When Santana arrived home from her date with Sam, still glowing slightly despite her efforts at nonchalance, Antonia was, as she had known she would be, still awake, despite the fact that it was considerably past her bed time. Maribel Lopez greeted Santana with a shrug and an eye roll as her daughter launched herself at Santana's legs, shouting out "Mami you're home, you're home!" Over her granddaughter's head, she met Santana's eyes.
"Your daughter is more stubborn than even you. She said that she would not sleep until her mami tucked her in and she meant it. Back to work, Miss Hot to Trot."
She winked at Santana, her tone teasing, and gave her a hug and kiss, whispering into her ear, "I hope you had fun, mija, you deserve a night out," before bending to kiss Antonia good night and heading out the door. Santana picked Antonia up, dramatically sniffing her head, neck, and shoulders and nudging each with her nose as Antonia squirmed on her hip and squealed with laughter.
"Hmmm did this little one take a bath tonight? Is that some stinky I smell?"
"Noooooo! Yes, Mami, I did too, yessss!" Antonia shrieked, her eyes squinted up with her laughter, and Santana kissed her cheeks before carrying her down the hall to her bed.
"Good, 'cause that means she's all ready for bed then, as long as her teeth aren't stinky either."
Not pleased by this turn of events, Antonia pouted, shaking her head grumpily. "I don't think so, Mami, I think it's time for me to read stories with you."
"Nope, I bet Abuela already did that with you, and you don't get that times two," Santana told her easily, giving Antonia's tummy a little poke. "Especially since the way Abuela tells it, you've been naughty and not going to sleep when she told you to. You get a cuddle and a kiss and tucked in and that's all."
"Mami, that's not fair," Antonia griped again. As Santana reached her bedroom and attempted to deposit her on her bed, Antonia gripped her around the neck, resisting faintly for a few moments before letting Santana let go. Santana pulled back the blanket and tucked Antonia under it, then lay down beside her, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her head to her chest. She rocked Antonia slightly, stroking a hand over her head and down her back, and watched with warm satisfaction as Antonia began to relax automatically, her eyelashes fluttering as she fought to keep them open.
This was the part about mothering that Santana loved most. Watching her little girl so completely trust her, letting herself be vulnerable and babied in her arms, made her feel such a ferocity of love and affection for her that it was something she could never describe. It was something only a mother could ever understand.
Antonia's eyes struggled to open again, and she blinked up at Santana, further melting her heart. Her brown eyes only half open, she whispered to her, giving a yawn that mangled her words so Santana had to ask her to repeat herself.
"Mami…is Sam gonna be my new daddy, for real?"
Santana paused, unsure of how to respond. She likes Sam. After their date, that has become clear. But she's only met him twice, and Antonia has only met him once. What was it that her daughter was really thinking or wanting?
"You really liked him, huh, mija?" she said instead, still rubbing Antonia's back, and the little girl nodded, yawning again and snuggling in closer.
"Uh huh…he's nice. And pretty for a boy. Not Stevie though. I don't like him at all. He's mean and stupid and ugly."
"Oh, Toni, he's just a little boy who likes to tease, just like you're a little girl who likes to tease," Santana rolled her eyes, but she kept her voice soft, not wanting to stir her daughter up when she was sleepy. She kept stroking her hair, noticing when Antonia's thumb crept into her mouth, and smiled to herself, seeing that even as the little girl spoke again, her eyes remained closed.
"Don't like him. Just like Sam."
"Well, Sam likes you too," Santana told her. "He can see what a special little girl you are."
Antonia smiled, though her eyes were still closed. She continued to suck her thumb softly, leaned into her mother's chest, and Santana could see that her breathing was evening out. Still, the child's words were sticking with her, and she leaned her mouth close to her ear to whisper to her.
"You really want a daddy pretty badly, don't you, baby?"
When Antonia nodded, ever so slightly, Santana sighed, but didn't respond. She had never had this discussion with her before, about why it was, exactly, that Antonia didn't have a father. How could she tell her that she didn't' know who Antonia's father was any more than Antonia herself did?
She had been so different, back in high school. Struggling with her sexuality as she realized she liked girls, Santana had bucked against her growing understanding of her bisexuality by sleeping with as many boys as would have her. This had resulted in Antonia's conception, and even today she couldn't be sure which boy was responsible. She hadn't welcomed Antonia's conception, but now, she wouldn't have removed her from her life for anything in the world.
Still, Antonia was only four years old. Santana had known that the day would come when she would start to ask her about the difference in their family and other children's, but she had never been quite sure of what to tell her.
Still keeping her mouth close to Antonia's ear, she took a breath, trying to explain to her softly.
"Every family is different, baby girl. Some people only have mommies and some people only have daddies and some people have both. Some people have just abuelas and some people have just tias or tios and some people live with friends, and some people have two mommies or two daddies. You just have your mami but that's okay. I wish you had a whole lot of people to love you because you're so special, but you have your mami and your abuela and your abuelo, and they all love you very, very much. Maybe one day you'll have a daddy, or a second mami. But right now you just have me, and that's special too."
She felt Antonia nod slightly against her chest, and her words were slurred with her sleepiness when she answered.
"'Kay…still want a daddy though."
Then she was asleep, her breathing heavy and even. For another few minutes Santana held her, thinking, and then she released her, kissing the crown of her head as she made her way into her own room.
88
Sam was excited about his first day as Sam's T-ball coach. It was a way for him to spend some extra time with Stevie and also give back to the community, he couldn't go wrong with this decision. Not to mention, when he had realized that one of the children listed to be on his team was Antonia Lopez…well, spending more time with the adorable little girl and more importantly, having more of a reason to see her mother was nothing but good to him.
Of course, he had yet to tell Stevie, who wasn't quite as enamored with Toni, about this fact.
"All right, Stevie, I want you to treat me like your coach today okay? So if I say something, I don't want to hear you whining…" he told his brother as they walked from the car to the field.
"Okay," Stevie said, but it was clear from the way he was looking up towards the sky that he was not paying any attention to his brother.
Santana was excited for Antonia's first t-ball practice as well. She had always wanted to play sports growing up but her father and abuela never wanted her to, thinking she was already too much of a tomboy. She was glad to let Antonia develop her coordination and skills at her own pace, and she suspected her little girl, active and energetic as she was, would love it and could actually become good over time. And of course, the realization that Antonia's coach was none other than Sam Evans was definitely a draw in and of itself.
As she drove her, Antonia too seemed excited. She had asked Santana to braid and rebraid her hair several times and tie a bow in it even though Santana explained she wasn't supposed to look special to play sports.
"But I like being pretty ANYWAY," Antonia had declared, and Santana couldn't argue with that. Her kid would definitely be the cutest there in her opinion. But even so, she suspected that part of her desire to look pretty definitely had to do with Sam seeing her.
Sam was introduced to the parents of the players and waited on the sidelines for everyone to show up. Stevie was fooling around with a few of his friends, making Sam smile. It was nice to see his brother so happy. Sometimes he wondered if he was doing a good enough job raising his little brother, but days like this reassured him that Stevie was okay.
He wanted to get to know the kids before practice started, so he blew on his whistle and ushered the kids over.
"All right kids, it's time to make my introduction. I'm Sam Evans, I'm your new coach," he smiled at them all warmly. "Can all of you introduce yourselves?" He pointed to the boy sitting at the front left, "What's your name, buddy?"
Santana and Antonia were a little late, because Antonia's shoelace had untied while getting out of the car and she had insisted on trying to tie it herself. By the time they caught up to the group, Santana holding Antonia's hand, and she caught sight of who was speaking to the others, Santana grinned before she could stop herself. Antonia smiled too when she saw Sam, her face lighting up, and shouted his name.
"MR SAM HI!" But when she saw Stevie this quickly became a scowl. "And that boy."
Sam looked up and immediately began to smile as Santana and Toni walked towards him. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Santana ever since their date, and today, she looked even more beautiful, despite her minimal makeup, casual jeans, and loose shirt.
"Hi, Toni," He greeted the little girl before focusing on Santana a little too long. When he realized what he was doing, he flushed and cleared his throat. "Good to see you again, Toni. Why don't you take a seat."
Stevie scoffed, eyeing Toni, and said in a harsh whisper, "Poopy pants."
Noticing Sam's flush, Santana smiled back, her eyes on him, just as her daughter shattered her moment of pleasure.
"I AM NOT A POOPYPANTS! YOU ARE A FART MOUTH, YOU GOT FARTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"
How this would even be possible, Santana had no clue, but logic was not Antonia's strength. Somewhat embarrassed, she looked around to see all the other kids and most of the parents staring at her like she had raised a crazy child and hissed to Antonia, "Go sit down, don't start. Just ignore him."
"I'm not a fart mouth. That's not even possible. Who farts from the mouth. Must be you!" Stevie taunted back, laughing at his own words.
Sam could only roll his eyes. He hated that the two could never get along.
"Stevie stop taunting her or else…" he warned his little brother and watched as he folded his arms defiantly. He shook his head and looked at Santana, mouthing, 'I'm sorry' to her before going back to the topic of introductions. "Who's next?"
A cute little brunette raised her hand and introduced herself in an eager tone.
Santana just rolled her eyes at Sam, giving him a smile before going to stand next to Antonia, just to make sure she didn't lunge towards Stevie or anything. Antonia had her arms crossed over her chest and was huffing loudly and repeatedly, glaring at Stevie with her lip stuck way out in a pout.
Sam couldn't be anymore glad that the fuss between Stevie and Toni had died down. The introductions went smoothly and once they were all done, he put his hands together and said, "All right, we are going to learn how to throw and catch today. Everybody partner up."
All the kids chose a partner and Stevie and Toni were left to be partners. His eyes widened, knowing full well that this was not going to end well.
Antonia was already upset because every time she turned to another child, they already had another partner. Eyebrows starting to knit with worry, feeling like no one liked her, she kept swiveling her head around as though just certain that someone other than Stevie was left. Pointing straight at him, she bellowed, "Hey! Doesn't anyone wanna be my partner instead?!"
Stevie scowled seeing that everyone had already gotten a partner. He was left with Toni and he wasn't too happy about it.
"I don't want to be her partner! She's a poopy pants!" he huffed.
Sam rolled his eyes, sighing in defeat. "Will you stop that. She is not a poopy pants. She's a beautiful little lady. You be good to her or I'll ground you for a week. Now get into position, we're about to start."
Stevie grumbled, "You always take her side…" before going to take his place.
Hands on her hips, Antonia faced Stevie square on, growling aloud at him as she countered, "Yeah, I'm a beautiful little lady and you're about to get grounded! And if you call me poopy pants one more time I'm gonna kick you so hard in the butt you make poop in YOUR pants!"
Santana covered her mouth, trying hard not to laugh at this, and met Sam's eyes. She had to gather herself before she could talk to Antonia.
"Toni, just throw the ball with Stevie, NOT at him, into his glove. It won't last forever."
"I don't want to get grounded…" Stevie looked sadly at his brother.
"Then behave…" Sam threatened.
Sometimes Stevie felt like Sam didn't even like him when Toni was around. He was always in trouble and getting scolded. It made him sad. He didn't say anything else after that, knowing that he was going to get grounded scared him straight and caught the ball that Toni threw his way.
Antonia was still pouting, but she threw the ball with Stevie without further incident. Santana watched her closely, keeping an eye on her as she spoke to Sam quietly.
"So I'm glad they're on the same team, but looks like they don't agree. Obviously. The fact that they're wielding bats and balls is just a tad concerning."
Stevie didn't say another word and if Sam wasn't mistaken, he thought that he saw the look of hurt in his brother's eyes.
"I think I might have been a little too harsh on Stevie… I might have hurt his feelings a little," he stated to Santana sighing. "I just don't want him to hurt Toni, you know… They are constantly at each other. Someone had to say something before they hurt each other for real."
Santana nodded slightly, not taking her eyes off them either. She wasn't risking that, even as she moved close enough to Sam to brush shoulders.
"Don't worry, I can protect her. And she can protect herself. I'd worry more for Stevie. She's got a tongue all right." She paused, then added, "She is pretty sensitive though."
Sam felt a little at ease when Santana came to stand right next to him. She was so close, he could smell the scent of her skin. It made his eyes close for a mere second before he opened them again to look at the two kids.
"I don't know why they keep teasing each other when they know they're only going to end up hurting one another. It really does not make sense at all to me, but hey, they're kids." He shook his head, "How's your day going so far?"
Santana had a strong urge to lean against Sam, to wrap her arm around his waist, but she was shy about that so soon, in front of all the parents and kids.
"Because they're both the only or the youngest and used to getting all the attention and they're both too adorable for their own good. My day has been busy but good. You know she's gonna be even later next time now that she knows you're her coach, right? She's probably going to try to con me into letting her wear makeup." She laughed, leaning her shoulder just a bit more against his.
"That's good to know…" Sam smiled a little. He was still worried about Stevie however and swore that he was going to have a talk with his brother by the end of the day. He needed Stevie to know that he was hard on him for a reason. "You're right, I just hope he knows that I love him and that nothing could ever change that."
He whipped his head over at the comment about makeup and quirked a brow, "Are you kidding? You let her wear makeup? Well, as much as I want to play favorites, I can't. I'm the coach and I have to be fair."
The urge to hold Santana was strong, but he stopped himself before he could put his arms around her shoulder. Instead, he settled for discreetly rubbing the back of her hand with his pointer finger.
"Uh, hell no I don't let her wear makeup. She can wear chapstick if I put it on her and she doesn't lick it off, that's it. Do I look like one of the moms on toddlers and tiaras? But she sure thinks if she begs and cries enough she can wear makeup," Santana explained, rolling her eyes. "I will do my best to get her here on time, believe me, just warning you she can make that hard."
When Sam rubbed the back of her hand, she looked down, dimples slowly appearing in her cheek, and let him continue, fighting the urge to lace their fingers.
"Hey, I didn't know. I just had to check. I mean, you don't look like one of those moms, but I could be wrong…" Sam threw his head back and laughed. "Okay, that was wrong of me to say, sorry… I just wanted to give you a hard time. Tease you back. Since you love teasing me so much."
He loved this easiness between them. He had never remembered being this much at ease with a woman before. It was nice to know that he could connect with someone in this level.
"So…" He dragged the words as his finger continued to rub the back of her hand, "Are you going to let me take you out again soon?"
"And what exactly is one of THOSE moms?" Santana teased, nudging him. She shivered slightly, amazed at her own ridiculous reaction. All he was doing was touching her hand and she was actually almost aroused. "Let you? I was waiting for you to man up and ask."
"Oh you know, the kinds who push their daughters to win pageants… Total turn off by the way." Sam smirked, winking at her. "Hey… I am manning up. I asked you, didn't I?" he retorted with an offended tone, "So are you going to go out with me again or not? Cause there's a ton of other girls waiting to date me, you know…"
He tried to keep a straight face, but that didn't work and busted out laughing, "I'm kidding. There's no other girls."
"Toni in a pageant? I can barely wash her hair without her screeching over it. No way," Santana scoffed. "Plus she's be prettier than all those little spray tanned freaks, it wouldn't be a competition."
She went still, hurt flickering across her eyes as he mentioned other girls and momentarily took him seriously. But then she relaxed too, hitting his shoulder as he confessed his joke. "Ha. Ha."
"You're right about that. She would be the prettiest one there." Sam agreed. He didn't know if Santana was offended or not, and again she didn't answer his question, so he nudged her shoulder, "Ha. Ha. Is not an answer. Don't make me have to beg because that would not be pretty."
"Of course I want to go," Santana said quietly and more seriously. "I'd go right this second if I didn't have my kid to watch."
Sam didn't know that he was holding his breath until Santana agreed to go out on another date with him. "That's not a problem to me at all. We could go out to dinner after practice with the kids."
A commotion broke their moment and when he looked at the where it was coming from, sure enough, it was Stevie and Toni creating the ruckus.
"Oh god, these two are going to be the death of us…" He grumbled before pulling away to break up the fight. "Hey! What's going on here?"
Santana's head jerked up at Antonia's all too recognizable scream, and she saw that she was flailing her fists, trying her hardest to hit Stevie and kick him. Santana rushed over, seizing her around the waist and pinning her arms down.
"Antonia Cristina! Stop that! What do you think you're doing?"
"HE WON'T SHARE!" she shrieked, pointing an outraged finger at Stevie. "He pulled my hair AGAIN just 'cause I wanna have his daddy be my daddy too! He is selfish!"
Face flushing, Santana was acutely aware of all the other kids and parents now staring at her.
Sam rushed over and pulled Stevie away. Stevie was fighting him and screaming, "Let me go! I won't let her take you away from me. You'll love her more!"
Sam gasped hearing those words from his brother. He never thought that things could get this ugly and he was partially to blame for that.
"Stevie, stop that…" Sam said, holding his brothers arms so that he would stop struggling.
"No! Let me go! You don't love me, you love her!"
Stevie was panicking, he could feel his brother slipping away from him and he didn't want that to happen. He only had Sam to love him. What would he do without his brother? His lips began quivering and tears welled up in his eyes.
"No, Stevie…" Sam grabbed his brother and hugged him. "You will not lose me. I promise you that I will always love you."
Santana had her hands full with her own child. Antonia was bawling now, partly out of frustration that Santana wouldn't let her go beat the crap out of Stevie, and partly because she worked herself up to that point. She turned to Santana, holding up her arms to be picked up, and when Santana did, letting her daughter bury her face in her neck, she heard Antonia whimper, "He's mean to me. He should let me have his daddy too. I was gonna be nice and share."
Sighing, Santana patted her back, but her eyes were on Stevie and Sam. She felt for the little boy and understood his worries, but she didn't say anything to him or Antonia, letting Sam talk to him alone.
Stevie sobbed in his brother's arm and held him close. He wasn't sure if he believed him, but Sam never lied to him before, so he could only hope that he was telling the truth.
"So you're not going to be Toni's daddy?"
That was a question that was hard for Sam to answer. He liked Santana very much and it would be a lie if he told his brother that he didn't want something more with her in the future, but how could he explain things to his brother without it bothering him?
"Listen Stevie, I can't promise you anything right now, just know that you're my brother and I will always love you, no one can come between us, okay?"
Stevie nodded and smiled slightly. It wasn't the answer he was looking for, but at least his brother was promising to love him always.
"Okay… I love you, Sammy." He hugged Sam tightly and Sam returned it.
"I love you too, buddy. Now, can you do me a huge favor? Can you go apologize to Toni? We Evans men don't hurt girls. It's not a very nice thing to do."
Stevie frowned at this, but he didn't protest, "Okay…" Letting go of his brother, he went up to Toni and said with a small voice, "I'm sorry I pulled your hair."
Antonia was still sitting on Santana's hip, her arm around her mother's neck, her thumb in her mouth, as it usually was after she's had a tantrum or been crying, to calm herself down. She narrowed her eyes at Stevie as he approached, removing her thumb hurriedly, and looked at him suspiciously.
"You are very, very mean to me," she sniffed in an injured tone. Santana gave her leg a little warning squeeze, as though to say to her to be nice, as Antonia continued. "You hurt me and you don't share. I was nice, I was sharing the ball and then I was gonna share your daddy."
Sam went to join Stevie, hoping that another fight wouldn't break out again. When he heard Toni's sassy retort, his lip twitched, but he kept a straight face. Stevie didn't like what Toni was saying, so he looked up at his big brother. Sam simply gave his brother a squeeze on the shoulder and said, "Go ahead, buddy…"
Stevie didn't want to disappoint Sam and so he decided to be nice. "He's not my daddy, he's my big brother… And I'm sorry I pulled your hair…" He whispered to Sam, "She's being mean to me. Can I go now?"
"You should share and be nice then. He can be your big brother and my daddy," Antonia informed him, seeming to find this a very reasonable idea. She looked up at her mother, appealing to her. "Right, Mami?"
Santana cleared her throat, looking over at Sam. "Um, practice is probably about over now, right?"
"She's not being mean." Sam shook his head and when he heard what came out of Toni's mouth, he eyes went wide and he started coughing.
"Sam, are you okay?" Stevie was worried and started to beat on his brother's back.
"I'm okay…" Sam eventually sputtered and nodded at Santana, "Yeah, it's time to go home…"
He blew on his whistle and called for the kids to gather around. They spoke for a few minutes, before he let them all go for the day. He and his brother were going to have a talk one of these days, that was for sure.