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"Love at First Fight"By Captain Peroxide
"Love at First Fight" by Captain Peroxide
Firefly: six months after Serenity
Characters: Mal, Jayne, Zoë, Simon, Kaylee, River, and a new addition created by Captain Peroxide.
Rating: M
Genre: Science Fiction
Disclaimer:
Joss Whedon is seated at his desk reading through a stack of printed papers. He throws down the ones in his hand and pinches the bridge of his nose. "A trilogy? Why in god's name… They even added a character! What is this world coming to?"
The phone rings.
"Hello… yes, I'm reading it… yes, they really did write three stories… what are they called? … The first one is called "Love at First Fight"… second one is "Dirty Little Secret"… number three… yes… mm-hm… yeah, it's a cross over… "Sounds Like SciFi"… yes, they did get permission from Russell T. Davies… I still can't believe they pulled it off… the new character? … It's a girl… Vera, I think… no, not the gun… yes, it is ironic… probably just what they were going for… okay… let me finish reading this last one… what? … Disclaimer? … Just a sec… ummmm… not on here, I'll have to give them a call later and find out about it… okay, I'll see you in the board-room… bye."
He hangs up the phone and picks up the papers once more. "Peroxide and Harkness… I need to give those two a call…" picks up the receiver again and dials a number. "Yes, am I speaking to either Captain Peroxide or Harkness? … This is Peroxide? … This is Joss Whedon, owner of all the Firefly and Serenity characters… I just need to talk to you about your series "Serendipity"… Yes, the one with your new character… okay… Yep, I did read it… I've got the manuscript right in front of me… I thought they were good, but I just needed to find out if you wrote a disclaimer for all of this? … Did you include the mild peril and adult content, not everyone agrees with the concept of near rape you know… Oh really? … That's good… no problems here then… please, resume whatever it was that you were doing… I'll talk to you later… good-bye."
He hangs up the phone again and returns to the story. A wide grin spreads across his face as he reaches the end of the final chapter.
Chapter 1: Like No Other
"Jayne!" Mal called from the cargo bay, "Jayne, we need Vera!"
"But Mal! I just cleaned her, and oiled her, and…" Jayne began only to be cut off by Mal.
"I don't really care," Mal yelled back at Jayne, "I need you to go make this last drop for me."
"Gorram…" Jayne began a long string of Chinese cursing as he came down the stairs wielding Vera, "Why do I have to go?"
"Because you're the only one intimidating enough to pull this one off," Mal said once Jayne had reached him and stopped cursing, "Besides, chances are you'll get to shoot someone."
"Shiny," Jayne said with a smile, stroking Vera's trigger lightly, "It's been a long time since I got to shoot someone."
"Good. You'll be taking shuttle two, rendezvous in fifteen minutes, so you should leave about… say… five minutes ago."
"Thanks, Mal," Jayne replied with a glare, then jogged back up the stairs with another string of cursing.
The flight to the rendezvous had been uneventful, but nothing could have prepared Jayne for what he was up against next. He almost landed on top of the guys to whom he was delivering the famed wobbly headed geisha dolls.
"You got my money?" Jayne asked accusingly as he walked out of the shuttle carrying half his weapon stash about him.
"Your money?" the closest thug asked, "This money is for a Mr. Reynolds, not a… mister… army… guy…"
"Well, Captain Reynolds sent me to make the drop," Jayne explained, "So you'd best hand over the coin and get your boy scouts to get the cargo to your ship."
"We're not giving this money to anyone but Malcolm Reynolds," the thug replied.
"Well, I can compensate," Jayne said, cocking Vera, he shot down the first thug, then took down a couple of his boy scouts for good measure.
Soon there were gun-men pouring out of the ship and coming at Jayne from every conceivable angle, then to add to his problems, a shuttle landed not far from them, and ten more guys came out of it. Any other day, Jayne would have been enjoying the little game of "how many thugs can I peg in a minute." But that day his head just wasn't in the game because he had seen the woman that had just stepped off the latest edition to the fight. She immediately caught Jayne's eye, and he couldn't stop thinking about getting into one-on-one against her. He called Mal and Zoë for back up, and had those two beside him after nearly twenty minutes of shooting, stabbing, and grenade throwing. He was down to eight bullets, completely out of grenades, and the switch blade he had impaled a thug with was lost in the tide of adversaries. Once Mal and Zoë cleared a path, Jayne began to make his way toward the woman standing by her shuttle, tossing a cruel knife in the air and catching it. She was waiting.
She saw Jayne approaching and caught the knife by the blade, ready to throw it once he was close enough. Jayne dropped Vera then got out his big knife and mirrored the blonde haired beauty.
She threw hers first, catching Jayne in the left bicep. He removed it and let out an agonized groan. He threw his and got the woman in the thigh. The battle was on. She pulled the knife out and threw it on the ground, then looked Jayne up and down one last time before she slowly stalked toward him, her every move mirrored by the large, manly Jayne. When they finally met in hand to hand combat, they wrestled each other to the ground. Finally, Jayne found an opening and punched her out.
He sat back a bit and examined the young woman he had just knocked out. She had a soft, porcelain face, she was so delicate, and yet strongly built. Her skin was barely tanned, sandy blonde hair, and a tall, semi-muscular build. To Jayne, she was perfection, the fifth element, and the one for him.
Mal and Zoë came up behind Jayne to take a look at his final challenge for the day.
"Well, this is shiny" Mal finally said, startling Jayne, who had been tracing the soft lips of the mysterious warrior woman as though he were caught in a trance, "We got the coin, the cargo, a ship, and a shuttle at our disposal. I think this is a good day." Mal strode toward the offending ship to see what there was to make of it. Zoë stayed behind.
"Was she difficult?"
"Zoë, come on, she's a girl," Jayne replied with a scoff.
"Is that supposed to mean something?" Zoë asked firmly.
"No."
Zoë left to join the captain, and Jayne was faced with the task of either leaving this beauty in the dirt, or finding a way to get her on the ship.
Her face had him painfully enchanted. Do I leave her? Should I take her? I want her… badly… I want her body… badly… god almighty… I might be able to kiss those lips… he bent his face to hers and lightly brushed his lips across her glossy ones. Jayne licked his bottom lip and sat further back. Hell with this… I'm taking her with me! At that he stood up and lifted her into his arms.
"So, Jayne, I heard that you may have met your match on the battle field, and it's a girl?" Simon looked across the table at Jayne.
"Yeah… she was pretty cute too. You know, short shorts, tight shirt, and a really good looking pair… if you get my meaning… and her face… gorramit… I'll be in my bunk," Jayne threw down the hand of cards that he'd been playing and left the rest of the crew.
"Well, that's interesting; a girl nearly beats the great brute known as Jayne," Simon shook his head and set down a lovely royal flush.
Zoë nodded her head and laid her cards on the table as well, "Captain and I saw her; she was a knock out, nice gun too, looked just like Jayne's," she reclined in her chair a bit to reexamine her straight.
"Ching-wats… damn it," Mal threw down a single pair, "Yeah, wonder what that's about… Jayne said Vera was something of a unique find… doesn't make sense for this broad to have the same thing."
"Well, maybe they'll fall in love!" Kaylee put down a pair as well and beamed at the thought of true love, even though she knew she might never get any of it, "You know, get married and live happily ever after!"
Mal shook his head as he continued to glower about his poor hand, "That's impossible, we left her lying in the dirt, breathing, with her shuttle, should be enough supplies for a day or so…" he crossed his arms and sat back, "But there's no way the she and Jayne could ever be together."
Chapter 2: A Second First Impression
Jayne silently crept down the ladder so as not to startle the naked woman seated on his bed. She was bandaging her leg furiously, cursing in Chinese all the while. He skipped the last rung and landed with a light 'thud'.
"Well aren't you a sight," he grinned as he approached the bed.
"I should like to say the same…" she gave him a sarcastic smile and shrugged her shoulders, "If it were true."
"Ooh, my type even," he took a seat beside her, as he did this, she back away from him and sat flat against the wall, "I'm not gonna hurt you."
"Oh really?" she rolled her eyes and ran a hand over her freshly bandaged wound.
"More than I already did."
"Right," her eyes began to wander around the room, "So… where's my gun?" she glanced down, "And my knickers."
"Not getting them back anytime soon, so don't hold your breath," he moved close to her, "However, you can have me in their stead."
"Well, you really have thought of everything, haven't you? No matter, if I don't have Jayne in my hands by the time I count to three, you're going down this time," she held up a hand and began counting slowly, "One… two…"
"Wait… who?" he stood back up, allowing her a bit of breathing space in case she did try anything.
"Jayne… my gun… what's it matter?" she glared at him, "Damn it…. Three!"She lunged at him, catching him around the neck.
"I've got you now," Jayne growled huskily as he tossed her back onto the bed. His pants dropped to the floor unceremoniously before he rejoined her. "The name's Jayne… oddly enough. Glad to make your acquaintance."
He grasped her shoulders to keep her from squirming away from him. She put her knees up in rebuttal, but he raised himself above her, using his own knee to separate hers. A moment of sheer terror was instilled upon her porcelain face as it occurred to her just what that man was capable of.
Jayne held her upper arms firmly, both for support and to keep her under him. "It'd help if I knew your name, gorgeous."
"Not that I'd tell you," she relied through gritted teeth. She kicked him in an attempt to escape, but was foiled by his muscular legs impressed against her inner thighs. His hands clenched determinedly on her shoulders as he fought off the urge to take her right there. She groaned in pain, "It's Vera."
Jayne let up slightly, taken aback by her name, "Now that's what you call ironic."
"Sod off, ponce!" she tried to wiggle out from underneath him.
"Ponce?" he retightened his grip then bent his head to her chest, "You smell… great." His lips began to caress the small space between her breasts. An unintentional moan escaped her lips as his tongue roamed the rest of her abdomen. "Having fun?"
Vera shook her head defiantly; trying not to allow herself to imagine what was about to happen to her. Vera, get a bloody hold of yourself, don't enjoy this… this is… molestation against your will for crying out loud! Just kick him again… she tried, but was still unable to get a knee propped up. "Ho-ow! How is it… ironic?"
Jayne's hands slipped further down her arms, then stopped at her wrists. "Callahan up there… her name is Vera too."
Why do I always get picked up by the weird ones? She barely managed to get one knee between herself and the hulking figure above her. Now if I wasn't weak in the knees right now, I'd have a bit of an advantage.
"Hello," he released one of her wrists and moved it down her leg, forcing it back beneath him. Her hand reached around the back of his neck. Their eyes finally met and the first thing he noticed was her fierce need for dominance. She's a fighter… damn I'm good.
"If we're going to do this… I'm on top," she had her hand fixed in his thick brown hair, "Otherwise, I'm kicking your arse off of me."
"Deal," he rolled over, allowing her to position herself on top of him.
"Mal, she's here," River spun her copilot seat around to face the captain.
"Who's here, little one?" he flipped three switches above his head and pressed a flashing yellow button before turning to face the brunette opposite him.
"Vera."
"Of course Jayne's gun is on board, man never goes anywhere without that thing," Mal smiled and returned to the monitors, taking the ship off autopilot.
"No guns… Vera," River stood up and left the bridge.
A series of groans escaped Jayne's mouth as Vera rode him over the finish line. She laid down on his chest and sighed. "My god… that was… uh-mmm-azing…" a final moan slipped past her lips as she began to run a hand down Jayne's muscular chest, then caught herself, "Considering."
"Considering what?" Jayne looked down at her and cocked an eyebrow.
"Considering how short it was," she smirked deviously, "I could have kept going quite a bit longer."
"Oh really," he returned the smirk then maneuvered himself on top of her, "Well, this time it's my turn."
"Ooh, I'm terrified," she licked her teeth. Her eyes fluttered shut then popped open again as Jayne hit the spot over and over again. Now that's more like it!
"River, what are you doing up this late?" Kaylee was climbing out of her bunk to get something to drink before turning in for the night.
"It's not that late…" River reasoned as she stopped just outside Jayne's bunk, "Besides, Jayne needs help."
"Jayne needs help?" Kaylee scoffed then put a hand on River's arm, "I don't think so, sweetie."
"Yes, he does," she jerked out of the mechanic's reach, shaking her head violently, "He's going to hurt her. And it won't be in the right place."
"River, how about you come with me, I'll take you back to your room, and we can have a sleepover," Kaylee offered.
River disregarded her and opened the trapdoor to Jayne's bunk and silently crept down the ladder.
"Oh, Jayne… this can't be coincidence… this is… serendipity…" Vera whispered hoarsely, her ragged breaths had taken a toll on her vocal chords.
"Or fate… destiny… something like that," his voice was clearer, but still husky, a dead give-a-way of what he was doing, 'bout time I had a woman to please.
"Your voice sounds… ow… like sex," she laughed then stopped suddenly, "Ow, Jayne… stop… not… argh… there… please!" Vera's pleas were lost in the ruckus of Jayne's loud, obnoxious sex. "Jayne! Stop!" She threw a knee up, which grazed his 'goods' agonizingly.
"Aw… shit!" he jumped back clutching his injured pride, "What the hell?"
"That hurt!" Vera had one hand on her bleeding leg, the other was on her heaving chest trying to slow her breathing.
"She's bleeding," a voice taunted from behind them, "You promised not to hurt her."
"River!" Jayne whipped around to face the small psychic, "What in the gorram (insert Chinese here) are you doing in here?"
"Your sister?" Vera looked confused by the sudden appearance of the young brown haired girl.
"No… the doc's sister," Jayne glared at the intruder, "Why are you here?"
"She needs help," River pointed to Vera.
"I'm fine, really, this happens all the time," she smiled weakly, "It's as normal for me as… beans and toast or steak and chips."
"Damn, that's a lot of blood, babe," Jayne put a caring hand on her bruised shoulder, "We've got a doctor."
"He's my brother," River piped up as she dug into Vera's thoughts, "Simon."
"Simon!" Kaylee was banging on his bedchamber door, "Simon, we need to talk!"
Why tonight? I need to sleep sometime in the next few days. He slowly rose out of bed and opened the door. "Hey, Kaylee."
"Simon, River's bothering Jayne," Kaylee stepped past him and into the room.
"Bothering Jayne how?" he slid the fiberglass door shut, carefully avoiding the screen, "Like creepy bothering, or annoying and aggravating? She has a habit of being psychic."
"I don't know, she said that he was going to hurt someone in the 'wrong place' or something like that," she sat down on Simon's bed and clasped her hands together, "I really don't know, but it sounded serious."
"Shall I go check on her?" Simon took a seat beside her, "Just in case?"
"If you want," Kaylee leaned back on the bed, "Or we could make up for lost time. River should be fine."
"I don't know, Jayne isn't very appreciative of her intruding on him," he stood back up and began pacing the small walkway in front of Kaylee.
"Simon, what's the worst he could do?"
"Um, remember that incident with the butcher's knife? And the time that she went crazy in that bar, the fruity oaty bar thing. He wasn't too happy about that either," Simon continued to pace and wring his hands nervously, "I don't even want to imagine what he could do."
"Simon, go," Kaylee stood up and ushered him out the door, "You're worried, go check on them."
"Titan Colony, huh…" River delved into Vera's past further and further, "Your mother… she wasn't very nice, was she?"
"My… mum?" Vera was thunderstruck, "Wha- wher- how the hell do you know that?"
"Your dad left when you were… seven. Never saw him again," River's eyes flashed a bit of sorrow, "Your mum drove him out… with the… security programmer? No, that was your sister… all those men, all over the 'verse… Mal too… What was her real name, Vera?"
"Whose? My sister's?" she looked confused and pained, "Why do you need to know?"
"Ah, Amelia," River looked thoughtful for a moment, "She told Mal that her name was Saffron."
"Saffron!" Jayne was taken aback, "Are you serious!?"
"She's also gone by Yolanda, Bridget, Anne-Marie, Mary-Anne, Dorothy, Anya, Sally, Sarah, Emily, Willow, Tara, Anita, the list goes on and on, one for every husband," Vera explained coldly.
"But… Saffron? Your sister?" he glanced at Vera in disbelief, "Well… I can see a slight family resemblance. She's got red hair though."
"Actually, she dyes her hair," she shrugged, "we're both natural blondes."
Jayne put a hand to Vera's soft blonde hair and ran his fingers through it. He seemed to lose himself, almost completely unaware of the two women in the room with him. "My god… what have I done?" he whispered.
"Okay, what did she actually say?" Simon stood with one hand on the door of Jayne's bunk, "Not the gist, what did she say?"
"Something like 'he's going to hurt her'… um…'and it won't be in the right place'," Kaylee had her ear pressed against the tempered steel and was trying to make out the conversation below.
"Sounds like something Jayne would do. But with who, I wonder," Simon slowly applied pressure to the trapdoor, causing it to ease open, hardly making a sound. Kaylee backed up to allow Simon in first.
"What have I done?"
Simon was stunned; he uttered a few vowels, unable to piece them together into comprehensible words. Kaylee followed him down the ladder then stopped just behind the stock still doctor. "Wha--?"
"What the… I can explain this… it's not how it looks," Jayne stuttered when he saw his latest visitors.
"River!" Simon grabbed his sister and shielded her eyes when Jayne stood up defensively.
"This the doctor you were talking about?" Vera leaned over the side of the bed to retrieve a random shirt from the floor. Bright yellow, big gun. It'll do.
Jayne nodded and returned to the bed. "Yep, and Kaylee, our mechanic." He also grabbed a shirt from the floor and pulled it on.
"Hi," Kaylee was facing the wall, but raised her hand in a wave nonetheless.
"Hey, doc, you mind backing off for a bit? We've got some unfinished business to attend to," Jayne sat back in the bed and crossed his arms.
"She's bleeding profusely, are you sure sex is going to help?" Simon refused to meet Jayne's eyes.
"Hey, sex is the best medicine," Vera piped up with a wide smile.
"That's laughter," Simon said, hesitantly glancing at the beautiful blonde momentarily.
"Whatever."
"Someone should tell the captain," Kaylee offered, still facing the wall, "Being he's under the impression that she's still back on Beylix."
"I told Mal, but he didn't believe me," River informed everyone, "I told him no guns, that it really was Vera."
"Well, he didn't tell me not to bring her," Jayne said as he pulled on his pants, not going to get a chance to finish this one off, I guess.
"I can tell him," Vera offered, "Being I am the one in question in all of this."
"You need to get patched up," Jayne told her caringly, "I can't have you walking around the ship bleedin' like that. I'll tell Mal."
"Tell me what, Jayne?" Mal was climbing down the ladder as he spoke, "That you didn't leave her on Beylix? That you're planning on having her walking around on my boat? Or, maybe this, you never told me or asked me about this wonder woman of yours."
"Um… is that a trick question?" Jayne cocked an eyebrow and finished buttoning up his pants.
Chapter 3: A Pilot's Life for Me
"Give me just a second," Simon knitted his brow as he ran the needle through Vera's torn flesh once more, "I'll tie this off and you're done."
"Thank you so much," Vera replied in a strained voice, her knuckles were turning white from clinging to the arm of the chair on which she was seated.
Simon tied off the thread and cut it, "There you go, good as new." He helped her down from the chair, giving her a hand to hold as she got re-accustomed to her legs. "Just, don't get in to any more fights any time soon."
"I'll keep that in mind," she laughed then stepped out of the infirmary to find a very intense Jayne in the waiting area.
"Are you okay?" he put a hand on her shoulder then wrapped her in an intimate hug.
"Fine, why wouldn't I be?" she asked, returning the embrace before checking herself, "What's with the "mushy" crap, Jayne? You feeling alright?"
"Yeah," Jayne released her and stepped back, scratching the back of his head, "Just… wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Well, I'm fantastic, luv, doc's good at what he does," Vera assured him.
"Good… I just… I'm gonna… let's go…" Jayne stuttered through all his possible responses, "Never mind. I'm going to go now."
"Great, so… what do I do?" Vera followed him out of the sitting area, "Other than wait around to be thrown out of the airlock?"
"Oh, about that, cap'n says that if you can fly this boat then you're in," he turned to face her, "We'll be sharing a bunk if you accept."
"I would expect no less."
A/N: This is number one in the series of BtVS/DrW/FF crossovers. They are not all crossovers. They just lead to one. The next is called "Dirty Little Secrets". Hope you liked. Please leave a review!!!
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