Padmé guided her private ship to Theed without much effort. It was her hometown, after all, and she couldn't help but feel giddy at the thought of sharing the news of her marriage with her sister. She wanted to tell her parents as well, of course, but she decided to wait for a better time. Maybe when the war wasn't so present. She knew they would worry about her peace of mind if they knew she was married to a warrior, let alone a Jedi. Of course Sola would be concerned as well, but it was different. She was her big sister, and she would need her advice and support throughout this ordeal. Sola would know how to keep her precious secret. Padmé simply knew it.
Her face hidden under the hood of her cloak, she held the box with Sola's wedding dress under her arm and knocked on her sister's door. She heard noises in the house and just knew that Sola was picking up things to make the house look more presentable. The door opened and her sister gave her a surprised smile.
"Padmé! I didn't even know you were here," she said, bringing her closer for a hug.
"I'm here to perform a surprise inspection," Padmé teased as Sola pulled her into the house.
"Perfect timing. The girls actually picked up their things from the floor this morning," Sola replied. The sisters looked at the living room and all the clothes and toys scattered around. "They could've been more thorough," Sola added.
Padmé laughed and put the box down to remove her cloak. Sola took it from her and hung it by the door, her eyes quickly landing on the mysterious package.
"Why does that look familiar?" she asked.
"Open it," Padmé prompted. Sola arched a puzzled brow and lifted the top of the box, her eyes flying to Padmé when she recognized the gown.
"What were you doing with my wedding dress?"
"I needed to borrow it last minute…" Padmé started, pausing to sit down. Sola noticed how she nervously wiped her hands on her thighs, something she used to do when she was little and she knew she was in trouble. Back then Sola would be on her side, and she decided this time would be no different regardless of what Padmé was about to say.
"Who's the lucky guy?" Sola asked, taking a seat next to her. Padmé turned red in a matter of seconds and Sola had to fight the laugh that was about to blurt out of her mouth.
"A — Anakin," Padmé stuttered. Sola's eyes widened. "I know what you're gonna say, and you're probably right, but —"
"You don't know what I'm going to say," Sola interrupted, putting her hand over her little sister's. Padmé took a deep breath to steady herself, her hand shaking in Sola's. "As long as this is what you want, I'm happy for you."
Padmé sighed in relief and hugged her sister gratefully. "Thank you. We agreed not to tell anyone, but I had to tell you."
"I feel very special now," Sola smiled. "Tell me about it."
"It happened a couple of days ago, in Varykino. We decided to do it about a month ago. Maybe more," Padmé added, unsure. Her head had trouble keeping her facts straight. She was glad to be confiding in her sister to relieve her of some of the weight. "We were together on-and-off since the war started. Then I broke it off because I knew there was no way…" she drifted off, suddenly gasping for air.
Sola held her only sister with great care, allowing the young woman to cry as freely as a little girl if only for a moment.
"I know it's dangerous for us, especially for him, and I probably should've married someone who was more compatible with me, but I couldn't… Sola, I love him so much and he needs me in ways that I could never explain to you. Our tempers are so different and he's incredibly young and inexperienced in so many things, but —"
"But you love him," Sola finished for her, pulling back to smile at her. Padmé wiped her face. "I know it's always better to marry someone who is similar to you. Look at mom and dad. Look at me and Darred. But you know what? We live with each other every day in a world where someone like you and someone like Anakin would never feel at home."
Padmé stared at her lap, not knowing what to say.
"You have always been special. People love you and you want to make better lives for them by selflessly giving up your own to be in public service. And Anakin… can you really imagine someone as gifted and mystical as him working in a shop?"
Padmé smiled at the coincidence. She and Anakin had met at a shop. Only it wasn't just a shop. He was a slave and she was a queen in disguise. With them, it would never be 'just a shop'.
"People like you and him have to make personal sacrifices to ensure everyone else's safety and happiness. It's unfair to you both because you're still people and you still need what everybody else does. So if you ask me, I'm happy that you and Anakin will have a chance to be just people together. Don't ever feel bad for keeping it a secret. You've given them everything else, they don't need to take this."
Padmé smiled gratefully. That was exactly what she didn't know she needed to hear. Her sister was so empathetic; it had been a running joke in the family that Sola was all heart and Padmé was all brains, and if they had had another sister, she'd be a combination of both. Padmé was glad that she'd have a chance to explore that other side of herself.
"You should be a mind-healer," she suggested, only half-teasing.
"You could never afford me," Sola winked. "Tell me the good stuff. Tell me what you like about him," she said. Padmé smiled and a furious blush came to her cheeks, endearing her to her sister.
"He's so… silly sometimes. You should see me when he makes me laugh; I completely lose it and look like an idiot, but I don't care," she admitted, shaking her head. Sola smiled.
"I'm glad you have that."
His face was everywhere.
Almost two years into the war and Anakin Skywalker had gone from Obi Wan's Padawan to The Hero With No Fear. No longer a Padawan, but a Jedi Knight.
Padmé clutched the blond braid in her hand and smiled to herself. That was her husband everyone kept raving about, and while she was immensely proud of him she couldn't be open about it for fear of people suspecting something. The only true evidence of their marriage was hidden in The Holy Men of Naboo's archives, lost among thousands of other scrolls, but she knew one could never be too careful. Especially with Anakin's entire career on the line.
She turned off the news report and rubbed her eyes. She'd met with so many representatives today she could've sworn her day would never end. Her job had gotten so much harder since the beginning of the conflict. She had managed to convince a handful of senators to dissent the war, but they weren't nearly enough to represent a considerable opposition. A friendly hand touched her shoulder.
"I brought you something to drink, milady," Dormé said warmly. Padmé sighed and took the cup from her.
"Thank you, Dormé," she whispered. She had a careful sip of the hot beverage and held the mug with both hands, warming her fingers. "Any other appointments today?"
"Just one more and you're done," the handmaiden announced with a smile. "It's Representative Vara, from the Armen system."
"Send him in."
Dormé bowed her head quickly and went to get the representative. Padmé put Anakin's braid back in the drawer and took a deep breath. One more. Just one more and she could go home. Hopefully Anakin would be waiting for her. He had messaged Dormé earlier to tell her that he would have a long session with the Jedi council and the Chancellor and that he would go to her apartment as soon as he was free. It killed her to know that they were on the same planet and she hadn't seen him yet.
Representative Vara entered her office with a confident stride, his burgundy cape flowing behind him. Padmé stood to receive him.
"Senator Amidala," he greeted, kissing her hand. Padmé nodded.
"A pleasure to meet you, Representative Vara. Please, have a seat," she offered as kindly as her exhaustion allowed her. The man nodded and sat in front of the imposing desk. He looked barely thirty years old and she didn't fail to notice how attractive he was. "I'm glad you agreed to meet me. I've been trying to schedule an appointment with Senator Ugo for months now."
"The senator is very busy. We have a bit of a crisis in Armen right now; surely you can relate to the problem," his rich voice informed.
"Of course," Padmé smiled politely. "I'm still interested in getting Armen on the right side of things –"
"What makes you think yours is the right side?" Vara asked, the corner of his mouth quirking in a half smile. Padmé blinked, caught off-guard
"Representative Vara, you can't possibly think –"
"Please, call me Tilo," he interrupted.
"I don't think I should," Padmé said calmly. She was very familiar with situations like these and she wasn't about to let a politician with an inferior record best her on this game. "This war is a failure to everything this Republic represents. Several people – and I'm not referring just to myself right now – have dedicated their entire lives to make sure peace prevails. So far we have three hundred systems in our delegation, and I will not stop until we have over fifty percent of the senate on our side," she said fervently.
Vara studied the senator. Of course he agreed with her, he just wanted to see for himself if she lived up to her reputation. He decided people had underestimated her. Padmé Amidala of Naboo had all the right qualities to hold public office: experience, intelligence, courage, clarity and good looks. She could've been Queen of Naboo for the rest of her life if she would've wished so, but instead she chose to keep serving in a role with less exposure. Still, it brought her into an entire new arena. Now she wasn't just known in her home planet, the entire senate knew her. If she played her cards right she could be elected as Supreme Chancellor.
"I will speak to Senator Ugo on your behalf, Senator Amidala," Vara assured. He could see relief wash over her as her shoulders relaxed.
"Thank you, Representative Vara," Padmé said in a gentler tone.
"I'm very interested in hearing more of your ideas. Are you free tonight?" he asked without skipping a beat. Padmé was taken aback.
"Excuse me?" she asked, almost laughing. Who did he think he was, asking her out during a work meeting?
"I was wondering if you had plans for dinner. I know a great restaurant not too far from here. I trust you like Alderaanian cuisine?" Vara inquired, standing to his feet. "There's no need for you to change. You look lovely just as you are," he added, his eyes taking her in. Padmé was at a loss for words. This man couldn't be serious.
"Actually, she has plans for tonight," a firm voice interrupted. Padmé looked past Vara and saw Anakin walking into her office. Her heart fluttered in her chest at the sight of her handsome husband and she had to hold back a smile. He stopped by her desk between Vara and her.
"What plans?" Vara asked, slowly starting to feel embarrassed.
"Don't worry, it's Jedi business," Anakin replied, then turned to Padmé. "I was in the building and was wondering if you'd like me to escort you," he said, his face not betraying his true emotions. But she could see the happiness in his eyes.
"Thank you, Jedi Skywalker. I'm almost done here," she replied with her senator face well in place. Vara frowned.
"Skywalker?"
"I'm so sorry: Representative Vara, this is Anakin Skywalker," Padmé introduced. And this time she almost laughed out loud when she saw the look of bewilderment on Vara's face.
"A pleasure," Anakin said politely, extending his hand. Vara shook it.
"You look… bigger in real life" the representative stammered, knowing it was a stupid thing to say.
"That's what most people say when they think about me," Anakin quipped. From the corner of his eye he caught Padmé smiling.
"Thank you for meeting me, Representative Vara. Make sure you give Senator Ugo my regards," she said, trying to dismiss him in the most polite way possible.
"I sure will, Senator Amidala," he nodded, then turned to Anakin. "Skywalker," he acknowledged before leaving the office with his tail between his legs.
Anakin waited until they were alone to turn to his wife, a huge grin on his face.
"I –"
"We're being filmed" Padmé quickly interrupted. Anakin's brows furrowed and Padmé looked upwards, indicating the camera over his shoulder. Anakin looked at it and noticed another one on the other side of the office. He realized that he wouldn't be able to greet her like he'd planned to.
"When was this installed?" he asked, a little annoyed.
"A few weeks ago. Tensions are running high in the senate. I can't say that I approve," she said with a hint of bitterness. Anakin tried to hold back a smile and she relaxed a little bit. "Like I said, I'm almost done here."
"Don't mind me, I enjoy watching you work," Anakin said, taking a step back. Padmé smiled softly and turned off her work system under Anakin's steady gaze.
"You can't be serious; this is anything but entertaining," she said lightly.
"What can I say? I love watching a woman in power," he teased, making her laugh. The fact that he was standing so close to her after not seeing him for so long and not being able to do anything about it was driving her crazy. She locked her drawers and stood. Anakin brought her cloak to his hands with the Force and put it over her shoulders.
"Thank you," she acknowledged.
"You're welcome, Senator Skywalker," he said gallantly, offering his arm. Padmé smiled at the name he had used and looped her arm around his, relieved to be touching him. She squeezed the inside of his elbow and he gave her a look so heated it made her squeeze her thighs together. "Shall we?" he asked in a low voice.
"We shall."
As soon as the elevator's door closed he had her pressed against the wall in the foyer of her apartment, his mouth devouring her neck. Her hands pushed at his cloak until it fell to the floor, pooling at his feet.
"Who was that clown?" he gasped, moving up to kiss her lips.
"A nobody," she answered, closing her eyes when his hands cupped her breasts over her dress.
"He was flirting with you," he spat, more to the memory of Vara than to her. Padmé undid his utility belt with expertise and pushed the layers of robes off his body. When she saw the muscles hidden underneath she felt a gush of wet heat between her legs.
"Anakin, it's been so long…" she reminded breathlessly, running her hands up and down his chest, her fingers spreading to feel his warm skin.
"I don't want you to see him again," he ordered, kissing her neck. Padmé rubbed the back of his neck soothingly.
"He's just a work acquaintance. I might have to –"
"I don't care; I don't want him anywhere near you," he interrupted firmly, pulling back to look at her just so she could see how serious he really was. Padmé was having none of it. She pushed him away and gave him an annoyed look.
"You're out of your mind if you think you're allowed to speak to me like that," she said with authority, walking away from him. The jealousy scenes were getting old very fast. At first she thought he was being possessive but eventually it came off as if he didn't trust her. He was more demanding of her time and attention in spite of knowing that their marriage always played second to duty.
"Padmé, I…" he started, but stopped himself when he didn't know what to say next. She waited patiently, arms folded over her chest. The more he looked at her the worse he felt. "Well, how would you feel if there were women flirting with me?" he asked, turning the tables on her.
Padmé sighed. Of course she wouldn't like that, but she wouldn't blame him for it or behave like he just had with her. "Anakin, there's not doubt in my heart that you love me and that you would never betray me. Why can't you feel the same way about me?"
"I do, it's just… this war is getting the best of me, and I feel so…" he trailed off, looking at the floor. Padmé stepped closer to him, putting a hand on his arm.
"So what?" she inquired gently. She knew he was confused beyond words and she couldn't help but feel guilty about it.
Sometimes she wondered if they had done the right thing by giving into their feelings for each other. If they had ended it after Geonosis then perhaps Anakin would be over her by now and focused on the war and his Jedi training. Instead he was unfocused and impulsive, and she hated to think that some of it was her fault.
"It doesn't matter," he finally answered, his eyes roaming over her face. His gloved hand came up to cup her cheek and she nuzzled into it, placing a kiss on his palm. The smile that he gave her was so warm and full of love that she remembered why she had married him in the first place. He brought such happiness to her heart, even when their time together was scarce.
"You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?" she asked softly. Anakin nodded and she pulled him down for a kiss. "I love you," she whispered.
"Me too," he whispered back, gathering her closer in a tight embrace. Padmé rubbed his back. She could feel the tension in his shoulders. He was so wound up and he refused to open up to her, so she thought of another alternative to relax him.
"How about a shower?" she suggested, a smile on her face that was quickly matched by Anakin's.
"That doesn't sound half bad, milady," he said huskily. Padmé cupped his face and kissed him.
"Get the water running while I put my clothes away," she instructed. Anakin nodded, knowing that he shouldn't question her. He usually didn't care about her clothes, but Padmé, ever respectful, tried to be as mindful of them as possible. She had to wear them for work after all, and her seamstress was starting to question why her senatorial gowns were suddenly acquiring so many rips in suspicious places.
Anakin walked into the fresher and carefully took the rest of his clothes off, always mindful of the wounds on his back – wounds that he had yet to tell Padmé about – and used the Force to get the shower running. He stepped into the shower, the hot water hitting him soothingly. Showers were what he missed the most when he was away, domestically speaking. It was the only thing that managed to relax him, as if the water could wash away his stress and the horrible memories he brought back from the battlefield.
The glass door squished open and then closed. Padmé stood quietly behind Anakin and took in the new scars on his back; some so fresh they were still pink. She reached for a cloth and poured some gel on it. The physical representation of what the war was doing to him sent a chill down her spine.
"Mind if I take care of these?" she asked softly. Anakin shook his head and Padmé gently pressed the cloth to her husband's back. She winced quietly at the angry red marks. "Where did they come from?"
"Battles." When he said no more, Padmé allowed him a few minutes of silence while she took care of his back. She gently washed and massaged his shoulder blades, feeling the tension concentrated there under her fingertips. Anakin threw his head forward and Padmé took the hint, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. When the silence couldn't be stretched any longer, she cut in.
"And…?" When no response came she framed her shoulders. "Anakin, we haven't gotten a chance to really talk in ages. Please," she pressed softly, her finger going down his spine and applying the necessary pressure.
"Please, let's not talk about the war…" he almost begged.
"Why not?" she insisted.
"Not now," he finished.
"Fine," was all she answered. She looked down and noticed the foam was slipping off him. Padmé poured more gel on the cloth and pressed it harder to his back. "Does that hurt?" she asked. Anakin shook his head.
Padmé washed his arms with her hands, the cloth forgotten on the floor, and when she reached his shoulders she circled them fondly, taking her time and letting him enjoy himself. Anakin remained silent, his eyes closed, wondering for the umpteenth time what he had done to deserve her.
Quietly, Padmé dispensed some gel in her palms and rubbed them together creating a thin film of foam. She snaked her arms under his and ran her hands up and down his chest, tracing every rib and muscle. Anakin opened himself to the Force, wanting to feel and receive all the love she was giving him through her simple actions. Only then did he realize how much he'd miss her closeness. Padmé slid her hands to his sides and washed them, rubbing tiny circles with her fingertips. One of her hands went back to his stomach and dipped a finger in his navel, extracting a flinch and a laugh from him. Padmé laughed, too, and stepped in front of him.
Anakin didn't open his eyes. Padmé's were concentrated on what she was doing. She rinsed the foam from his front, her hands lingering in loving caresses. She felt his sigh on her face and reached up to comb his hair. She loved to run her hands through the unruly strands and feel her fingers get lost in it. Her palms controlled the direction of his golden mane and parted it on the side, like Anakin knew his wife would like it. Padmé smiled inwardly at the little treats he allowed her and walked behind him again.
She kissed one of the scars on his back and her nose remained softly pressed to his skin. Her arms circled his waist and she held him close, both standing in silence, the water the only sound filling their ears.
Anakin sighed. After so many bloody battles, finally peace.
He felt so torn. Part of him wanted to be the hero the galaxy had praised him to be while the other part of him wanted to stay right there with his wife. But he couldn't disregard his responsibilities. He'd become more powerful in just a few years, which resulted in his knighthood, and he was needed. At least he felt a thrill from his duty. Padmé had to stay in Coruscant dealing with stubborn politicians.
He felt he was being unfair to her. He had already cheated her of a traditional wedding, now he was cheating her of a normal marriage. She worried endlessly about him while he was flying in deep space, fulfilling his duty and his sense of adventure. Maybe Padmé wanted a family and she couldn't have one because of him. He hadn't given up anything to be with her, whereas Padmé…
"Padmé, are you happy?" he finally spoke up.
She opened her eyes. Stepping back, she put her hand on his arm to turn him to her.
"What kind of question is that?" she asked, her hand coming up to cup his cheek. Anakin kissed her palm and her pulse point very softly and held her small hand in his, his eyes waiting. "Of course I'm happy," she replied softly. "Don't you ever doubt that."
"I just worry that… I'm keeping you from having what you want," he said earnestly, suddenly feeling very guilty.
"All I want is you, and I have you," she assured, gently combing his hair off his handsome face. He was so vulnerable now, a complete opposite of his jealous self just a few minutes ago. He was such a complex creature, so unique in that he was both extremely powerful with the Force and the ways of the Jedi, yet he doubted himself constantly in matters of the heart. No doubt a result from the emotional censorship the Jedi had established upon him from an early age. How could anyone function like that?
"I still wish I could be a real husband to you," he whispered. Padmé pulled him to her.
"The war is affecting both of us, but once it's over we won't feel so overwhelmed with doubt," she mumbled against his chest.
"Do you have any doubts?" he asked carefully. Padmé looked up at him and shook her head 'no'. "Where do you think we're going to be ten years from now?"
"I don't know. I don't want to plan ahead until this war is over," she replied truthfully.
"But if you could have your way," he insisted gently, almost playfully. Padmé smiled in spite of herself. It wasn't a realistic thing to ponder on, but she decided to indulge him anyway.
"I would probably have you all to myself," she said, squeezing him for emphasis.
"Will you cook for me?" he asked.
"I love you too much to do that to you," she laughed, her heart skipping a beat when he chuckled.
"Maybe you'll get your way," he said. It was wishful thinking, they both knew it. Their responsibilities lay too heavily on their shoulders for them to live a life of leisure or a normal life for that matter. Anakin was simply too gifted to live an ordinary life and Padmé continued to realize that he didn't seem to grasp that. But she didn't want to think about that now. He was home.
"Did I ever tell you about that time there was a handsome Jedi in my shower?" she asked seriously, cracking a smile when his eyes lit up in amusement for her.
"No," he played along, moving his head forward to give her a quick kiss. "What were you doing?" he asked, moving to kiss her face. Padmé closed her eyes and held his head lovingly.
"We were dancing," she whispered. Anakin gave her a confused look, but he was also curious about where she'd taken the joke.
"Why would you do that?"
"We just never had, that's all," she explained, wrapping her arms around his neck and hoping he took the hint. Anakin put his hands on her hips.
"I must warn you: I'm terrible," he said quite seriously.
"You can fight with two lightsabers but you can't dance?" she asked, amused.
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
Padmé stood on her toes to give him a kiss.
"Impossible," she whispered. They moved slowly to an unheard tune, forgetting about everything else in the universe, if only for a moment.