Hey, guys :D here comes the first flashback-chapter. :) For all of you who wanted to read more about the Malec-time in college.
I really hope that you will like/enjoy/not hate this chapter. *cough* Okay, and I tried something new with separating paragraphs, so that whenever there's is a change in scenes a gray line will appear. If there is only a change in POV I will have something else less prominent dividing the paragraphs. I hope this will be less confusing because I know I tend to change POVs rather often sometimes.
Guest: Thank you very much :) here you go with a new chapter.
Once again special thanks to my amazing beta for this story alexa-hallywell! :D You're awesome! ^^
Disclaimer: I noticed lately that my name doesn't even rhyme with 'Cassandra Clare'.
Chapter 7
When Alec and Camille met for the first time - really met each other - sparks flew and not the good kind of sparks.
Alec had known since his first night with Magnus that the moment would come when he had to face Camille. He'd fantasized about how that encounter might play out, but somehow it always ended up either with Magnus spontaneously breaking up with the walking hour glass or said hour glass to be stumbling in front of a bus ... or a train. Along came other more brutal ideas of how Camille could stumble into her tragic death and Alec liked to think about those fantasies as the hour of birth of his first book - about a serial killer who targets pretty blonde girls. Although it was only after that first fateful meeting - or rather crashing - that he started to actually write that book.
It was a meeting that involved coffee and for the first time ever Alec truly loathed that beverage,
Alec had had two hours of free time between the only two classes he had that day. The first one had been boring as hell, no matter how much the surprisingly young professor tried to make the topic entertaining. It didn't help that he kept calling on Alec who had about the same knowledge as the rest of the students, but only half the motivation to actually voice his thoughts. It was odd enough that the professor seemed so focused on Alec while on the opposite side of the room there was a group of girls who were practically ready to kill for a chance to contribute something to the discussion. But Alec didn't dwell on it, he simply sent the professor a blank stare which he had perfected during high school and left the room as soon as class was over because he was afraid of getting ambushed after class by those girls for 'staying purposely longer' or 'letting his gaze linger on all the wrong places'. Alec always rolled his eyes at their accusing stares. (It was probably their luck that he had a strict policy about not hitting girls.) Yes, he was gay and yes, the professor wasn't bad to look at, but no, he wasn't attracted to every male crossing his way and more importantly ... he had Magnus.
That professor didn't hold a candle.
Not to mention that a student-teacher-relationship was still kind of illegal. Though Alec never voiced that thought.
For the following two hours Alec had to pass, he had managed to snatch a table at the second cafeteria on campus, though it was more like an enormous cafe with mediocre coffee, but awesome sandwiches. Alec was about to turn his attention to one of said sandwiches when he noticed someone walking towards the table he was currently sitting at. That someone came to a halt right in front of the table with obviously no intention of taking place in one of the three chairs that were still empty. When Alec looked up to see who it was, he cringed on the inside.
It was Camille in all her blonde glory.
She drew attention to herself like a flame drew in a moth and with standing at Alec's table she drew attention to him, too. Alec didn't like that. He didn't like her and he didn't like that fact that meeting her in such a place kind of limited his chances of her getting hit by a bus ... or a train. Magnus wasn't around, so the possibilities of him spontaneously breaking up with her were rather slim as well.
Though, Alec thought, with the way she's looking at me right now, there's still a chance that the break-up has already happened. He wouldn't put his money on it though.
"You know who I am, right?"
Alec felt inclined to say, 'Yes, you are the blonde chick that annoys the hell out of me because she's dating the guy I want to date', but bit his tongue.
"Depends on what you want to talk about."
Camille visibly clenched her jaw and Alec tried to ignore the way tension started to build up around them. It wasn't the good kind of tension like whenever he was in the same room as Magnus, preferably alone with him and a door that could be locked. When he was alone with Magnus behind closed doors it always felt like shutting the rest of the world out, silencing all those people that tried to tell him what was wrong with him. But while those voices subsided, the ones inside of Alec's head became more prominent; telling him that he was an idiot for doing what he did, for hoping what he hoped for and a wimp for not having the strength to pull away from those intoxicating lips.
He loved the tension that filled the distance between Magnus and him whenever they locked eyes because it always woke every nerve in his body, pleasantly prickling beneath his skin. Camille, though, almost drowned him with a tension that was like ice needles piercing his skin. Her glare made Alec feel trapped and he hated it. He hated her. He wanted to hit her, to drag her away from Magnus, yell at her, scream at her to get the fuck out of his life. Sometimes he even itched to really kill her, to solve this mess that had become his love life. It would be over so fast, it would be so easy. It awoke a whole new kind of tension within him and sometimes it scared the hell out of him, the rest of the time he just didn't care.
"You know that I'm Magnus' girlfriend, right?"
'I'm trying to drown that knowledge with alcohol every second Wednesday.'
"Yes."
Camille placed the cup of coffee she had brought with her on Alec's table and Alec eyed the cup suspiciously before his gaze flickered back up to meet those two emerald orbs that tried to stare a hole into his own eyes. With her hands placed flat on the table Camille leaned forward a bit, shortening the distance between herself and Alec in a completely uncomfortable way. It took Alec every ounce of self-control not to move backwards because there was something about Camille that scared him. He despised her, but he knew that - different from these annoying girls in his other class - she'd have his head if he didn't pay attention.
"Well, good", she spat, "because I know that you're the one my boyfriend fucks in his spare time."
Irritation crawled across Alec's skin. What the hell?
Without a conscious thought, his hands clenched into fists beneath the table.
"And you screw another guy every second day. Your point?", he hissed.
It was jealousy that made his lips form those words. He knew it. He knew also better than to make an enemy of Camille Belcourt, but she was so infuriatingly annoying. Why was it suddenly her business with whom Magnus slept? She hadn't cared about it before and it wasn't like she was the most faithful girlfriend herself.
There was something Alec had learned about danger a long time ago, which was: Something wouldn't become less dangerous if you drowned yourself in fear. A landslide wouldn't slow down and Camille would not become less vicious.
Alec couldn't change the fact that he was Magnus' lover (not that he really wanted to). All Camille could do at the moment was to ask him to stop seeing Magnus which she hadn't done yet and even then it wouldn't mean that Alec would do her that favor. Maybe one could say that he was challenging her silently with his gaze unwavering under the pressure of her glare.
"I saw you hang out at the library the other day", Camille stated eventually completely ignoring Alec's earlier question.
He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the amused smirk off his face when he thought back to that day. Good thing she didn't see what had followed the 'hanging out', he thought. Although the idea had a certain appeal. Alec bit down harder because now a predatory grin threatened to form on his lips.
"We were studying for a project for a course about literature in medieval Germany."
'Keep your voice low', Alec instructed himself, 'don't let it crack, don't laugh, don't chuckle, just ... don't'. Camille sorted and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Studying?" she sneered. "While sleeping and a blanket? That's an interesting way of 'studying'."
Oh, she had seen that part of their 'hanging out'. Good thing Magnus had found that blanket.
Now the reason for Camille's foul mood became more and more obvious and it surprised Alec so much that for a moment he even forgot about the route Magnus' fingers had taken beneath that blanket.
"Are you jealous?" he asked incredulously before he could stop his lips from moving. Maybe he could have foreseen what happened next, but even if he had, he probably wouldn't have had the time to react.
With one swift movement Camille uncrossed her arms, grabbed the cup of coffee and emptied it all at once over Alec's head. It happened so fast that Alec could only stare at her with eyes big and round with pure surprise. A few seconds passed till he realized that the coffee had actually still been quite hot. Burning pain shot across his skin within a heartbeat and set his nerves aflame. The black tank top he was wearing was clinging to his quickly reddening skin.
"What the-", he exclaimed and jumped up from his chair, but he was roughly cut off when Camille grabbed the fabric of his top and practically dragged him halfway across the table. Her eyes were daggers of green ice.
"Listen, Goth-kid", she hissed viciously. "He comes with me to France after graduation, got that? So don't get cocky, okay?"
Alec gritted his teeth. She didn't have to remind him of that certain detail of his love life which he tried very much not to think about. Anger boiled up inside of him and the coffee on his skin was nothing in comparison.
"Careful, Camille", he spit out through gritted teeth. "Jealousy gets you wrinkles; wouldn't want you to become even uglier than you already are."
Camille snorted and pushed Alec back forcefully as she released the stained fabric of his tank top. He stumbled back and when his legs hit the chair he'd been sitting in before he fell right back into it. His eyes though stayed locked with Camille's the whole time. She took a deep breath and then sent him a smile that was nothing else but broken glass.
"I don't think I'm the one who has to be afraid of being ..." Her eyes looked Alec up and down as he sat in front of her like a royal lady would look up a servant girl with a stained skirt. "Ugly." The word rolled off her tongue like a snake's poison. Then she turned around and walked away with swaying hips.
Alec sat slumped in his chair glaring after her. 'Fucking bitch', he thought and blew a strand of black hair out of his forehead - or he tried at least. When not a single hair moved he was reminded of the coffee sticking to his skin, drying in his hair. He growled.
Alec was glad that this meeting had happened on a warm summer day. Otherwise he'd be freezing his ass off after cleaning his coffee-drenched shirt in one of the men's bathrooms. He also would have had more layers of clothing to clean. Fortunately only a bit of the coffee had hit his pants because no matter how warm it was, Alec wasn't really up for stripping to his boxers in a public bathroom.
As it was, he had only to take off his tank top and let it soak with cold water and wring it out afterwards. He would have preferred warm water due to the fact that if there was one unwritten rule all institutions of knowledge followed, it was to never ever have warm water at the students' bathrooms because ... reasons. Absent-mindedly Alec watched the brown liquid emerging from the black fabric and disappearing down the sink.
'He comes with me to France after graduation.'
Alec's fist clenched hard around the still soaking fabric. He had always told himself the he would never hit a girl, but he was damn close to making an exception ... or finding a way to reason that Camille didn't count as a girl, a demon with the skin of a girl maybe. But he had never been good at working on fantasy-stories, so he didn't really see any hope in that theory.
"Just burn", he muttered under his breath as he started wringing his top out again with maybe a bit too much force than necessary. Was it okay to hit witches?
Probably not.
'I don't think I'm the one who has to be afraid of being ugly.'
Suddenly all the angry tension left Alec's body and with a deep sigh he put his hands on the rim of the sink, leaving his shirt dangling from the edge. Little drops of water started building rivulet on the tiled floor. After a few seconds Alec raised his gaze and was faced with his own image in the mirror of the bathroom. Except for him the room was empty. Maybe one or two of the toilets were occupied at the moment. Despite the warm weather outside Alec felt a shiver running down his spine and there was a dull pain in his chest.
He wanted a hot shower right now. He wanted to go home; not to his dorm room, not to his parent's house. He wanted to have an apartment which he could call his home and to which only he had a key. He wanted to never meet Camille again. He wanted Magnus to live with him, coming home to him not her. He wanted to crawl into Magnus' arms and tell him about that crazy blonde chick who still thought that she was Magnus' girlfriend. He wanted to hear the older male's soothing voice, feeling his fingers brushing through his hair.
Alec felt a familiar burning behind his eyes and quickly shook his head to get rid of those stupid fantasies.
"God, I'm such an idiot."
Out of the corner of his eye he noticed someone standing on the sink next to him, but instead of leaving after the water had been turned off he stayed. Eventually Alec raised his head to look at the other student whose eyes were busy shyly roaming over Alec's bare torso. Alec raised one eyebrow.
"Something I can help you with?" he asked dryly.
The eyes of the other guy, some mix of green and brown, maybe grey, shot back up to his face. He seemed startled like he was just woken from a trance and Alec wasn't sure if he should feel flattered or sexually harassed. He decided that he didn't care much, just like he hadn't cared about the compliments flung his way in high school. He had his reasons to wear the clothes he wore.
The other guy shook his head and coughed awkwardly before almost breaking into a sprint as he left the bathroom. Alec snorted as he looked after him. Then he turned back at the sink and wrung his top one last time while he decidedly avoided looking at his own reflection in the mirror again.
He knew he wasn't ugly, but he also knew that his good looks where "average" good looks. Tall build, lean muscles, high cheekbones. He was the stereotype of an attractive male, but that was it.
He felt empty.
Like a frozen lake.
There were no fishes beneath the surface of clear ice, nothing but cold water, mud and darkness. Somehow he'd always known that nobody would make the effort trying to break the ice. Magnus was no exception in that matter. But the thing Alec came to realize since he'd met Magnus - really met him that night behind the history building – was that the ice had started melting.
Another thing he knew was that when Magnus would leave for France the ice wouldn't be strong enough anymore to carry Alec's weight.
Magnus started to get worried when Alec was about ten minutes late to their next class. He checked his phone for maybe a short message that Alec was sick, that he had other things to take care of first, maybe talking to a professor - Magnus felt his gut clench at the thought of that one of the younger professors who simply kept eying Alec a bit 'intently' in the hallway and he really didn't like the fact that they weren't sharing that particular class - maybe handing in an exposition or something else. Something, Magnus was just hoping for something to soothe his concern, to stop that nervous prickling in the pit of his stomach.
The professor had already started the lesson like nothing was wrong, like there was nothing to be worried about and of course for the professor that was the case. That moment Magnus realized that Alec had already become a major part of his daily life, a part big enough to leave a noticeable absence whenever it was missing. It felt somehow wrong, but still Magnus' heartbeat sped up when the door to the classroom opened fifteen minutes after the lesson had started and a slim dark figure entered, unnoticed by everyone except for Magnus who couldn't take his eyes of Alec.
He took a seat at the very back of the room, just a chair because there were no places on the tables left for him. His shoulders were hunched. His gaze fixed on the floor. His hair was covering his face. Magnus knew that behavior and it irritated him to no end even though that shouldn't really be the case.
It was Alec's way of shutting out the rest of the world and - weather he liked it or not - Magnus was a part of said world. He didn't like it when Alec shut him out. It happened after fights he had in dark corners or behind college buildings. It happened whenever he'd been drinking too much. Magnus was no honor student on that matter as he himself liked to drink alcohol on more than one occasion, but whenever he saw Alec drinking he could spot pure desperation just beneath the surface, his eyes almost brimming with uncured tears. Magnus had always wondered why. But then other pictures flashed before his inner eye; pictures of Alec pulling the sleeves of a hoodie over his hands to hide his bruised knuckles; pictures of him wincing when someone in the hallway accidentally bumped into him, brushing a large bruise hidden beneath the fabric.
Magnus knew that he shouldn't care that much. He knew that his heart shouldn't clench like it did when Alec started taking his notebook out, a pen and maybe an eraser - it wasn't quite visible from the place Magnus was sitting. He knew that he shouldn't second guess his decision to go to France after graduation every time he looked at Alec. He looked at him and-
His hair looked strange. Something was in there. The soft disarray that usually ruled those black strands was missing. Magnus narrowed his eyes at the dark figure in the back of the room. There were no bruises as far as he could see, though there was a certain flush to his pale skin. It wasn't the usual scarlet blush Magnus loved so much. This time the color seemed ... forced, like it was caused by something from the outside, not the flow of blood on the inside.
Instead of paying attention to the class, Magnus kept watching Alec out of the corner of his eye while the urge to stand up and take Alec outside to talk to him, to ask him what had happened, why he'd been late, grew stronger and stronger.
The younger male kept his head bowed down while he scribbled notes on his notebook or maybe he doodled. Magnus couldn't see it clearly, just the ongoing movement of the ballpoint pen as it took on a journey across the page. After a while he was sure that Alec was writing. Magnus had never gotten a glimpse of one of Alec's texts or stories or short-stories, but as he kept spending time with that 'odd emo kid' he felt a weird desire to read those lines Alec scribbled on backsides of worksheets, notebooks, napkins. Sometimes there were only single words, not even full sentences and most of the time Alec just crossed them out again or threw the napkin away after lunch.
Why had he been late? The question started eating Magnus up from the inside and he was pretty sure that he was annoying the hell out of the girl sitting next to him with the nervous drumming of his fingers against the table board, but he didn't care. He was ready to pounce as soon as class ended to get to Alec before he could just disappear into the crowded hallway, slipping into shadows between numerous faces.
The professor ended the lesson about five minutes early. Magnus had his stuff already packed and kept glancing nervously towards the back of the room, but he noticed that Alec was still writing as if he didn't even notice what was going on around him, that there were other people in the room.
Again there was that certain uneasiness stabbing Magnus' guts.
Don't shut me out, the little voice in his head shouted, but with his lips still sealed Alec didn't hear him.
Students started pouring out of the room gladly because class had ended early and there weren't students there for the next class in the same room yet. Alec finally noticed what was going on and put away his pen. He closed his notebook, put it away, took out his water bottle, took a sip - he was stalling. Like Magnus, but less obvious. Magnus was simply leaning on one of the tables his eyes never leaving Alec while his ears were eager to hear the professor leave.
"Have a good day", the professor said before walking out of the room. Magnus nodded a goodbye. Alec didn't react at all. He stared at the water bottle in his hand like there was the key to every secret hidden somewhere in the blue and red label. Magnus placed his bag on the table he'd been leaning against and walked over to the door through which the professor had left.
A soft 'click' sounded through the now empty and kind of too big room, but still ... Alec and Magnus managed to fill up the emptiness with all the things that stayed untold between them.
o.O.o
Alec felt like he was about to throw up the water he had just swallowed. He kept his eyes fixed on the bottle or his fingers holding the bottle. He could feel Magnus' gaze burning on his skin like the coffee had about two hours ago. The burning this time wasn't really much more comfortable. The sound of Magnus' footsteps sounded soft through the empty room when he came back from the door he'd just closed, then, he passed the table his bag was resting on till he stopped right in front of Alec's hunched form.
Alec wanted this conversation to happen and at the same time he dreaded it. He was hopeful and afraid. He felt excited and terrified.
With what she had done today, Camille had crossed a line, Alec knew that, but there were still two different ways for Magnus to react and Alec didn't know what would happen. The only thing he knew was that the first possibility was unlikely and the second one would crush him. Magnus could take his side, being angry at Camille for doing what she had done, or he could take her side - kind of - and tell Alec that he shouldn't put so much thought into it because 'that's just how Camille is'. In the worst case scenario he wouldn't believe Alec that he hadn't done anything to gain the anger of his ... girlfriend. God that word stung - even as a simple thought.
Was there a chance that Magnus would believe the possibility of Camille getting jealous, of her acting out like that because of jealousy?
He was scared and the bottle in his hand suddenly felt too cold. Alec put it away and with nothing left to occupy his hands, he interlaced his fingers. Finally he looked up at Magnus who stood about a foot away from him. Blue met green with the same intensity as it had happened that evening behind the history building. Though this time there was no rain and Alec was sitting. He had to raise his head higher to make the meeting of their gazes happen. Alec felt the urge to get up, to get closer to Magnus' eye height, the closest he would ever reach. Those last few inches that he was missing from the other student's height would always be missing.
Something between them would always be missing.
The eye contact didn't break when Alec got up from his chair one hand clasped around the strap of his shoulder bag. He needed something to hold onto. Otherwise the risk of collapsing into Magnus' arms was too high.
"Why were you late today?"
Magnus' voice was soft, like his footsteps, like his fingertips whenever they brushed against Alec's skin. There had never been brute force between them. Hickeys had been left on pale and tanned skin in the past, maybe sometimes crescent-shaped marks of fingernails on hips, but there had never been blood drawn when they touched each other. There had been no screaming between them, no shouting, no yelling. Sometimes Alec wondered if his chest would hurt less now if it had been different, if the voice in his head would be less furious.
"I lost track of time."
He was an idiot, he knew it. He knew why he was doing it, not answering truthfully right away. Green lost blue. Alec pressed his lips into a strict, thin line looking at the floor, at the space that separated them.
Say it, come on, spit out!, the little voice in his head screamed at him, but he didn't and once again untold things were added up to those which already threatened to drown them, smothering them with their silence. At the same time there was anger.
'What do you want me to do?' Alec spit out silently, arguing with himself. 'Do you want me to throw myself at him, sobbing about how mean his stupid ... girlfriend is?' He was disgusted with himself. Who was he trying to fool anyway? Nothing would happen, nothing would change. He'd known it from the very damned beginning of this stupid affair.
A low chuckle cut through the haze of his silent rambling, his soundless anger, his growing frustration. The cautious pressure of fingertips against Alec's chin ended his staring contest with the floor beneath his feet.
Green and Blue were reunited once again. Suddenly there was no anger left for Alec to feed of.
"We both know that's not true and at least I know that you suck at lying." Magnus smiled at Alec. It was warm. No smirk. No sly grin. Just a smile that made Alec want to cry and there was honest concern that could be read in the depths of green-golden eyes without problems. It made Alec want to melt. It made him want to forget about Camille because this was not the time to talk about her, not the time he wanted to talk about her and Alec doubted that this time would ever really come. He wanted Camille to be gone and even with just talking about her she would remain between them, never truly leaving them alone.
"I'm fine", Alec whispered. He even managed a smile, little, weak, maybe barely there, but honest. "I'm fine, Magnus."
Of course Magnus could see right through him. It had always been so easy for him, finding Alec within the shadows all his wavering, sucky lies created. But Magus could see the honesty of the smile, too. Alec could see the internal battle of the slightly taller male clearly on his face. Eventually he sighed and the smile vanished from his face. Alec felt his insides grow cold.
"Alexander-"
"Magnus, believe me, I'm-"
He was cut off by a kiss, soft as the sound of footsteps, soft as the concerned voice, soft as the touch of fingertips which still lingered right beneath his chin keeping blue eyes from escaping the gaur of green ones again. Magnus, dressed in such bright colors, had such an out-going personality; he didn't stay silent when he wanted to say something. How was it possible for such a 'loud' person to be so very 'soft'? Alec wondered while Magnus' soft lips moved against his - not tongue, no passion, just calm caressing.
They both knew that too much force could break the silence - thin as glass - around them.
"Don't shut me out like that, Alexander." A simple plea whispered against Alec's lips.
'Break up with Camille, stay with me, stay by my side ... and I will lay my soul bare before you.' Silent words were piling up around them, adding weight to Alec's shoulders.
"I'm not-"
Another kiss, more forceful, but not with passion.
Desperation was creeping into their movements. It took Alec a moment to realize that he was clinging to Magnus like Magnus was clinging to him, securing face with one hand behind his neck, the other one on his hip. Their bodies were flush against each other and they were still miles apart.
The tip of Magnus' tongue brushed Alec's bottom lip, teased the seam of his mouth. The thin glass, the walls of silence around them started cracking and when Alec parted his lips they broke, they shattered. Thousands of little shards were raining down on them, cutting skin, but they didn't care. They crawled into each other, they bore the pain of thousand little paper cuts together. There was barely pain at all because together they were strong enough to take on the world, but there was no real 'together' which made the strength a fleeting sensation that both of them craved and feared.
"Please talk to me", Magnus muttered, breaking their almost crushing embrace into a thousand little kisses, pecks till they were ready to let go of each other again without stumbling, without breaking down, breaking apart, without going crazy because of the cold that always came with loneliness.
Alec's eyes were burning, but it couldn't be seen. It was only him who felt it.
"I'm-"
"Did those idiots from your class on Thursday corner you again?"
Once again green lost blue, but this time Magnus let his gaze go. His fingertips were no longer caressing the skin of his chin. They played absent-mindedly with the shorter strands at the back of Alec's neck. It was only a matter of time till Magnus would finger out what might have happened, depending on how many scenarios he could think of how coffee can get into one's hair.
"No, they didn't bother me for like two weeks."
The words sounded empty to Alec's ears as soon as they left his lips. They weren't the words he really wanted to say, only a faint shadow of the paths his thoughts wandered at the moment.
"Did somebody else bother you?" There was a slight trace of anger hidden between Magnus' words, tying his questions together. Alec couldn't name that anger, but he liked it.
"No." 'Camille emptied a cup of coffee because I made fun of her jealousy.'
"Are you sure?" A low warning. Like a sharp knife grazing the skin.
"Yes." 'Find me', Alec's mind screamed, 'Figure it out on your own.'
Magnus narrowed his eyes at Alec. The way his fingertips brushed against the skin of his neck was really distracting. Did he notice that Alec's hair was still damp, that his tank top was still slightly wet, that he smelled of coffee more than normal?
"Did that professor do anything?" Now there was clear anger, hurt anger which was familiar to the way Camille had looked at him earlier.
"Professor?" Alec blinked a few times. "What professor?" He noted absently that Magnus' grip on his hip slightly tightened.
"The young one, the one who ogles you whenever you pass him in the hallways and I don't even want to think about how he acts during class - did he ... try something? Made a move?"
What the-? Alec still tried to comprehend what was happening right now. Hallway? Professor? Young? He furrowed his eyebrows trying to get away from Magnus, only a little bit, just far enough so he could read his face properly. The other student let him go eventually, but his hand stayed on Alec's shoulder.
"What are you talking about?"
"This young professor, I don't know what his name was again, but if I recall correctly, you've had his class today?"
Alec's eyes flashed with recognition. Oh, that professor. "Yes, I did, but - he doesn't ogle me, he's just a bit ... I don't know too animated", Alec muttered, thinking of the way the guy kept calling on him trying to anew Alec participate in the discussions about modern literature. Though of course Magnus was lacking that certain experience, just like the image of three girls staring him down from across the room. So the older male only raised an eyebrow.
"Animated?" There was a storm hidden somewhere in his words, vibrating between the word and the question mark, between sound and silence.
"Yeah." Alec had to try hard not to giggle at that look of utter disbelieve. "Come on, he didn't even touch my hand when he handed out the copies of an essay today." He didn't think it was necessary to mention that he thought it absolutely impossible that a professor would openly ogle a student in the hallway. Seriously. Yes, he found it odd that the guy seemed so focused on him when there were at least two more male students in his class who were even worse at concealing their lack of interest in the topic.
"He better not", Magnus huffed. Alec only rolled his eyes at that.
These were the moments he yearned for, he hoped for whenever he was alone with Magnus. These moments when there was no place for anything else than that little world they had created for themselves. The shards of thin glass which had cut their skin earlier melted to warm water, caressing the cuts that sting like paper cuts.
But then a wound was still hurting. It was an old one which started hurting, bleeding again and again. Alec was sure that it would never really heal.
They weren't an official couple. Magnus was cheating on his girlfriend with him. He had no right to be jealous even if Alec appreciated it because it made his heart flutter. But there was always a bitter aftertaste left behind.
'He is not my boyfriend. I'm just his distraction from blonde hair and green eyes.'
He'll come with me to France after graduation.
'I'm going to be the one who gets left behind.'
"It's none of your business", Alec whispered. The words were heavy and cold on his tongue. This time it was Magnus' turn to blink at him with confusion. Alec met his gaze squarely. "We are not in a relationship, we are only screwing around." Why did those words sting so much? Why were there tears piling up behind his eyes, drowning his heart? It was the truth. But did it feel like he had to twist is tongue to get those words out?
"It's none of your business who looks at me, who touches me, who talks to me in any way..." Who empties a cup of coffee over my head. "I'm the one to deal with that."
The confusion that had tinged beautiful green depths slowly vanished. Irritation followed, turning into angry determination. Alec expected yelled words thrown his way. He expected Magnus to push him away, telling him to cut it out, telling him that he was talking bullshit. He expected their conversation to escalate into an argument. They would end up shouting things at each other they meant, but had never planned to say out loud.
It didn't happen.
Magnus grabbed Alec's wrist and pulled him close, close enough for Alec to bury his face in the crook of Magnus' neck. His smell hitting him like a warm pillow thrown at his face. Sandalwood. Warm skin. Fingers securely wrapped around his wrist. The other hand managed to get under the fabric of the black tank top pressing against the small of his back. Alec knew how the stark contrast of tanned against pale skin looked like. Hot breath caressed one ear. Words were whispered that would never pass the border of their very own little world.
"If I could I would lock you away somewhere, only for me to look at, only for me to touch, only for me to ... only mine."
Alec's knees turned weak. His heart was beating senselessly in his chest, hitting his ribs painfully, cracking a bit more with every beat.
"W-what?" he gasped. Magnus' hand trailed slowly higher on his back, still beneath the fabric. His lips graced Alec's earlobe.
"You've heard me." Three words like a promise bound to get broken because it wasn't really meant to be made to begin with. Kisses were pressed against the side of Alec's neck. Teeth teasingly scarped across the heated skin. Alec's thoughts, his mind turned into a mess of desperation and desire. Not even tears were left now. He couldn't even cry anymore and it wasn't the first time. Magnus had a way with words. He could strip away whatever wall Alec had built around him with just the right ones. He could destroy him, build him anew from the ashes if he wanted to and he had no idea that he was doing it.
Somewhere far away there was the sound of a door being opened - the sound of it getting closed again followed soon after. Nobody had entered, but now everybody outside had his own ideas of what was going on inside.
"It was Camille."
"What?"
Magnus wanted to pull away, but Alec held him close. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath of the sandalwood scent.
"The reason I was late." A sudden warmth spread through Alec's chest when he noticed that Magnus relaxed into the tight embrace they found themselves once again in. The hand that wasn't holding Alec's wrist stilled, but it stayed on his skin. "She found me at the cafeteria, telling me that she'd seen us in the library the other day-"
Magnus stiffened slightly. "That day at the library?", he asked carefully, but not scared.
Alec felt his lips curving into a subtle smile. "Yeah, that day at the library", he whispered, "but she has only seen the blanket-part." A chuckle vibrated across the skin of Alec's neck. "I teased her for being jealous and she emptied her cup of coffee over my head."
Silence.
The cold kind of silence.
o.O.o
Magnus felt anger that was scorching hot burning his insides. He had always liked that subtle smell of coffee which seemed attached to Alec's skin. He had always liked that smell in general. Coffee smelled good. But now ... now it was too strong, kind of clammy and Camille always used too much sugar. Magnus had never been the type of person for violence. He knew that whatever Alec did in dark corners on campus was only self-defense, but he still didn't like it. College students shouldn't have to fight to survive and especially Alec shouldn't have to deal with these idiots that left marks on his skin and traces of angry tears in his eyes. In his opinion, Alec didn't do anything wrong by existing.
Out of a sudden impulse Magnus drew Alec in for a real embrace with his arms securely wrapped around the slightly shorter male's torso and his cheek pressed against damp, black hair. His gaze was fixed on the wall. He hadn't acted on the impulse of comforting Alec because he didn't need to. Alec could stand it on his own. But Magnus feared that if he'd let go right now he would storm out of the room, look for Camille and yell things at her, that shouldn't be said in public or in rage.
It was the first time ever that he thought he might be able to hate her.
"You should get a proper shower."
Magnus felt Alec nod while his face was still nestled in the crook of his neck. "I was planning on getting one after this class." His voice was muffled and his breath pleasantly warm against Magnus' skin.
Once again the door was opened and some other student poked his head inside. "Uhm, sorry, but could you-", he started, but Magnus cut him off with a not so friendly bark.
"GET OUT!"
The other student disappeared with a mixture of fear and annoyance written across his face, but Magnus didn't care. Right now he only cared for the person in his arms that he had startled with the sudden yelling. Without thinking about it, he started moving one hand in calming circles across Alec's back.
"We should probably get out of here", Alec said, his voice still muffled, but stronger than the last time. If Magnus had let him, he would have probably pulled away, but despite what most people thought, Magnus wasn't the weak twig he might look like ... and maybe Alec wasn't trying that very hard to pull away.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Magnus didn't make a move to end their embrace. He actually enjoyed holding onto Alec like that and the way Alec had loosely wrapped his own arms around Magnus' waist. It was a nice moment despite the warmth in the room and outside. A soft breeze moving the curtains that blocked out most of the sunlight. The emptiness around them was simple emptiness, no 'what if's vibrating between the walls of the classroom.
"You might have to let me go for that to work out."
Magnus smiled while he gazed at the three windows of the room all of them wide open. He could see the great lawn with trees through the cracks of the curtains. The campus was actually quite beautiful during the summer ... if it wasn't for the weird sculptures that were scattered across the area.
Magnus didn't want to let go.
"I guess so." Reluctantly he let Alec pull away and pick up his shoulder bag. Magnus himself walked over to the table where he had deposited his own bag. When he turned around and found Alec warily staring at the once again closed door of the room.
"Something wrong?"
Alec sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. Then his eyes flickered over to the windows as well. The room was at the first floor. "How about we take the window?"
Magnus grinned. "Sure." He walked over to the window in the middle and moved the gray curtains aside. Alec followed him. When he reached Magnus' side the curtains were drawn to the right and left, opening a much better view across the lawn. Magnus made wide sweeping notion towards the window and opened his mouth to say-
Alec clapped his right hand securely over the other student's mouth glaring at him.
"Don't you dare to even think about saying 'Ladies first'."
Magnus only chuckled and kissed the palm of Alec's hand. It was the first time he thought of a completely new 'what if'.
The buzzing of his phone woke Magnus from his sleep. He cracked one eye open blinking at the screen of the phone. 19:13. beneath the numbers Camille's name flashed in angry green letters.
With a quiet sigh Magnus grabbed the phone and swiped is thumb across the screen.
"Hey, Cam", he answered the call.
"Hey", Camille answered curtly. She was clearly aggravated. A smirk curved Magnus' lips, but he made sure to not let it sound in his voice when he asked what was wrong. Camille gave an angry growl.
"Guess what I found when I came out after my last class today?" Yep, she was pissed.
"Good weather?" Magnus tried while he moved to lie on his back. He adjusted his pillow so he could also sit up a bit leaning against the headboard of his bed.
"No", Camille almost screamed through the phone while Magnus glanced out of the window of his dorm room. The weather was still very nice in his opinion. "It wasn't nice weather - some idiot has punctured the wheels of my car. All fucking four!"
"Uh, that is one hell of bad luck", Magnus said emphatically. "I am so sorry, Cam. What are you going to do?"
Obviously with this reaction Camille felt pitied enough. She sighed dramatically. "Yeah, this is so unfair. Why do these things always happen to the people who don't deserve it?"
"Life is no picnic."
"You are so damn right about that." Another dramatic sigh. There was the sound of ruffling fabric on the other side of the phone. "A moment, Magnus, I just have to pay the coffee."
"Sure", Magnus muttered absent-mindedly. He felt a pang in his chest at the mentioning of the coffee. Of course Camille would get some after such tragic event, but maybe she was in need of it because she had emptied the one she normally drank for lunch over some poor guy's head. While waiting for his girlfriend to get back on the phone or to pay for her coffee - depending on the point of view - Magnus turned his head to the right letting his gaze wander over pale skin that had been stained with coffee earlier that day. His eyes caressed the face of the still sleeping boy who lay on his back next to Magnus barely covered by the thin sheets. It was still very warm. His black hair still damp from the shower.
"Okay, I'm back", Camille's voice sounded through the phone. Magnus nodded and hummed as a sign that he, too, was still on the phone. "Well, as you might have already assumed, I have to get the car towed to get new wheels and whatever else that freak might have damaged. Therefore-" Dramatic long sigh. "-I will not make it to your room tonight, I am so sorry."
Magnus raised one hand and brushed one thick strand of hair from Alec's forehead. The boy stirred slightly, but he didn't wake up yet. "Oh, that's bad luck, but I understand of course", he replied reassuringly. It wouldn't make much sense to tell her that he would have canceled her this evening anyway.
Camille didn't live in the dorms on campus because her parents paid for an apartment in the city with a nice big balcony. Though why she needed a car when she could perfectly fine use public transportation to get around town was beyond Magnus, but then again he had never really expected to understand her completely. It was more trouble than she and her antics were worth. Also Camille always had the idea that a good relationship had to have some secrets, some mysteries to not become boring. So even if Magnus would find out about some of her motivations, she would just find new weird things to do or ways to .
"Really, oh you are simply the best." There was that girly attitude again, too sweet for a girl like Camille. It didn't fit at all. Magnus ran his fingers lazily through Alec's hair. Should he ask her if she'd talked to Alec? Would that make any sense?
Alec stirred again. This time his eyelids fluttered open though they stayed half-closed and he stared up at Magnus with drowsy blue orbs. The older male smiled and disentangled his finger from ink-black hair. He moved down to Alec's right cheek, relishing in the feeling of soft skin against his knuckles. Alec leaned into the touch and closed his eyes again.
"Sure, sure, I mean it's not your fault, Camille, why should I be mad at you about this." It had to be his best imitation of cheerfulness ever. Magnus' hand stilled with his fingers lingering on Alec's face. He looked up at the ceiling of his room while he focused on ending the call without raising suspicion. Of course Camille knew about Alec. She knew about pretty much every lover Magnus ever had since they were dating and the only reason Magnus didn't know hers was that there were too much and he had already given up remembering the names of his foster families, so why bother. But with the coffee-incident Camille had crossed a line on one hand, but on the other she had made it pretty clear that there was something about Alec which she didn't like. This lead to the fact that Magnus had to be more careful from now on because he knew that Camille would not go against him. She would target Alec and there was no way Magnus would let that happen.
"Okay, but we are totally going for lunch tomorrow."
"Of course." Alec shifted next to him. He turned onto his side moving closer, so he could look at Magnus' face. Magnus turned his head slightly and raised one eyebrow silently questioning what was up, but Alec only looked at him. His face was an unreadable mask, his eyes deep and dark like the ocean at night. There were no stars. Slowly he moved closer, effectively erasing the distance between them. One hand was resting on Magnus' chest and it was really distracting.
"Great, oh, and I have to talk to you about that one paper I have to write this semester and I have absolutely no clue what to write about."
Alec breathed a kiss on Magnus' lips, blue never leaving green. Their eyes stayed locked and Magnus found it very difficult to remind himself of breathing and ... damn, Camille was still on the phone. "Huh? Yeah, sure."
"Magnus? Is everything okay?"
Alec's lips moved along Magnus' jawline, pressing deeper kisses against tanned skin until reaching the point right beneath the ear which wasn't occupied by the phone and nipped at the skin. Magnus took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Sure, everything is great. See you tomorrow."
And with that he ended the call, almost throwing the phone somewhere - he didn't particularly care - before turning his head to face Alec who was looking up at him with big round innocent eyes.
"You my friend", he began, tapping Alec's nose lightly, "you are and evil person."
The smile he got on return was far from sheepish and could never in a thousand years be described as guilty. "One of my charming qualities", Alec whispered, clearly enjoying himself.
Magnus looked at him, drinking this image before his eyes in, feeling the warm proximity of the other's body. Then he claimed Alec's lips and wondered what it would be like if he'd just break up with Camille.
What if?
The End ... of that chapter. Of about the longest chapter I have ever written. . It simply refused to end.
Please leave a review and let me know what you thought. :) And maybe something you want to read in future chapters?
Okay, I'm going to England the next week which means I will reply to reviews (which will hopefully be there), questions and everything else when I get back.
For all of you who are reading my other stories as well - I feel very bad for not updating in such a long time, but I haven't forgotten bait you - 'Wanted' and 'That's why' are up on my to do-list next. :)
Bye Pumpkin