Coruscant was restless. Senators from different sectors were taking sides and trust was nowhere to be found. Gone were the times when an issue could be discussed with calm. Every session lately was full of accusations and even name-calling sometimes. While the senators argued like ten year-olds the Jedi led the clone troops into space battles that were claiming more lives every week.
Padmé walked into the senate building's fresher and splashed some water on her face. She was so incredibly exhausted she couldn't believe she was still standing. She had tried once again to push her point of ending the war but it fell on deaf ears. Nobody wanted to listen. Fear had taken over the galaxy and war was what they wanted.
She pressed a towel to her face and fixed her makeup. The reflection she saw in the mirror was one she almost didn't recognize. Dark bags under her eyes, pale skin and cheekbones that were becoming sharper the more weight she lost. She knew it was only a reflection of what she was feeling on the inside. But she refused to think about him.
Padmé left the fresher and decided to pay an unannounced visit to the Chancellor. He hadn't been as clear about his position on the war as she would've liked, and she thought it was maybe time to know for certain what he thought. She stood outside the elevator and waited alongside two other senators making small talk. She heard footsteps behind her and looked over her shoulder. Her heart sank.
It was him.
He met her eyes for the briefest of seconds, his expression not changing. It was as if she wasn't there. As if she was just another person in the galaxy. He stood next to the other senators to wait for the lift.
Gods, this couldn't be happening.
The door finally opened and the four of them stepped inside. Padmé stood on the back as if she could make herself disappear. He didn't turn to look at her, not even once. She didn't expect him to, either. Not after she had broken his heart again.
The elevator stopped and the two senators nodded at her before getting out. They were alone now. She noticed that Anakin hadn't pressed his floor yet. Maybe he was going to see the Chancellor, too? She didn't want to think about walking out of the elevator with him, the two of them side by side and not speaking to each other. She reached out and pressed another floor. Anakin didn't move.
The doors opened again and she stepped out into the long hallway. She wasn't familiar with this floor and she didn't know where she was going, but it didn't matter. She needed to get away from him.
Her heart fluttered in her chest when she heard footsteps behind her. She knew who it was. She didn't have to think about it. Of course it was him.
She hurried her steps and so did the ones behind her. Tears stung at her eyes and her pulse accelerated as if her heart was going to burst. She needed to escape but knew she was trapped. He would catch up with her eventually and there was nothing she could do about it. Running away was no longer a possibility.
She didn't protest when he took her arm and dragged her into a storage room. She didn't push him away when he kissed her hungrily and sat her on the old desk. She didn't fight him when he pushed her heavy skirt out of the way and entered her in one smooth glide. She was a willing participant in their encounter and shivered in delight when he groaned her name. All she could do was whimper his into his neck and cry in relief when he gave her the release she'd been dreaming about for almost two months.
No words were exchanged between them. No promises, no plans. Still, she knew that she would be having a visitor that night.
Seven weeks. It had been seven weeks since they had last seen each other until that morning. The last time they had seen each other they had parted in bad terms. And now he was in her bed again as if nothing had happened.
She ran her hand down his chest and around his waist, her head coming to rest on his strong pectoral muscle. She placed gentle kisses over his heart and looked up at him, smiling when she saw his eyes opening and landing sleepily on hers. Her hand came up to touch his powerful jaw and then her fingers traced his lips, memorizing the shape and fullness of them.
"I love you," she whispered, glad that she could say it out loud.
Finally.
She couldn't remember the last time she had said that to a man, but she was glad to be able to say it to him. Anakin smiled and kissed her palm.
"I love you," he sighed, his chest deflating under her weight. They smiled at each other in silence, enjoying the intimate moment. "Why won't you marry me?"
Padmé blinked, caught off-guard by his question. She thought they were done with this discussion. Hadn't she been clear enough?
"What's wrong with this?" she asked, moving her hand down his side.
"You didn't answer my question," he said.
"I know, I… " She sighed and moved off him, lying on her back. Anakin turned and leaned on his elbow to look at her.
"What?" he gently pressed, laying his palm on her flat stomach.
"It's too dangerous for you. If the Jedi knew –"
"The Jedi will never know," he assured, holding her waist and turning her to face him. He could see the skeptical look in her eyes. "Padmé, I love you. I know these are hard times, and I want to know – I need to know – that it's just us."
"It is just us, Anakin," she said, her hand coming up to cup his cheek. He took her hand and held it in his.
"Yes, but when I come here I want it to be because I'm coming home to my wife. And I don't want you to just think of me as your lover; I want to be more than that. You deserve more. I want – I want to give my life to you," he continued.
"But your life is not yours to give," she reminded sadly. Anakin fought the bitter taste he felt in his mouth. The Jedi. First they hindered his career, and now this. He finally had Padmé's love after so many trials, and he couldn't have her because of the code. What made things worse was that he loved being a Jedi. He was proud of who he was, yet it kept him away from the person he loved.
"Besides, what would be the point of getting married if we can't… if we can't have a family together?" Padmé forced herself to ask. Someone had to put the topic on the table.
"Who says we can't do that?"
Padmé remembered he was younger than her.
"Even if we had a secret marriage, it would never work. Maybe one day I'll have to tend to my people's needs before yours, and you'll resent me for it. Or you will want to pass on a mission because you haven't seen our children in a long time, and you'll blame the Jedi for keeping us apart. Or what if something happened to you and…" she couldn't finish the sentence, the thought of losing him too painful.
Anakin cupped her face and leaned closer. "I know, I know what you mean and I agree with you. But Padmé, I can't… I can't help myself. I want – I want you. I want you in my life; I want to be part of yours. You're – you're not just my lover, you're my best friend," he whispered almost sounding incoherent, his emotions getting the better of him.
Padmé closed the space between them with a kiss, her hands pulling him over her. She needed him more than her next breath. "Make love to me," she whispered against his lips. "Please, Anakin, make love to me now." She couldn't wait another second without him. She felt such despair at the idea of them not having a future together it made her stomach turn.
Anakin settled in the cradle of her hips, his hands caressing her thighs as her warm palms traveled across his back. They nuzzled into each other, their bodies saying what words could not express. His fingers delved into her folds and she gasped, pulling him even closer.
"Please, Anakin, now," she urged, tears in her voice. His lips drifted to her ear.
"I love you," he whispered before slipping into her.
Padmé whimpered at the wanted invasion, moaning a complaint when he retreated. He lifted his head to look at her and buried his shaft inside of her again, his eyes watching her expressive face. He established a slow rhythm, long strokes rubbing the very heart of her. Her hips rose to meet his gentle thrusts, never tearing her eyes off his. Their bodies slowly moved together as if they had all the time in the world, watching each other as the pressure slowly built.
Anakin lifted her legs higher around his waist and she moaned, feeling him slipping deeper inside of her. "Anakin… I love you," she whispered, pulling his head closer for a kiss. He suckled her tongue into his mouth, picking up the pace of his thrusts. Her arms closed around him with unusual strength, wanting him to disappear into her, to fuse their bodies together so they'd never have another good-bye. He grunted when he felt the first contraction of her muscles around his shaft.
"Padmé…" he said softly. He noticed a tear rolling down her face and kissed it away, moving his hips faster. Padmé cried out his name and crashed him to her, feeling his racing heartbeat against her chest. They came together for the first time, her hard contractions around his shaft rupturing him whatever sanity he had left. They arched into each other, melding their bodies. With a final, hopeless moan of her name he collapsed into her arms, his face hiding between her neck and shoulder.
Padmé didn't hold back her sobs this time. She held him to her in a fierce embrace, never wanting to let him go. He felt so powerful in her arms, his strong muscles hard under her hands. He was a warrior; warriors didn't retire to live quiet lives with their families. They fought battles, they won wars. They died on the field and became legends. She was a senator from a small planet; she could have the luxury of having the best of both worlds. Anakin didn't.
A marriage between them was simply impossible.
She thought of the young man in her arms and of the pain he would be in if the two of them couldn't be together. She remembered the darkness that inhabited him and that he struggled to control, of how frustrated he was with the life he was born to live and how at the same time he couldn't imagine being anything else. He needed something warm to come home to. Heavens, he needed a home. He needed her. He needed a source of light and hope in his life.
And she needed him.
Padmé closed her eyes and saw herself as an old woman looking back on her life. Maybe they wouldn't grow old together. Maybe they would never have a family. But she would rather marry him than spend the rest of her life wondering if she should've indulged in her heart's desire.
"Anakin?" she broke the silence. He pulled his head up and brushed her tears away with his thumb. "I will. I'll marry you." His face glowed with wonder and she couldn't help but smile.
"You mean that?" he asked. She nodded, a small smile forming on her lips. Anakin laughed in disbelief and held her face. He pressed a series of kisses all over her face, making her giggle. This would be the moments she would treasure when she was old and grey, she just knew it. She pulled him into a long kiss, a symbol to seal their decision. "How are we gonna do this?" he asked eagerly.
"It has to be only spiritual, Anakin, we can't have any official records saying I'm your wife," she reminded. Anakin smiled at the sound of those words.
'Your wife'.
"A spiritual commitment sounds more important than a few lines of data anyway," he replied. Padmé smiled, grateful for his understanding. "So we're doing this?"
"Yes, we are."