Sorry for the delay. I have tried my hardest in my free time to write and NOT to get my binoculars and peep at girls changing through windows x.x;

I'll try and update my other fics, but my heart just isn't n it at the moment… gomene!

-----o-----

--Chapter 2--

Now, we need to take a break from our current cliffhanging situation and step back for a moment. You see, even though I know you all love random plotless smex and flute-rape and the like, there's a woman that lives in a little cottage on a hill far, far away…

In her pretty little gingerbread cottage in the forest of lost lolis and shotas lives Old maid Mai, a loli/shota-con whose name is only used in whispers. She lives with her fuckbuddy, Mikoto, and her incestuous brother, Takumi. Now, at about the time the leather-clad ero-squad entered (haha, get the joke…) the lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai (which is getting annoying to type by now), Old maid Mai was out in the woods collecting magic mushrooms and poisonous toadstools for dinner. Humming gaily to herself, she skipped through the forest and said hello to all her animal friends. Suddenly, a mysterious cloaked envoy from the lovely pretty kingdom of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai had come to her gingerbread house and warned her that there was no pink toilet roll left and that she'd better hide her stock. The messenger had also told her casually that apparently the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut was planning to attack and have their way with everyone in the castle. Mai, fearing for her friend princess Natsuki's safety, had sent a platoon of rabid purple half-cookie hybrid squirrels and her pet aardvark, Kagutsuchi, to tell princess Natsuki that the attack was expected and that she'd better take the necessary precautions.

Suddenly, a ravaged looking rabid purple half-cookie hybrid squirrel came slithering up to her and announced that princess Natsuki had been natsukinapped and that the castle had been taken.

"WHO!? Tell me, Bob, who would do such a thing?"

"It was… they… cough… call her…"

"Get on with it, mate, your line is already three seconds over,"

"Hey! I only get one line in this stupid fucking story, because of that stupid fucking authour, like fuck I'm gonna drag it out!" replied the squirrel angrily.

Back in character please, bob.

"Yessir! I mean, Ma'am! Ehem (clears throat) they… cough… call her… Kaichou-ero…" and the squirrel died and evaporated in cute pink sparkles that left a pleasing cherry odour around.

"No, it can't be! Not Kaichou-ero!!!!" Mai wailed, falling to her knees whilst the basket of magic mushrooms scattered everywhere. "Wait a second… who the hell is kaichou-ero?"

The serious mood was shattered.

And so, Mai collected her incestuous brother Takumi, her fuckbuddy Mikoto and a huge array of funky-looking mutant forest creatures and set out to get Princess Natsuki back from Kaichou-ero. Is it just me or does this seem scarily like Mario? Where's the weird dude with the nasty 'tache and his red outfit? And while we're at it, why not mushroom thingys, question mark boxes, and killer plants and turtle things? Or am I getting ahead of meself? Anyway, this is the scene back in wreckage of the (oh god, here we go again) lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai.

"Oh me, oh my! The Princess has been natsukinapped! Whatever shall we do?" came the lament of some random person in the castle. Arika cut over them, wondering aloud,

"Since when did Natsuki-kun have her own kidnapped word?"

"Well, since everyone knew that this kind of clichéd scenario was going to happen, we met at Starbucks a few days ago and decided that, to spice things up a little and annoy the authoress, who now has to write an even longer word, we would elongate the word. We made up some other, too! Wanna hear?"

"No."

The random person was knocked out as Arika spiked him with her indestructible rubber chicken. She has stolen it from Sachiko and Yumi when the Hentai brigade had taken them and that was how she had managed to hide herself from them. Now, she was the only main character left in the castle.

"They stole my Nina-koooooiiiiii! I WILL MAKE THEM PAY!!!" shouted Arika, going into super sayan mode. She proceeded to absorb the power of all the rest of the nameless faceless characters in the castle and ran out to go and try and take down the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut by herself… which is not very smart. But hey, it's Arika. Since when did she have any notion of a brain?

Right. For those of you that have absolutely no idea what's going on; you're not alone. I'm writing it and I don't know what's going on. Shizuru had taken Natsuki captive and is heading back to her bedroom (ho ho ho!), The Hentai brigade has taken all the named character from the castle and plan to fuck them senseless, Mai is currently with Mikoto and Takumi and an army of mutant animals heading to get Natsuki back, Arika is in super sayan mode with a rubber chicken and is running to get Nina back, and Midori is still digging under the groud being a retard.

----And now, what you've all been waiting for, cut to Shizuru's bedroom----

Shizuru lightly laid Natsuki down on her god-knows-how-many poster bed that could her and up to five different people at once and proceeded to inject her with all the sex-drugs known to man and a few more that she had had Youko prepare specially for the event.

"Now, I wait for my tasty Natsuki-chibi to awaken…" Shizuru giggled, smiling a very, very sinister and incredibly sexy smile and gracefully plonking her rear onto the side of the bed and placing her hands across her lap. She waited a few minutes, and, when Natsuki's snores did not falter, began to fidget.

"On second thought, I think I'll go make tea," she mused.

Shizuru exited the room. All was quiet.

Too quiet…

Now, outside Shizuru's soundproof fireproof bulletproof tentacleproof bedroom, there was quite a lot of noise. Mostly moans and the occasional muffled shout, but there was talking as well. In the barracks of the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut, the denizens of the lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai were strapped to beds in various revealing and venerable positions and were… well, you get the picture. Miss Maria was enjoying herself immensely.

"Where is my Arika-koooiiiii!?!? I know she will come to save me!" Nina wailed as Tomoe yet again thrust something inside her.

"She's not coming for you anymore, Nina. Nobody's coming for you anymore! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Tomoe ranted, her eyes going all weird as she gave a strangely deep evil laugh an fell of the bed, still holding the chain that would around Nina's body, causing her to fall down and hit her head and let out a pained squeal.

"Help!"

Arika burst through the wall and into the scene, rising overly dramatically from the rubble while the wind from the stage fans caused her pigtail thingys to flutter in her wind.

"That's no good Arika, you'll have to try that scene again. Can I get the gaffer to adjust the stage lighting at the back so that we get more of a shadow to her left? Where are the boys who are supposed to be scattering dust in front of the fan? And, Doris, I told you, I take my coffee decaf with two sugars, but if they have one of those nice latte things with chocolate in, I'll take one. Okay, and… lights, camera, act-"

The director was cut off by an unusually cold hand weighting his shoulder. He looked around to see Shizuru, smiling serenely at him.

"Oh, what is it, Shizuru-san? Your scene is in a another couple of hours, you can go back and watch the episodes of Clifford the Big Red Dog that we put on in the waiting room,"

"Director-sama, there seems to be a bit of a mistake here. Am I not correct in reading that the summary of this said [SHIZNAT in it? Not [ARIKANINA?" Shizuru asked, cocking her head to the side and holding up a copy of the script.

"Shizuru-san, what're you getting at? It's Arika's scene now, go back and watch cbeebies,"

Shizuru wasted no more time in grabbing the rubber chicken from where it had been tossed on the floor after Arika had entered the set and swiftly whacking the director on the head with it.

"Shizuru, that's not going to do anyth- AHHHHHHHH!!! I'MMMM MEEEEYYLLTIINGGG… (Gurgle)"

The director was now just a pile of gross-looking stuff on the floor.

"Shizuru, that's the third one this chapter! If you keep doing it, we won't be able to keep cutting these things out of the story…" nameless set worker no.23 said, exasperated, getting out a dustpan and brush and sweeping away the director.

"Ara, is that so? Well… bring me… Doris."

A few seconds later, Shizuru had (somehow- hey, what you don't know can't hurt you) persuaded Doris to cut several other scenes in favour of some more Shiznat.

"Hurry up with it, though, Doris. I have to be at the office for several other fics this afternoon and I don't want to miss my French manicure appointment,"

---Cut back to Shizuru's bedroom---

Natsuki stirred and innocently hugged what she assumed was her teddy bear, Duran, but was in fact a Shizuru voodoo doll. She was having the most wonderful dream about a beautiful princess rescuing her from a high tower and said princess bringing a jar of mayonnaise along with her. She unconsciously licked her lips at the though, and that, I'm sorry to say, made the onlooking Shizuru so much hornier. It didn't help that she got the wonderful feeling of being squeezed into Natsuki breasts from the voodoo doll. She smiled a sexy smile (alliteration! Hah, I did listen in English class) and sipped her scalding tea.

Meanwhile, Natsuki was just beginning to wake up. She rubbed her eyes and hesitantly looked around, not recognising the surroundings. Where had her 'My Little Pony' wallpaper gone? Where were her happy pictures of smiling people? A wall full of bloodstains and various sex toys handing neatly from pegs had replaced them.
"Where on earth am I?" she asked.

"You're not on earth, my love. You're in heaven now." Shizuru mentally checked the 'say cheesy but seductive pick-up line' box.

Natsuki turned around and there saw, rather oddly, a bottle of mayo sitting on a chair and beckoning to her. In this odd haze she was in, Natsuki somehow found the mayo incredibly sexy. She wanted to take it, to caress it, rip the packaging off and dive into it… and found herself crawling off the bed and stumbling erratically toward the bottle of Mayonnaise (who was actually Shizuru- she had the costume custom made whilst we were at Natsuki's point of view.)

Shizuru watched the inebriated Doggy teetering closer and closer to her, and couldn't restrain herself any longer. She leaped into Natsuki, and was just about to unzip the top of the suit to kiss her when, yet again, there was an interruption. Mai, Mikoto, Takumi, the army of funky forest thingys, and Arika burst through the wall.

"Stop, in the name of- WTF???" Mai began, and then saw Natsuki snuggling with a giant mayo bottle. "OMGWTFROFLMAOROXXORZBOXXORZLOL!" Arika shouted and collapsed in laughter, pointing at Natsuki and Shizuru (Doggy and Mayo bottle respectively).

"We banded together to stop the great Kaichou-ero of the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut! Not a mayo bottle-cosplaying molester! Mayo bottle-san, could you please direct us to the evil Kaichou-ero so that we can stop her tyrannical reign once and for all!"

Shizuru stood up and brushed the… something off her outfit, bringing herself to her full height (above everyone else) and said, in a deep, deep voice:

"Arika…"

"Present!"

"Arika… I am your father!"

"Shit! Why oh why is my father a giant talking anthropoid bottle of mayonnaise? What did I do to deserve this? And why am I even here? I came to save my NINA-KOOOIIIII-"

"Wow, Mai! You uber pwnt her!" shouted Mikoto, who was looking from the frying pan in Mai's hand to the swelling lump on Arika's head and nodding insanely. This, however, is understandable, because her only line in the whole story had the words 'uber' and 'pwnt' in it.

Before Mai could fathom the unusual amount of L33t sp33x going on, she had a rabid and protective mayo bottle on her wrestling her ALL-POWERFUL frying pan of DOOOOOOOOOM out of her hands and pushing her against the wall. Before she knew it, Shizuru had entered her with her own rolling bin 42 times, ripped off both her breasts, stuck play-doh ones back on instead and stuck a 'fuck me' sign on her back. Damn that kaichou-ero, she thought, wearing such a well thought out and unapparent disguise and then jumping us at the first hurdle!

After seeing what Shizuru did to Mai, the other three had agreed to become captives if the mutant forest creatures were set free. Shizuru 'pulled the lever' (remind me why we even have a lever?) and sent them down into her inescapable pit of perverted salarymen.

She now had Natsuki all to herself… (Insert evil laugh here. No, don't be shy, it doesn't matter if you're at school or in the library of even at home, just get it all out. Everyone with me now: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!)

-----TO BE CONTINUED- OMG!-----

Well, there you have it, chapter 2. I had to write it in two parts coz I didn't have time the first time I sat down at my computer and began typing. I hope you find it funny. I did, and I got tea all over my desk while proofreading it. I didn't help that some idiot bitch has gone and stolen all the mugs and glasses from out kitchen, and so I have to drink tea from a bowl. It is somewhat odd, but still tastes the same. Anyways, enough crap from me! Remember, the review button WANTS YOU to click it.

(Squiggly thingy) Emiri