Late Nights
"The past does not haunt us. We haunt the past. We allow our minds to focus in that direction. We open memories and examine them. We re-experience emotions we felt during the painful events we experienced because we are recalling them in as much detail as we can."
-Augusten Burroughs (This is How)

Rue though he was to accept anything that Tony Stark once declared a "prescription," Steve didn't mind staying in New York.

It was still more extravagant than he needed, but it was nice. The bed, specifically, was way too much ...and yet he largely enjoyed the living quarters designated as his. He was naturally free to come and go, and New York also had the benefit of him not feeling like S.H.I.E.L.D was always watching. He was confident Stark Tower was protected enough that the organization wasn't watching or listening- couldn't be. Steve didn't have anything to hide in D.C., but knowing S.H.I.E.L.D poked around was aggravating.

After what he had learned on the helicarrier regarding S.H.I.E.L.D's duplicity and half-truths, he was rightfully dubious with the organization at times. He didn't like it- didn't like that Tony was right to complain and snoop- but now he knew the truth.

The truth ...if only it were pure and simple as it had once seemed. He wanted to believe in his government, in the power structure that tried to uphold justice and safety. Though he worked for S.H.I.E.L.D, he watched himself ...always.

The work was exhilarating and familiar. The doubts ...those hurt sometimes.

Steve didn't want to think poorly of the organization that Peggy dreamt up and helped found. She'd had a hand in building what S.H.I.E.L.D was; more than anything, he wanted the agency to be above reproach...

It was thoughts like this -among many others- that made him restless and unable to settle to peace or sleep. So, on his second visit to New York City, he ended up walking the streets in the middle of the night ...or early hours of the morning, if you'd rather.

The city still seemed as strange to him at night as during the day, though it being uncrowded was a nice bonus. There were various construction areas around, still rebuilding from Loki's last visit; he felt somewhat responsible but ultimately ignored them. Upon his last arrival to New York, he'd felt guilty about the remaining vestiges of destruction and thought he ought to help. Tony had been quick to inform him he donated enough money and that Steve would be happier avoiding the bureaucracy of the ordeal.

'Also, we saved the city from worse, so my guilt is super limited,' the billionaire had added with a cocky grin.

So, it was of little consequence to Steve as he wandered sparse sidewalks. He couldn't sleep some nights, and when he sat alone in the grandiosity of Stark Tower after a nightmare ...some times he couldn't figure out what his life was.

Once he thought he'd walked it of, spent some energy and let the cool night air cleanse his thoughts, he headed back to Stark Tower. Even if he hadn't already been acquainted to NYC, the monstrosity was hard to miss.

He got into the building with the Avengers ID entrusted to him, and he nodded silently to the equally quiet security guard who manned the front desk at night. As he began to move fully inside, he heard the elevator "ping" before he'd even reached the bay. This sufficiently caught his attention; his head whipped up in time to see a bag and foot step into one of the elevator cars.

Who else was returning at 4:00am?

Around 2:00 in the morning, Katie had twitched in her sleep. By 2:30am, she was wide awake and chest heaving.

She was still sitting up cross-legged in bed at 3:00am, so she threw the covers off of her in a huff. There would probably be no getting back to sleep tonight, so she didn't see the point in trying. Rather than lay in bed with visions of death in her mind's eye, she turned on her lights so that she could gather her things and take a shower. Her hands were shaking as she did so, but she ignored them ...it would stop in time.

It wasn't not her first nightmare; nor would it be her last. In her mind she could always see her old teammates, who she missed and also purposefully stayed away from.

She often dreamt of walking the familiar warm halls of Xavier's Institute for Higher Learning ...sometimes perfectly content. Other times while blood slowly coated the wooden halls, seeping from vents and picture frames. The sight was grotesque, the smell overwhelming...

She wanted to wretch just thinking of it.

Instead, she mechanically got herself ready for the day, never mind the early morning hour. Once her wavy hair was dried, she changed into leggings and a long, knit sweater so she could just go ahead and go into work. If she was going to be awake, she may as well be getting something done.

"Hi Chuck," she greeted when she arrived at work and wandered towards the front desk.

The guard who worked the front desk at night was a nice guy ...she assumed. He rarely had much to say besides direct, concise answers to questions, but he also didn't give her crap for showing up at odd hours some nights -okay: mornings.

"Morning Ms. Pryde," he nodded.

"Want a coffee from upstairs?" she offered because he was not meant to leave this floor at any time unless there was an alert- at least, that's what Tony said and Katie had never seen Chuck anywhere else in the building.

"No thank you"

"Have a good one, then"

Adjusting her bag on her shoulder, she continued to the elevators; without much of a wait, she headed up to the 56th floor.

"Hold the door," Steve called out to request and jogged forward.

A hand snapped out to keep the doors from sliding out, followed by a curious dark visage.

One he actually knew.

"Oh ...thought it was Chuck," the brunette nodded to him and stepped back. "The security guy," she answered his perplexed look.

"Chuck," he repeated -it would be polite to remember this.

"Charlie, really," she added. "I just call him Chuck ...dunno if he likes that."

The smile playing around her mouth told him there was something to that ...a joke or memory, perhaps. He wondered if it had anything to do with Stark's antics.

"Katherine, right?" he double-checked.

"Katie ...glad to know I can make an impression in a few minutes."

"I've always been good with names," he informed her. "Not that you didn't..." he hastily added. "Er..."

Yup, still not smooth with the ladies right off the bat...

"I get what you mean," Katie chortled at his clear frustration. "So, are you just getting in?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. From a walk," he explained himself.

"Oh, that's n- eh," she trailed away.

"What?" he rose a brow at her abrupt abandonment of what she had to say

"Well, my first reaction would be to tell somebody that's not safe at night..."

"Ah," he smirked.

"But, ya know, you're you, so ...it's probably fine," she grinned.

"Probably," he laughed and leaned back against the elevator wall, hands buried in his pockets.

Seconds later, it slowed to a stop.

When the doors opened, Steve recognized they were at Stark's lab; the overhead lights popped on as soon as Katie stepped out onto the tile floor. It was only when she did this that he realized he'd never punched the button for his floor, as he'd been more intent on seeing who was there. He reached out to rectify this, but curiosity stayed his hand and he followed the woman out.

"What goes on in here?" he asked her, looking all around- he injected authority into his tone in hopes of getting an answer.

When he had asked this of Stark, the man muttered about "this and that." Steve wasn't clear if this was because he assumed (perhaps not incorrectly) that the Soldier wouldn't understand or because Stark genuinely didn't fully listen to him. He suspected a combination of the two was likely. In any case, maybe Katie would be somewhat more hospitable.

"Honesty, about half of it is knickknacks," the woman snorted, waving to a cluttered work table. "He does work on his big projects in here with JARVIS, but lately it's been personal projects while he thinks about a problem, I think," she grinned.

"Really?" Steve asked disbelievingly.

Katie saw him eyeing the clutter.

"He sort of seems to thrive on chaos," Katie laughed.

"Oh, trust me, I've noticed," he responded dryly. "So he works on electronics?"

Steve's hands were still in his jean pockets, so he'd not be tempted to touch when he peeked around the table. He saw plenty of wires here and there.

"His pet projects right now is making an AI robot for his and Pepper's apartment..." she informed.

"AI?" Steve questioned.

"Artificial Intelligence," Katie set her things down and softly explained; he straightened to attentively listen. "Basically, he's working on a little robot butler ...it could take orders, move around the apartment, problem solve ...like JARVIS," she realized. "JARVIS is AI, but this little guy would be walking around."

Steve mulled this over thoughtfully. He rarely made use of the JARVIS system Tony had told him of, as it still unnerved him slightly. He couldn't decide if a physical form would make it better or worse.

"That's ...something"

Katie grinned.

"Like I said, just a project to distract him. Some fun with animatronics ...and someone to make him a drink," she winked and turned back to her bag on the table she'd claimed.

"So," Steve wandered towards her table, "you must live on chaos a bit, too."

"It's not all mine," she quickly defended the muddled table. "Okay, a lot of the notes are ...and my office isn't pristine," she admitted.

"This isn't your office?" Steve cocked his head.

"Nope. I'm officially down on the 26th floor in tech analysis," she shook her head, pulling a laptop from her bag as she did so. "But I have clearance up here ...sometimes to spitball with Tony about programming or help him out, other times because he's bored ...or if I'm bored, to be fair. My office doesn't have this view."

She jerked her thumb to the floor-to-ceiling glass on her left where city lights sparkled below. Even at night, it looked lively from here.

"I see the draw," he agreed with a small smile.

They eyed the view together a few moments.

"I take it you're not up just to see the view," Katie ventured.

The way Steve's jaw clenched tightly indicated to her that she had gone too far.

'Shut your trap, Pryde,' she rolled her eyes at herself.

"I take it you aren't, either," he came back.

"Touche," she tilted her head.

She was at work and fully dressed, after all. There wasn't a lot of reason for that at 4:00am ...not that she doubted there were scientists elsewhere in the building forgoing sleep in favor of their latest idea.

"Couldn't do the sleeping thing any longer," she answered simply.

"Mmm, me either," Steve nodded, though he continued to eye her in a guarded fashion.

Katie nodded and wasn't sure where to take the conversation from there. She had treaded to uncomfortable territory without meaning to, forgetting they were not on familiar terms ...maybe because she was tired. Restless, her fingers found a discarded pen on the desk and fiddled with it, twisting it around her nimble fingers.

"...are you going back to bed anytime soon?" She attempted because she didn't enjoy the strained silence.

Steve shrugged, still standing near the window and not pulling his eyes from the streets below.

"...want to see a video I took of the flying droids Tony threw together as a project that definitely did not work?" Katie offered.

She had witnessed first hand Steve's exasperation with Tony and the way her boss goaded the Super Soldier. It was amusing. Perhaps this would provide fodder.

Indeed, it pulled Steve's attention around back to her. He quirked an eyebrow to couple with his lopsided grin. In truth, he was not entirely sure just what a droid was, but if there was a video he'd surely learn.

"Really?"

"Yeah," she hummed and waved him over.

She climbed onto her stool and removed another devise from her bag. Steve had seen one before; he was pretty sure they were called tablets. While she flipped it open, he picked up the nearest stool to him and carried it over to perch next to her at her table.

Steve tried to pay attention as she keyed in some kind of passcode and then tapped and swiped a few things until an image popped up on her touch screen. Holding it out, she clicked the middle of the image so that the recorded film could spring to life.

What followed was a video of a small, buzzing bit of machinery whirring back and forth around the lab as it ricocheted off of beams and lab equipment. Using Tony's head as size-reference when the machine came dangerously close, Steve guessed the device was only about the size of his hand. Still, it was out of control and moving fast enough that Tony was ducking and cursing. He was also fairly sure he heard muffled giggles near the camera; he supposed those would be from Katie filming. Indeed, the film cut out in a blur as the little plane flew straight at it.

"When was this?" Steve chuckled once this signaled the end of the video footage.

"Not as long ago as Tony would like to pretend," Katie smiled. "Again?"

"Once more won't hurt," Steve confirmed.

He watched again with a small grin, enjoying the thought of the know-it-all being human enough to fail at times.

"Did he fix it?"

"Oh, sure- it was a problem with the signal from the controller. We fixed it pretty easily," she shrugged and closed out of the video. "They were addicting for a while ...racing them, seeing what we could land them on without crashing. He got in some trouble with Pepper when he attached a camera and tried to fly over the shower curtain when she was in there."

"Always pushes a little far, doesn't he?" Steve rolled his eyes high.

"He toes a line," Katie agreed, though with marginally less disdain than Steve. "He doesn't mean any harm ...anyway, they're still around here somewhere. I'll dig them up if you want to see."

"That would be interesting," Steve wondered at the idea of using what she and Tony clearly regarded as toys.

Katie nodded and looked over to see that Steve's eyes were still on her tablet; he'd been watching how she handled it.

"Ever used one?" she offered it over to him.

"I've seen them," he hesitated.

"Go on- just don't throw it and it'll be fine," she promised and extended her arm more forcefully.

Steve took it from her with both hands. Regardless of the way she had easily balanced it on one hand and tapped away with the other, he was unsure with it. It was lighter in his hands than he expected, and it was thin, so he set it flat on the table in front of him to look down at.

"It's so small ...how do things fit in it?" he questioned.

Katie laughed, but immediately regretted in when he seemed to deflate sheepishly.

"No, no," she waved her hands to try to brush away the laughter like it hadn't happened. "Don't feel bad ...so many people don't really understand how they work- I promise. Seriously, a lot of people who've lived their whole lives with computers and internet could never explain how it works. I didn't meant to laugh at you."

"Okay," he nodded when she seemed adamant and sincere; he felt somewhat less foolish.

"The explanation would be pretty technical, and you can use it without knowing why or how it works," she told him patiently and, this time, soberly. "Tablets like this operate pretty much solely on touch ...you tap what you want to open or drag your finger to move something. Go ahead..."

He did as she instructed, and it was very strange to have so much be literally at the tip of his finger.

"So," she continued once she'd shown him how to open and close programs. "All of these shapes are applications ...basically tools. I can pick things I want and transfer them onto my tablet ...like, I've got a calendar on here, a scientific calculator, photo albums, something to tell me the weather, electronic books-"

"You can have whole books on here?" Steve raised an eyebrow, still grasping at the breadth and depth of the little thing before him.

"...bookshelves full," Katie smiled as his wonder and tapped open her Kindle so that she can swipe through some of her library.

"Gee..."

"I have a folder of games," she continued after closing it, "and a page of technical work apps, like CAD drawing...and, of course, the internet. Have you used the internet before?"

"Um, I've seen it used, but I haven't done much myself, really," he admitted.

"That's okay, but we'll just start simple to get you used to this thing ...games," she happily suggested.

She showed him how to access her gams and set him up with a maze puzzle that grew progressively harder on each level to keep him engaged. She figured it would occupy as well as educate him- even Logan had gotten hooked on some of the strategy/logic puzzles she'd found.

That thought caused a twinge from missing him, but the frown was only momentary and she moved on. Since Captain America was busy with her tablet, she used her computer to check e-mails and start-in on some work.

Captain America. She sent him a sidelong glance and grinned a little.

Despite what she had seen and who she had met in her life, she couldn't help but be impressed. She'd come across powerful people and seen some crazy things, but she had heard stories of Captain America growing up from her grandparents, and now he was sitting right there.

'Steve.' she berated herself.

He wasn't just Captain America.

People were people, no matter what they could do or had done. That was what she always told herself and had wanted other people to see and understand for years. Distantly, she was disgusted with herself for her moment of awe regarding the man next to her.

He was a person.

"I should try to get some sleep," Steve sighed after a while and stood. "That was fun, though," he carefully turned off the tablet.

"Good, I'm glad," Katie grinned.

"Thanks for the mini-lesson," he added.

"Sure, any time," she welcomed and turned back to her tablet.

"Have fun working"

"Eh"

While Steve was occupied she had found Tony's handwriting on some of her notes up here. While it was annoying that Tony read through her things, this was his lab and she didn't leave personal things there for a reason. So she'd been working on deciphering the cramped writing in the margins- like he couldn't grab a fresh post-it for himself.

"Katie?"

She looked up to see that Steve had stopped a few feet from the desk and turned back around. His hands were folded behind his back as he looked back at her expectantly.

"Yeah?"

"It's 5:00am ...are you alright?"

He didn't sound nosey and he certainly was not mocking -he was awake, too, after all. He just sounded concerned and willing, an unspoken offer to help in his tone. Katie couldn't help but allow for a small smile to tilt up her lips.

"I'll be fine," she answered.

"...alright," his head nodded firmly.

"Are you? Okay, I mean," Katie returned softly.

"It's nothing," his impassive face did not break.

"Good," she approved.

Katie thought that even given this polite -if stunted- exchange, they each know they were both lying.

"Good night, then," he bade and turned to go after a last, deeper, nod.

"Night, soldier"

"Ma'am," he responded, throwing a wave over his shoulder on his way to finally take the elevator all the way to his room.