Here's the next chapter, YEY! Sorry for the delay, but yeah...life happened u_u Please read and share your thoughts with me. Also check out my new project "First meetings or the beauty of the unexpected" basically you send me prompts about how you imagine Magnus and Alec first met and I write them :) If you like it then review it and then send me a message with the prompt you would like me to write C: Read you soon!

Chapter 10: To be loved is to be destroyed.

I will always be with you

By the anchor of my sorrow

All I know, or ever knew,

Is I love you, I love you to death

-Love you to death by Kamelot.

Alec had hoped to have a calm sleep without dreams. He should have known better. Sonneillon was there with him, whispering into his agonizing soul, making him even more terrified than he already was.

Tick tock, tick tock. Little angel child. Your time is nearly up. Oh, I can't wait to see Bane's reaction when you collapse, cold and lifeless in his arms.

Alec gritted his teeth while he felt his stomach clench with dread. He had never considered how the curse would kill him and now that everyone knew about his condition he couldn't help but feel a stab of dread at the prospect of his loved ones watching him die, being helpless to stop it.

"You are not going to make it painless, are you?" Alec asked, a dark chuckle painting his words. Was fear making him go mad? There was nothing funny about his freaking situation!

Of course not, dear Alexander. That would spoil the fun.

The demon's condescending tone made the hot fury that had been a constant for Alec come back with full force.

"Show yourself you fucking bastard, come out and face me! You owe me at least that much!"

He heard Sonneillon mutter something, but he didn't catch the words. A moment later however, he felt the space around him shift and change and a figure materialized in front of him. Making him wish that he had not defied the demon in the first place.

Sonneillon stood there, looking down at him with a wolfish smirk on his face. Alec remembered that even though the demon could take on a physical appearance inside his dreams, he had always looked slightly blurry and transparent and he had never casted a shadow. But now, Sonneillon looked as solid and real as any creature Alec had ever seen. His blood-red hair was shiny and lustrous and his orange and red eyes shone with fire, there was an aura of power around him that reminded the shadowhunter of wildfires and thunder.

Alec noticed that the demon's skin seemed to shine with a blazing light and now he was completely solid, he could even cast a shadow.

"How…" Alec was stunned beyond words. His mind just couldn't comprehend how Sonneillon had become so strong since the last time he had shown himself in front of him.

It is all thanks to you, Alexander. Who would have known that the life energy of a child of the angel would sit so well with me?

So that was it. The weaker Alec got, the stronger Sonneillon became. No wonder the demon had gone to such lengths to make it so that the shadowhunter couldn't share the details of his curse.

"I was never meant to break the curse, was I? You always meant for me to die"

Yes. The demon confirmed matter- of- factly. At the beginning I had planned to let you survive so that Bane would have to help me restore my body and power. But after a few days of absorbing the power within your body I discovered that would not be necessary. So you see, your death is now the perfect end for my revenge! Oh how that little warlock will suffer when he sees the life escape from your eyes, and I will have front row seats to enjoy the show!

Alec felt bile rise to his throat. He couldn't let Magnus suffer like that. Not because of him, he turned to Sonneillon and let their gazes collide. It took a colossal effort, but he didn't flinch away from the demon.

"I won't let you hurt him like that" He declared, drawing courage from Angel know where.

Oh? The demon muttered, an amused look plastered on that freaking annoying face of his. But what can you do to stop me, dearest boy?

"I'll manage something" Alec growled, not allowing the demon's presence to intimidate him. Though he could now feel his strength faltering. Could a person faint inside their own dreams?

As if reading his mind, Sonneillon closed the distance between them and trapped the shadowhunter in an embrace that resembled a comforting motion, but was in reality crushing his bones.

You can barely manage to stand on your feet. And you think you can save Magnus from me? The demon cackled manically at his own words. How naïve, you couldn't even protect yourself from my power!

Alec felt Sonneillon's scorching touch on his skin. His face was suddenly jerked upward, so that he was forced to stare at Sonneillon's creepy eyes. He felt a shudder run down his spine, but he didn't struggle. He wouldn't give the demon the satisfaction of knowing how terrified he truly was.

With all this going through the shadowhunters head, he was caught by surprise when Sonneillon pressed his lips against his.

It was not a pleasant sensation. Alec remembered every time Magnus had kissed him when they were still together. It always left the shadowhunter feeling warm and soothed, with a tingling sensation in his skin that was oddly pleasant.

But not this kiss. When Sonneillon's lips crashed against his Alec felt as if someone had dropped scalding water all over his body and injected acid straight into his veins at the same time. He tried to pull away, but the demon just pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Alec felt his knees start to buckle as the little strength he had left abandoned him.

Sonneillon looked down at him with a smug smile on his face. He let his creepy red eyes roam all over Alec's body and then he licked his lips.

So sweet. You are quite the treat, Alexander.

Sonneillon walked over to him and placed his hands on Alec's cheeks. Leaning over him to whisper in his ear.

Only three more days of life, until your soul is finally all mine.

That was when darkness closed in all around him. Alec was shoved into a black, dreamless void. He welcomed it, hoping to finally catch a break from the terrible reality he was living.

That was when the voices came, distant at first, but then growing clearer and louder.

"Alec…"

"Wake up, by the angel…"

"Please, please, WAKE UP"

When he finally came around all he was aware of was the agony. He was vaguely surprised to see Jace and Izzy holding him down, then he realized he was thrashing in his bed. His whole field of vision was red and when he finally managed to get some control over himself, he noticed that he was coughing up blood. A LOT of blood.

He finally managed to stop the spams that racked his body and collapsed on a heap in the mattress. Jace and Izzy loosened their hold on him, but they stayed were they were hovering over him with tightly pursed lips and tear-stained faces.

He tried to speak but only managed to make an odd gurgling sound at the back of his throat, which seemed to upset his siblings farther. With a lot of effort he moved his arm and wiped his mouth, spitting out the crimson liquid that was blocking his throat.

"W-what happened?" He managed at last, in a faint raspy voice.

"We don't know" Was Jace's honest and shaky reply.

"You fell asleep a few hours ago" Izzy said, her face as white as chalk "Jace and I decided to stay here and check on you, while Simon and Clary accompanied Magnus to his apartment to pick up some books and other necessities"

Alec stared at them baffled "So…Magnus is coming back here?"

Izzy dismissed the question with a flick of her hand "Focus Alec, that's not the point"

"Then what IS the point?" He demanded, exhausted and at the end of his patience.

"What Izzy is trying to tell you" Jace said, trying to control his temper as well "Is that we were here, watching you in case your fever got any worse and suddenly you started muttering something in your sleep. We didn't get what you were saying but then suddenly you started convulsing and screaming. We tried to hold you down but you hit and scratched us. Then you started coughing and crying blood.

"Crying blood?!" Alec chocked out, though he supposed that explained why is vision had been red when he woke up.

"Yes" Jace confirmed with a tiny voice "That's when we started shacking you and doing practically everything in the book to get you to wake up, Izzy sent a fire message to Magnus moments before you came around, so everyone should be here any minute now"

"Why is Magnus coming back?" That was about the only thing Alec's muddled brain seemed to register at the moment.

Izzy looked down at him condescendingly "Why do you think? He's worried about you. We all are"

"Yes but…After everything we said to each other?"

Both of his siblings smiled and approached him slowly. They helped him up from his bed. Each placing an arm to his shoulders reassuringly.

"He loves you" Jace said.

"Just like we love you" Izzy completed.

The words were meant to be soothing, he knew. But they brought back to the front of his mind something he had heard Jace say once, what seemed like a lifetime ago.

To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed.

The irony did not escape him. Indeed love was proving to be his demise, But he wouldn't let those feelings destroy the people he most cared for. He would do whatever he could to pare them the pain.

Lost in his thoughts, Alec didn't hear the commotion of voices outside his room, or his door being thrown open and three people rushing inside, walking straight towards him.

"What happened?! Alexander are you alright?"

The sight of Magnus in front of him was enough to dull Alec's pains and aches for one small moment. In that tiny shard of time there was no curse or impending death, just beautiful golden-green eyes and wonderful caramel skin. All he could feel were Magnus bejeweled hands on his face, the only sound in his mind was the honey of the warlock's voice.

"Alexander, are you listening?" Magnus asked anxiously.

"Yeah" He replied, though his mind was only partially there.

"How are you feeling?"

That question was easy enough to answer. He felt like shit. Physically, mentally and emotionally, but he was not about to let everyone know how sick he truly felt. He knew Jace and Izzy would tell the rest what they had seen. That much information was enough.

"A bit sick" He said at last, trying to conceal the shakiness in his voice, and failing miserably.

"Very sick" Jace interjected crisply "When we sent you that message we were almost afraid he wouldn't wake up"

"It wasn't that bad" Alec attempted to defend himself, though the rest of the people in the room clearly didn't believe him.

Everyone started talking over him at once. Exchanging information so fast that Alec couldn't catch everything they were saying, but he heard enough to understand they were planning something, trying to help him somehow. Not understanding infuriated him, so he let his temper get the better of him. Again.

"WHAT IN THE ANGEL'S NAME ARE YOU BLABBERING ABOUT?!" He bellowed, drawing the other's attention to himself once again and zapping the little energy he had in the process.

Clary answered him. She had been standing behind Jace and so Alec hadn't seen her until that moment.

"We're trying to track Sonneillon down" Clearly, she felt guilty about the whole situations, keeping secrets from Jace, keeping quiet about how serious Alec's condition was. This whole absurd plan must feel like an obligation to her. It terrified the shadowhunter to think about what would happen if his family DID find the demon.

"Why would you do that?" Alec demanded, hoping that his fear wasn't as obvious to the others as it was to him.

They all stared at him as if he were mentally impaired.

"Well we figured that if your curse binds you to silence, then we should find the demon that cast that spell on you and kill it, that way the curse should be broken" Izzy was still pale, but as she spoke, she seemed to gain some control over her emotions again.

"And do you really think that will accomplish something?" Alec said, his own pain and despair making the words sound bitter.

He remembered Sonneillon's warning. He had three days left. He couldn't let any of them find the demon, it was too dangerous. They needed to give up. He had to stop them.

"We must at least try, Alexander. Don't you see?" Magnus, trying to make the shadowhunter see reason.

"No, I don't" Alec replied impassively "I don't see the point in trying. You will not succeed"

His friends were shocked into silence, stunned by the cold and detached manner with which Alec dismissed his own life.

"Why are you being so pessimistic?!" Izzy cried enraged.

"I am being honest!" Alec replied, his temper flaring as well "I will not let you risk your lives for mine. Not when it's so obvious that you won't succeed. I am beyond saving, or weren't you there to see the runes fading from my skin? Or how I am drowning in my own blood? Even if you DO manage to find him, are you sure that killing him will accomplish anything, or is that more of your wishful thinking?"

He turned to Magnus, the only person in the room with enough knowledge of demons to have an answer.

"It's only speculation" The warlock replied in a defeated voice, unable to lie with those beautiful eyes fixed so intently on him.

"But we can't sit here and do nothing!" Jace screamed "What do you expect, that we will just sit around and watch you waste away and die?!"

I want you to let me die alone. I don't want you to suffer. Of course, Alec knew what would happen if he voiced his thoughts. And so, he said nothing.

His siblings clenched their fists, probably stopping themselves from shacking him. He was still critically weak after all.

Magnus wasn't so good at controlling himself "We won't stop, Alexander" he growled "I dealt with Sonneillon once, I will do it again"

"We will do it" Jace corrected.

Alec's fury showed its ugly head again, fueled by his siblings' stubbornness. It made him lash out at the person closest to him. Unfortunately, that was Magnus.

"Why are you doing this?" He bellowed "Why are you trying so hard to save me, after everything we have done to one another. You keep saying you will never forgive the way I betrayed your trust. You even doubted I was telling the truth about the curse! And me? I can't get past the secrets and the way you won't open yourself up, not even to me, who you claimed to love so much!"

"I do love you" Magnus said.

"But you can't forgive me? You can't give me a second chance?" A sudden burst of inspiration burst through the fog of Alec's fury. Maybe he could try and clue them in?

"You won't give me a promise, or will you?" Alec asked, unable to quench the last bit of hope left within him.

Magnus looked at the floor glumly "I'm sorry" he muttered "But this is the best I can do for now"

Alec thought everyone should have been able the snapping sound of the last pieces of his heart and mind that had remained intact until that moment. But they remained the same, so they most likely didn't.

"Get out" He said, unable to mask his anger and grief.

"What?" Izzy asked incredulous.

"GET OUT" He screamed "ALL OF YOU, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"We should probably listen to him" Simon said, who had remained a silent spectator up until that moment "Let's give him some time to calm down"

One by one, they left the room. Each one of them looking back at him worriedly. In the hopes that he would change his smile and let him stay, but that didn't happen.

When Alec was finally alone, he allowed himself to cry. He felt another prickle of terror in his heart when he noticed that, even though he didn't weep blood like he had done in his sleep, his tears still came away in an alarming shade of dark pink. The sight only strengthened his resolve. This was the right thing to do.

To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. The words kept playing in Alec's mind. Over and over again. His choice was clear.

Slowly and painfully, Alec rose from his bed. With great effort he changed from his pajamas, which were wet his sweat from a fever that refused to break. He put on his shadowhunter gear and headed for the window.

Forgive me, all of you. He thought sadly. I can't let you suffer along with me, I love you, I love you to death.

With the last of his strength, Alec jumped from his second story window and into The Institute's backyard. He had hoped that Magnus wouldn't reject him. That he would suddenly change his mind and give a vow of eternal love. But it hadn't happened, and so he had to leave. He had to spare the people he loved the pain of seeing him die. He would deny Sonneillon the pleasure of looking at Magnus and his family suffer like that. He would take that small victory with him at least.

He headed for the gate as fast as he could. He didn't have much time, and it was essential to put as much distance as he could between him and The Institute's inhabitants. He suspected that just like Sonneillon's magic clouded the parabatai bond, making it so that Jace couldn't feel is pain, it would also hide him from Magnus' magic, making him hard to find.

He turned around to look at his home for what would most likely be the last time and then he stumbled away, has quickly as his condition would allow.

So yeah….Cliffy, what's going to happen next? Please tell me your thoughts and remember, reviews are love!