Jimmy waited three days before texting Thomas. He didn't want to seem too desperate, even though his roommate's incessant studying and demands for quiet made his flat unbearable and the weather outside grew grayer every day.
"Thomas" (he typed) "You did not give me a map of the library. Meet Tuesday at 4:00 to show me around?"
"I'd love to." was all he would get in way of a response.
Jimmy tried on four different outfits before deciding on an oversized jumper and pair of tight jeans. He decided it looked casually elegant. And if he so chose, reaching for a book on the top shelf would show off his arse perfectly. On the way out the door, he caught his reflection in a pan hanging in the kitchen and mussed his hair. Perfect.
Thomas was waiting in the center of the library, sitting near the special display, a book of Mapplethorpe's open on his knees, his glasses on a chain around his neck.
"Hello," he said.
"Hi," Jimmy rubbed his palms on his jeans. He pointed to the picture open on Thomas's lap. His fingertip made a small smudge on its shiny black background. "S'one of me favorites. The lighting, that's the great part, isn't it? It illuminates him."
Jimmy waited for Thomas to say that he had an artist's eyes, or some such thing.
"The man's the best part, I think. I'd do him, wouldn't you?" Thomas said and his eyes sparkled a bit. Jimmy frowned. People on dates were supposed to flatter. That was if Thomas thought they were on a date, which he might not, it occurred to him. He was wondering how best to work that into the conversation when Thomas said, "Was that too vulgar?"
"No." Not at all, Jimmy thought, just a little too pre-occupied with the photographs and not enough with me. "Y'said you'd show me around."
"Course," Thomas said and shut the book, arranging it perfectly in the place where he'd taken it from. "You don't need to be shown around, do you?"
"Of course I do, Thomas," Jimmy said. "I'm a first-year grad student."
Thomas nodded. "This your first time in London?"
"No, but I live here now, have since September, and that's excitin'."
"Live with a flatmate?"
"Unfortunately. Alfred. He's awful."
"Flatmates tend to be," Thomas said, leading the way up a long flight of stairs.
"Really?"
"I'm not a fan of most people, honestly," Thomas said.
"Right." Jimmy told himself this was not a red flag. Not at all. No, the sight of Thomas's tight, round backside going up the stairs was proof that his hatred of people simply could not be a red flag.
"Erotica is all the way at the top."
"That's good," Jimmy said, one hand brushing the back of his neck, hoping he was not breaking a sweat.
They stopped to catch their breath at the top of the third and final flight of stairs.
"Look," Thomas said, gesturing over the banister. "You can see all the way down to the bottom floor."
"I don't like heights," Jimmy said. He tried to make it casual and gripped the top of the bannister as tightly as he could.
"Alright. Let me show you the books," Thomas said.
Ten minutes later they were sprawled on the top floor of the library, to the right, piles of books accumulating around them. Thomas pulled another off the shelf.
"Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin. This was a favorite of mine when I was in college. I was coming out to new people all the time then."
"I don't need help coming out, Thomas, or tips on how to handle it."
"You don't?" Thomas sounded confused.
"Me parents figured me out before I did, and who I sleep with isn't relevant to my friends, now is it?"
"Oh," Thomas said.
What I need is to get kissed. What I need is to get laid, Jimmy thought to himself. It would have been nice for Thomas to jump his bones right then, but that wasn't necessary, really. What Jimmy needed was some indication that he was liked, that Thomas the librarian saw him as more than some helpless gay kid.
What I need is a date, I hope I'm on one.
"How's classes?" Thomas asked.
"Hmm?"
"MPhil in Accounting, right?"
"Yeah," Jimmy said. "Classes are alright. Boring."
"Useful, too. You could do a lot with an accounting degree." Thomas flipped through the library's copy of Giovanni's Room. "Got any idea what you'd like to do?"
"Who are you now, me mother?" Jimmy yelled. Thomas put a finger to his lips. "You're shushing me, now?"
"It's a library," Thomas said, quietly. "Sorry, Jimmy, but I can't turn of the librarian mindset while I'm here."
Jimmy crossed his arms and slumped further against the bookcase.
"Sorry for sounding like yer mum."
"S'alright."
"Doesn't sound like it."
"Anything really erotic here in Gay Erotica?"
"I thought you'd never ask." Thomas smiled. He reached across the narrow aisle and pulled a large volume from the bottom shelf. He laid the book on Jimmy's lap. "The uncensored Picture of Dorian Gray."
The book was heavy.
"Turns out the original manuscript had all kinds of salacious material they wouldn't let Wilde publish back in the 1890s. And someone wonderful saved it for posterity."
"The thing's heavy as I am," Jimmy said.
"That's cause it's also annotated," Thomas said, as though it were the filthiest word in the world.
"Oh," Jimmy said.
Jimmy felt himself blushing, the annotated book a weight across his legs. "Thank you, Thomas."
"What for?"
Jimmy stood, holding the book across his chest. "Talkin' about books with me. It's nice to talk about things that aren't real."
"Just because it's in a book, Jimmy," Thomas said, balancing his glasses across his nose. "Doesn't mean it's not real."
Jimmy snorted. "Stop it. I'm not a kid."
"I didn't mean to treat you like one," Thomas said with perfect seriousness.
Jimmy shifted on his feet uncomfortably. He'd been on lots and lots of first dates in his life, even a few second ones and a couple other things that could actually be called relationships, but it was always right about now - when he felt attracted to someone from deep in his belly, from someplace he couldn't name - that he ran.
"I should get back to studying. I've got a lot of reading for tomorrow." It was true, but it was also an excuse. He took a deep breath. "Can I see you again?"
Thomas stood up.
"Maybe… not in the library?" Jimmy said.
"Sounds nice," Thomas said, taking off his glasses.
Jimmy had been on lots and lots of first dates, but he still wasn't clear on the etiquette for kissing. He was just beginning to realize that there was no ancient treatise written on the subject whose secrets could be discovered by searching long and hard enough… but he didn't like to admit that.
"I had a great time." Jimmy licked his lips nervously.
"So did I," Thomas replied. "Want me to walk you out?"
"No, I'm good. I'll check this one out by meself. I…" Jimmy leaned up and kissed Thomas on the lips. "I… I'm good, thanks."
Thomas put a hand on Jimmy's cheek and returned the kiss, longer this time, leisurely exploring Jimmy's lips.
When they parted, Jimmy was completely flushed. "Nice jeans," Thomas said. He winked and brushed past Jimmy, down the long long flights of stairs.
Jimmy leaned over the banister to watch him, and he didn't care that he felt dizzy.