A few days after their weekend together, Santana and Sam had gone out to dinner together with the children. Santana had tried to just not mention, one way or the other, to her daughter her new relationship with Sam. She knew Antonia would be way overly excited about it and no doubt start trouble with Stevie again, not to mention embarrass Santana in front of Sam.
So far the night had gone fairly well. Although Santana had made Antonia sit next to Stevie, across from her and Sam in the restaurant, so far their squabbling had been limited to one kicking incident under the table and fighting over who used ketchup and which color crayon first to color their placemats. All in all it's been a nice night, and Santana was relaxed.
Until she saw a vaguely familiar face out the corner of her eye. She tensed, thinking at first it was a figment of her imagination or anxiety, but then she saw that he was approaching, his lips curved into a smirk. Shit…Kyle Owens. One of the guys she had slept with several times in high school, the one she knew to be Antonia's father. He had taken no responsibility for her and swore he wouldn't, calling her a slut and a liar even before she was born, and Santana had sworn all her life that Antonia would never know that her father had rejected her. She would rather her daughter think she was a slut than that her father hadn't wanted her.
Surely he was just going to walk past. But it looked like he was coming straight to them.
Sam was enjoying himself at this dinner. Stevie and Toni were behaving themselves…mostly and he got to spend time with Santana. He loved how natural things were flowing between them. He didn't have to hide or not be who he really was with Tana. She accepted him, baggage and all. A part of the reason why he never dated was because he was afraid that women might not accept Stevie.
Being a single parent was one thing, but being a brother who was willingly taking care of his little brother after their parents death could be a whole other headache. One that he wasn't ready to talk about or have to deal with. He felt blessed that Tana understood his situation, and because of this, he wanted to really explore their relationship.
"So what are you planning on having tonight?" Sam asked, looking up from the menu. He frowned when Santana didn't answer him right away. He noticed that she looked distant and worried, so he raised his voice a little to get her attention. "Tana, you okay?"
"Mami, can I get spaghetti? And can I put crumbly cheese on it?" Antonia was asking. This was her word for parmesan cheese. When her mother didn't answer, she frowned, reaching over the table and almost knocking over her drink to get her attention. "Mamiiiii you are not listening to me!"
"Yeah, Lopez, you're not listening to her," an amused voice said from the side of them as Kyle came up on them, stepping close enough to Santana's side of the table that she tensed further, feeling he was too close. "So I guess nothing's changed?"
Santana's teeth gritted, and she flushed, becoming very aware that Sam, his brother and also her own daughter was watching. She attempted to sound calm for Antonia's sake as she responded.
"Guess not if you not being wanted in my presence is any indication."
"Oh, I remember a time I was very wanted, Lopez…very wanted indeed."
Antonia looked up at him curiously, then over at her mother. "Who's the man, Mami?"
"Yeah, Lopez," Kyle raised an eyebrow, looking at Santana with cocky amusement. "Who's the man?" And what the hell was she supposed to say?
Sam was very confused by what was happening next. An unknown man approached and he seemed to be taunting Santana. Sam didn't like this one bit, so he asked, "And who might you be?" He frowned, waiting for an answer.
The tension could be cut with a knife, and since the man hadn't answered him right away, he looked at Santana for the answer. "Tana, is this your friend?"
Kyle ignored Sam, not even cutting his eyes towards him. His gaze was fixated on Santana as he let his lips curve up into a sneer. "Looks like you've been pretty damn busy…I ain't a blonde, so you can't pin the other one on me. That one though…pretty little girl, huh? Guess she would be, considering."
He nodded to Antonia as Santana's blood boiled. She clinched her fists under the table, gritting her teeth to keep from screaming out exactly what she wanted to say. Her daughter was still regarding him curiously, tilting her head as she looked from him to her mother.
"Thank you, Mr….you shouldn't say the d word though."
"No shit, like your mama don't peel paint off the walls with her tongue…in more ways than one," Kyle laughed, flicking his attention back to the little girl.
At this, Santana couldn't contain herself. Still not answering Sam's question, she ground out, "You weren't invited over here and you're not invited into any breathing space I happen to be occupying and especially that my daughter is."
"Oh, that's rich…you really think you're all high and mighty and shit now, Lopez? Have a few kids and you think you're something special-"
"You said another bad word!" Antonia interrupted, scandalized but giggling a little as well. Then she frowned. "Stevie isn't my mami's kid. That's gross."
Sam didn't like the turn of events. Santana wasn't answering his question and the man was pissing him off with the way he was taunting Santana. "Look, I don't care who you are, I need you to leave right now. There are children present and you're upsetting them." He bit back.
"Sammy, who's that guy?" Stevie asked, above a whisper.
"I don't know, buddy, don't worry about him, alright? He'll leave…" He smiled at Stevie and turned back to the other man. "So are you going to leave or did you want me to make you leave?"
"I'm not upset, Sammy," Antonia piped up, wiggling in her seat as she looked between him and Kyle with bright eyed interest. "I just think the man is being kind of silly is all."
"Oooh, how terrifying, a little blonde dude with silly putty lips is gonna make me leave," Kyle rolled his eyes, but he was addressing this again to Santana, completely ignoring Sam. "You just keep sliding down the ladder with your guy of the week, don't you?"
"You heard him," Santana said tightly, her nails digging into her palms. "Go away. I'm not going to ask you again."
"Funny how you think you can do that when it's a public place and I have a perfect right to be there, for more than one reason," Kyle's eyes were on Antonia as he spoke. "She definitely doesn't have your chin…"
Antonia frowned, not understanding. "Duh, I got my own chin, silly."
Santana could barely breathe. There was no way, no fucking way that Kyle was going to call her out right there in front of her little girl. No way. Before she could stop herself she stood, reaching over Stevie in the opposite booth and hoisting Antonia out of her seat. Grabbing her onto her hip, she started to walk with her to the bathroom without looking back, even as Antonia protested. "Mami I don't gotta go. How come you're getting me up? I don't gotta go!"
Sam clenched his fists, the urge to get violent with this asshole was strong. He felt a tug on his arm and looked at his brother.
"Sammy, I don't like him. He's being mean." Stevie said.
"Don't worry about him, buddy. I'm about to take care of him."
He was waiting for the right time to strike and when Santana left to go to the bathroom, he stood up and did just that.
"Alright, I was nice before, but it's time for you to go." He folded his arms and raised a brow at the man. "Don't make me physically throw you out, man, because I can, and you're pissing me off to the point, where I don't care if I made a scene."
"So are you going to leave or what?" He asked again.
The manager of the restaurant must have sensed the tension boiling. He came right over and asked, "Is something wrong sir?"
"Yes, this man is disrupting my dinner and now he won't leave."
The manager then looked at the other man, "Sir, I'm sorry, but if you're not eating here, you have to leave."
In the bathroom, Santana was making Antonia sit on the toilet even though she had protested she didn't have to pee, muttering to her that she should go anyway so she won't have to later. It's the only reason she can think of to explain why she dragged her away. She took her time using the restroom herself, thoroughly washing and drying both their hands, and by the time they returned to their seats Kyle was gone- but not without a parting shot to Sam about Santana's legs, insinuating they were always open.
As Santana returned, letting Antonia slide back beside Stevie, she opened the menu, pretending it never happened. The man left soon after, but before he did that, he had said some derogatory things about Santana. This made Sam even more pissed off and a part of him had half a mind to beat him into a pulp. Once he left, Sam was not in a good mood. Santana didn't help matters either. She was avoiding even looking at him.
"Can we eat now?" Stevie asked.
"Yeah, we can. Order whatever you want, buddy." He half smiled at his brother.
"Okay. But what are you going to get, Sammy?"
"I don't think I'll get anything. I'm not hungry all of a sudden." Sam said, looking at Santana who was still looking down at her menu. "But like I said, you order. You're a growing boy and you need to eat."
Even if Santana doesn't want to acknowledge what happened, Antonia hardly got the memo. She reached over the table, almost knocking her water, and tugged her mother's arm. "Mami. Mami. Mami!" Forced to acknowledge her, Santana looked up, trying to keep her voice patient.
"Yes?"
"Mami, who was that man?" Antonia persisted. "He was talking about my chin."
Santana changed the subject, still not meeting anyone's eyes. "Toni, tonight we might end up staying with Sam. Maybe."
"Why are you not eating? You should eat, Sammy. You can't be big and strong if you don't eat." Stevie chided.
Sam was only half listening to Stevie as he focused on Santana who didn't even want to acknowledge him. "I'm already big and strong."
"But, Sammy, you gotta eat with me." Stevie tugged on his arm, the action annoying him even more.
Sam snapped at his little brother then. "Will you stop bugging me! I said I'm not hungry!"
Stevie's bottom lip trembled, he folded his arm and snarled back, "Fine, don't eat! I hate you!"
Antonia was watching Sam with big eyes, and she said solemnly, "I didn't know you could yell." Turning to Stevie, she said, "He's gonna get you in big trouble for saying that. I get in trouble when I say that."
Hearing the irritation in Sam's voice, Santana looked over at him and said in a low tone, "Sam, just get something to eat. That's what we're here for." She turned to Stevie and told him,"You don't mean that, Stevie."
Stevie glared at Toni, wanting to kick her for her comment, but he wasn't in the mood talk to her.
Sam sighed, feeling bad that he had lost it with Stevie. "I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'll eat."
Stevie was still mad at this point. "I don't care."
"Of course you do, you want me to be big and strong, remember."
Stevie shrugged.
"I'm big and strong too," Antonia announced, giving Stevie a nudge with her elbow. "I'm gonna eat. I'll be bigger and stronger than you!"
"Toni," Santana said to her, scolding in tone, trying to focus on this. But all she can think about is Kyle. What had he said to Sam when she left? What if Toni figured out what was going on?
"Stop hitting me!" Stevie glared at Toni, "And you will never be bigger than me. I'm a boy. Boys are bigger than girls." His annoyance now transferred to Toni.
Sam on the other hand was too busy avoiding Santana. He found it offensive that she was still avoiding his questions. Well, two can play that game.
"Alright you two, enough fighting. Let's order and eat, so that we can get home." He told the children. When the waitress came over, he ordered both his and Stevie's food.
"I didn't hit you! I only touched you a little." Antonia touched him again to prove her point. "And I'm gonna be bigger. Am too gonna. You watch!"
"Antonia, behave or I'll ask the waitress for a high chair for you to sit in," Santana warned. Antonia settled down, her eyes big, and Santana stole a glance at Sam. He definitely looked pissed. Tentatively she lay a hand on his leg under the table, testing.
"Whatever. Don't touch me." Stevie rolled his eyes.
"Stevie calm down, she was only touching you." Sam tried to say in order to calm his brother down.
"But I don't like her touching me…"
"You'll be okay." Sam ruffled his brother's hair and shifted a little when he felt Santana touching his leg. He didn't want to be touched, not when she was keeping secrets from him.
"I just touched him. Touching doesn't hurt him," Antonia heaved a sigh. She started to draw with her crayons, ignoring Stevie now, as Santana looked over at Sam, noticing how his muscle tensed beneath her hand. She didn't move her leg, willing him to do something explicit to show he's pissed, if he's going to. She's going to make him acknowledge.
There was silence on their table. One that he didn't bother to try to break. While the kids were busy annoying each other. Sam was busy ignoring Santana. He didn't say a word as he looked out the window, keeping his silence.
Deeply bothered, Santana kept her eyes on Sam, keeping her voice low as she spoke to him. "Sam. Come on, don't do this."
"I'm not doing anything." Sam stated, under his breath. He didn't want to have an all out argument in front of the kids, not when things with Stevie was already so tense. "We'll talk later."
"You're mad," she stated, still keeping her voice low. "Let's get out of here and put the kids to bed soon as they eat. Toni can sleep with Stevie tonight."
"I'm not." Sam answered curtly. When he heard her suggestion, he nodded his head. "Okay. Let's just eat first." He sighed, then picked up a fry and put it in his mouth.
Santana went quiet again as their food arrived, and she didn't eat very much of hers at all. Picking apart her own fries, she half watched her daughter smearing spaghetti sauce all over her face and half heartedly cleaned her off when she was finished. She gathered her up still in relative quiet as they left the restaurant and got into Sam's car, frequently glancing over at him. Whatever he said, he was definitely mad.
Dinner was tense to say the least. He didn't speak and neither did Santana. When they got to his place, the kids were already asleep, so they put them in Stevie's bed and quietly exited the bedroom. When they were in the living room, he didn't wait before he was asking questions. "I need some answers. Who is that man back there and why was he acting like such a douche bag to you?"
Santana had carried Antonia into Sam's house and gently laid her down in Stevie's bed, noticing with amusement how she automatically snuggled close to Stevie, her mouth open, one arm flung over his stomach. She was going to be horrified when she woke up. Santana smiled in spite of herself as she backed out of the room, but her smile dropped when Sam started to question her. Stiffening, she lifted her chin,crossing her arms defensively over her chest. "Just some asshole. How should I know?"
Sam gritted his teeth, his anger rising again. "You're still playing the I don't know him card? Really, Tana? If you're not telling me then fine, there's nothing I can do to make you want to talk anyway. But remember, if I happen to keep a secret from you, remember that you started this. You wanted to keep secrets from me." He folded his arms and stared daggers at her.
"What is this, fifth grade? You're keeping secrets so now I'm keeping secrets, you call me a name so I call you a name, rubber and glue and bounciness? Come on, Sam, grow up," Santana blurted before she can rethink her own words. "It's not any of your business. He's not important."
"Grow up? Are you serious? You're the one keeping secrets, Santana. Not me. I have been completely honest with you since day one. How do you think you are making me feel right now?" Sam hissed. Clearly she was not going to tell him and when she told him that it was not his business, he felt like she had just kicked him in the heart. "I thought you that you were different. I thought we were building something here. I must be dreaming because, right now, I feel like I'm the only one who's being completely honest here."
"Oh, like I know everything there is to know about you? How many girls have you slept with, Sam? What are their names? How many times a day do you jerk off? What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you, in detail? There's such a thing as shit that people don't want to talk about and it's other people's jobs to leave them alone about it!" Santana's nails were digging into her own arms, her own voice growing heated.
"You never ask!" Sam growled out. "If you must know, I've only had sex with 2 girls. Erica and Candice. I jerk off when I have the time and if I'm in the mood for it." He spouted the answer back to back and felt tears rushing into his eyes as he thought about the worst day of his life. "The day I got the call that my parents died was the worst day of my life. Anymore questions you want to ask? Because I can answer them all. And you know what, you're right, you don't have to talk to me about anything anymore. We're done, Santana. If you can't be honest with me like I'm being honest with you then I can't be with you."
Santana forgot everything that came before Sam's final two sentences. Her face drained of color, and her eyes grew huge as she stared at him, barely unable to believe what she was hearing. For a few moments she just looked at him, still hoping he was going to change his mind, or that this was just a threat. He couldn't break up with her. Not like this, not after Kyle. Kyle couldn't do this to her. Her lips started to shake, and she felt tears come to her eyes. One overflowed before she could stop it, and she turned away hurriedly, not wanting Sam to see. Without another word, she fled down the hallway, going into his bathroom and slamming the door behind her before she started to cry.
Sam regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He couldn't bare the look on Santana's face. She looked like she was going to cry. But on the flip side, she was hurting him too. She couldn't be honest with him and he couldn't deal with that. It wasn't fair that she was treating him like this, so he let his anger fester and didn't follow after her when she ran off. He had to cool down and think things through. This was too much and too hard for him to deal with right now.
Santana's shoulders shook as she buried her face in one of Sam's towels, trying to stifle any noise she might make from her tears. But the more she tried to choke them back the more difficult it was to keep from emerging. This was so unfair…first for Kyle to come and dredge up memories better left forgotten, forcing her to feel the humiliation and pain she had when he rejected her and Antonia, years ago. Making her feel like a cheap slut, like a nothing. Having the nerve to talk to her daughter, to now passively aggressively acknowledge her as his, years after he had called her a liar and a whore.
She didn't want to talk about it with Sam, how it had been, how much it hurt, and how terrified she was that he would tell Toni and hurt her too. And now Sam was angry and hurt, enough so that she had lost him. How could she lose him, when she had already started to feel so much for him?
There were so many emotions going through him right now. He was sad and angry and frustrated. He hated feeling like this and worse of all, he was making Santana sad and that was something he didn't want to do. Although his ego was bruised, he got up and went to check on her anyway. He didn't know where she went, but didn't have to look for long. All he had to do was follow the sounds of her sobs. She was in his attached bathroom. He hesitated for a moment, before knocking on the door and trying the knob. It gave, and he entered the room, seeing immediately that Santana was crying. "Hey…" He sighed, not really knowing what else to say to her.
Santana's shoulders jerked again in surprise at Sam's voice, and she buried her face more deeply in the towel, feeling her skin heat. She tried to stop crying, but it flat out wasn't going to happen. Her voice choked, she said into the towel, still not looking up, "I'll leave in a minute. I can't go until I can get Antonia, okay…"
Sam sighed again, his anger completely depleted now. All he felt was sadness. He didn't want her to be out of his life. He wanted her and was starting to really fall for her. It was fast and unexpected, but this feeling he felt was much too strong for him to just walk away. He couldn't really hear what she was saying; it all sounded like jibberish to him, so he lifted her face, cupping her cheeks in his palms. "I don't want you to go. I just want you to open up to me. Can you do that?" He asked, then ever so softly, he kissed her lips before pulling back to wipe her tears away.
Santana expected Sam to back out of the bathroom and leave her to finish trying to calm down so she could leave that much faster. She wouldn't have been surprised if he said something sarcastic and mean as he left. But instead, he was kneeling in front of her, lifting up her face and touching her so gently her breath caught. He was kissing her, even wiping her cheeks, and this was after she had been so snappy to him, after she had said things to hurt him.
Stunned by his changed demeanor, her heart wrenched, and Santana's tears came faster, in response now to his gentleness. She impulsively put her arms around Sam's neck and hugged him hard, pressing her face into his shoulder.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry…I just…it's hard. It's fucking hard and I never…"
Sam was shocked by Santana's tears. He didn't want that to see her cry. He wanted her to smile or maybe even slap him for being an idiot. Then, she was in his arms and although she was crying, he felt like everything was right again. "Hey, no crying. I hate it when you cry." He told her as he held her closely, kissing her head and breathing in her scent. "Baby, please stop crying. I'm sorry for being an idiot. I shouldn't have said those things."
Santana tried to stop, sniffling several times and squeezing Sam harder as she took a few breaths. She didn't fail to notice him calling her baby, the first time that he ever has, and it made her want to smile a little bit.
"I didn't mean to be a bitch. Well…I did, but…I'm sorry."
"Hey, don't call yourself a bitch. You are not a bitch." Sam corrected her and kissed her head again. "I'm sorry I was so forceful. I just felt out of loop and I didn't like the way that guy was talking to you."
Santana laughed a little at Sam's correction, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back against his chest. Only Sam could sincerely tell her that she wasn't a bitch and believe it. She was quiet for a few more moments, weighing out her words, before she said softly, "Sam…it's just that I'm not used to talking about anything."
The laughter Sam heard was enough to make him smile. Santana didn't say anything for a few minutes, but that was okay. As long as she wasn't crying, he would take the silence for as long as she needed it. When she spoke, he could hear her discomfort. "I know, but you should know that I'm here and I would never judge you, Tana. Your past is your past, it's the woman right now that I care about and I want to be with."
Santana nodded slightly, releasing another breath. She tightened her grip on Sam even more and debated before saying aloud, "I don't ever want him around Toni again. Ever. It makes me sick, the way he looked at her, the things he said to her, like he has a right." She doesn't explain why, not just yet.
Sam listened to Santana's concerns and said, "He won't be around Toni, if you don't want him to be. If he's making you uncomfortable, just tell me, I'll handle him." He still didn't know the history between the two, but he didn't push this time, figuring that she was going to open up whenever she was ready to.
"I don't want him around you or Stevie either," Santana told him, loosening her grip on him slightly. "He…Sam, the things he might say about me…I don't want you to hear. Please, don't listen to him, if you ever see him again…or forget what he says."
"He won't be. Especially not Stevie." Sam promised. He could feel Santana relaxing a little, but she still wouldn't fully disclose who this guy was and what their history was together. "I won't. I promise you that I won't."
Santana was quiet for another few minutes, letting herself further relax against him. She debated whether or not to talk to Sam, and finally, she hid her mouth against his chest, as though by muffling the words it will soften the impact. "He's Toni's father."
Sam could have sworn he heard Santana announce that the guy was Toni's dad, but he couldn't be too sure. Her voice sounded muffled, so he gently lifted her chin and asked again. "Did you just say, he's Toni's father?"
Taking a breath, uncomfortable now that she has to look up into Sam's face, Santana nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah…he is."
Sam nodded, for a minute, he didn't say anything. Then once he was able to form the words, he said, "I figured that he might be." He pulled her back to him and kissed her forehead, "I'm sorry… I wish things were different and that he wasn't Toni's father."
"I never cared about him," Santana said in a rush, wanting this to be clear. She didn't want Sam to think that she still liked Kyle or was hurt because he had dumped her or anything like that. "I didn't. I just had sex with him because…that was what I did, then. I don't care that he broke up with me, I just care that he…" she swallowed, having difficulty saying this aloud. She's never said the words aloud to anyone before, even her own mother. "He called me a liar and a whore and said that my baby wasn't his. He said even if she was he didn't give a shit because I couldn't prove it. He rejected her before she was even born, he never cared about her or wanted to love her or know her, and now he thinks he can walk up to her and look at her and talk to her like he is her father, he would make her feel like she wasn't wanted and she wasn't special and like he chose not to have her, it's bad enough she doesn't have a father but to know her father just didn't want her…"
Sam didn't really understand why Santana felt the need to tell him that she didn't care about the guy. To him, it was blatantly obvious. If she still had any lingering feelings for him, she sure didn't show it back at the restaurant. "I don't think that you liked him at all. I mean, I've only met him once and I feel like punching him in the throat." He shook the thought away and listened in, trying his best not to get too angry at Kyle's past behavior. "That man's a monster and I understand now why you didn't want to acknowledge him or want Toni to be around him. I'm sorry about tonight. I feel like I ruined it for the both of us." He sighed, feeling terrible for acting the way he did earlier.
"You didn't ruin anything," Santana shook her head, turning her face so her cheek is against his chest. She sighed, shaking her head again. "You didn't. I just…I hate to talk about him. I hate to even think about him. I'm just…Sam, he's seen Toni. He's seen how beautiful and amazing she is and…what if he decides he wants her? What if he wants to take her away from me?"
Her voice cracked a little bit, and she pressed closer to him. "What if he gets mad and makes up lies about me like I'm a bad mom?"
Sam's heart broke for Santana. She was so scared that this man might take Toni away and couldn't say that he blamed her. Some people are mean spirited and would do anything to hurt people. He wouldn't put it past Kyle not to do the same. "Hey, I don't want you to worry about that, okay? He hasn't been present in Toni's life so far, I doubt that he's going to magically want to change now. And if he tries to hurt you that way, I swear that I will do everything in my power to help you. Okay?"
Santana tried to believe this, taking another breath. With Sam's arms around her she could almost trust that to be true. "Okay…okay. It just…I don't have a lot of people in my life. I couldn't lose her."
"You would never lose her. You have been a great parent. You took care of her and you're doing a great job, so even if he tried anything, it would still be hard for him to prove that you're a bad parent." Sam said, trying again to calm Santana down.
"I guess so," Santana mumbled. She sighed again, winding an arm around Sam's waist. "I'm sorry. I really hate talking about this…can we stop?"
Sam nodded at her words. He hated seeing her sad anyway, so a chance of subject was for the best. "Yeah, we can stop. I'm sort of hungry. Did you want to go to the kitchen with me? I can make us both something to eat."
Santana shook her head. Although she had just picked at her food at the restaurant, she isn't at all hungry. Following him into the kitchen regardless, she sat at the table, watching him.