le bonhomme hiver -
Old Man Winter is a spiteful soul. He sinks into nature's robes slowly at first, as though he plans to settle into his skin gradually, as though he's going to give the world time to get used to him. Then he takes a deep breath, filling his stomach with air, and blows the mightiest wind he can muster, chilling the Earth within a week. Before most can get over their initial shock, the trees have lost all their leaves, and a thin blanket of white covers the ground.
A mere ten days after their initial departure, Eren and Armin found themselves huddled over as they walked, hands tucked snugly into their coats. The former wasn't quite as bothered as the latter, who could hardly keep his lips from trembling.
Fires were difficult to start in this weather, but not impossible. Still, each night, Eren would frustratedly curse at the bare branches above him, at the moon, who watched him, but did not help. Armin would pace frantically, chattering, "C-cold, cold, cold, it's-s-so c-c-old, cold…."
If they couldn't manage to get a fire started, the two decided it was better to keep moving, regardless of how exhausted they might have been.
mes pieds brûlent -
Suns rose; suns set. They kept moving, uphill and downhill, over rocks, roots, and dung, their steps silent in the thickening snow beneath them, their calves and soles burning with nearly every step. The tip of Armin's nose grew pinker and pinker. Eren's lips became chapped, nearly bursting with every encouraging smile he tried to offer his exhausted friend. Their throats rang of soreness, aching any time they talked. A metallic taste took residence in their mouths. It became harder to take breaths.
Every rest was heaven. Their feet cried out in relief any time they sat down, and groaned in misery when they stood again. Both grimaced at either noise, but didn't bother to complain. They didn't have the energy to afford such a luxury.
- nous sommes perdus -
They'd stopped to eat. Armin chewed his bread slowly, thoughtfully, before hurriedly pulling out their maps. Eren watched him as he ate his own bread.
"How many days have we been walking?" Armin asked, his mouth was a strange tone to his words, one that twisted Eren's stomach into knots, for some reason.
"Not sure," he answered curtly. "Maybe three weeks. Probably less. I haven't been counting."
"Neither have I," Armin sighed. "But since the moon's in a gibbous shape right now….you're not far off. We've been walking for close to a month. But that would mean…..oh, god."
Eren's jaw tightened. "What is it?"
Armin grabbed a fistful of his own hair, his eyes flittering with panic. He looked at Eren.
"Eren's we're off course. Way, way off course. Look." He showed him the map, tracing a gloved finger down a thin line. "We went down the wrong path."
Eren shook his head. "No, that's impossible," he said. He pointed to a landmark near the line. "We passed that a few days ago," he said. "Remember?"
Armin frowned. "Then why is the river so far away? It's on the other trail, but it says the river is the end of the forest…..but my grandfather's annotations also said if you pass that tree you're going the right way…..how old are these maps?"
"Doesn't matter," Eren said. "Who made them? Did they leave any extra notes? Maybe we're reading them wrong."
Armin flipped the page over, scanning for any print he might've missed. Soon enough, he found some.
"Unfinished," he read. "Rough draft."
Eren swallowed. Armin dropped the armful of papers he'd been holding, digging his fingers into his hair, rising to pace back and forth across the ground.
"I can't believe-!" he exclaimed. "How could I have made such an obvious mistake?! Eren, we're lost!"
Eren raised an eyebrow. "Can't we just go back the way we came? The map's got that much right, doesn't it?"
Armin stopped, removing his hands from his head. "As a matter of fact, it doesn't."
"What do you mean 'it doesn't'?" Eren asked incredulously. "We followed it here, didn't we?"
"I didn't follow the map completely," Armin admitted. "At some points it didn't make sense, and I didn't want to bother you with it because I know you can't read maps all that well, so I- I tried to fill in the gaps."
Eren's face darkened. "You what?!"
"I'm so sorry, Eren, I should've known from the start that it was a draft, I'm such an idiot-"
"How the actual living hell are we supposed to get out of here?!" he bellowed. "Grow wings and fly?!"
"I don't know!" Armin cried back, shrilly. "I didn't mean to- I'm sorry!"
"Sorry doesn't get us out of this godforsaken forest, Armin!"
"I know it doesn't, I know that, I just can't- I can't do anything but apologize."
Eren forced himself to quit glaring at his friend, if only because he knew he was right.
Armin sat down. Eren followed suit.
A moment of tired, dreadful silence settled over them.
It was only when the wind had started to turn unbearably chilly that Eren asked, "What now, then?"
Armin met his eyes, took a deep breath, and answered, "We keep going west."
dépit de le bonhomme hiver -
Old Man Winter is senile. He is bitter. He takes pity on no man. Not the beggar, not the fugitive, not the weariest of travelers. He sees them all and laughs at their misfortune, his icicle teeth glinting as they're bared.
You should've hidden when you saw me coming, he sneers. You're a fool to think I'd spare you.
As the days dragged on, the skies darkened. Armin's skin turned dry and pink. Eren's heels were chaffed where his boots ground against them. The air bit relentlessly at their skin and throats and joints, freezing them in place if they dared to quit moving.
Dance for me, travelers, Old Man Winter seemed to chuckle. Dance, or die where you stand.
So they danced, and danced, and danced, the aching fire in their muscles pushed to the back of their static-filled minds. Their eyes grew glassy. Their smiles grew sparse. Words became rare between them, replaced with solemn looks and tired gestures.
Every now and then, Armin would glance hopelessly at the sky. The moon would occasionally peek through the clouds, a sliver of shy light glimmering amongst the thick black swirling above. Just enough to remind him she still existed, but never enough to tell him how long they'd been walking, how much time had passed since they'd stranded themselves in this graveyard of trees.
And thus, he decided they would just walk forever, that there was no real beginning and no real end to their journey. That they were Sisyphus, damned to push the boulder up the hill over, and over, and over again. For the rest of eternity.
"We're in Hell," he whispered one night, as Eren was drifting off. "This is our punishment, Eren. For losing her. For letting her slip out of our hands. This is our damnation."
"I thought her absence was the punishment," Eren murmured, hardly audible against the wind's howl.
Armin swallowed, staring blankly at the sky.
"Do you ever pray anymore?" he asked.
"No," Eren answered.
"Neither do I. Maybe that's why."
"Yeah. Maybe."
"Do you really think God might hate us?"
Eren's washed-out, hollow green eyes fixed themselves on his friend's hands, folded and shivering.
"I think we're just miserably stupid," he answered. "And, God or not, this is what we get for it."
"I think I agree," Armin said.
He couldn't seem to remember a time when his words had sounded so vacant.
quand allons-nous mourir -
Every day.
Every night.
Each time they woke.
Each time they slept.
When their traps were empty.
When they could not light a fire.
When their bodies screamed for them to stop.
When their muscles begged them not to move.
When the moon hid from them completely.
When Old Man Winter cackled in their ears.
They asked:
When?
When are we going to die?
dieu leur répondit -
And then, one night, they heard something growl in the bushes.
They stiffened, eyes growing wide, breaths turning ragged.
"Gather the traps," Eren murmured. "Quickly."
Armin obliged. Eren stuffed their sleeping bags back into their sacks, his heart thrumming in his ribs with every noise he made.
The growling grew louder.
The boys scrambled to their feet.
"What do you think it is?" Eren asked.
Armin began to back away from the trees. "Could be a wolf," he answered. "It may have a pack close behind it."
"Should we run?"
"That's our best chance."
"Which way?"
"Wherever we can."
"What about going west?"
"We don't have the time to pull out a compass and wait for it to still. We leave now, on the count of three. One…..two…...three!"
They darted away. The growling turned to snarling. Something burst through the trees. And then another thing. And then another thing. Neither of the boys dare turn back, or even yelp, focusing all of their energy on moving their legs across the snow, trying their hardest not to let their feet sink into it.
Alarms rang in their heads as their feet flew. Adrenaline pumped their arms, even as the wind scratched at their skin and through their let no thought guide them but the rhythmic, pounding command to run, run, run. Directions did not matter. Nothing mattered but survival.
And inevitably, yet all too soon, Armin began to wheeze.
"I can't…." he panted desperately. "Eren….I can't! I can't…...keep up!"
Without a word, Eren scooped him up, groaning at the added weight, and tried his best to resume his pace. The snarling and barks had become even louder in the time he'd stopped.
"Hear…...river….." Armin managed. "Right! Go…...right….!"
"Why?" was all Eren could offer as a response.
"Maybe…..cross…"
"Cold!"
"Best…...chance….or…..leave me….."
With a frustrated shout, Eren dutifully turned right.
The pack was growing terrifyingly close.
Above the ringing and rushing of blood in his ears, Eren began to hear the river. He put all he had, all his focus, into upping his speed, his face contorting into a terrible grimace.
"STOP!" Armin shrieked, and Eren opened his eyes to the ground below them, but it was too late.
They fell, screeching.
Off the drop.
Into the water below.
Eren kept his hold on Armin as they surfaced, sputtering, their lips turning blue, the current shoving them back and forth violently, knocking their breath away.
"Eren!" Armin gasped, clinging to his best friend, terror buzzing throughout his skull, "I can't swim, I can't swim!"
"I got you! Hold onto me!"
The current ripped between them, nearly breaking them apart. Both shouted in alarm, reaching frantically for the other. Armin began to dip below the surface. Ice washed over his face.
Eren's hands shot out to grab him, to pull him back up, just as another wave of water slammed against his chest, dunking him under.
The cold began to seep through the adrenaline in Eren's system. His skin burned, tightened as he tried desperately to pull himself back up, back to the air.
When he managed to, he chattered, "A-a-armin!"
"Y-yes?"
"D-d-d-damned if-f y-you d-d-die, h-h-hold b-breath, s-s-sw-w-im!"
Armin shook his head frantically, sobbing as he kicked to stay up, coughing as water spilled down his throat.
"C-can't!"
Eren braced himself as another wave tried to push him under, pulling his sinking friend up once more.
"T-t-try!"
"C-c-an't!"
Another wave came, this time knocking itself into the side of Armin's head. He sank again. Eren dove after him, just as the current threw itself against his back, rendering him breathless.
The last thing he saw before inhaling ice was Armin's face, tinted blue and stretched with panic.
Then his vision went dark, and the cold disappeared.
- end part four -
AN: Part four of five.
First and foremost, I want to say that this work was inspired by lolakasa's beautiful art, and, again, I apologize deeply for not mentioning so earlier.
Secondly, again, I thank Nat for betaing! I had a lot of fun writing this, and she hands down made the entire experience 100% better. I couldn't have asked for a better editor (type person).
And, please please please, reblog this. This took me so long to post because I legitimately thought not enough people cared for it to be worth the trouble. If you like this story, please. Reblog, or even comment/ review on or AO3.
Thanks!