A/N: Good morning, sunshines. I am SLEEPY.

Edward was well aware he was being coaxed awake. He was still tired—his brain mostly still cloudy from sleep—but he was playing possum, enjoying the sensation of Carlisle gently sucking at his earlobe. He was propped behind Edward, on his side, leaning over him. The warmth of his body behind Edward's back was pleasant. Too pleasant to give up just yet.

"Wake up, baby," Carlisle said, his lips just below Edward's ear. "We're going to miss the plane."

Edward's eyes flew open, and he rolled onto his back, finding his husband hovering above him. "Plane? What?" He searched his memories. Did one or both of them have a conference he'd completely forgotten about?

Carlisle looked amused. He tapped out a mindless rhythm with his fingertips against Edward's bare chest. "You're right. I'm getting a little ahead of myself. You'll have to be patient with me. I'm new to the dating scene. It was rude of me to assume you'd say yes."

"Dating scene?" Edward repeated dumbly. "What the hell does a date have to do with planes?"

"Alistair suggested we try dating." He took Edward's hand and entwined their fingers "It's a means of reconnecting and getting to know each other again."

Edward's lips tugged down at the corners. "He thinks we don't know each other?" He liked Alistair a lot, but that was going to change pretty damn quickly if he started filling Carlisle's head with more bullshit they were going to need to overcome.

"That's not what I meant."

Carlisle lay beside Edward, nuzzling his cheek as he recapped his therapy session from two days previous. He'd been quiet about it, and Edward hadn't pushed, as much as he desperately wanted to.

"Okay," Edward said, feeling hopeful. If dating his husband had therapeutic value, he wasn't going to argue that point. "I still don't understand what that has to do with planes, though?"

Carlisle's grin grew surprisingly mischievous. "Well, he never said we had to date in this city."

Edward laughed. He took his chin in his hand and kissed him. "You can't help yourself, can you?"

"When it comes to you?" Carlisle's smile was gentle and his touch reverent. "No. I never could."

~0~

Almost as soon as they landed in San Francisco, Carlisle turned his head away from Edward's kiss. "This is a first date. I'm looking forward to the anticipation of the first kiss. Will it or won't it happen."

Edward shook his head. "You are such a jackass."

"Hmm. I'm not sure if this is going to work out. You're awfully mouthy. It doesn't make a good first impression," Carlisle said, but he took Edward's small rolling suitcase from him.

"Oh, I'm not too worried. A little bird told me you have a thing for mouthy assholes." He teased, but a stab of fear went through Edward at the words. This was all about finding themselves again—the things that had changed.

But Carlisle only smiled. "It's a weakness," he said.

~0~

Their first stop was a coffee shop called Sightglass Coffee.

"San Francisco coffee is supposed to be unrivaled," Carlisle said. He sounded dubious at best.

Edward snorted. "We...I live in Seattle. I'm pretty sure I know how coffee is done."

"You live in Seattle? Well, what a happy coincidence. So do I."

"What a small world. The good news is we'll be able to see each other easily if this works out."

Carlisle chuckled. They ordered and retreated to a quiet corner to enjoy their coffee.

"Moment of truth," Edward said.

Carlisle raised his coffee cup. The way he was eyeing it was endlessly amusing to Edward. He watched his husband over the edge of his own cup as they sipped and laughed when Carlisle pulled a face. "I think it's pretty good."

"It's not horrible." Carlisle stared at the cup, sloshing the liquid around as though it had offended him. "It just lacks a robust quality I've come to expect from coffee. I like a smooth drink as much as the next man, but there should be at least some sense that this is a coffee drink."

Edward burst out laughing. "Carlisle, you're a fucking coffee snob. How did I not know this?"

"I'm not a coffee snob. I just know what coffee should taste like."

"You drink the sludge at the hospital."

"I drink that to survive, not to enjoy a drink."

Edward only laughed again, but he soon settled into a smile. "Well, maybe there is something to this dating thing. I can't believe you kept your coffee snobbery to yourself all this time."

"Again, all I said was that I know what coffee should taste like," Carlisle said, though he was smiling across the table, the look in his eyes tender.

"I'll take you to Colombia and put that theory to the test."

"That's hardly first date talk."

"It's been awhile since I've been on a first date. You'll have to forgive me."

Carlisle cocked his head, his brow slightly furrowed as he considered Edward. "Did you date a lot?"

Edward quirked an eyebrow and sipped his coffee, thinking. Carlisle wasn't the jealous type in general, and his tone was merely curious. Still, it struck him as weird that they'd never had this conversation. Carlisle knew about Garrett, of course, and that he'd had a string of one night stands with one-night Doms. He also knew about Benjamin, but they'd never talked about other romances. Carlisle was his first and only love, but that didn't mean he'd been celibate before and after Benjamin.

"I didn't really have the time," Edward said. "Graduated early from everything, and I was nineteen when Benjamin found me."

Carlisle frowned. "You weren't a virgin when you met him, were you?"

Edward snorted. "No, but you asked about dating not sex." He cocked his head. "Although, now that I think about it, I suppose I dated a boy in high school. We were both seniors."

"Which means he was older than you," Carlisle said, a smirk playing at his lips.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I never did play well with kids my age." He took another sip, remembering. "He wasn't the first boy I'd been with, ever kissed or touched. You know I knew I was gay from a young age. But this boy—he was the most important, and yes, he was the first one I went all the way with." He covered his face with his hands. "Oh, Christ. Jesus, it's been a long time since I've thought about him."

"You're blushing." Carlisle sounded delighted. "I need a story that makes Edward Cullen blush."

"Fuck, okay." Edward shook his head and touched his cheek as if he could wipe away the heat there. "His name was Felix. Felix Bertoluci. He was my bully."

Carlisle sat up straight. "Your bully? You dated your bully?"

"Yeah, well...What I mean is he had the classic bullying behavior but not overtly so. What I'm trying to say is...ugh." Edward rubbed the back of his neck. This was coming out all wrong. "It wasn't really that traumatic. The bullying part, I mean. I was barely fifteen, and I hadn't filled out to this god-like physique you're used to." He gestured down at himself.

Carlisle's concerned expression faded into a smirk. "Next thing you're going to tell me is you were modest as a child."

"Well, no. I was a god damned show off."

"Imagine my surprise."

Edward grinned at his husband. "Bottom line, I wasn't terrible looking, you know, but I was a skinny, fifteen-year-old nerd who was so good at school I was going to graduate with the big, beefy eighteen year olds."

"So Felix was a big, beefy eighteen year old." Carlisle chuckled.

"Christ, he had to have been about as big across the shoulders as Emmett. And he was a jock."

"Edward. The star of the football team? Really?"

"Naw. The star of the football team was this blond-haired, blue eyed pretty boy. Felix had dark hair." He sighed. "Anyway. Like I said. He teased me. Nothing horrible and nothing gay-bashing." He pressed his lips together. "I don't know that I was ever really in the closet. I just didn't talk about it, you know? My parents…" His throat tightened, and he had to swallow before he could continue. "My parents wouldn't have wanted me involved with anyone, girl or boy. They thought high school relationships were just a distraction from my ultimate goal."

He waved a hand. He definitely didn't want to talk about his parents. "The point is the teasing was all about me being a scrawny baby senior. And he would do a few other things. Grab my backpack and haul me backward. Again, not hard. Nothing traumatic. Teasing. He mussed my hair and stole my glasses. Pain in the ass, jock behavior."

"He had a crush on you. He was a little boy pulling on a girl's pigtails because aggression is how boys show they love you." Carlisle said with a smirk.

"Yes, well. I know that now. Back then I…"

Carlisle laughed. "There's that blush again."

Edward growled but then he smiled. "Okay, fine. It's just embarrassing, but despite all the jockyness, I had the hugest crush on him. Can you blame me? He was big and strong and gorgeous and...don't judge me. I was fifteen."

Carlisle had a hand over his mouth, trying to cover his grin and failing. "No judgment here. Please continue."

"So one day, he separates from his pack and follows me down the hallway. You know, despite all the crushing and the fact the crap he did wasn't terrible, I wasn't naive. I knew there could be trouble, so I was a little nervous. So when he grabs me by the backpack and hauls me back again, I kicked him in the shin.

"It was kind of hilarious, looking back, because here's this big football player, hopping around the hallway on one leg, doing the ouch-ouch-ouch dance. He was yelling, 'God damn, Masen. I need that leg to kick a football. Fuck, if you ruined my scholarship, I'm going to kick your ass.' And, of course, because I never could keep my big mouth shut, I yell back at him, 'That's why I kicked you in your ass-kicking leg, fucknugget. I'm feeling pretty safe over here.'"

"Fucknugget?"

Edward pointed to himself. "Fifteen-year-old kid. Come on now."

Carlisle waved a hand, bemused. "Sorry. Do go on."

"For the record, I wasn't feeling safe. I was thinking how many humongous guys this guy hung out with and what they could all do to me, but then he laughed. He laughed and he threw his arm around my shoulder and was like, 'You're all right, Masen. Tough for a little kid, but I don't want to fight you. I want you to tutor me. Seeing how you're supposed to be the genius and all.'"

"Interesting. So, obviously, you said yes."

Edward huffed. "Pass up a chance to get to look at him and add tutoring to my college application? Like the guy said—I'm a genius. It wasn't a hard decision to make.

"So we arrange a tutoring schedule. He came to my house, and I was a good boy."

"I'm sure you were," Carlisle said in a tone that said he believed the exact opposite.

"I was. I got down to tutoring, trying to ignore that he was sitting right beside me, getting all up in my personal space as he leaned in to go over the work with me. And then… I don't even know what happened. I turned my head to explain the War of the Roses to him, and he was kissing me."

"Smooth," Carlisle said.

"I was smitten. So, long story short, I guess we dated all throughout senior year. It was weird. He was pretty deep in the closet, and like I said, I was supposed to be knee-deep in school work and AP classes. But Felix was quite charming. He said he didn't want me to kiss anyone else while we were in school together, so he had to keep me happy. So we'd go on these covert dates at least across the city from anyone we knew." He sighed, remembering. "It was nice. He took me to Homecoming—by which I mean he went stag and told me to go stag and we snuck away to make out under the bleachers. For Prom, he went all out—by which I mean we didn't actually go. He stole his dad's credit card, we made up excuses to our parents, drove half the state away to a schmancy hotel for the weekend, and had a lot of sex." Edward shrugged. "Well, there was other stuff, too. The kind of romantic stuff an eighteen year old would think of, but you know…"

"You were a teenager. You were there for the sex."

"Exactly."

Carlisle sat back in his chair, staring at Edward, looking highly amused. "That was a charming story, Edward. Very good first date material."

Edward tilted his head, staring his husband down with a smirk playing at his lips. "Well, thank you for the vote of confidence, but if you'll allow me a moment to be too forward, this really is the last first date I intend to have."

Carlisle reached across the table and caressed Edward's cheek. "I do so very much love you."

A familiar warmth spread through Edward's chest, and he smiled. He placed his hand over Carlisle's against his cheek. "Now who's being too forward?"

~0~

Carlisle had planned a whole day of dates.

"You know this is cheating, right?" Edward asked, as they worked their rented paddle boat to the middle of the lake in Golden Gate Park. "It's one date per day, usually. You've got what, four planned? Coffee. Lunch and paddle boating. And you also want dinner and drinks?"

"And a walk on the beach at sunset," Carlisle said, his smile serene. He folded his arms behind his head, staring up at the cloudless sky.

"See? Cheating. Also, you're not supposed to tell me what's coming next. There should be some mystery to the whole thing."

"Ah. Surprises are romantic, are they?"

"That's the word on the street. You want another pointer?"

"Apparently, I need all the help I can get."

Edward turned his head to look at Carlisle. "If you haven't secured the first kiss by the fourth date, you're in trouble."

"Is that how it works?"

Carlisle looked so relaxed and happy, as though he'd left all his heaviness back in Washington. Maybe that was why he'd wanted to get away for a couple of days, to put down his burdens and pretend for awhile.

Either way, Edward wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Not when Carlisle was looking at him like that—all tenderness and adoration. He was such a beautiful man, his smile wide and his hair gleaming gold in the California sunshine.

Carlisle brushed his fingers through Edward's hair, cupping his hand around the back of his neck. It was strange, but somehow Edward found himself wondering how this would have happened for them if they hadn't gotten together the way they had. If they had dated, Edward imagined he would have been on tenterhooks, wondering when his gorgeous date was going to kiss him. More likely, he probably would have been waiting for the perfect time to initiate the kiss.

Edward tilted his head, closing his eyes as Carlisle kissed him. It was a tentative kiss—like a real first kiss often was. It was a mere brush of their lips at first, as though neither of them could quite believe the other was picking up the same vibe. Edward shivered, feeling the thrill of connection. Their lips met again, firmer now, assured. Sweet, innocent first kisses on a sunshiney day.

~0~

As Carlisle had planned, it was late afternoon when they got to Ghirardelli Square. They strolled hand in hand, eating Ghirardelli ice cream as they checked out the local wares. Edward teased him for being a cheesy bastard when he bought him a single long-stemmed rose, but his chocolate flavored kiss was an enthusiastic one.

Carlisle bought a blanket and they made their way to the beach. They settled on the sand, and Carlisle draped the blanket over both their shoulders, warding off the cool evening air. He wrapped an arm around Edward, stroking his back. Edward rested his head on his shoulder and they stared out at the sea together.

They were quiet, enjoying the chatter around them and the steady pulse of the waves on the sand. This was the nice thing about the fact they weren't actually new to each other. They didn't need to fill every moment with words. They said as much with their gentle touches—the way the fingers of their free hands twined together, playing and caressing—as they'd said with words all day.

It had been a good day. Alistair had been right. Carlisle and Edward were so close it had been a long time since they'd actually spent the day merely talking. Small talk. Not about work, the future, or social engagements. They talked about all the minutiae—the things that made them tick, anecdotes from their pasts, the random things on their bucket lists.

Carlisle rubbed his cheek against Edward's soft hair, staring out at the ocean without seeing it. He loved this man. The depth of the emotion he felt was all consuming at times. It was part of him—written into his genetic makeup.

"Edward," Carlisle murmured, his lips at his crown.

"Hmm?" It was a content sound, and Edward didn't raise his head to look.

Carlisle was relieved. His heart had begun to pound, and he wasn't at all certain about what he was about to say. He was, however, certain he wanted to say it. He took Edward's hand and squeezed tightly. "I want to talk to Bella when we get home."

Now Edward did raise his head. He stared at Carlisle, his eyes wide with hope. "You mean about what she offered?"

A wave of nausea made Carlisle dizzy, but he nodded. "Yes."

"Why?" Edward asked, the word breathless. "We spend one day together, and you're suddenly sure we're going to make it?"

Carlisle was quiet for a handful of moments, putting together his words. "I still need you to know that I would never blame you if there ever came a time you needed to leave me. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to settle for less than what you deserve out of some kind of obligation or even love for me." His throat threatened to close around the words, but they needed to be said. He still knew that there was every possibility they couldn't be put back together in the long run, not as everything they'd been to each other. "But I've been wrapped up in a distant future. Days like today, it's easier to see that possibility as not only distant, but unlikely."

"Impossible," Edward muttered.

Not impossible, Carlisle thought, but he didn't want to have that fight again. Not now. He angled his body so he was facing Edward a little more and took both his hands in his. "At home, it's hard to look around and not see everything we've lost. I know you don't blame me, but I failed you and our kids."

Edward shook his head vehemently. "No."

Carlisle raised a finger to his husband's lips, silencing his protest. "It's what I feel, and it's difficult to let it go."

He raised Edward's hand to his lips and pressed a long kiss there. "Almost every day you've been mine, I've looked at you and felt so lucky. Even now, it's hard for me to really grasp that you could choose me, that you continue to choose me. My love, that's more of a miracle than any one person should expect from their life.

"So sometimes, I feel like I asked too much. To have you and to have a family with you. That's paradise, isn't it? Heaven on Earth. I asked for it once, and I couldn't take care of them, of you."

"Carlisle."

Carlisle chuckled, his smile wry. "Feelings, Edward." He touched his cheek. "Tell me you're not scared to think about this again."

Edward closed his eyes and leaned into Carlisle's touch. "I'm terrified," he whispered.

"I am too." Carlisle took a deep breath. "But I'm not going to deny I still want this with you. I want to be a family again, to hold our child in my arms. To watch you be a father. There's a lot we can't have. There's a lot we may have to fight for in the future." He swallowed hard. "And that means there's a possibility we'll lose, but this we can have. You should be a father. I can give you that. I can have that with you."

Edward's eyes brightened, cautious hope turning into excitement. He lunged at Carlisle knocking him back onto the sand and peppering his face with kisses.

Carlisle laughed, kissing him back when he could. "Edward," he said breathlessly. "We have a reservation for dinner to get to."

"Who the hell needs food?" Edward took his face in his hands and kissed him. "I have everything I need right here, right now."

A/N: That was better, yes? Monday morning pick me up.

So many thanks to Packy 2.0, JessyPT, Mina, songster, and barburella. I love my docs and my beautiful girls.