"I can't wait for all of this to be over" she said to me one day, her chocolate coloured eyes sparkling as bright as ever.
We were both sitting in the grass, looking lazily at the slow movement of the leaves, trying not to think too much about what was going to come in just a few days, while the chilly wind kept hitting our faces.
None of us wanted this war, yet we knew that there was no way of escaping it. All that blood. All the deaths. They were inevitable. As shinobi, we were already used to all of this. We've been through enough battles to understand that most of the time it wasn't victory what mattered the most - it was getting out alive. But this was no ordinary fight. It wasn't just a matter of life and death. It was so much more than that.
I nodded in her direction, letting her know that I thought the same way she did. The movement was small, almost imperceptible, but it was more than enough for her to understand.
"Maybe then we'll finally have a taste of peace, you know?"she went on, a small smile blowing in the corner of her mouth, while one of her hands kept playing with one of the kunais she had taken out of her bag minutes before. "No more Akatsuki. No more tailed beasts to chase. I say it might even get a little bit boring. Don't you think?"
"Maybe" I agreed half-heartedly, without looking in her direction.
If she was disappointed by my lack of reaction, she didn't show it. Actually, I think that it would've been more surprising if I actually showed any trace of emotion towards her line of thought. After all, it was a known fact that words were not an area that I was skilled at. They all seemed blank, useless. There was nothing needed to be added by me.
"Of course, we'll still have tons of missions to complete. I'd kill for an old finding-the-lost-cat sort of mission. They used to be so much fun back then."
I almost smiled at her words. During those times we all hated having to do something as stupid as that just because it was our duty as young shinobi to do so - especially Lee. But now, looking at everything that happened, I couldn't stop a trace of amusement to cloud my thoughts.
"I miss them too" I admitted after a few moments, facing her.
It felt so weird to say something as childish as this. It sounded so weak, almost pitiful, at least to me. But if there was one person in the world that I was able to open up for, that was Tenten. It would've been stupid to believe that she would judge me for such a thing. After all, she knew me better than anyone else. I had nothing left to hide in front of her.
A smile was still present on her face, mirroring the happiness she felt right then, just by standing besides me. I've never been able to comprehend how could something as unimportant as this have such a huge impact on her, but I guess it had something to do
with the fact that she managed to read me so well. She knew how much was hidden behind my words, behind my whole cold and stoic facade.
Sometimes I envied her almost addictive optimism, her light, her will to keep going even in the darkest of times. Not that I was one to give up easily, but the way she moved, they way she held herself while sparing with me or Lee - it was different. While I tried to keep everything inside, shadowing my emotions with every step, she used them all in everything she did, letting her passion be seen in every movement.
But most of all, I admired her. However, I was too proud and too much of a coward to admit it out loud, especially when I knew that this was just the simplest of words to describe the way I actually felt about her.
"Do you think we're going to survive?" I caught myself saying before I could stop these words from escaping me.
Again, weakness. I should've hated myself for it. But, since those were meant only for her to hear, it didn't really matter.
"Of course we will" she said confidently, without a trace of doubt, taking my hand in hers in the same soothing way she always did. "Like something would ever beat us. Your practicly unstoppable and I'm way too stubborn to get myself killed that easily."
"I'm not unstoppable, Tenten" I admitted, looking deeply into her eyes in order to make her understand the heaviness of my words. "Neither are you"
There was no trace of amusement left in our voices.
It was important for her to believe this, to comprehend the length of my powers as well as hers. War was not meant for heroes, only for survivors. And her recklessness was the thing that I feared most.
She sighed, letting go of her kunai, and gently touched my face in order to calm my startled mind. I had no other choice but to lean into her touch.
"Maybe not apart. But together, I believe we are a force to be reckoned with. I know us. We'll get through this, like we always do."
I bit my lip, still unconvinced. She sensed my doubt right away.
"Trust me, Neji. Everything will be fine"
Her voice was warm, as was her palm against the pale skin of my cheek. Our faces were close to each other, so close our noses almost touched. I would've been so easy to lean in even more, to have my swollen lips pressed to hers, to have her small figure in my arms...
However, at the same time, I couldn't do it.
We've been running in circles for as long as I could remember, always getting close only for one of us to step back without an explanation. Of course, more often than not, that was me. There haven't been any words exchanged in this direction, yet we both understood that we weren't ready for that step.
But in that moment I needed her, all of her. I needed her words, her lips, her touch. I needed to believe in her, in us, in the future that we were going to be fighting for in a matter of days.
Too bad I wasn't selfish enough to claim her in such a way. Not then, when there was nothing certain anymore, when both of us were going to be fighting in the front lines, when our lives were no more ours to control.
I took a step back, putting a little bit of distance between us, enough to clear my now clouded thoughts. Her hands fell back to her sides, that movement being enough to show a trace of disappointment.
"You can't know that for sure." I said to her, my tone almost harsh, even if my frustration wasn't aimed for her.
"I know my own strength, Neji. And I know yours. We are strong enough to get through this."
Our eyes never broke contact during this whole exchange. We were used to communicate with the simplest of glances, but, for an unknown reason, in that moment nothing they showed seemed to be enough.
The atmosphere wasn't helping either. Long gone was the peace we felt at the beginning of the conversation, the heaviness of the situation seemed to swallow everything. Even the wind appeared to have changed, its cold breeze turning into an army of icing whips that kept attacking our bodies with an unstoppable thirst.
"Promise me..." I could hear my own voice breaking "Promise me you'll do everything in your power to stay alive. No matter what"
"Of course, Neji" she said without hesitation, as if it was the most logical thing in the world. If the discussion wasn't this serious, she would've probably rolled her eyes at me, too, only to emphasize the fact that I was acting stupid.
I lowered my gaze, not trusting myself anymore to keep my emotions in check.
None of us said anything for a while, simply choosing to deal with our own fears and uncertainties instead of expressing them out loud. I already knew why she refused to accept the possibly that something might happen to one of us. It was because of the almost blind trust that she had in me. And while I was more than grateful for it most days, in that certain moment I couldn't help hating it with all I had.
Sensing that the discussion was probably over, I got up, needing to distance myself both physically and mentally from the topic at hand, and waited for her to raise from the ground as well.
Only that she didn't. She just stared at me, a complicated expression crossing her gentle features.
"Is there anything wrong, Tenten?"
"Aren't you going to promise me the same thing?" she breathed back, her brown orbs now lacking any type of spark.
They seemed dull, her figure more frail than ever during those tensioned moments. I despised to see her like that, especially when I knew that I was the reason of her change. I wanted to open my mouth and say everything she wanted me to tell her, but my unnerving sense of reality held me back once again.
That was when I understood the stupidity of the situation and how much of a hypocrite I actually was. I made her promise to come back alive at any cost, but I couldn't say it back. Not because I didn't want to survive this - far from if - it was the nature of that promise. I would've been easy to throw those words at her, but that wouldn't make them any real, no matter how hard I fought.
Maybe I wasn't a pawn of destiny anymore, as I used to be in the past, however I wasn't naive enough to actually believe that my actions would be powerful enough time make such a huge difference.
"Neji?" she whispered my name, interrupting my line of thoughts.
I couldn't leave her like that. I was supposed to say something, to comfort her.
"I'll try my best" I said in the end, this being all I was able to give her.
It wasn't a lie. Yet it wasn't enough.
However, she still accepted my answer with a nod and got herself up, finally joining my side. It was my cue to start moving together towards the center of the village to meet the others and talk about the following days. A part of me wanted to stay with her, like this, for a little while longer, despite the obvious tension between us, but my duty had the upper hand. So we headed in that direction, her body moving soundlessly alongside mine, limbs in perfect sync.
It was only a matter of time until the riot of village was going to engulf us both, leaving behind this little moment that we shared together. Memories. Fears. Doubts. There were all going to be forgotten.
The only things that we were going to keep in mind were those promises.
Those pitiful, fragmented promises that were formed of nothing more than just some empty words.
Words that would end up haunting one of us forever.