Hey hey :) look, it's a new chapter. ^^ Okay, everyone who also reads Wanted, my other Malec-story (thank you so much btw), already know that I was busy with writing my papers and then I got writer's block for this story because I had no idea what should happen next, then I talked to gsugav and she gave me the idea of making a chapter of Alec dealing with his own writer's block ... and that's what came out.

julia: So sorry that it took so long. So thankful for you're kind words :) and I am so glad that I could convey their emotions. :D

Guest: Thank you so much for you're review and I am glad you enjoyed the flashback-chapter :3 I don't know yet when and how I will bring up the hacking-thing, but we will see. :) (Sleep is totally overrated anyway ;D)

gsugav: Thank you so much for giving me the idea for this chapter and I hope you'll like what I did with it. :)

And of course shout-out to my awesome beta alexa-hallywell who is always super fast and super nice. ^^ And thank you all who are following this story and who have favorited it. :D

Disclaimer: Yeah ... no, not really.

Chapter 8

Alec stared at the blinking cursor at the top of the page on the screen of his laptop. It almost seemed like it was talking to him. An endless stream of 'Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me.'

He sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands. This was getting ridiculous. He hadn't written a word in the past two hours. He'd just been sitting there staring at the screen, staring at a completely empty document. He opened a new one for every chapter. Losing a whole manuscript because of hitting the wrong combination on the keyboard left an impression.

Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me ...

The apartment was empty. It was silent. The Chairman slept on his pillow in Alec's bedroom. Magnus was out on his new job leaving his lair in the couch behind with the folded blanket on the right half of it and the pillow neatly placed on top. Alec would have never expected that he would live to see the day that Magnus Bane made his bed. But Magnus had assured him that it was only because it wasn't only his bed but also the couch they sometimes used for watching TV. He had mistaken Alec's surprised expression one day as shock.

Nobody was there to disturb Alec's writing. Nobody to distract him. Nobody clanging the glasses against each other when taking them out of the dishwasher.

Nobody.

The Chairman didn't even seem to think about chasing non-existent enemies through the apartment. It was silent. Completely silent. Silence.

Alec had never felt more miserable.

With a groan he leaned back in his chair, his eyes locked on that annoying cursor on the screen of his laptop.

Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me-

"Damn it." Alec closed the lid of his laptop with maybe a bit more force than necessary. He took a deep breath and bit his lower lip. It was official.

He had writer's block. And it sucked big time.

The little bell over the door jingled when the elderly couple left the little bookstore. A very annoying elderly couple, but Magnus was sure that they were good people on the inside - deep, deep on the inside. He nodded to himself and was proud that he had survived this discussion about ebooks with the wife without screaming 'Ebooks don't come as hardcovers or paperbacks!'.

Magnus turned around and went back to stocking new books that had arrived this morning. He took a bunch of novels and carried it over to the Fantasy-section, but when he passed the thrillers and crime novels he stopped for a second, his gaze wandering over the spines on the second shelf from the top. His eyes landed on one particular paperback with the name J. C. Wayland on the spine. It always made Magnus smile when he saw it and what made him even almost giddy was the fact that the store's owner Luke Garroway had to order more copies of the other two books in the series. Magnus had been eager to get back home and tell Alec about it since he'd seen Luke finishing the paperwork at the beginning of his shift.

But as it was he still had to hold out for three more hours before he could share the news with his favorite writer. Magnus sighed and continued towards the Fantasy-section. He heard footsteps coming from the back of the store and soon his boss Luke appeared around the corner.

"Hey, Magnus, everything alright?" he asked with a friendly smile. Magnus nodded. "Great, oh, and thank you very much for helping out so much - I know I actually pay you for those extra hours, but I wanted you to know that I really appreciate it. The last employee I had always made a face when I asked him to come by more often during busy times."

"No big deal, Mr. Garroway." Magnus waved his hand as if chasing the words away with it. "I mean, I need the money and you need the help. I'd say we both win. How are the things for the wedding going?"

Luke always lit up like a christmas light when this topic came up. "Well, it's stressful, but I guess it wouldn't be a real wedding if that wasn't the case. There's going to be the cake tasting tomorrow."

Magnus rearranged copies of 'Vampire Academy' to get enough space for the books he had brought with him. He let out a long whistle. "That sounds fun."

"Yeah, I guess", Luke chuckled. "Though I am not sure if it's a good idea to have that before the dress fitting." Magnus rose his eyebrows in an expression of mock shock and they shared brief laughter. The next second the bell on the entrance jingled again and Luke turned around to look if anybody needed some professional help ... or just somebody to talk to.

Magnus went back to his own task and tried to figure out if Breaking Dawn or New Moon came first. Then he looked at the shelves and muttered to himself:

"A lot of vampires around lately."

He liked this work and he was glad that he had looked for other things than the cliché coffee shop-thing. Yes, some people had some problems getting things, but he was sure that he'd gotten the equivalent of the 'ebook'-discussion at a coffee shop as well. And even if he might not seem like the type of guy who enjoyed being surrounded by books all day, he actually did. Now even more than before because they always reminded him of Alec. Not to mention that he could recommend his boyfriend's books to other- WHOA! Stop right there!

Magnus stared at the shelf he was just rearranging. He literally froze in mid-motion with his hands on a Charlaine Harris book. What did he just think? Boyfriend? Wow, that train of thought would be interesting. Slowly he placed the book he was just holding back on the shelf so he didn't hold anything he might drop. It wouldn't be the first and definitely not the last time his mind was ahead of him, but usually that happened when there was sex at the end of that train of thought, not a committed relationship ... and definitely not when it was about a guy who refused to sleep with him till at least the next five months.

"Okay, calm down, Magnus, calm down. Everything's okay, you didn't say it out loud, you didn't say it out loud to him." The strangest thing was that he wanted to.

Hadn't the whole reason of finding Alec, of moving in with him, of giving up sex and make up so he could stay with him for the reason of convincing him that he indeed wanted a serious relationship? Sure, but somehow that word and the thoughts following that word made it so real that Magnus felt like he was about to pass out. If he could really make this work, Alec would become his boyfriend. Mental pictures kept rushing through his mind.

They would share the bed, which they had already done, but Magnus would no longer wake up to be confronted with aggressive egg-messages. They could cook together, which they had already done, but then Magnus could wrap his arms around Alec from behind and kiss his neck like he wanted to while Alec was stirring the bolognese. They could cuddle on the couch and Alec wouldn't have to be sleep deprived to just stay there and allow Magnus to cuddle him.

He could change his facebook-status. He could show off his awesome, gorgeous, cute boyfriend to friends ... that he had yet to make in New York, but he had a job in a bookstore, he was on it.

"How come I suddenly feel very shallow and self-centered?", Magnus muttered to himself. He buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath.

"Um, excuse me?", a timid voice sounded from the world beyond the palms of his hands.

Magnus spread his fingers to look at the customer that was smiling shyly at him. Her hair was brown and curly and pulled into a loose ponytail. She had a nice smile and nice eyes. Magnus was sure that she was a nice person.

"How can I help you?", he asked, his voice a bit muffled by the hands that - for some reason - remained on his face.

"Um, I am looking for ... The-the Iron Trial? I think that's the title - a friend recommended it to me."

Magnus nodded. He knew the book, he knew the exact date of release, he knew the names of the two authors, he could find the place where they were stacked blindfolded, he knew how many copies they had sold of that book since it had come out. But he didn't mention that because the girl had already earned his sympathy by not even looking creeped out at his behavior and he would reward her for that by not trying to creep her out even more. He noted as well that he obviously had the newest habit of aggressively remembering random things ... about books. Maybe it was his way of kicking his stalking habit he had in college. Not to mention that this habit and gotten harder to satisfy without giving his hacker-abilities away to Alec.

Yeah, a little voice inside his head sneered, now you can creep him out with obsessing over random facts.

"Sure, they are right over there." Magnus finally managed to get his hands off his face and pointed towards the correct shelf a bit further down the aisles he was standing in. The girl smiled and thanked him before walking over there which left Magnus with enough privacy to continue freaking out over a relationship that was still at least five months out of his reach. And he wanted it to happen right now. Sullenly Magnus stared at the books at the height of his eyes.

"I want him to be my boyfriend", he muttered under his breath. "I want something to fill that dark camille-shaped hole in my relationship-agenda."

For a moment Magnus forlornly stared into space. Alec as his boyfriend. Alec as his.

"Great, now I'm horny ... and feeling creepy possessive."

Alec lay on his bed and watched the Chairman sleep. Sleeping cats had something so peaceful to them. One could watch them all day and not get bored of it. It had that calming effect on people. Alec narrowed his eyes enviously at the ffluffy feline.

"How can cats sleep in that kind of position?", he muttered to himself.

The Chairman lay on his back, his front paws stretched far over his head and his hind paws pulled to his belly. His head was almost completely buried in the pillow he was laying on and he lay perfectly still. If said belly wouldn't be slowly moving up and down in a constant rhythm Alec would have gotten worried.

Alec had a hand currently lying on his stomach, his feet hanging over the edge of his bed. His hands were crossed in front of him and his chin was rest in on top of his right wrist. His back started to complain, but Alec didn't feel like moving. He had just calmed down enough - by watching and admiring the Chairman - to remain in one position longer than three seconds, he didn't want to blow that.

Three more silent minutes followed. Then a mouse somewhere four blocks down the street decided to sneeze and the Chairman jumped up and raced across the bed disappearing out of the room not caring about the minor heart attack he caused Alec with that act.

"Okay", he sighed and rolled over onto his protesting back hitting his head on the headboard in the process. "So much for the calming, relaxing environment." He shuffled around on top of the bed till he lay with his whole body on it, with his head at the foot and with his limbs spread like a starfish, staring at the ceiling.

"I hate writer's block."

Alec had brought a pad with him and grabbed a stray ballpoint pen from the floor. Sometimes it helped with the writing to change the perspective. Sitting in front of the laptop and typing might mostly be the fastest way to get text done, but only if you had text written in prior or in your head to make that work. Then usually all Alec needed was that feeling of paper on his fingertips and a pen in his hand. The tip of the pen would move across the paper and Alec would realize that his handwriting was still very neat. He'd like the way the sheet got filled with words. One word would follow another and in no time at all he'd be back in his writing flow.

But today had decided to be a cruel day. The only thing Alec had managed on the pad was an ugly flower. He was a writer, not a painter.

Twenty more minutes passed in which Alec tried to remember when he last had had such a major case of writer's block because it actually didn't happen that often. He sometimes struggled with certain parts or couldn't decide how he wanted a scene to play out, but not being able to get a single word out ... not that common. Sure, his agent loved him for that, but it made it also more difficult to handle those rare cases.

The first time, it had come hand in hand with a solid frustration over being single and a virgin. That was the 'I'm never going to eat ice cream again'-experience. The second time - or maybe the third time? - he'd sat down at the table and forced his hand - with actual physical force - to move and just write whatever damn word there was. It had taken him about ten minutes to get a sentence done and he'd gotten a cramp. Those weren't exactly things he wanted to do again. So far he hadn't really found a good way to deal with these blocks - wait.

There was this one time in college, in his last year when he'd gotten writer's block. It always slipped his mind because it hadn't been followed by some awful way of dealing with it. The negative experiences always weigh heavier than the good ones. But how had he ended that block in his last college year? He had called Magnus and they had met for lunch and he had told Magnus and they had ... Oh.

Alec sat straight up in his bed. The ballpoint pen rolled over the edge and fell to the floor. The Chairman dashed back into the room eying the pen suspiciously. But Alec didn't notice any of that. He only stared at the wall behind his bed.

"Seriously?", he whispered. "I cured my writer's block with sex? With the guy I now share an apartment with? And with whom I've made a deal of not having sex till after the deadline for my book?" He blinked a few times. "This sucks even more than the writer's block."

The last three hours had been the longest Magnus had ever tried willing to pass. They didn't listen to his will, they only moved slower. He liked his job, but he had wanted to get back to Alec as fast as possible to tell him about the book order ... and to rant over that elderly couple with the ebook-issues and that woman with the 'but these are two different covers, why are they different?'-issue. But mostly he wanted to tell Alec about the books. Maybe he could even get a kiss out of this. Sure he could steal kisses if he really wanted, but sometimes it was nice not to be the thief.

Magnus smiled to himself as he climbed the stairs to the apartment. He opened the front door and stepped inside, placed his keys in the little bowl Alec had placed in the short hallway, then he toed off his shoes and walked further into the apartment, reaching the living room next. There he found Alec sitting on the couch looking at him with an intense expression on his face. The TV wasn't on, so it couldn't be that Magnus had interrupted a movie or an episode of a favorite series.

"Hey there", Magnus said and smiled trying once again to will away the awkwardness, but just like the passing time before - nobody listened to Magnus' will. "What's up?"

Alec cocked his head and now his gaze was thoughtful, but still locked on Magnus' face. About ten very tense seconds passed before Alec finally opened his mouth and broke the smothering silence.

"Do yo want to have sex?"

Magnus blinked a few times. "Did I get the right door?"

Screw doors. Did he get the right space-time-continuum? How long had he been gone?

Alec only sighed and leaned his head back against the back of the couch baring his pale throat in the process. It didn't help Magnus' attempts to sort his thoughts very much. He was wearing his favorite 'I hate people, animals and plants. Rocks are okay.'-shirt - though Magnus was quite sure that at least the animal-part had changed lately - and a pair of loose black sweatpants. Alec had actually been known for that shirt back in college, Magnus had to smile at the memory of that day he had told Alec that he liked his shirt and Alec had replied with a simple 'I don't like yours.'.

"I have writer's block", Alec explained with an exasperated sigh while his eyes kept studying the 'glow in the dark'-stars that occupied the ceiling of the living room. Magnus only raised an eyebrow.

"And now you are bored enough to randomly ask for sex?"

At that Alec tore his gaze from the stars and glared at him. "No", he growled his eyes firmly locked with the ones of his roommate. "But I have reason to assume that the sex will help me with the block. So? What do you say?"

Magnus' mind was screaming 'Hell yes!' while his lips were unable to move.

He could have jumped this opportunity; he could have easily gotten the sex he'd been longing for over the past month because cold showers could only get you so far. But he didn't and the reason for that wasn't that his synapses had burnt through. There was something in Alec's expression that made his voice stay silent. Detachment. Emotional distance. The sex he asked for was a mere instrument or at least that was what Alec tried to convey.

It bothered Magnus.

"I thought you had that no sex-rule till after your book's finished to keep you from getting distracted?", he asked casually while putting his bag next to the couch looking down at Alec who watched him with unreadable half-closed eyes. Hell, the things that stare was doing to Magnus. The writer tilted his head a little to the right and narrowed his eyes a bit. Those were minor movements that still were enough to make his bangs fall into his forehead drawing inky lines across his pale skin. Magnus felt the strong urge to push them back, but his hands remained on his sides. He really hoped his posture appeared relaxed and calm.

"The exception proves the rule", Alec said not taking his eyes off his roommate. There was annoyance in his voice like little thorns on the stem of a rose. "Didn't you use to live by that?"

It was a silent challenge. The words pricked Magnus' skin just enough to cut through that fog of desire that had started building around his brain.

Magnus and Alec had had their share of fights during college and they mostly had started like this. With the silent challenge to oppose something the other had stated.

"I used to", Magnus whispered or at least he had wanted to whisper the answer. It came out closer to a low growl instead. He was irritated because there wasn't really a way for him to deny that statement. He had pretty much bent every rule in his way during college. The ones he hadn't managed to bend he had plainly ignored till nobody had any nerve left to further try enforcing them on him. "But I'm as well sure that you have other ways to cope with your writer's block." His voice was calmer again, colder.

It wasn't Alec in particular he was angry at as he had only mentioned a true fact. No, it was more like Magnus was angry at the universe for dangling one of the things he wished most for in the world right in fort of him, only just out of reach. The sex was in his reach, but the relationship he'd very much like to combine with it, was out of reach or more likely out of question at the given moment.

Magnus snapped out of his confusing thoughts when Alec suddenly got up from the couch to stand right in front of him. He was so close Magnus could hear his breathing. He could smell that distinct scent he'd always been bathed in when he'd woken up next to the writer. It was the smell of paper and ink and then again it wasn't because Alec's scent would always be so much richer.

"I have tried everything I know to get rid of the block since you left for work. Nothing helped, nothing worked." Alec spoke in a low voice that sent shivers down Magnus' spine. "All I want is to get back to writing and if that's with a little help from you then that's how it is." He tugged his fingers in Magnus' belt loops and pulled him closer till there was barely any space left between their hips. Their faces also moved closer to each other. Alec held Magnus' gaze securely with his own. It was impossible to look away, to ignore the tingling sensation when Alec's thumbs slipped beneath the fabric of the other's shirt starting to caress the tanned skin hidden there.

Magnus' heartbeat sped up, thrumming against the inside of his ribcage. Damn it. With the whole 'no sex'-thing going on he had almost forgotten that Alec could be much more than the adorably blushing, grumpy guy. Magnus had discovered that his kind of college-crush had actually learned to use his looks over the time because even he wasn't dense enough to not get the effect he could have on other people. He still didn't consider himself the gorgeous cutie that he was, but by now he knew what buttons to push to get what he wanted if the situation required it. But it was usually his last resort-strategy. And to Magnus' misery with him he didn't have to push that many buttons.

Alec was a tease and he had gotten better since college.

Fortunately his brain caught on to something that temporarily distracted himself from Alec's wandering hands that started to make their way up his torso.

"Wait, you got that writer's block while I was out?"

The hands beneath his shirt stopped moving, they froze against tanned skin and a well-known blush chased away a bit of the seductive gleam in blue eyes. But the hands didn't retreat and the eyes stayed locked with green-gold ones.

"So? What if?"

Magnus smirked. Now he managed to whisper the following words, a teasing whisper. "Sweetheart, I got the job last week - could it possibly be that you got the writer's block because I was out? Because you were lonely?"

He expected the blush to deepen. He expected to be glared at. He even expected to be spontaneously pinched in the side. He definitely didn't expect to be kissed and even if, he wouldn't have expected it to be like that, fueled with desire, plain need and anger.

Kisses could be stolen and everyone tasted different. People could be coaxed into kissing back, into making out and it would always somehow feel forced. It still was nice and could turn into something more, but it would never be the same as a kiss whose tension had been equally created between two people, not one person that made his desire known to the other.

Magnus let out a long groan when their lips met hard and needy. His hands almost instantly flew to Alec's hair to held him close and every teasing argument he might have planned to throw at the writer was out of the window.

How long had it been since the last stolen kiss? It had been about over a month since their last night together and it had been supposed to be more months to come before they would end up between the sheets again. Magnus didn't think he would have missed this so badly.

It was like eating fast food and cheap toast all the time and then get a fork full of steaming home-made pasta. It was intoxicating.

When their lips separated again, Magnus was out of breath like he hadn't been in a long time. His body was humming, singing with need and those lips on his throat made his legs almost give out. Alec's hands were on his back now, holding him close, leaving crescent shaped marks with his fingernails. The distance between them was long gone, but the fabric remained and it was the only thing that prevented them from collapsing on the couch. It made it possible for them to take a break without moving away from each other, just placing their foreheads against each other listening to their heavy breathing.

"Please tell me, that your bed isn't occupied by our cat at the moment?"

Magnus cupped Alec's face and for a second relished the feeling of heated skin against his palms. There had always been something incredibly intimate about touching one's face like that for him. The same way, that sometimes one kiss could be more intimate than twenty shared nights.

Letting someone else touch one's face like that without struggling against the hold meant trust and it brought closeness more than a hug though still less than a kiss. It was the moment right before the kiss and it could held enough tension to break the world apart.

"The last time I've seen him he was in the bathroom napping in the basin." Alec's voice sounded less breathless, less like losing control and suddenly Magnus got embarrassed that the writer had much more of an impact on himself. It was a crack in his ego and it made the possessive side of his personality stir as he stared down into those blue eyes that had become the sky of his world. Their next kiss was calmer, slowworm but it did nothing to cool down the heat that had built up between them. It was their first time all over again.

Alec glared at the door in front of him.

He had the feeling that if wood hadn't been an inanimate object the door would have laughed at his awkwardness. Or smirked. Or something else. Alec sighed and shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. He felt so stupid for even being here in the first place and for fretting so much over it. Maybe he should just turn around and go back to his own dorm room.

"This is so stupid."

Why was it so difficult for other people to simply ignore Alec's existence? If he needed to he still could yell 'HEY! I'M HERE!' and things would be fine. He knew he could yell loud enough if necessary, but it hadn't been necessary yet. And still people kept stumbling over his shadow which mostly ended with himself stumbling into a fist. Though this time had been different. This time he had stumbled into a kiss. A kiss he hadn't seen coming. A kiss that had left him breathless.

It had been one week ago behind the history building. Alec had thought that they would have sex that night, but it hadn't happened. Things seemed to never happen the way he expected them to when it came to Magnus. The slightly taller student had taken Alec with him to his dorm room, but he had only treated his wounds. They had talked and in a way Alec had been thankful for. It felt nice having someone to treat his wounds. Before that it had always only been Alec on his own wrestling with bandages, scissors and band-aids.

It had been nice, but it had left Alec restless. Magnus had made it clear what he offered and it was too tempting for Alec to turn it down. He had made a pro/contra-list to help him with his decision and there hadn't exactly been much on the contra-part.

Magnus had his girlfriend who was gorgeous, but that was about it, and he didn't intend on breaking up with her. Alec wouldn't have to be scared of being pressured into a relationship. They would just enjoy each other's company and then after they had both graduated - at the latest - they would go their separate ways. It sounded good. But that didn't change the fact that Alec had to make the next step. Magnus had offered now it was his part to accept that offer.

He would have to knock on that door. It was easy. So, why was he blushing like an idiot?

He was embarrassed because of the restless need he was experiencing by only thinking about Magnus, thinking about that kiss, the kisses. Why had that guy such an impact on him? Just a few weeks ago he had easily shaken him off when he had chased him down the hallway to get his name.

"Crap", Alec muttered and then knocked on the door before he could really change his mind.

It was opened immediately, revealing the guy Alec had wanted to kiss again for the past week. A lazy grin spread across Magnus' face when he realized who stood there in front of him. His eyes flitted down to Alec's shirt which said 'I wear black because I haven't yet found something darker' and his grin turned into a smirk. Alec looked away and hated himself for the intensifying heat in his face. He wondered what Magnus saw.

Probably a tall, pale idiot in a shirt and open jacket which were both at least one number too big.

"Come on in then, sweetheart."

Their first kiss that night was slow and deep and the first of many.

Magnus couldn't exactly remember how they had gotten to the bedroom, but somehow they had managed it almost stepping on a notebook lying on the floor. There was a flower on the front page, not a good drawing, but it had that kind of innocent charm of drawings from little children. Though Magnus didn't dwell long on the flower it somehow warmed his heart. His lips were claimed again by Alec making him forget about all the paintings he had done himself when he'd been little, that the other children at the orphanage had laughed at. He didn't care about it when he let himself fall on the bed taking Alec with him.

He had drawn a couple of little things on napkins when they had had lunch together. Alec had never laughed about him only chuckled with him and added a cartoonish drawing next to Mganus'.

The fall on the mattress made them loose contact for a second, but as soon as they had settled on top of the blanket with Alec straddling his hips and his hands right and left to Magnus' head to hold himself up. They breathed each other in, relishing in the featherlike touches of lips and fingertips wandering over their bodies.

They didn't have to find a rhythm because it was already there thrumming just beneath their skin. Magnus' shirt had been lost somewhere along the way, Alec's was about to follow the same path. Gasps and moans filled the air around them blanketing them with a familiar warmth. One kiss followed another. Magnus started to loose himself to the sensations, to the desire. They didn't move with hectic motions, they weren't forceful with each other, they weren't purely driven by animalistic need. They took their time, kissing leisurely, their hips following the rhythm of their lips.

Like this could be the last time.

Alec's lips travelled down Magnus' throat leaving open-mouthed kisses on the way to his collar bone. Teeth scratched lightly almost shyly over tanned skin. Magnus threw his head back, a silent scream of pleasure caught in his throat. His body ached with the need to do the same to Alec, to see the writer beneath him, making him squirm with his touches, kisses, whispering words that would never be known to the world outside.

But as he moved to roll them over, Alec refused silently. He kept his head low, brushing the skin of Magnus' throat with the tip of his nose, tickling him with heavy, hot breaths. Magnus tried again and again Alec made sure to work against the movement by applying opposing force to his hips. This time Alec rose his head straightening his arms and looking Magnus dead in the eye with that unreadable expression that had crossed his face before, but this time there was something more in his eyes. It made Magnus feel bad about his attempt immediately even though he didn't know why, but it also added to his arousal - somehow for the same reason.

Alec's face was flushed, his lips bruised red from the kissing, his eyes were dark blue hidden in the shadows of his bangs that fell in front of his face like a curtain. He was the piece of china that Magnus treasured like nothing else in his life and that still seemed to carry the fate of being broken by him. Without a conscious decision Magnus rose his hands to once again cup the face of his lover - was that the right word? It didn't feel like enough - but only with his right hand. The other travelled down the pale throat over the now bare chest, following lines that only he could see until his fingers rested on Alec's hip, right above the waistband of his jeans.

There was sadness and hope in blue eyes, wild and sparkling like a game of light deep under water. There was desire and longing in those same eyes, swirling in their depths.

Out of the corner of his eye Magnus could see Alec's left hand lifting from the blanket, his fingertips brushing against Magnus' arm, following it up till it was cupping Magnus' own hand for a moment before long, slender fingers gently curled around his wrist holding his hand in place. Then without breaking eye contact Alec turned his face a bit, only far enough for his lips to brush Magnus' palm. He applied soft pressure and Magnus was about to melt. He felt oddly vulnerable, being held by his wrist and by those eyes.

Alec wanted to tell him something, but he didn't want to use words because it would destroy something that had started to build between them in the past few heartbeats.

o.O.o

Alec wasn't an out-going person. He was shy because he wasn't good at interacting with other people - unless the goal was to make them dislike him - and his pale complexion made it impossible for him to hide his shyness or awkwardness. Now given that he was gay other gay men tended to see him as the shy submissive guy. A typical bottom one would say ... maybe. For some reason nobody really expected him to also be dominant if he wanted to. He was always complimented for his muscular build, but as soon as they were in the bedroom nobody expected him to actually use them.

Often enough Alec had heard that it was considered hot for a shy guy to show some dominant strength. It had him hoping in the beginning, but then he'd learned that most dominant people still preferred to keep that dominance. They expected the other to immediately surrender to their own dominance when they wanted them to.

But Alec knew that he was strong, he knew that he could stand his ground if he had to. But he was also scared to chase away the few guys that had taken an interest in him after his coming out. So he didn't fight. Another thing he had found out over the years was that keeping his strength hidden in the bedroom only worked for one-night-stands, short flings ... and Magnus during college.

But college was over now. They had graduated and Alec had promised himself to never lie in his own bedroom, never pretend, even if that meant to go completely without sex.

His eyes were fixed on Magnus beneath him. With every intake of breath he could smell the sweet scent of the other's skin. Green-gold eyes searched his face. Alec could feel Magnus' pulse thrumming through his veins, thumping against his fingertips. His body was aching with arousal, demanding to resume what they were doing and he could feel Magnus straining against him. He wanted to feel his lips again, wanted to drown in their kisses again, but first he needed to know that Magnus was okay with him being on top this time.

Alec hadn't gotten anything the whole day besides staring at blank pages, the ceiling and watching their cat sleep. He had been passive the whole time. He needed to do something, to be active for once. But at the same time he didn't want to voice it because the discussion would tear apart what they had built.

Suddenly Magnus' eyes lit up. His lips moved with silent words as his fingertips began stroking the skin of Alec's face as good as it was possible in their current position.

"That's the reason for your first condition", he breathed, his eyes big and round.

Alec blinked loosening his hold on Magnus' wrist. What?

"It's not only because you are scared I would only stay for the sex", Magnus went on, the astonished expression only slowly melting from his face to give place to painful understanding. Alec didn't understand his words. How did he get to the 'no sex'-rule Alec had established in the beginning. He wanted to test Magnus nothing else, he had wanted to create a hurdle, nothing more. He wanted to find out if there could be actually more than that mutual need for intimacy that had brought them together in college.

What other reason was Magnus talking about?

Magnus took his left hand from Alec's hip and cupped his face this time for real. So many things were jumbled together in his eyes now. Alec could only grasp slivers of happiness, regret, understanding, hope. His own heart was going crazy. The touch of Magnus' hands suddenly felt too hot, searing his skin, but Alec was too scared of the cold that would follow once the touch was gone. He felt like being wrapped in cotton when Magnus sat up bringing their faces close enough for Alec to loose himself in oceans of green and gold.

Magnus' rapid breathing hit his skin, his eyes were so bright their light filled Alec's world to the brim.

"You wanted to be in control this time."

Alec felt his surface cracking. He had wanted Magnus to understand his current need, but the other had instead uncovered something else, something bigger that lay so much deeper.

There must have been fear showing in his eyes, maybe shock, because Magnus smiled warmly at him his thumbs drawing reassuring circles on Alec's skin.

"You are not only the shy guy, right? You can be strong. You are strong. I've always seen that, but I have never acknowledged it. I always thought that this strength of you was reserved for protection, for those people who threatened you, but never for me. I would have never willingly hurt you like they had, so why would you have to be strong around me. But I didn't get that this strength isn't an armor you wear if necessary. It's a part of you."

Their bare chests were pressed against each other. Only the fabric of their pants separated the rat of their bodies. Sweat was drying on Alec's skin sending shivers down his spine. His pulse sped up again more than before. He could have easily handled those words during a usual conversation, but now that they were lovingly breathed against his lips he felt a new wave of almost painful desire building up inside of him.

"Kiss me", he whispered his voice low and hoarse with need.

And Magnus did. He kissed him like he was the last drop of water in the desert, like the last ray of sunshine in a world of darkness. Together they sank back against the blanket.

Soon the last pieces of fabric between them were gone as well.

o.O.o

It wasn't about being strong or weak, being dominant or submissive. They both had these parts hidden within themselves. They were bound by their constant exchange. They were bound by trust ... at least when it came to sex.

Alec and Magnus knew each other's bodies like the backs of their hands. They could read each other's gasps and shivers like letters written in bold black characters. They didn't need words anymore when they slept with each other. No others than their names to string them together to prayers. They could have been blindfolded and their lips would have still found each other while their fingers found their way over sweaty skin, grasping what was left of their realities to throw it away.

Nothing else was needed.

Five years had passed and they were still the pair of lovers they had been in college.

They both knew that they had to grow beyond that, but for now it was enough.

When Magnus woke up again there was the sound of a pen moving across paper. Lazily he opened his eyes. He was lying on his back a pillow hastily stuffed under his head and a blanket somehow covered the lower half of his body as well as well as a part of his torso. Above him there was the ceiling of Alec's bedroom. Magnus' lips curved into a smile as memories rushed back in. He felt calmed, satisfied and warm. Though when he turned his head to the left, a bit of that warmth vanished. His gaze landed on a pale, bare back.

Alec was already up, sitting on the edge of the bed and wrote words upon words. Magnus guessed he was using the notebook that had been lying discarded on the floor earlier. Right, Alec had only let happen what had happened between them because of his writer's block. Now that he had overcome that, there was no further need for anything else, any other caresses. Magnus felt lonely and without giving it much thought he lifted his left arm. He reached for Alec winning back a bit of the lost warmth when his fingertips managed to connect with pale skin.

The movement of the pen stilled. Alec's shoulders tensed a bit. He sat up a little straighter. Then he sighed and let his shoulders slump again.

"You're awake." His voice was cautious, soft, a butterflies' wing against cold glass. "Did I wake you?"

"No", Magnus lied. He was sure that Alec could hear the lie, but he let it slide. When Alec made no impression of continuing their conversation Magnus decided to sit up to get closer to the writer. The pen still rested motionless against the sheet of paper. When Magnus was close enough to settle his head on Alec's shoulder and one hand against the small of his back he got a good look at the floor next to the bed. The floor was covered with sheets of paper. Neither squared nor ruled. Blank paper covered in Alec's handwriting was strewn everywhere. Little numbers were placed in the top right corner of every sheet; 5, 6, 12, 3, 18, ...

Disbelieving Magnus stared at the ocean of white and ballpoint blue. "How long was I out?" He turned his head to look at Alec's profile. "Is it still Monday?"

Alec chuckled and drew a circle around the number in the corner of the sheet he was currently filling with words. There was something about blood dripping from a saw and Magnus decided to read no further. Instead he realized that Alec's eyes nervously flitted over his very own artistic mess. Magnus raised his hand from Alec's back to play with the shorter strands of hair at his neck.

"Is this how you've felt after every time back then?", he whispered, his eyes focused on his fingertips among black hair. He didn't want to concentrate too much on the thin line Alec had pressed his lips into.

If Magnus was honest with himself he had to admit that Alec had been a distraction in college. He could tell himself that what he felt for the other had grown into something more, something bigger overtime, but his search for a distraction had been what started it all. Now he himself was the distraction for Alec, something else to focus on to overcome his writer's block. It felt cold and unsettling somewhere deep within. It was the slight tip to the right of a picture on the wall that could drive you insane.

"Yes", Alec turned his own head to look Magnus in the eyes. His face was a mask of slowly healing pain. "That's how it felt."

And Magnus knew that every 'I'm sorry' he had on his tongue would only tear open this old scar. IT wasn't long till Alec turned away again and picked up his pen again. Magnus nestled comfortably against his back, one hand on Alec's right hip, the other supporting his own weight. His head remained on Alec's shoulder their cheeks softly pressed against each other.

"You could have gone back to the kitchen table to continue writing", he muttered after a while. The pen stilled once again and Alec smiled. Magnus could feel it, the same way he could feel the other's cheek heating up.

"Yes", Alec whispered, a chuckle hidden between the words. "I could have."

So, okay, anybody still there? I hope it wasn't that bad and I let you know that this ist the closest I have ever gotten to a lemon. xD

Anyway, if there are some situations you want to see those two in or if there's a flashback you are interested in, you can tell me via PM or review. :) I can't promise anything, but I'll try my best.

Finally, leave a review - let me know what you think.
Bye Pumpkin

P.S.: The next Wanted-chapter is on the way as well. :)