it.
"Your words are still black, right?" she asks him.
He blinks at how boldly she's asked the question, but nods. "Yeah, they are."
"I thought so. It's been nice, but let's not make this into something more than it should be."
He actually seems relieved. They part ways promising to remain on friendly terms, and Darcy has already text Jane before she's back in her rooms, asking her to line up the next guy on the list.
So far the plan is working out as well as can be expected. James…Bucky…is, if not the mayor of the friend-zone, on his way to becoming a minor official.
On nights when the common room is emptier, they play board games instead. They gather around the low coffee table the board is set up on, players coming and going. Tonight the table has been dragged over to the sofa where Darcy and Bucky sit, while Steve is on a beanbag on the floor. Bucky's thigh presses against hers, and she's glad they're playing Risk, because it forces her to concentrate.
"You can't do that, Buck," Steve tells him for the ninth time in an hour.
"Why not?"
"It's not allowed."
"It's bullshit, is what it is."
She forms an alliance with him—since it's not explicitly proscribed in the rules—and they hand Steve his ass. Then when it's just the two of them, Darcy turns on Bucky and demolishes his defenses. She crows victory while he sits back with folded arms, all but pouting.
"I would never do that to you," he insists.
"Then you will never win."
Nat arrives and they set up a round of Clue. Nat glances across at Darcy, gaze questioning that she wants to move onto phase two of the grand plan. Darcy meets her stare and nods once, firmly, while the boys bicker about which characters they get to be.
This will hurt Darcy more than it hurts Bucky.
"You hanging with us tomorrow?" Nat begins.
Darcy scoffs. "It's Friday, remember? Places to be, people to see."
"Oh yeah, who?"
"I think his name is Greg." She shrugs. "Hopefully we'll end up in that burger place again."
Bucky stiffens beside her and Steve's brow furrows.
"What happened to the other guy?" Steve asks.
"He was nice, but there was no spark there. It'd be liked dating any of you guys."
Bucky still hasn't moved and Steve's staring at him with obvious concern. Darcy pretends Nat's the only person in the room.
"Then you keep looking," Nat continues, playing at oblivious. "And in the meantime, you keep bringing us burgers. Hey, Rogers, you asked out that girl from admin yet? You could take her for a burger."
It's enough to tear his attention from Bucky. "Aww, not this again Nat," he groans.
"Have you even spoken to her?"
"I look vaguely in the direction of a girl once and you will not let it drop."
"That's a no then. Maybe you could just try speaking to her."
"Yeah," Darcy chimes in. "She could be your soulmate. A few words and bam."
"Exactly. All your dating problems solved, Rogers."
"I don't have dating problems, because I don't date. I have a very full schedule ridding the world of secret Nazi organizations, robots and occasional alien armies."
Nat raises an eyebrow and points at the game board. Steve, in a move which would shock middle America but no one who actually knows him, flips her off. She tuts and turns her attention elsewhere. "What about you, Barnes? You ready to get out there and find someone willing to rock your world?"
"I don't think that's a good idea," he replies, gaze fixed on the carpet between his feet.
"You've been friends with Steve too long. You wouldn't recognize a good idea if it came along and smacked you in the face. I know someone in accounting who'd be perfect for a first date."
"Drop it," he commands, and she shrugs. The subject is abandoned for the evening, but Nat's persistent, and she's made a promise to Darcy.
It takes Darcy two dates with Greg and common room mission reports for Bucky to break.
"Did you smooch him?" Nat asks Darcy when she turns up with donuts.
"Who actually uses the word smooch?" Darcy deflects. "Just because I'm the only one around here attempting to have a love life doesn't mean you get to hear all the details."
"Well, you're no fun." Nat turns to Steve instead, who's in the process of inhaling a Boston cream. "But the good news is I know that Amelia would definitely be interested if you asked her out."
"Who's Amelia?" Bucky asks, and it's clear by the look on Steve's face that he isn't sure either.
"The girl from admin. And she has a friend who likes tall, dark and handsome. You could make it a double date."
It takes everything Darcy has to paste a goofy smile onto her face and feign excitement. "Yes! You have to!"
Bucky's smile is bitter. "I think you both missed the part where I'm not all that safe to be around."
"Pffft." Darcy folds her arms across her chest and narrows her eyes at him. "You're nowhere near as scary as you like to think you are. And Steve will be there."
"You can't let Amelia down," Nat cajoles.
Steve and Bucky exchange a look. Whatever they decide, it's Steve who replies. "Fine. One date, just to shut you up. Then you have to back off."
"No deal," she replies. "You've both got someone out there waiting for you, and I'm not resting until we've found them."
Darcy claps her hands in imitation excitement. "I know the perfect place you can take them to."
Phase two is trying to find Bucky's soulmate. Darcy's pretty damn sure it's the most masochistic thing anyone has ever done.