Rated: M
Note: well as always I apologize for my english and I am not very sure about this chapter and this whole story by the way but still I hope you have a good time reading it.
Coming Back
He was almost back, Renji knew it, his senpai was not gone, he was fighting somewhere else, a dangerous fight, a mental one, the most difficult a man can be faced with.
He felt the grip on his neck by the chain loosen a bit, noticing the slightly lack of concentration in Kazeshini and he was going to take this final opportunity, it was now or never. Gathering all the strength that it was left in his body he clenched his hand around Zabimaru and the other hand he grabbed the chain trying to remove it from his neck, he closed his eyes for a fraction of a second, focus on his already low spiritual power gather all of he could get, this attack will make him defenseless afterwards and his zanpakutou will suffer too but it was worth a shot.
He opened his eyes and looked at Kazeshini, he was still battling with his mind, Shuuhei was distracting him, lifting Zabimaru Renji commanded:
"Higa Zekkõ!", Kazeshini widened one eye at this and suddenly the zanpakutou's segments detached from each other and were shot away to the sky.
Visibly fighting with Hisagi in his inner world, the creature growled already in a state of madness, his eyes going wild as he tried to get a stronger hold on Renji with his chain, his veins popping out on his forehead as he looked up above only to see the sharp pieces of metal going down to his direction with an amazing speed.
For Renji this was his only opportunity to bring down that body used by the zanpakutou, he was going to hurt him, he knew it but it had to be done, there was nothing more destructive for him to loose his senpai for the spirit and he had to fight back, if by any chance he was killed, his senpai could feel guilty and not come back. He also knew that this was a battle only Hisagi could win, only him could resolve this in the end but as he promised he would help, he would do what he could and needed, for his friend, for his lover, for his companion in battle even if that means to hurt him.
Suddenly feeling the chain on his neck losing the grip to finally unwrap totally from his skin, he watched as Kazeshini jump and deflect some of the segments being hit only by a few and some only scratching his skin, the ones that hit weren't in dangerous spots but the spirit growled in pain waving around the blades deflecting the rest throwing them away, some hitting the floor right beside the redhead. Then he glared back at Renji screaming, "You fucking monkey..", removing the segments of his body, growling and cursing.
The lieutenant of the sixth focused on Hisagi's body as he watched blood pouring out of the holes on his skin left by the blades and the hideous deep scratches, it wasn't serious, the attack wasn't even made with his power in check but still Renji mentally asked for forgiveness, he couldn't stand to hurt him but he also couldn't die here.
Still lying on the floor as the other was growling in pain, Renji knew he wouldn't last much longer with his senses up, the blood he lost together with the time he was provided from air was definitely taking over his body. Hissing and biting his lip he tried to move, to at least get up, he couldn't use again his zanpakutou in shikai for a some amount of time because of the earlier attack but he had to do something, he would think later as soon as he manage to move.
The segments disappeared and his zanpakutou turned back to his normal sword format, he clenched the hilt, he wouldn't have much more time, Hisagi was definitely trying to come back but the spirit was still strong. With all his strength, Renji carved his sword on the ground and used it for balance to sit up, breathing hard he glanced again at Kazeshini and frowned.
The spirit was grabbing his head with one hand, the other was swinging the blade in the air and he was muttering something Renji could not hear clearly. Another hard push and the redhead was on his foot, sweat was dripping from his forehead mixed with blood. One thing he knew watching the spirit display, he wasn't stable, somehow something was happening inside his head and it was Hisagi, the redhead knew for sure. He got a bit closer still thinking in what to do, he thought this moment was definitive, he approach a bit more and he heard, the voice trembling.
"Get away, get the fuck off..." Kazeshini spoke like it was going to break, "No, I'm not the same.." suddenly he screamed, "We're not the same, we're not the same..", he started to swing again the blade in the air trying to hit something, "We're not together anywhere!" he screamed again this time growling like a demon.
Renji widen his eyes and slowly, his face twitching from the pain, grabbed his zanpakutou into a defense position, placing both hands on the hilt and holding the blade right in front of his body, he though it was a matter of seconds until the other broke loose and attack him mercilessly but that didn't come, instead the spirit held his head with both hands, throwing the blades away for the redhead surprise and clenched the nails on his forehead, the body crauched on the floor and got silent.
Renji still with his sword int he same position got closer again and suddenly Kazeshini started to scream, lying down and pulling Hisagi's raven hair roughly, some locks coming out, the redhead frowned in confusion he was really unsure about what he could do. The spirit got quiet again and still, Renji stepped closer still frowning, "Hisagi-senpai?" he whispered but nothing.
Step by step he got besides the body and his eyes widen and he automatically threw his sword away grabbing the limp body, shaking it.."Hisagi-san!" he screamed but the other had no reaction, the eyes were still open but soulless, not even Kazeshini was there, it had nothing, it was an empty shell.
Panicking Renji cupped Shuuhei's cheeks, getting on top of the apparently dead body,"Come back...damnit! Come back!" he screamed. Shutting his eyes in the hope this was a nightmare Renji opened them again, a knot was on his throat, he couldn't think anything, he couldn't do anything, he just wanted him back. He kissed Hisagi on his lips, tears already coming out of his eyes,"Hisa-...Shuuhei you belong here...come back to me!". Breathing hard he let out a desperate scream "Come back!".
Hisagi ran, he ran as fast and far he could breathing hard, it was getting difficult with the thick air all around, his eyes now adjusted to the darkness inside this world that seemed to have no end..everything was exactly the same, darkness above him and a morbid massacre below, the smell of blood was almost intoxicating making him sick almost to the pint of throwing up.
Seriously, was this really his hidden feelings? Did he pushed inside so many anger, loneliness and sadness to end up with an inner world like this? The home of his zanpakutou, his soul mate in battle that Hisagi didn't like, didn't feel attached, didn't trust. There was no bond only a fight between two wills, Kazeshini's eagerness to come out in full freedom with his wild nature and Hisagi's constant battle to push him down, into the pit, below the layer of his behavior.
Suddenly the tattooed man stopped running and stood still, breathing hard, clenching his fists and his eyes widen in realization, he left his feelings alone, he let Kazeshini alone and that's why this happened. They were not that different, all this time Hisagi pushed away his darkest feelings and put them locked somewhere inside he pushed all to his zanpakutou which was a part of his soul.
Kazeshini was alone, trapped inside this world, only negative and harsh feelings were his companions, Shuuhei looked at his body covered with the blood from the floor, then to the crimson pool mixed with the macabre soup of it together with the detached body parts.
He sighed, no wonder his zanpakutou spirit tried to take over him, to gain freedom, his fear transformed both of them in fools, one had lost his reason, the other has lost his will.
He felt that outside the fight had calmed down, he sensed inside his head and he could see Renji already in his foot, then on top of him and he was confused, suddenly his connection to the outside world disappeared, he didn't knew how to get it back since it just happened and then stopped.
He needed to get out of here and come back.
"No, you are staying here." he heard a voice and he looked around but saw nothing. He knew who it was.
"Kazeshini.." he said firmly and calm, not even he knew how.
"No, you listen to me.." the spite could be felt all around that place, "You think is over? It's not and never will be, I will take over you and steal everything you have, you don't deserve it, you're weak..how come weaklings like you have it all?".
"Kazeshini.." he repeated again.
"Stop it!", he screamed, "I'm disgusted by hearing my name through your mouth!".
"Are you alone?" and Hisagi was on it, on the path, he was going to the encounter of his other self, the feelings he had shut down, "I can feel you are."
"What?" and a dark shadow was in front of Shuuhei, it had no distinct form, it was just a dark fog.
Hisagi turned to it, his head tilting to the side and a tender look on his face, "I want to hear you.", he
stepped closer.
"Get away from me, get the fuck away from me" it howled like a beast, it looked scared.
"I did not intent to make you suffer like this, nor even I or Abarai but there are some feelings I can't comprehend, I can't deal with them and I shut them down, I pushed them inside and with that you took them all." the raven haired man looked around him, "I left you alone to deal with them and resulted in this..".
"Shut up..shut the fuck up.." Kazeshini screamed scared making the fog trembling but it was not threatening, perhaps it was understanding and accepting it.
Hisagi felt the air going a bit lighter and sighed, "What is fear? Would I know this would happen and made the same mistake?" he smiled, "I know..you have no fear, you can't possibly know or understand, it is really a strange feeling, it warn us of danger and it's suppose to protect ourselves..".
"Protect?..Ha what a joke" the other spoke like he had spit on his words.
"But if it's not well measured it can block us for getting further, like it blocked me to unleash you and getting more powerful" the air was getting lighter each second, "It made me afraid and your anger rise, I can't possibly imagined how much you suffered all alone in here, with only the most hideous feeling wandering through the darkness, teasing and massacring you.". This was good, finally Hisagi was getting it all out of his chest and for the first time having a connection with his zanpakutou.
"They were your feelings." the voice calmed down and even the place was becoming less dark.
Hisagi nodded.."They were and they are..".
"Go!" the other ordered.
"Kaze-..."
"Go!", Suddenly for the first time in years this world became peaceful and Hisagi could feel it going through his body and mind.."Go back to him." the spirit was finally understanding the shinigami and the other way around, "Next time, come here by your free will.".
The lieutenant widen his eyes and suddenly he could feel his body going away, his mind too, untill all was blacked out and he gave in into darkness.
"Come back!" Renji screamed again and again, not giving up, he was not going to lose hope right now, he shook the body a few times again, caressing Hisagi's cheek, kissing his lips, "For fuck's sake, come back!". His body frozen as a shade of grey appeared in the soulless eyes, he stood still for a few seconds as he watched his lover blink and breath deeply, in a state of trance still euphoria took over the redhead as he held the other close to him until he heard the other hiss and grunt, his body tensing.
Renji was quick to pull away and looked all over the other, the wounds, of course, he didn't had them before he got away, or whatever that was, he cupped the other cheeks and leaned noticing the frown on the other face.
"It was me..it was me, I'm sorry" tears were running down his face. He felt a rough hand on his face caressing it and looked at it, then back at his lover, "It was nec-..", a finger was on his mouth as he noticed the frown had disappeared instead there were soft eyes looking at him and the redhead sighed in relief.."Fuck..you're back." he smiled through the tears.
Hisagi was terribly tired, to the point of passing out but this, there was nothing in the world that could be compared to it, he was again in his lover arms, back to his world, both were alive and he had managed to form a bond with his zanpakutou, it was still frail and easy to break at any second but it was a huge step.
He could feel his strength going away but first he lift a bit up and kissed lightly Renji on his lips smiling, "I'm home.." a tear ran down his face.
"Welcome back!" Renji grinned and held carefully the other knowing that they would fall asleep like that at any second from being exhausted, both int he middle of the dirt, bodies in a mess, weak and powerless, they weren't in danger and probably someone would find them since they couldn't even walk in their state.
Hisagi was the first to fall asleep and Renji put his arm below the other's head to give him support, he placed his head ont he naked shoulder and rested there as a soothing darkness came over him, Hisagi was back.. this was his last thought before he fall asleep smiling.