Chapter 7- I'm Never Letting Go
*Elliot's POV*
I was awoken the next morning by the feeling of her tossing and turning in my arms. I heard soft whimpers escaping from her mouth and she began moving frantically. "No!" she shouted. "Stop." "Don't." I finally overcame my stupidity and realized she was having a nightmare. I grabbed her shoulder and shook her. "Liv," I said, "wake up." She finally woke up and clung to me, crying. After sobbing in my arms for a few moments, she looked up at me and whispered, "I'm sorry."
"Talk to me," I said. "Let me help you."
I moved us back down to lay and she snuggled up to me, still weeping. "I haven't had a flashback or nightmare in a really long time. Honestly, if I'd have known this would happen, I wouldn't have had you over. I'm still broken, El. I'm broken from being the product of a rape, having a mother who neglected me, being sexually assaulted at Sealview, watching you leave me, and being sexually assaulted two more times by William Lewis. I've been through so much and I want to let you in and let you help me because you're the only person in my life who I've ever trusted and, although I forgive you for leaving, it's not something that I can easily forget. I don't want to resent you but, at times like these, I do. Don't get me wrong, I love you with everything I am, but it's going to take a while for me to fully let you back into my life. Last night was amazing but I think we did sort of rush it. I need to know that you're not going anywhere this time. I thought I'd come to terms with things but this nightmare just proved to me that I haven't. I don't know what it's going to take for me to fully trust you again but I hope that spending time with you and getting to know you better will do the trick. I also need to know that you won't leave for Noah's sake. He's just over a year old and he's already been through hell with his mother dying and his father being an imprisoned rapist. If you want to be with me, you need to be with him too. For 15 years, you were the man that held the first place in my heart, but now that Noah is in the picture, he's the first man, well, boy. I need to know that you're going to love him and care for him. You're going to be the closest thing he has to a father and I won't let you let him down. He's going to look up to you and want to do the things you do. Your actions are going to form who he becomes, and nothing would make me happier than to have a son who acts like Elliot Stabler does. I need to know you won't leave me. My heart couldn't take it. I don't think I'd survive. I'm putting myself into a position of extreme vulnerability and I'm going to let you into our lives, but if you hurt me or my son, I swear to God I will hunt you down and castrate you." I laughed at her threat.
"Olivia, look at me." She turned toward me, fixing her beautiful brown eyes on mine. "I love you. I have loved you from the moment I laid my eyes on you. You keep me going. Even when we were apart, you were my reason for continuing on this crazy journey called life. I don't know much about Noah, but I've already fell in love with him, simply because he reminds me of you. I can tell that you've raised him by the way he smiles even when he falls down and has no fear whatsoever. I know that my leaving hurt you, but I'm not going anywhere. I don't know what it will take to prove that to you, but I will do whatever that might be. You and I are meant to be together. We both come from horribly broken pasts and we've been on quite the journey together. I will care for you and that little boy. I will protect you. I will love you. I will never leave you, no matter how hard things get. Being with you won't be easy all the time. We're going to fight. We're going to face obstacles that neither of us know how to overcome. Some nights, you're going to make me sleep on the couch. That's okay. No matter what happens between us, no matter how bad things seem, I will never run away. You're it for me, Liv. This is our happy ending. I know it's hard for you but give me your heart. I will put the pieces back together and then I won't let anyone break it again. I need you, Olivia. I cannot live without you. It took me too long to figure that out and I am so sorry for that. I'm sorry that I left you, without saying a word. I'm sorry that I didn't have the guts to come and find you sooner. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to rescue you when you were kidnapped and abused. That breaks my heart more than you'll ever know. And as for Noah, I will love him with my whole heart and soul. I will be his role model and the person he aspires to be. I will teach him how to love and how to cherish every precious moment he has. When he's old enough, I'll tell him our story and how much I love his mother. This is your happiness, Liv. You've wanted two things for as long as I can remember: a child and me. You have both so relax. I'm here. I will hold you through the nightmares and I will be there to tell you everything is okay when you wake up from them. You are the strongest woman I know and I respect that so much, but even the strongest people need help. That's why I am here. To love, protect, and help you at all times, no matter what. You're going to be stubborn as usual and tell me you can take care of things on your own. Even then, I won't let you push me away. I am in this for the long haul. I am going to make you my wife and Noah my son. I am going to buy us a house with a dog and a big backyard with a pool. I don't want a fling with you. I want a lifetime. I love you."
She was now crying again and leaned in, placing a tender kiss on my lips. "I love you too," she said. "I know this seems unrealistic, but everything you just said confirmed why I love you and why I now know that it's time to let go of the past and look to a future with you. I'm giving you my heart, don't break it. I'm trusting you with my son, don't let him down. I want to be your wife when the time is right and I want you to become Noah's father. I want the house and the dog and the big backyard with a pool. I want a lifetime with you, Elliot and I want that lifetime to start right now. You are everything I've ever needed and I know that you won't hurt me. This is forever. No running. There's nothing we can't overcome together and there's no one else I want at my side. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and die old and happy in your arms. You are my final destination. You are my happy ending. I wouldn't have it any other way." We were both crying at this point. We embraced and shared a sweet kiss. I held her there for an hour or so, whispering in her ear, telling her how much I love her and Noah. It's hard to believe that this isn't a dream. The love of my life, wrapped in my arms and talking about our future together. Life is good.