((Chapter heading from Oh, Grey Warden from the DA:I tavern songs.))

Chapter 4
Ash in the Sun

Deacon convulsed violently, his body curling in on itself. There was nothing left his stomach could lose except acid, which he spewed on the ground. He would have fallen into the puddle if Kalyna hadn't been holding him.

'Oh, not again,' he said. 'God, I … Whisper, I …' He fell silent and turned away from here, face flushed with shame.

'I know,' she said simply. He'd lost his bowels with the same force. 'C'mon, Deacon, lean on me.'

'I'll get us both killed.'

'Move.' He was light, way too light. They had no purified water left, no proper food, nothing. Something had bitten him, making him ill, and after three days in the middle of nowhere without any sustenance he could keep, Kalyna was mortally afraid. They reached the dead husk of a tree, and she lowered them both to the ground next to it. Frantically, Kalyna dug in her pack for some sort of fresh cloth. There was one shirt left, the last one. She ripped it into stripes.

'Whisper, leave me some stuff here and go. If I recover, I'll follow.'

'Like hell.' She faced him, angry at the mere suggestion. 'Would you do that? Abandon me here when I'm sick?'

'No, but I'm …'

'What? Not important? You're a part of me, Deacon. I could just as well leave my leg here.' More roughly than she wanted, Kalyna stripped Deacon of his trousers. Also the last pair. He didn't help, he had no strength left in him. She had one battered coat left that would have to do to cover him. Again, he turned his face away as she undressed him. 'Deacon. Look at me.' He did, reluctantly. His lower lip trembled, and when she kissed him, even though she tasted the bile on his lips, he broke, crying helplessly and silently. 'Let me help you, love.' She managed a smile. 'After all, we have a pact. And I sure haven't given up. I'll keep feeding you, I'll keep trying to give you drops of water, I'll keep cleaning you. And if I have to tear my own clothes to do so, I'll do it, too. And if we're lucky, you're getting better. You're no longer feverish, so there's reason to hope. Just don't quit on me.'

'I feel like shit. Any end to this would be nice, really.'

'You'd rather die than struggle through this?' She could hear the pain in the question herself.

Coughs wracked Deacon's body, bringing forth another surge of gastric juice and bloody stool. 'Tell you what,' he said, gasping for air. 'You're worth even this crap.' A weak smile formed on his face. 'And I know you love me even when I'm gross and possibly a lost cause anyway. As if I needed proof.' With a shaking, much too cold hand, he caressed her cheek. 'You're so worth it. I'll keep my end of that pact. I'm not dying here. I refuse. I'll fight for every breath.' He folded his arms, the gesture of defiance clear if useless, and let her clean him, no longer avoiding her eyes when she looked at his face. He was open, all the way.

Considering how mistrustful the man had been, Kalyna couldn't help thinking that she was the lucky one out of the two of them. 'Good,' she said softly. And then, although she'd wanted to wait with that piece of information until a little longer, until Deacon was safe, until they could laugh about this, the words left her mouth against her will. 'Good, Deacon, because your dead sperms got me pregnant.'