Namco owns the rights to the Tales of Xillia character.
I'm merely using this as an expressive way to 'correct' pairings, heehee.
Jude was slowly waking up, his head still fuzzy from deep sleep. Keeping his eyes closed, he stretched his legs and only registered a bit how the sheets felt different on him than they usually did, but he wasn't awake enough to really care. For some reason, his mouth felt drier than it did on most mornings and he moved one of his arms, rubbing it across his face and yawning, trying to get rid of the sleep in his eyes. He finally opened them, feeling a sense of warmth and content that came from the small amount of sunlight streaming into the window from the gap between the curtains.
Wondering a bit why his other arm was feeling heavy, he finally noticed the human shape in bed with him.
Startled, Jude tried to sit up, but his right arm was being used as a pillow and he couldn't move much. Trying to calm down, to not jump to conclusions, he took a deep breath and leaned over slightly to look at the person's face. He knew it was pointless to do so. He knew this person for so long, he had recognized her as soon as he saw her from behind.
Leia. His good friend from childhood, Leia.
Falling back and sighing, Jude tried to make sense of this. His mind was beginning to wake up thanks to his little surprise and, dreading the revelation, he lifted the cover and peeked underneath. As he had assumed, he was naked. And so was she. Letting go of the blanket, he ran his hand through his hair. Even if he thought this was some insane, contrived coincidence that led to Leia sharing the bed with him, it was clear this was not the case; his mind was beginning to remember last night.
He had slept with Leia. No doubt about it.
It was still in bits and pieces, but the more important memories popped up and he knew that's what had happened. Trying to fish for more of them, Jude remembered that they had been at the inn's bar at the port. Some celebration was going on, like a milestone anniversary of the inn's and several of their group were there. But exactly how that celebration had resulted in him and Leia getting into bed like that was still unclear to him. There was still a gap between 'inn' and 'bed' for him, including majority of the act itself.
He threw a furtive look at Leia. She was still sleeping blissfully, he could see her chest rising and falling slightly with her low breathing. Her lightbrown hair was tussled and a feeling spread through him, a dim memory of having run his hand through it yesterday. Jude couldn't help but blush at the thought.
Leia moved around, turning towards him and the sunlight fell onto her face. She instinctively lifted her hand to shade it and opened half an eye, rudely awakened by the light. Her gaze locked onto Jude for a bit while she was trying to wake up enough.
"Mh? Mh," she mumbled, clearing her throat sleepily. "morning."
"Uh, morning..." he replied, fidgeting slightly and blushing.
She yawned and cuddled up to his chest, closing her eyes again, probably still intending to sleep.
Jude wondered why she wasn't reacting to being in bed with him. Perhaps she didn't care. Maybe she had a better memory of last night and, hence, wasn't as surprised as he was. Though the most likely answer was probably that she was just not awake enough yet to really register what was going on. He remembered the two of them sleeping in the same bed when they had sleepovers as children, but this situation was different from that. Very different.
"Say, what time is it?" Leia muttered, yawning again.
"Huh? Um," looking behind her, Jude checked the time. "It's almost noon."
"Hmmm...?" Leia sat up, the cover falling down to her hips and revealing her naked torso, looked over her shoulder at the clock and stifled another yawn. She scratched the back of her head, unaware how her breasts were practically presented and Jude flushed at their sight, quickly lowering his gaze onto the folds of his sheets, intent on not looking up.
"That late already?" she wondered and turned back, noticing Jude's behavior. "Jude? What are you... pfft! Are you embarrassed? Come on, last night wasn't the first time you've seen me like this!" She couldn't help but laugh at the way his entire face was a growing shade of pink and she wiggled herself out from the blanket and swung her legs onto the floor.
Jude sighed quietly, now that he mostly just saw her backside.
"Well, at least I'm awake now." Leia said and stretched. "Okay if I take the shower first?"
"Yeah, go ahead." Jude answered and watched her getting up, crossing his bedroom completely nude, bending down here and there to pick up her strewn clothes off the floor. She left the door open and he could hear her opening the door to the bathroom. Jude turned onto his back and sighed deeply, flexing his right arm and bending it, now that it wasn't used as a pillow anymore.
He knew what Leia had meant when she said it wasn't the first time he had seen her naked, but that was mostly an occurrence when they were younger and less inhibited about their bodies. Although he could remember a time when they were both preteens and Leia had proudly shown him how her breasts were beginning to grow. Looking back, it was a very awkward and embarrassing moment, but it just didn't bother them at the time. And even so, things had changed now.
They had slept with each other.
That was a line that was simply not crossed between childhoodfriends. Not that Leia seemed to mind, but she always had been the type to take things in stride. She might even be thinking that she shouldn't make a big deal out of this, as freaking out about it would unlikely help either of them. Perhaps she was having a delayed reaction? Jude had to admit, with a smile on his lips, that she could be a little slow at times. He could hear the shower going and internally yelled at his imagination to stop thinking how Leia looked under the shower stream, washing her body. Not that it mattered, Jude obviously knew every part of it now.
"Shower's all yours." Leia said when she returned, fully dressed and her wet hair brushed back.
Jude had barely moved while she was gone, absently rubbing the biceps of his right arm and staring at some point on the curtains. His gaze wasn't very conclusive, but there was something in it that made her worry a little and she walked toward the bed. She saw how his lips were curving down at the edge and she crawled onto the bed, leaning over him.
"Jude? You..." she began and saw his eyes move, focusing on her, and she stopped. There was definitely something she wanted to say, but she hesitated, trying to find a different way of doing it. "...are you regretting this?"
Jude's eyes widened in surprise at her words.
He wouldn't use the word regret, he was still too unsettled about this entire thing, so he couldn't deny or admit it immediately. But what really made him hesitate was how Leia looked at him. There was worry in her eyes, worry about him and how he was taking this, but also something that looked like she was pleading. And, finally, something that looked like she was trying hard, and failing, at holding those emotions back. Jude sat up and thought for a bit, before putting his hand on Leia's.
"No. I don't regret it." he answered.
Leia gave him one of her typically big smiles in return.
After Leia had left for her job, Jude went into the bathroom to take a shower himself. He was intent on just standing in the shower, letting the water drum onto his head and his mind wander, trying to work things out. He turned the shower on a bit hotter than he usually did, but it helped him. It woke up his mind and body more, let him remember last night.
They were walking from the cross-section to the apartments, leaning a bit closer than they usually did against each other, and the elevator ride to the second floor was short, but uneventful. Yet, somehow, they had started kissing in front of his door. But there was still a jump in his memory. He couldn't remember who had done the first move. There had also been a scuffle with his key. Trying to get it into the keyhole, the little item travelling from his fingers to hers, entwining with each other and having difficulty opening the door by inserting the key backhandedly, all while not interrupting what their lips were doing to each other.
Jude felt himself blush at the memory and he lifted his head into the stream of water, rubbing his hands over his face.
After he turned the shower off and stepped out, drying himself off, he noticed how his back and shoulders were slightly burning. Perhaps the water had been a little too hot and he looked over his shoulder into the big mirror cabinet over the sink. There were some fine scratches and small, sickle-shaped imprints around his shoulder blades and they were more visible because the warm shower had made his skin flushed. A short flash rose up in Jude's mind, how Leia's nails had scraped slightly across his back last night and how they had dug into his skin a bit during particular passionate moments.
"Jeez..." he sighed, embarrassed despite his being alone, and rushed into his room to put on clothes.
But as he picked up his white coat, he hesitated. He didn't feel up to working today, he knew that he would be too distracted to really do anything productive; not that the research had been advancing very well lately, anyway. And he mostly didn't feel like going outside and having to deal with a lot of people. Glancing at his desk that was littered with papers, he figured he could just as easily stay home today. He doubted he could get any work done, but at least he could attempt to try to get something done, without a colleague's footsteps making him jump when he was lost in thought.
Sighing, Jude sat down at his desk and picked up his GHS, seeing a new message notification on the display. A little worried that it might be from Leia, he cautiously opened it and exhaled in relief. It was from Alvin. And, taking a peek at the time it was received, it had been hours ago, when he was still sleeping unaware next to Leia.
'Yo. Made it home okay?' it read.
Jude began to type out a simple 'Yeah, made it.' and then hesitated.
Maybe he should fish for some information from Alvin. He was certainly there, he might be able to shed some light onto a few things for him. Had he left with Leia? Or had they left separately, but within such a short time of each other, that one easily caught up to the other and things had just proceeded from there? Perhaps asking anything, even something inconspicuous, would backfire horribly and Alvin would figure out what it was that Jude really wanted to know. And then Alvin would begin to bombard him with questions. He wasn't sure if he could answer all of them or deal with it, so he just sent the short reply.
Alvin called not long after that.
"I was wondering what took you so long to answer." he said instead of a regular greeting.
"Mh, sorry. It's just..." Jude answered, not sure how to explain himself.
"Long night?" the older one asked and there was an audible grin in his voice.
Jude started at those words, giving a tiny gasp. Had Alvin guessed? Or did he know? Somehow, this teasing tone that didn't tell him anything definite made him feel really uncomfortable and he had an urge to stop the call that instant, but he didn't. It was rude, but he couldn't help but admit that a part of him also really wanted to question Alvin about this.
"Jude? You still there?"
"Huh? Y-yeah."
"...hey, I just got my hands on this great coffee blend to import. Got some overstock, why don't I drop by and we can test it?"
"Sure. Sounds great." Jude answered, feeling a sense of relief sweep over him.
Alvin said he'd be there soon and ended the call. Now that he knew he was coming over, Jude wanted him to hurry. He wanted to ask him all sorts of questions, get all kinds of details from him that he could help him with. Because he was beginning to feel afraid of trying to remember last night by himself. The more came to him, the more ashamed he felt and the more confused the rest of his feelings became. Maybe getting a second-hand view of how the very beginning happened would calm him down. But he knew that was impossible, he would continue to string pieces together, even if he didn't want to.
It was their second cup of coffee of the new blend Alvin had gotten. It had a heavy, but also pleasing aroma to it and a smooth texture that almost reminded one of cream, without adding any condiments to it. And aside from some complimentary comments about the blend, not much had been said between the two up to now.
Now that he was here, Jude felt awkward to just blurt out any questions to Alvin. So he held the coffee mug between his hands and tried to relax in the armchair he sat in, wondering how he could breach the topic. But either Alvin decided to not talk about it, didn't care or was waiting for a good opportunity himself.
"So." Alvin suddenly said, breaking the silence between them, and leaned back against the couch. "Did Leia take you home or did you manage to make it on your own, after all?"
"Huh? Oh, so we left together?" Jude asked and then blushed, realizing he had sort of admitted more than he wanted.
"Mh, you did. You don't remember?" Alvin responded. "Well, you were kinda getting a little beyond giggly. You're actually a pretty funny guy when you knock some back, you know that?"
So there had been alcohol involved. Jude had sort of already suspected that, especially given the whole celebration thing at the inn, but he hadn't been entirely sure. Though he had no idea how much he had drunk. He didn't do it a whole lot, so he probably was a lightweight when it came to it. Maybe he should ask Alvin how much he had had, to explain how inebriated he had been to actually go that far with Leia. But maybe Alvin didn't know, he wasn't his supervisor and probably didn't pay attention.
"...Whoa."
"Huh?" Jude looked up, ripped from his thoughts.
"No way. You and Leia?" Alvin asked, surprise clearly all over his face.
"Uh... i... is it noticeable?" the younger asked in return, blushing furiously and fiddling with the mug in hand.
"Yeah, your behavior makes it really obvious. Also," Alvin said and gave a nod at the open bedroom door behind Jude. "I can see a rather unmade bed in there. Hey, maybe I'm misinterpreting and you tend to not make your bed in the morning. What do I know?"
"O-Oh..." Jude looked behind himself and noticed the bed, too. "W-well... you're... not?"
"Guess congratulations are in order!"
"Con-congratulations? W-why would you say that?"
Alvin studied the flustered guy across from him and leaned forward, putting his head onto his hand.
"Well, you two have advanced your relationship, right? That's a good thing."
"No! That's...! How can you... don't you know..." Jude stuttered and gasped, getting so agitated that he jumped up from the armchair, but stopped himself from continuing. After a few seconds, he sighed heavily and sank back into his seat. "No, look, Alvin... it's not as simple as you, you know, seem to see it. It's just... nevermind. It's nothing."
He had wondered if he should, or even could, explain to Alvin how complicated this whole thing was. It was true that their ways of growing up were vastly different and that Alvin had been taught to backstab anyone if it was to his advantage. He had no idea if this guy had any childhoodfriends or if he had ever had doubts of betraying them if necessary. It would probably be difficult to get him to understand how deep such a longstanding connection can go and how it was often reliant on a sense of balance, a line that should never be crossed between such friends. And yet, Jude had done exactly that.
"Hey, sorry." Alvin apologized, looking uncomfortable. "Ran my mouth there."
"It's okay... it's... complicated..."
"But I thought you had planned this." he continued and earned a confused look from Jude. "Didn't you? I somehow had the feeling that you, either of you, wanted to progress past your 'friends' stage and become more. Did I read the atmosphere wrong?"
Jude stared at Alvin.
The idea that he had planned this was beyond his comprehension. It wasn't something that he had thought of doing. And even if he had, he never would have gone through with it without talking to Leia about it first. Or... perhaps they had talked about it? Last night, before they had made it to his bed. Even before they had made it to his door. Maybe on the way to his apartment? Although, could such a topic be properly discussed in such a short span of time? If they had, and agreed to it, it might explain why Leia was so cool with everything this morning. Rubbing his hands over his face, trying to rack his brain and remember things, Jude sighed. And then froze for a second, his eyes wide in shock.
"...Jude? Buddy?" Alvin asked, worried.
"I... don't... maybe..." Jude mumbled to himself, his eyes darting all over the place and his eyebrows furrowed together. Then he focused on Alvin and looked nothing short of tortured. "I don't remember if we used protection...!"
"Ooooh, man..." the older sighed in sympathizing fashion.
"I think we did... but... maybe not..."
Alvin watched Jude mumble under his breath for another minute, obviously trying to answer this important detail to himself.
"Tell you what," he said and got up, giving a fatherly pat onto Jude's shoulder. "you'll relax, buy some of this awesome blend I brought over and then talk to Leia. She is the only other person who can answer any of this for you."
"Alvin...!" Jude sighed in annoyance, but somehow felt a little relieved at the same time. "This is no time for your jokey business."
"I know, I know." Alvin replied, grinning. "But better to be inappropriate than letting you stew over this and going insane, right?"
"I guess..."
A few days later, Jude was waiting for Leia to drop by for dinner. He had given himself, and her, some time to calm down and deal with what had happened. Not that he had gotten a lot of dealing done himself. He was still having gaps from that night, but did remember the more... eventful parts, which tended to leave him in emotional, and physical, discomfort. But he figured that any missing part could be filled with Leia's help, including whether they had actually been careful or how they got to going so far. And that was the main thing. What he wanted, was to really discuss it with her. Talk about how it happened, how she felt about it and dealt with it, what this would mean for their continued relationship... especially that last part was important to him.
Then he heard knocking at his door and hurried to open it.
"It's pouring out there...!" Leia sighed with a smile, holding a very wet and drippy umbrella to her side.
He let her in and she put the umbrella into the stand next to the door. She had managed to keep majority of herself dry, except for the top of her boots, which had gotten wet while walking. But other than that, she seemed fine and her usual self. Jude couldn't help but admire that about her, that she seemed so okay with what had happened. Perhaps she had even been okay with it much sooner than he had. But the good part was, no matter what, they could talk about it now.
"Need any help with the cooking?" she asked and followed him halfway through the living room and stopping at the archway that led to the kitchen. A pot was filled with boiling water on the stove and some other ingredients were already chopped up on one of the counters, ready to be tossed into a pan.
"No, it's fine." Jude answered and grabbed a bag of noodles. He had to do it now. The atmosphere was relaxed, easy and starting the topic up now would be easier, maybe even continued to be discussed over dinner or after. "Oh, by the way, Leia... um..." he continued, fiddling with the bag and feeling nervous. He looked over his shoulder at her. "About, you know..."
"Mh?" Leia looked at him quizzically, seeing the faint blush on his cheeks. "Oh. Mhm?"
"Well... hehe," he laughed nervously, feeling himself growing hot and sweaty from embarrassment. "little awkward, right?"
"I guess, a bit. Though... it wasn't bad." she admitted, blushing herself.
Jude couldn't answer right after that. He wasn't sure what she meant by that. That it didn't bother her that it had happened? Perhaps she was complimenting him for the night. That thought gave Jude a weird, twisty feeling in his stomach and a slight sense of happiness that he was almost ashamed of feeling. It wasn't what was important, nor was this the time for it...!
He had to keep talking.
If he let a silence go on for too long between them, the thread of conversation would rip and bringing it up again would be more difficult. He racked his brain, trying to figure how to keep going, what to focus on next and needed to ask the most. Taking a deep breath, he held it for a second and then exhaled.
"Yeah... Leia, see, I... um, I kind of have a little gap there," he stuttered, hesitating. "I can't quite remember, did we use protection?"
Leia looked at him for a bit, studying his figure from behind.
He could tell himself how awkward and uncomfortable his pose must be, but he couldn't help it.
"Well, yes and no." she finally answered, looking coy.
"What do you mean?" he asked, turning towards her.
"Well, you did use some at first," she elaborated. "but, later, you didn't."
Jude's eyes grew wide as he heard her words. Suddenly, his feet felt like they were made of lead, heavy and anchoring him to the floor and being the only means of keeping him upright, because his legs were starting to feel like jelly. No. Not like jelly. More like hollow glass that he could almost hear beginning to crack and break. The twisty feeling in his stomach got worse, only now it wasn't with a sense of happiness, but of dread and horror. He almost felt nauseous.
"Ehehehe... hehe, oh man." he finally stuttered, trying to play it off cool and only noticing too well how he was beginning to get a cold sweat underneath his clothes. "Ah, the things that alcohol can make you do..."
"What?" Leia answered, chuckling in disbelief and cocking her head at him. "Alcohol has nothing to do with that. It doesn't change who you are, it only makes you do things you've wanted to, to begin with."
"True, true..." Jude agreed, though he wasn't convinced.
And there was something that was beginning to bother him. It had been faint, but somehow, the tone of voice she had used for the beginning of the sentence had changed as she kept going. He wasn't sure how to describe it, but the almost joking way she had said 'What' sounded genuinely confused and amused. And that note had disappeared as she kept going. Maybe he was just imagining it.
"Say, do you know, if... uh, no, I mean, are..." he scratched the back of his head, trying to get himself to say those words that he knew were on the tip of his tongue and were bound to explode. "Are you pregnant?"
"...maybe." she said flatly.
Jude started so hard, he almost lost grip on the noodles he was still holding and stared at her, his mouth hanging open. He was beginning to feel dizzy, that simple answer had hit him like a bomb. His mind was jumping ahead, wondering of the possibilities and consequences this would bring. His research took up most of his time, and money, so supporting a child would be difficult. His apartment was for one person. Finding a new one? Problematic, with the money issue. They'd have to get a new home together. A house. Or an apartment, big enough for three. Or more, if she had twins. Or worse. Perhaps they could move back in with their family. Living close enough to care for the child. And they'd need to tell their parents. Sonia would kill him. If Warrick didn't do it first.
No. No, no, he had to calm down. Jumping to conclusions wasn't helping anyone at that moment. One step at a time. She wasn't sure, so there was still the chance that she wasn't pregnant and he could be worrying over nothing. If she was... well, that was a bridge to cross when they got there. First, he had to react, to reassure Leia that it would be okay. Nothing was clear, nothing was set in stone, so they could relax a bit and then talk about vague ideas of 'what next'. Yes, he had to focus on Leia first. After all, she was the one who would be carrying the child and he was sure that she was just as stumped by this as he was. He took a breath and sighed.
"Well-" he started, putting a small smile on his lips and an unclear expression on his face to make her feel easy, but stopped.
The atmosphere had changed.
It felt heavy, like the air was groaning under the weight of the situation. And he could tell it had started while he had been lost in his initial reaction, his irrational thoughts. The slight hint, that he had thought had been his imagination, had been real. And it had only gotten worse. He was almost too afraid to open his mouth to say anything. But Leia was standing there, still in the archway, and had her arms crossed in front of her chest, her head turned away and down. He couldn't quite see her expression, but she was obviously clenching her jaw together and her lips were set in a resolute, straight line. Then he noticed how she was shaking slightly.
Jude stepped a bit closer, tentatively reaching out a hand. Was she crying? Or shaking with fear?
And then, something in his mind popped. He wasn't sure how he came to think of it, but it was like it had been there for a long time, something that he had simply ignored or overlooked. But it suddenly seemed so clear to him. He was dreading the answer, but he had to ask, had to know if this little idea of his was true, after all.
"L-Leia...?" he asked, his voice breaking with the strain of forcing himself to talk. "I never thought, but are... are you in love with me?"
Leia flinched and turned towards him with an almost heated force, her usually sweet, green eyes glaring at him through tears.
"This?! This is what makes you realize it!?" she snapped at him, practically yelled at him, and he instinctively stepped back. "After years, this... this is what it took?! Not the cooking or the time we've spent together or how... I became a nurse, so that I could work alongside you when you became a doctor!"
"But...!" he stammered, trying to explain, to justify himself. "But you never said anything...!"
"That's not something that can be said easily!" she screamed, her voice breaking with sobs in-between her words.
Then she turned and rushed out the door, slamming it behind her, leaving Jude behind with his confused thoughts.
Stay tuned for the second part!
Told from Leia's view and how this will continue to affect both of them.