She was running away.
But she never ran off from things.
Felicity Smoak never ran off. That was Oliver's specialty. Not hers. She never quit.
But, this time she did. She couldn't bare the pain anymore. She couldn't stay. Every night watching him, listening to him, knowing every time that when it comes to a situation where he has to choose between telling her truth and lying to her for whatever noble reason he sees, he will choose the latter.
Felicity couldn't do that anymore.
So she left. She left their home. Boxes packed neatly. She removed each and every sign of her from their loft. The house they built together to be a home. She left it.
She left the lair. The basement where they spent most of their nights. The place which was filled with Oliver's weapons and her computers. The place where they were partners,equals. She left it.
She left the 'Team Arrow'. The team two of them had with Diggle. The family they built around them. The close knitted group of friends who fought against crimes hand by hand. She left it.
She left him. Even though she still loved him with everything she had. When she knew for a fact that she would never be able to have that full contentment and happiness back, if she left him. She left him.
She couldn't trust him anymore.
The secret is to know when to quit. She said to herself.
When there is nothing but pain is left, she had to leave.
Before it comes to the numbness, to not feeling anything, to not hurting like hell anymore, she had to leave.
She had to save herself.
The last bit of herself which remains.
Felicity didn't know where to go when she got out of the loft with her backpack. She just took a few of clothes, essentials and her tablet.
She just wanted to go somewhere she could think. Somewhere safe. To someone who would welcome her with open arms. To someone who would give her comfort without asking for details. To someone who would be straight with her and not BETRAY her trust.
And suddenly she was at a loss.
Where could she go?
She thought of going to her mother, at Vegas.
No, that won't do. She would want to know what happened. Then she would try to defend Oliver, saying that he loved her a lot. When she understands that it is not going to work, she would panic and try to smother her with her love.
No, even though Felicity loved her mother so much, she couldn't go to her, when she was in an emotional breakdown.
She thought of Diggle.
And a stab like pain went through her chest.
Diggle, her big brother, of whom Felicity had immense trust of having her back, was not at her back this time.
She remembered the time when William was kidnapped and Oliver and Diggle were out in mission. Oliver had forgotten to turn off his com and Felicity heard the conversation between them. Diggle was backing Oliver's decision to keep his son a secret. May be in his perspective it was the right thing to do. They were both fathers after all. But, Felicity couldn't help feeling betrayed, abandoned.
Even after rescuing William and sending him away, Diggle didn't say anything to Oliver.
Felicity understood that Diggle's loyalty was to Oliver. He was like his brother. But she couldn't help thinking that if she had a brother, he would have at least scold Oliver for lying to her.
Felicity felt like she was alone in the team.
Oliver and she were supposed to be a team inside the team, and now she was alone.
She couldn't go to Laurel.
Laurel was hurt as much as Felicity by the reveal of William's existence. Yes, it hurt to know that your boyfriend hid the existence of his son from you. But it hurt more to know that your ex-boyfriend hid the existence of his son who he had sired when he was dating you.
So Felicity thought it wouldn't be fair to Laurel if she went to her with her pity party.
She couldn't go to Thea.
Felicity always had a soft spot for Thea.
Being an only child, Felicity longed for a sibling. When Oliver's little sister came to the scene, she was happy to have a chance to be a sister.
When they thought that Oliver was killed by Ras-Al-Gul, Thea and Felicity connected. They cried for Oliver together. They encouraged each other to face another day without Oliver in their lives. Felicity was Thea's only family.
Felicity tried her best to be there for Thea, in every way she can.
When Felicity got to know about Malcom Merlin being Thea's father, she told that to Oliver without considering the consequences. She just could not lie to Oliver.
She tried to force Moira to tell the truth to Thea, even.
When Thea got to know about all the things her family hid from her, she was furious. She was so upset.
Yet she approved Oliver lying to Felicity. She justified Oliver hiding things from his future wife.
Felicity was disappointed with Thea.
She felt betrayed.
When things were bad with Oliver before, when Oliver hurt her by refusing to be with her, she always took a brief break by going to Central city. To her friends there. To Barry.
She spent a few days with her and got herself together and came back with a new courage.
But now,
She couldn't go to Barry. He had helped Oliver to get to know William. Yes, it was not Barry's secret to tell. Yet he had helped Oliver to hide things from her.
After all the things they had gone through, Barry had chosen to leave her in dark.
That was what hurt.
She was not the one to know first, but she was the one to know last. She was supposed to be the first person in Oliver's life. His wife to be. His better half. His partner.
Yet, he has chosen to not share the most important thing of his life with her.
She got to know that even after Malcom Merlin.
That's what hurt.
She was the last.
He didn't think of telling her after Thea got to know it. Not even after Malcom knew it.
Oliver loved her. Felicity had no doubt about that. Yes, he loved her.
He just didn't trust her love. He didn't love her enough to have faith in her.
Felicity sighed.
She had arrived to her destination.
She stood in front of the small apartment and rang the bell. It was getting dark.
She heard the door handle turning.
Then the door opened and the only person she could thought of to come appeared in front of her.
Her little brother.
Roy.
"Blondie… you here? Is everything okay?"
She just stepped into his opened arms.