Chapter Fifteen

"All right, Shishi, that's enough of that."

Once inside the Kashira's private quarters, Tasuki disentangled his daughter from his body, setting her gently down in an empty seat as he crouched before her. "Stop it. Stop crying like that. I want to talk to you...I want to know what happened in Sairou. About Jin. I need you to tell me."

Shishi stared at him blankly for a moment, and Tasuki bit his lip.

"I need you to report back to me on what happened, Shishi." He murmured. "As Kashira, I gotta know, an' I want it from you."

Something in this seemed to stir some life into the young girl's bronze eyes, and she sighed heavily, sinking back against the seat as she did so.

"I'm sorry." She murmured. "I can't help it...reactin' like this. I can't...help it."

"Jus' tell me what went on in Sairou, huh?"

"We were...in the shrine." Shishi's voice wavered slightly, and she chewed on her lip as if to prevent a fresh storm of tears. "We got to Toroki too late t'get the Shinzahou, because...because I was stupid an' got into a fight with some city drunks. So we were playin' catch-up an' Toroki...Myoume, she said she'd help us. We were goin'...she said to stay away from Kitora's shrine. That it was dangerous. But we...we were tryin' to get the Shinzahou. An' we ended up there by accident. An...an' we came face to face with...with...with that bastard assassin, Papa. With M...Miramu. And he..."

She closed her eyes, and Tasuki cursed, clenching his fists as anger surged through him.

"Miramu." He muttered darkly. "Shit. I should've guessed he had a hand in this, after what he did to Meikyo."

Shishi nodded, opening her eyes.

"He was protectin' Hiki." She whispered. "Jin was. Miramu...Miramu attacked her when she tried to get the fang. An...an' Jin was hurt gettin' in his way. Then Myoume found us, an' Miramu disappeared. But he's Amefuri, Papa. He's a Celestial Warrior like Myoume is. An' if she hadn't come then, I think...I think he'd've tried t'kill Hiki an' me, too. We tried to help Jin, but...but we...we couldn't. An...an' when he died, Hiki freaked out. Like she did before...she glowed all red an' vanished, and Myoume said she wasn't in Sairou any more. So...so she said she'd take m...me home. An'...she has."

She buried her head in her hands, and Tasuki sighed getting to his feet as he turned to glance at the stranger who still hovered uncertainly by the door.

"You brought my daughter home." He said softly. "An' you tried to protect them all. That's true?"

"Yes." The woman nodded, looking troubled.

"You are Toroki, then?"

The stranger nodded again, slipping the black glove from her right hand as she stretched her fingers out towards him. Even from that distance, Tasuki could see the glitter of white against her skin, and he frowned.

"I haven't come to Kounan to cause you or your friends grief or trouble. If I could have prevented Jin's death, I would've done, Tasuki-san." The woman added in gentle, regretful tones. "My stellar name is Toroki, but I prefer to be known by my given name - Geiyo Myoume - because at present I really don't feel worthy of the Celestial title Byakko gave me. Not only have I lost the treasure I was born to protect, I've allowed terrible harm to come to someone who I dearly wanted to protect. And I've come here to offer my help and my Seishi magic to you and your cause...to repay the blood debt of Jin's death in any way I can."

"Blood debt?" Tasuki's eyes narrowed, and Myoume nodded.

"Miramu...Amefuri...is my older brother." She whispered. "Although we are quite estranged and I have not spoken properly with him since I was ten years old. Even so, the Geiyo family are responsible for your loss, and as such, I accept the duty of repayment...even though I know that it's not something that can be repaid."

She frowned.

"Jin himself said that you were like his real family." She murmured. "So much so that he didn't care who truly sired him. And I know that Shishi feels she's lost a brother as well as a friend. This is an emotion I understand well...because even though he still lives, my brother is far out of my reach."

Tasuki digested this for a moment, fighting against the irrational anger that longed to pour out against the hapless stranger. At length he got his impetuous temper under control, and he sighed, shaking his head.

"You ain't the one who struck him down." He said quietly. "If you had been, there's no way Shishi'd have spent a moment in your company. No way in hell. If she trusts you, so do I. But..."

He faltered, aware of his own rising emotions.

"Jin was like my son." He murmured. "An' that's somethin' you can't replace or repay, no matter what you do."

"I realise that." Myoume nodded gravely. "But I can at least pledge myself to Kounan's cause. I think that, in some respects, it's the same cause as my own, anyway."

She glanced at her hands, sliding the black glove back over her exposed stellar mark.

"My family have arranged for Jin to be brought back here. We rode on ahead, but he should be here tonight." She added softly. "He wanted to be here, rather than in a foreign desert - he said so, before he...he asked to come back to the mountain. When my people understood what had happened, they agreed to help. For your sake, and Shishi's, I wanted to...to do that, at least. To have his wishes honoured, and to bring him home."

Tasuki stared at her, then he nodded.

"He belongs here." He agreed. "I'm glad you decided that. An' I'm grateful for it."

"Genrou?"

The door of the chamber opened at that moment to reveal an anxious Anzu, and Tasuki steeled himself, turning to hold out his hands to her.

"Anzu..." He murmured, and Anzu's eyes flickered with anxiety that only grew as she registered the sorry state of her only daughter huddled on the seat before her.

"What in hell's happened?" She murmured. "Shishi, are you all right? Has someone hurt you?"

"She's fine." Tasuki shook his head. "Jus' shook up. An' I won't pretend I ain't, either. Anzu..."

He faltered, and Anzu seemed to understand his reticence, for fear entered her dark eyes.

"Genrou, where's Jin?" She whispered, and by way of answer, Tasuki merely shook his head. At this confirmation of her fears, Anzu let out a cry, sinking to her knees, and Tasuki bent beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder, although he was not sure he had the strength to comfort her when his own emotions were so torn.

"He died bravely." He said at length. "Protectin' Tama's kid, jus' like he swore t'me he'd do."

"That doesn't make it better." Anzu's voice shook. "No matter how brave it is, it's still dying. It's still him not being here...I told you that sending them into the mountain alone would end up like this!"

There was an accusatory note in her tones, and Tasuki grimaced, for he had been inwardly berating himself just as strongly for allowing his hand to be forced.

"Blame Taiitsukun. It was her who said it." He responded. "An' believe me, I'm gonna give her a piece o' my mind when I see her. I ain't happy about this either, Anzu. I'm as cut up as you or Shishi...he was my son too, y'know. He's always been that."

He gestured to Myoume.

"Her family have arranged for him to be brought back to the mountain." He added soberly. "So at least he'll be buried here, on Reikaku-zan, where he belongs. An' we'll make sure that it's as good a burial as ol' Hakurou-sama...that there ain't a way for people t'forget. Because you an' I an' Shishi - we sure as hell won't."

He clenched his fists, struggling to control his own emotions once more as he felt tears pricking at his bronze eyes.

"I thought I was past this point o' buryin' those I loved." He murmured. "I guess Suzaku's people never stop doin' that particular thing."

"He wanted...me to tell you...he did his best." Shishi whispered at that point, and Tasuki stared at her, meeting his daughter's identical bronze eyes with his own troubled ones. "To protect Hiki an' me. And he did, Papa. He...he really did."

"I ain't doubtin' it." Despite himself, Tasuki managed a faint, fleeting smile. "He was made of good, strong stuff, after all. An' Kouji an' me, we trained him well."

Shishi drew a shuddering breath of air into her lungs.

"I don't feel very well." She admitted slowly. "I can't snap out of this...it's like, comin' home...has made it ten times worse. I never realised how much I...rely on Jin...an' how much I'm used to him always bein' there. I don't know...what to do without him."

"Right now, you ain't bein' asked to do anythin'." Tasuki told her softly. "But I want you to try an' be brave as you can, Shishi. It ain't nice - for anyone, when things like this happen. An' it's easy to get wrecked inside when they do. But...sometimes...there ain't nothin' you can do for Jin by cryin' for him. You know that, right? There ain't nothin' any of us can do for him that way. So...try an' stop cryin'. Please, kid. At least for your mother's sake...try."

"Okaasan?" Shishi frowned, turning to glance at her mother. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean...to be a pain."

"If you want to cry, Shishi, you cry." Anzu said quietly. "Jin was important to you - it's all right. Don't worry about me - it's something you have to get out of your system in your own way and in your own time."

"I've sent Kouji for Chichiri." Tasuki put in at this point. "An' I expect we'll be tacklin' Taiitsukun about all of this. Hikari as much as anything. An' with any luck she'll be givin' us a better idea of our next play."

"You're not saying that this is going to carry on?" Anzu shot him a horrified look. "That you - or Shishi - are going to take off from the mountain again, with Jin dead?"

"What the hell else is there to do?" Tasuki asked helplessly. "Anzu, I'm Suzaku's Tasuki. Whatever the hell I feel about it, if Kounan is at risk, I don't have a friggin' choice in the matter. You know that. You've been with me long enough to understand what it means. It doesn't mean I'm happy with the idea - especially not if Shishi's going to be involved. But there ain't nothing else to be done about it. When Jin comes home, well, we'll give him a proper bandit funeral. We'll bury him an' make sure he gets all the trimmings that Hakurou-sama an' Reirei had when they sacrificed their lives for Reikaku-zan. There ain't anything the hell else I can do but that...I can't bring him back."

Anzu bit her lip, fresh tears welling in her dark eyes as this.

"You really don't understand, sometimes, how a mother feels." She murmured, and Tasuki's eyes darkened. Slowly he shook his head.

"I understand how a father feels." He said frankly. "But I've been here before. I buried Nuriko. Chiriko. Mitsukake. Hotohori-sama. I saw each of them give their life for Kounan's survival. Jin wasn't a Celestial Warrior, but he always had the heart of one. He's just proved it, that's all. An' if we were to give up - if we were to jus' let it go at this - he would've died for no damn reason. He did this believin' it was the right thing to do - that protectin' Hikari an' Shishi was the most important thing to do. An' because of that, we have to damn well honour his sacrifice properly. As a father, Anzu, I'm as torn up as you are. As Kashira, I'm pissed off as hell. As Tasuki..."

He paused, glancing at his daughter briefly, then clenching his fists in determination.

"As Tasuki, I'm damn well goin' to make sure we protect Kounan." He said fiercely. "Chichiri an' me both. For Jin's sake, it's the only thing we can do. All of us. An' that means talkin' to Taiitsukun, talkin' to Chichiri an' workin' out how to bring Hikari back here."

He cast Myoume a quizzical look.

"You said you'd swear yourself to Kounan's cause." He remembered. "Are you willing to give it everything you have? Even though you're Byakko's, are you willing to die for Suzaku's sake?"

Myoume was silent for a moment. Then she spread her hands.

"Suzaku's cause is Byakko's cause." She said softly. "And I am willing to sacrifice my life if it means the salvation of people in all four lands. I have seen something more terrible than the war your country suffered against Kutou...more terrible than anything else that has ever hit this world. And I am sworn to do all I can to prevent it. Besides..."

She frowned, then,

"I know my future." She added evenly. "I know I'm destined to fight someone who will likely show me no mercy when we finally cross paths. If I continue to fight to prevent the end of existence, it will probably cost me my life anyway. These things I have known for many, many years. Yes, Tasuki-san. I am willing to give my life for Suzaku."

She looked sad.

"Jin knew what he was doing, when he died." She added softly. "I warned him - I had told him the omen that I'd seen, about his death should he be in the shrine when the moon rose over the mountains. He knew all of that, and yet he still insisted on fighting. Because of that, I can't possibly back away from this. He went to his death certain that if he sacrificed himself, Hikari would be safe. And if Hikari was safe, this whole world could be saved. He said as much...and I think he's right. This is much bigger than the life of one person, no matter whether he's a bandit, an Emperor or a Celestial Warrior of a Beast God."

"Myoume's right. He did...he did say that." Shishi admitted. "He did say that if Hiki was safe...this world could still be saved. But then Hiki disappeared..."

"So the next step is to find out if we can bring her back." Tasuki forced his mind away from his grief, biting his lip. "Dammit, where the hell is Chichiri!"

"I'm right here, Tasuki-kun."

The soft, familiar tones of his friend startled him as Chichiri materialised in the centre of the bandit's private quarters, a troubled look on his own scarred features as his good eye flitted briefly between Anzu and Shishi before resting on the bandit leader himself.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting...Meikyo was with me when Kouji arrived and when I realised the nature of his visit, I had to send her off out of the way. For now, she and Eiju don't need to know about this...specifically not Hikari's disappearance. I think it would hurt them, you know, if they thought she was in trouble."

He cast Myoume a thoughtful look, then, slowly, he inclined his head.

"Toroki, I presume?" He asked softly. Myoume nodded.

"And you're Ri Hou Jun. Chichiri." She murmured. "The sorcerer with one eye...we've met before in my visions, although until now they didn't mean very much to me at all. My name is Geiyo Myoume...Myoume. At present, the last thing I want to do is assume my stellar identity, considering the circumstances."

"Never mind that." Tasuki said impatiently. "What are we going to do now? Hikari's disappeared back to her world - Chichiri, you're the spell-caster. How the hell do we bring her back?"

"We can't." Chichiri said evenly, and Tasuki frowned.

"What the hell do you mean, we can't?"

"What I said." Chichiri spread his hands helplessly. "I can't cast a spell like that, Tasuki. I'm strong, but not that strong. And besides...Hikari is the only one with the power to travel over the divide in the way she did before. She has to choose to come back - and to find the strength inside of her to do it. I can't do anything about it. It's in her hands."

Tasuki cursed, banging his fist against the wall in his frustration, and Chichiri frowned.

"I'm sorry for Jin's loss." He said softly. "For all of you. I know what he was to you, Tasuki-kun."

"Papa says we need to carry on. For his sake." Shishi murmured, and Chichiri eyed her keenly.

"It's rough on you too, isn't it, Shishi-chan?" He asked keenly. "To lose your partner in crime like that. But Tasuki's right, you know. Jin would want that, too. He understood probably better than any of us what was at stake, when he did what he did."

"I...I know that." Shishi admitted, reaching up to dry her eyes as best she could. "I'm sorry to cry so much. I just...he was my brother, and I...I loved him. I just didn't realise how much till now, I guess. I've never really been without him backin' me up, an' I don't know..."

She sighed.

"An' Hiki bein' gone sucks too." She added. "But I think...I know why she went. Before she vanished, there was all that red light again. An' she was screamin' about...how Jin shouldn't have died for her. How it was...her fault. That's what she thought...I think that's why she went home."

"Because she blames herself for Jin's death?" Chichiri asked quietly, and Shishi nodded.

"Yes."

"Do you blame her, Shishi-chan?"

"No..." Shishi faltered, then shook her head. "No. It wasn't...it wasn't her fault. Jin...knew what he was doing. He...he chose to...Myoume warned him, but...the only one to blame is...that bastard assassin. That bastard Amefuri. Noone else."

"Amefuri." Chichiri's lips thinned, and he glanced at Myoume once again.

"Your compatriot...the assassin Miramu, correct?" He asked evenly, and Myoume nodded her head, guilt flickering in her indigo eyes.

"My brother." She agreed sadly. "I'm sorry for his actions, Chichiri-san. I'm truly, truly sorry for what he's done."

"The guilt is not yours." Chichiri shook his head. "But the knowledge that he was a Seishi...I wish we had had that information before we let the kids leave Kounan."

"I'm going to rip chunks from Taiitsukun when we see her." Tasuki said blackly. "I ain't kidding, Chichiri. You may have'ta hold me back - the tessen's wantin' to take this out on somethin', an' she seems a damn good target. She must have known who Miramu really was. She must have known what the risks were. She must have, dammit!"

Chichiri's good eye narrowed, and he pursed his lips.

"She told Hikari that she and her companions should listen to Toroki's advice, and heed it...or they would regret it." He said slowly. "Toroki - no, Myoume-san - you told Jin the risks of fighting Amefuri. Is that what Shishi said? You warned him that he would die, if he faced your brother?"

"Yes." Myoume agreed. Chichiri sighed.

"Taiitsukun's warning holds some merit, then." He realised. "If only she didn't so like speaking in tongues."

"Damn right." Tasuki agreed. He sighed heavily, leaning back against the wall of the chamber as he folded his arms across his chest.

"All right, this is the deal." He said softly. "Myoume's family are makin' sure that Jin...comes home. An' dammit, he's gettin' buried on the mountain like a proper Reikaku-zan hero, no doubt about that. So till that's done, noone's doin' a damn thing else. Till he's safely here, an' properly honoured for it, we ain't goin' anywhere else."

"Tasuki...?" Chichiri shot him a quizzical look, and Tasuki frowned.

"He was my son, Chichiri." He said quietly. "As Kashira an' as a father, there ain't anythin' else I can do for him but that. So I'll do it - before I do anythin' else. Jin comes first. This time."

Chichiri eyed him for a moment, then, slowly, he nodded, and Tasuki knew the sorcerer had understood.

"Until Hikari returns, there's not much we can do anyway." He said evenly. "I can't bring her back here. I don't even know if I can make contact with her - without something of hers, I really don't know."

"Hiki still has Hotohori-sama's sword." Shishi remembered. "Would that help? Could she use that...to bring her back?"

"Maybe - if she realises it, and wants to come." Chichiri rubbed his temples. "Her feelings have to be taken into account here, too. Hikari stayed originally to try and help protect people here. Jin's death was probably a huge blow to her, too. And if she feels to blame...she might not want to come back here. I don't know if I can make contact with Hotohori-sama's shinken - although I'm more than willing to try."

"Wait a minute!" Shishi's eyes widened, and Tasuki saw a faint flicker of the girl's usual spirit flare into their bronze depths. "What about this?"

She held up her right arm, and Chichiri's eyes widened as he registered the black object wound around her wrist.

"Where did you get that, Shishi?" He asked softly, and Shishi frowned, fumbling with the catch as she loosened it, turning it over in her hands before holding it out to her uncle.

"Hiki dropped it when Miramu went for her." She said. "I picked it up, because it was hers. And I guess I wasn't thinking - I figured she'd want it back. She always wears it - like it's something important to her. So...I brought it back with me."

"What the hell is that? Some kind of other world bracelet?" Tasuki looked blank, and Chichiri shook his head, taking the watch from Shishi's outstretched hand and glancing at it before slipping it into the folds of his own clothing.

"It's a timepiece. A watch, I think she called it." He replied. "More importantly, though, it's something that has a connection to Hikari's world. I used it once before to contact Taka, to let him know Hikari was safe. Maybe, if I focus all my magic, I might be able to do the same again. It's not an easy spell to cast, and it will take time to prepare. But...I'm willing to try. Even if I can only speak to her for a few minutes. If she knows that we need her - maybe it'll be enough to bring her back."

"Then you do that." Tasuki nodded. "You worry about bringing the kid back to Kounan...an' dammit, make sure she knows noone blames her for what happens. It's as Shishi said - the only one who needs roastin' for it is that bastard Miramu. An' one of these days, I swear I'll speak for him for this...if I ever set eyes on him again, it'll be the last time he ever does anything."

He brushed his finger against his tessen as he spoke, half wishing the irreverent Amefuri was right in front of him that instant, so that he could take his pent up emotions out on him.

"If that's how it is, then Shishi and I will begin to prepare things for Jin's arrival." Anzu said quietly, holding out her hand to her daughter, and slowly, Shishi got to her feet. "As you said, Genrou, it's all we can do for him now."

"And you'd better come back to the village with me, Myoume-san." Chichiri cast the Byakko Seishi a glance. "There are a few things I'd like to ask you."

------------

Well, so she was back home.

Hikari sank down onto the end of her bed, rubbing her towel absently through her thick damp hair as she gazed blankly at her reflection in the mirror. A stranger seemed to stare back at her, and she frowned, flopping back onto the soft bedcovers as she reflected on everything that had happened since her reappearance in the library.

"I'm home." She whispered. "So why do I feel so...strange?"

She closed her eyes, remembering once again the events in the shrine of Kitora, and tears slipped silently down her cheeks once more as she remembered Jin's sacrifice.

"How could you say you loved me, and then do something like that?" She murmured. "But...how could I be so stupid? What possessed me to jump at Miramu like that, anyway? It was like I wasn't in control of my own body. But Shishi...Shishi will never forgive me for Jin's death. And...and dammit, I don't know if I will, either. But being here...it seems so surreal. Like it all happened in a weird, sinister dream. I've been away three weeks - but here it's been a day. Tomorrow is Friday. I've school. Noone's probably even noticed that I've been away...how the hell is that possible?"

"Hikari-chan?"

A soft knock at the door startled her and she turned her head towards it as she recognised her mother's voice.

"Can I come in?" Miaka asked gently, and Hikari sighed, closing her eyes again.

"I guess." She replied at length, and the door slipped open, revealing the woman Hikari had known her whole life. And yet, as she gazed at her mother's face, for the first time Hikari found herself seeing something of the stranger in Miaka's gentle, amiable features.

"Hikari-chan..." Miaka shut the door behind her,coming to sit down on the bed as she reached across to pull her daughter gently into a sitting position. "I know you must be tired and you'll probably want to sleep. But I...I wanted to see if you were hungry at all."

"I'm not." Hikari shook her head. "I don't think I can eat, right now."

"All right." Miaka hesitated, then, "I also hoped I could talk to you a little, before you go to bed."

"I...okay." Hikari leant up against her mother, suddenly glad of the woman's warm presence. Stranger or not, she was someone unconnected to the dark events in Sairou, and Hikari found that something of a relief.

"If you don't want to go to school tomorrow, then you don't have to." Miaka said softly. "Your father and I are agreed - after all you've been through, if you don't want to - we'll understand."

"I...no. It's okay. I think." Hikari sighed, rubbing her temples. "I want...to do something normal. I feel...so really strange. That's the truth. Like I don't belong here. Like I don't really know you or Dad at all...like I've been thrust into a strange world again, except this time it's this one. This world feels like the wrong one."

"It's confusing, when you come back to such a time disparity." Miaka agreed. "Your father said you spent three weeks or so in the Shijin-Tenchishou - it's hard to equate with the fact only a day has passed here, isn't it?"

She smiled.

"The first time I came back from the Shijin-Tenchishou, I spent only a few hours here." She added. "But by the time I got back there, three whole months had gone by."

"Three whole..." Hikari trailed off, and Miaka nodded.

"Yes." She agreed. "On another occasion, Taka and I returned to this world for about a day, and when we went back there, it had been a week. It's disorientating."

"Chichiri did say...something about it." Hikari admitted. "I guess now I see what he meant."

"Chichiri has taken good care of you, I trust?"

"Yes..." Hikari faltered, nodding her head. "He...he and his family have been really kind to me, Mum. They've treated me like...I'm one of them. I feel like I've let them down so badly right now, to tell you the truth. I...don't understand anything except the fact that something terrible's happened because of me, and I can't...I don't know what to do to fix it."

"I see." Miaka spoke thoughtfully. "Can you tell me what the terrible thing is, Hikari-chan?"

Hikari sighed, biting her lip.

"I don't know." She admitted. "I don't know if...I can talk about it. It...it's something...bad, Mum. Something worse...than taking Uncle Keisuke's money. Much...much...worse than that."

"It's all right. I promise not to be angry, whatever it is." Miaka shook her head. "I've come here to listen, not to scold. I'm glad to have you home, but something's on your mind...and I wanted to help you clear it up."

She smiled, holding her daughter at arm's length.

"You don't talk to me much any more." She added. "You haven't really since you began middle school. I miss it...I know you're growing up, but...that doesn't mean you can outgrow your family, you know."

"I...I guess I know that." Hikari looked startled, then she returned the smile with a faint one of her own. "I really missed you, in that world, Mum. You and Dad. Seeing Chichiri and his family, and Shishi...everything made me kinda homesick."

"You'll have to tell me all about those things, later." Miaka reflected. "But right now, I want to know what's troubling you so much, Hikari-chan. Please. Tell me."

Hikari closed her eyes, tears welling up in her hazel eyes once more. Slowly and painfully she related the events in Kitora's shrine, and until she had finished, Miaka remained silent, slipping a gentle arm around her daughter's shoulders.

"And you feel it's your fault?" She asked softly, when Hikari found she had run out of words, and Hikari nodded.

"It was." She whispered. "Because...it was me he was protecting. That's why. And Shishi...Shishi will never forgive me for it. Nor Tasuki, or Anzu-san. He was...Jin was their...like their son. Like Shishi's brother. And...I...I..."

She trailed off, and Miaka hugged her tightly, running her fingers through the still-wet dark hair.

"Shall I tell you something true?" She murmured, and Hikari raised surprised eyes to her mother's.

"Sure." She agreed. "What is it?"

"When Nuriko died, I felt exactly the same way as you're feeling now." Miaka pursed her lips. "I was so...I took so much for granted up until then. Terrible things had happened, true enough - but when Nuriko died, I really felt...like I wanted to run away. Give up on everything and hide. Go home. Let it all slide. That someone had to die for us to gain the Shinzahou, and raise Suzaku...I was too slow to realise that so much was at stake. But when he died...I very nearly gave up being Suzaku no Miko."

"Really?" Hikari looked startled. Miaka nodded solemnly.

"Really." She agreed. "Nuriko and I were very close...he was like a big sister figure in a lot of ways. He was so much like a girl and I related to that in him - I came to rely on him and confide in him a whole lot, especially where your father was concerned. And then...in one flash...he was gone. One stupid fight...and I lost him."

Hikari frowned, turning this over in her mind.

"So what did you do?" She whispered. "Chichiri and Tasuki talk about you as the Priestess - their friend, but Kounan's saviour. What changed?"

"Tamahome and Mitsukake both spoke to me." Miaka remembered. "In truth, I think it was Mitsukake who broke through and made me truly see that Nuriko had made the choice he'd had to make - had followed his destiny in order to take us the next step forward. That to summon Suzaku, there might be sacrifices, and that...that it would hurt, when there were. But so long as we kept going, it was all right to let it hurt. And for Nuriko's sake...we had to keep going. Every time something challenged me, I'd remember Nuriko's last words to me. He said, "no matter what, don't lose." And I tried very hard to do as he asked me. Even when we lost Chiriko, or when Mitsukake or Hotohori passed away...I tried to hold onto those words. That this...what we were doing...was about Kounan. About lots of people who needed me. Not just...not just a few people. And so, no matter how much it hurt when they died...I kept going."

Hikari digested this slowly. Then she sighed.

"But you were Suzaku no Miko." She said helplessly. "Taiitsukun said that I couldn't be that. Or at least, she didn't think I'd ever be strong enough. She said that Kounan didn't need me to be that...that you were the only true Priestess Kounan had ever had and I wasn't you."

"No, you're not me." Miaka shook her head. "But you are my Shinzahou, Hikari-chan. And I wish very much that I'd never done that - that I'd never wished so much onto your shoulders. But even so, there's nothing I can do now to change that. And even though as your mother, I regret it - I...I don't think I made a mistake. I think you're stronger than you think you are."

"I don't." Hikari shook her head. "I ran away. I didn't even mean to - I just wound up back here. But Jin is still dead. I can't do anything to fix that, can I? And so long as that's true...I don't know if I can ever feel better. He...he told me he was in love with me, Mum. I...I don't even know how I felt about him, or any of that. But he told me that, and then...then he died for me...and I can't bear that. That someone would throw their life away over me."

"Are you really so useless as all that?" Miaka asked softly. "When Chichiri spoke to your father - he said you were a good girl and that we should be proud of you. Do you think he'd have said that if he didn't mean it? Chichiri has seen something in you that you can't see in yourself, Hikari-chan. Something maybe we didn't even realise was within you, until now. You just need to believe in yourself."

"You think I should go back, don't you?" Hikari faltered, and Miaka shrugged.

"Not necessarily. Not if you don't want to." She replied. "If your father knew that we were even discussing the possibility, I think he'd freak out, to be quite honest. As your mother, I want you as far away from danger as possible. Hearing you talk about the death of a friend frightens me - I know better than anyone the dangers of being a stranger in that world. But...as Suzaku no Miko..."

She smiled resignedly.

"I'm tied to Kounan. Its fate is always something that involves me." She admitted. "That's why, when I was first expecting you, you became my Shinzahou. Kounan needed salvation, and I could no longer go back there myself. So I sent you - with your aunt Mayo - to do the job for me. I don't even know how I did it - Suzaku's connection to me works in mysterious ways. This time, he called you. Because you are who you are...Suzaku no Shinzahou. For better or worse."

Hikari took a deep, shuddering breath into her lungs.

"Right now everything seems surreal." She murmured. "And even if I did want to go back - which right now, I don't - I don't know how. I promised that guy I wouldn't go back to the library - or at least, I said I'd keep away from that room. So I can't go back to the book that way. Besides, when I took it off the shelf, it felt strange. Like it didn't want me to go back that way."

"Or maybe your own feelings stopped you." Miaka suggested. "Musume-chan, I'm more glad than you know to have you back here. You and Makoto are the most important things that your father and I have, and if we've never made you realise that, then I'm sorry for it."

"I don't know if it's that." Hikari reflected. "I just...sometimes it seems like you don't mind if I do well or if I don't. Like you don't understand everything about being a teenager. But...being in that world...I guess I began to understand some things that I didn't before, too. I'm sorry about what I did and said before I left. I was really worried I'd not get to tell you that."

"It's all right. It's forgiven and put down as temporary insanity." Miaka assured her.

Her gaze strayed across the room to the chair by the door, and she frowned, surprise glittering in her expression as she took in the sword propped up against it.

"Hikari-chan, is that...Hotohori's..."

"Yes." Hikari flushed. "I didn't mean to bring it back here, but it kinda came too. Reizeitei-sama gave it to me, to take to Sairou."

"Reizeitei...?"

"Hotohori-sama's son."

"Boushin." Miaka's expression cleared. "Of course - he must be a young man now. Even if you did cross back over time, he must be quite grown. And I'm sure, as handsome as his father was, too."

"Yeah, I guess so." Hikari nodded her head. "I mean, he is handsome. And Boushin - Chichiri calls him that sometimes, when he's not thinking about it. But Reizeitei-sama's...an Emperor. So...you know. I don't."

"He was a very sweet baby boy." Miaka remembered. "It seems strange, that he'd be old enough to govern in his own right now. I can only picture the big-eyed little boy clutching the teddybear I left with his father when we first sailed for Hokkan."

"You miss the people in that world, don't you?" Hikari realised with a jolt, staring at her mother in surprise, and Miaka nodded.

"Very much." She admitted. "Very much indeed."

"Even though it was dangerous, and people died?"

"Yes." Miaka agreed. "It's hard, sometimes, when some of your closest friends are somewhere you can never go again. Chichiri and Tasuki are the only Seishi living in that world any more - but I haven't seen them since long before you were born. Even your father has - but I can't go back to the Shijin-Tenchishou now I'm a mother in my own right. I've finished my duty as Suzaku no Miko - I can't cross the divide."

She sighed, resting her hands on her daughter's shoulders.

"But it sounds like both of them are well, and happy." She added. "And that they have families of their own, in that world."

"Yes." Hikari agreed. "Chichiri and his wife Aidou live in a village near Reikaku-zan and they have two children - Eiju is Makoto's age and Meikyo is eight. They...they've been like my surrogate family. And Tasuki - Tasuki has Anzu-san, and Shishi...and Jin, but..."

She faltered, biting her lip.

"Not any more." She added softly.

She sighed, glancing at her hands.

"I stayed there originally because I didn't want anything to happen to Chichiri's children." She admitted. "But now, instead, I feel like...I've caused Tasuki to lose the person he considers his son, instead. And that's no good either."

"I'm sure it's not as clear cut as you think, and I can't imagine that Tasuki holds you responsible." Miaka said gently. "I know him and how he is - I'm sure he doesn't blame you at all. From what you said, anyway, it sounds like Jin made the same choice Nuriko made, all those years ago. To put the lives of everyone in Kounan before his own. That makes him a special person, Hikari-chan - but it doesn't make you his killer."

"I guess...maybe." Hikari murmured. "So...you do think I should go back."

"That isn't a decision I'm going to make for you." Miaka shook her head. "I won't tell you to go - as I said, as your mother, I'm glad you're here and safe and sound. That makes me happy...and relieved. But if you do decide to go - I'm sure I'll understand your reasons. And so long as you come back safely once everything is resolved - I won't be cross."

She smiled, and Hikari saw a flicker of her mother's usual happy-go-lucky nature in the hazel eyes.

"It's late, and you should get some rest." She added. "If you want to go to school tomorrow, Hikari, you need to get a good night's sleep. Otherwise you'll be following my example and falling asleep in your classes."

"I...I may have done that once or twice before." Hikari admitted reluctantly, and Miaka grinned.

"Well, people do say you are like me." She reflected. "Oh well. I suppose...that's just to be expected."

She tilted her head, eying her keenly.

"Your father and I don't expect you to ace every test, or save every world from destruction." She said softly. "We only expect you to do what makes you happy. That's all. It's not that we don't care what you do - or how well you do. So long as you're happy, Hikari - that's the only thing that matters. School is important - but so are other things. Remember that, okay?"

She touched her daughter gently on the cheek, wiping away the last of the tears as she got to her feet.

"Think about it carefully." She added. "I'm sure Hotohori will watch over you, while you do. And sleep safely, musume-chan. If you like, we'll talk more tomorrow...but for now, get some rest. Things may seem clearer in the morning, after all."