Ho ho ho! Merry intergalactic Christmas everyone! You must have thought I've forgotten about you guys, right? Well, sorry it took me so long but you know, life can be a bitch sometimes. So this his story is going to be a little different, because it's not based on a prompt given to me by someone else. Nope, this one was entirely my idea, every part of it! So sit back wearing your ugliest Christmas sweater with a cup of hot chocolate and enjoy some shameless Jenny/Vastra fluff!
DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own Doctor Who or any of it's characters. It's on my Christmas list for Santa, though, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed
Prompt: Jenny and Vastra celebrate Christmas (with Strax) *Not Given*
On a wintry December morning, Madame Vastra awoke to see snow falling lightly outside her window, which was glossed over with a layer of frost. The lizard woman grumbled in distaste as she glared at the empty spot on the bed where her wife, and personal heat dispenser, used to lay hours ago. It was always during times like these that she cursed the frigid temperatures of this country, in favor of missing her homeland all those centuries ago when the sun reigned supreme and heat was abundant. Thank goodness Jenny had at least remembered to renew the fire, chasing out most of the cold from the room.
A sudden draft blew against Vastra's scales, causing her entire body to shiver. Five more minutes of sleep shouldn't hurt anyone, so she sank back into the bed's comforting warmth and wrapped herself in a cocoon of apparent loneliness of the empty room and the growling of her stomach eventually got to Vastra, however, prompting her to reluctantly leave the bed.
After getting properly dressed, Vastra emerged from the bedroom and was surprised to discover that their entire house has been decorated without her knowledge. There were wreaths of holly and red bows displayed along the walls, as well as a length of elegant garland running down the banisters of the staircase. The Silurian was baffled by this mysterious vandalism, but there was also a voice in the back of her head telling her that she was forgetting something. She simply shook it off and went to find her human lover for the answers.
On her way toward the sitting room, Vastra crossed paths with their butler, Strax, who seemed to be in a rush while also carrying a box of grenades.
"Strax, where do you think you're going with those grenades?" Inquired Vastra while holding out an arm in front of Strax, thus blocking his path.
The Sontaran bluntly replied, "Top of the morning to you, Madame. If you must know, these grenades are to be part of my top-notch security system. Your boy has just informed me about a diabolical mastermind known as Santa Claus and I must assemble our defenses if we are to defeat him!"
There was wide and menacing smile on Strax's face as if he had just eaten a hundred bowls of sherbet fancies. The possibility of getting to destroy something always had that kind of effect on him. The name 'Santa Claus' was raising red flags in Vastra's head, yet she still couldn't quite put her put her finger on it and that just made her more frustrated.
"Oi!" Right at that moment, Jenny walked out of the sitting room and bopped Strax on the head with a candy cane. "This is the last time I'm repeating this, Strax, Santa Claus is a good guy! We are supposed to leave him cookies, not grenades! I understand that this is your first Christmas, but I'll make sure you get something worse than coal if you blow up the house!"
The seriousness of Jenny's forceful threat seemed to be lost upon Strax, however, whose smile only broadened in size.
"Aha! The Santa Claus's weakness is cookies," he exclaimed while thrusting a triumphant finger up in the air."Then we shall produce some of these cookies using the finest acid and poison available! The Santa Clause will inevitably be crushed under the might of the Glorious Sontaran Empire!"
So fueled by this newfound excitement, the Sontaran clone hastily ran away to put his plan into action. Jenny released a heavy sigh as she facepalmed herself at Strax's violent immaturity. Vastra's eyes grew wide upon realizing that Jenny was wearing her special red and green dress, the one that she only wear on one specific day of each year: Christmas.
"Today is Christmas," the Silurian told herself rather than anyone in particular.
Jenny's annoyance was soon replaced by happiness, as she approached Vastra to give her a hug. "Yes, my dear lizard, today is indeed Christmas! It sure took you long enough to figure that out for being the 'Great Detective'!"
Vastra hissed in slight offense, though was still tolerant of Jenny's good-natured teasing. It wasn't that unusual for the Silurian to lose track of holidays, considering the fact that she disregarded them as frivolous human sentimentalities, and not worthy of her attention. Jenny, being a human herself, begged to differ. She didn't really mind if Vastra forgot about Christmas and other holidays, so long as she doesn't forget about their important anniversary dates. Jenny had made it very clear before that if Vastra ever dared to forget their anniversary, there will be hell to pay.
"Honestly, Jenny, is there not a way to celebrate this holiday without all this excessive embellishment?" Vastra gestured vaguely to the decorations around them,
"Nope! For it wouldn't be Christmas without some bells and holly to spruce up this old place,"replied Jenny with a shake with her head. Next, she grabbed Vastra's hand and began leading her to the sitting room. "Now come on, we have a lot to get done today to make this a proper Christmas! Let's start with decorating the Christmas tree."
"The Christmas tree?"
"Mmhmm, and after that, you can help me bake cookies in the kitchen. There's no way in hell that I'm letting you do that alone after the disaster that resulted last time!"
"Well, what were you expecting from me?" Huffed Vastra in a defensive manner,"I am a highly trained and skilled Silurian warrior, not a mere baker! And I did apologized for setting the cookies on fire!"
"And the Kitchen!" Reminded Jenny over her shoulder.
"And the kitchen."
"And Strax!"
"Yes...and Strax."
Indeed, the real Christmas miracle that year had been the fact that Vastra didn't burn the whole house down.
After all these years together, they had pretty much established the fact that Vastra can't cook to save her life. Jenny really ought to teach her reptilian lover how to cook if they wanted to avoid any more hazards in the future.
Once Jenny and Vastra reached the sitting room, they were greeted by the sight of a grand evergreen tree standing in the middle of the room.
"Here, start hanging these ornaments on the tree," commanded Jenny while shoving a box of ornaments into Vastra's arms. "And please try not set these on fire, too."
"I really don't have a choice in the matter, do I?"
Smiling sweetly, Jenny shook her head in response and planted a kiss on Vastra's cheek, before moving away towards another box of decorations.
The defeated lizard woman sighed and murmured,"Goddess, the sorts of things I do for love…".
Jenny has gone mad!
Vastra was positively certain of it. Who else in their right mind would suggest on leaving the secure heating of their house to go dilly-dallying around in the snow? Vastra had absolutely no idea how she came to agree to this, but now she was paying for it by having to stand outside, with the bitter winds swirling about, while freezing her scales off. Silurians are cold-blooded reptiles, which meant that their bodies simply weren't built for enduring these subzero temperatures. In fact, Vastra at this point was fighting the urge to run back inside the house and throw herself into the nearest fireplace.
Yet, despite these unpleasant circumstances, the Silurian woman still couldn't help smiling a little at how thrilled Jenny was to be out among the snow. She reveled in the way Jenny's eyes seemed to lit up and how her lips curled to form a gleeful smile as she beheld the scene with childlike wonder. Sparkling snow covered every inch of their backyard garden like a thick white blanket, transforming it into a sort of winter wonderland. Fascination with the snow was something that Jenny had never quite outgrown no matter how old she got. While the snow might have been nothing but a problematic nuisance to Vastra, to Jenny it represented so much more; it was a chance to relive all those precious childhood memories that she had kept locked inside her heart until that moment.
Vastra watched as her fiancee stuck out her tongue to catch snowflakes while spinning around until she became dizzy and fell to the ground in a fit of giggles.
"Are you enjoy yourself out there, darling?" Called out the Silurian in an amused tone.
Jenny propped herself up on her elbows and shot back with, "Honestly, I've never felt more truly alive than I am right now! I'm thinking about making some snow angels! Care to join me, my dear?"
"No, no, I am perfectly content with watching you frolic to your heart's desire," declined Vastra immediately while shaking her head. It's bad enough that Jenny had dragged her out of the house, but now she's actually asking her to come play in the snow? Never in her life had Vastra heard of anything more absurd than that! "Also, I do not plan on getting frostbite anytime soon if that is what you're suggesting."
A frown settled upon Jenny's features, but she continued to plead with Vastra. "Aww, come on...where's your Christmas spirit, Vastra! Don't be such a Scrooge and come have some fun with me! Please, I sincerely promise that you will not get frostbite if you do!"
She then finished off by giving Vastra the best wide-eyed puppy dog face she could manage. Although it required a great deal of willpower on the Silurian's part, Vastra was able to remain firm on her decision, much to Jenny's utter disappointment.
"Well, just you wait, you grouchy old lizard!" Threatened Jenny with determination, "Because I'm gonna figure out a way to make you join me down here in the snow, whether you like it or not!"
Then after getting her warning across, Jenny abruptly flopped back onto the snow-covered ground and began moving her arms and legs in the process of making snow angels. Vastra chuckled heartily, highly doubting that her lover will succeed in what she claimed. Then again, knowing how cunning Jenny could be, the Silurian was curious as to what the younger woman might do to persuade her.
"Oh he's a jolly good fellow! Oh he's a jolly good fellow! OH HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW….for the glory of the Sontaran Empire!"
That bold and off-key singing caught Vastra's attention, causing her head to turn toward the kitchen door just in time to see a very drunken Strax stumble out of the house. The clumsy Sontaran barely took three steps before he ended up face-planting against the snow. Vastra, though not exactly thrilled about having to deal with a drunken alien, immediately went over to help her friend get up on his feet.
As she did so, she took it upon herself to reprimand him with,"Good grief, Strax, have you been drinking all the sherry in our cabinet? Those were only supposed to be drank tonight during our Christmas party! Furthermore, this type of reckless behavior is really not acceptable for a butler!" Vastra then proceeded to fuss over Strax's soiled uniform as if he was a mere toddler. "And just look at what you've done to your uniform! Honestly, Strax, whatever am I supposed to do with you?"
By that point, it would seem that Strax had regained some of his sobriety, as he briskly extracted himself from the Silurian's grasp. "Bah! Unhand me, you overbearing reptile! How dare you….you….accuse me of being…."
Strax never got the chance to finish his sentence as the overload of alcohol began shutting down his system, rendering his bodily functions useless. It wasn't long before his legs failed him and he was passed out at Vastra's feet. So with an exasperated sigh, Vastra lifted Strax's heavy body off the ground and carried him back inside the house where she laid him down on a couch in front of the fireplace. She then left him snoring in her wake so that he could sleep off his alcohol induced coma.
The very moment she set foot outside again, a large snowball came hurling towards her and it hit her directly in the face. Vastra uttered a string of colorful words as she angrily brushed the blasted snow from her face. She then began to search for the perpetrator of that brazen attack with the intention of unleashing her wrath upon them. Of course, it was not surprising when her eyes landed on Jenny, who was leaning casually against an oak tree. The brunette wore a rather smug grin that left Vastra with absolutely no doubts about her guiltiness.
"Jenny, will you care to explain why you have just assaulted me with snow?" Demanded the Silurian whose voice was strained with aggravation.
A mischievous sparkle was visible in Jenny's eyes when she replied,"Oh, no reason, just because I felt like it! So….what are you going to do about it, Vastra?"
Next, Jenny followed up her taunt by throwing another other snowball she held, this one hitting Vastra on the shoulder. The Silurian remained unimpressed in the face of Jenny's attempts evoke a reaction from her. Since Jenny had openly challenged her, however, Vastra found that she could not bring herself to refuse it for the sake of her pride. She is a disciplined Silurian warrior, so of course she must defend her honor at all costs.
"What am I going to to do about it? Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it! I have three words for you, Jennifer Margaret Flint."Oh no-she used her full name which only meant that Vastra was past kidding around at this point. Vastra deliberately scooped up a handful of snow before delivering her final ultimatum: "Bring. It. On."
Thus, war broke out right there in the garden.
Only one winner will take all; Jenny and Vastra raced to see who could gather the most snowballs for the upcoming battle. Their garden instantly became a battlefield as Silurian and human launched their icy projectiles against each other in an unrelenting struggle for dominance. Both participants were successful in hitting their mark, while also getting heavily pelted themselves in the process. The battle raged on for nearly half an hour with neither of them gaining the upper-hand.
In the end, it was Vastra who emerged victorious, because she succeeded in tackling Jenny onto the ground where she mercilessly bombarded her with kisses.
"It's all over now, Jenny Flint! Will you hereby accept defeat and yield to me?"
"Yes! Yes, I will yield! I yield!" Exclaimed Jenny in between fits of laughter.
"Good! Then from now on, I expect you to think twice before pulling a stunt like that again,"said Vastra, a satisfied smirk on her face, as she pecked Jenny's red-tipped nose one last time. Her features twisted into a grimace when she felt her muscles beginning to cramp most painfully."Err Jenny….as much as I am enjoying this, I'm afraid I won't be able to last much longer out in these low temperatures."
Jenny placed an experimental hand on Vastra's cheek and was alarmed at how severely cold it felt. "Blimey! I guess having so much fun made me forget what a sensitive cold-blooded reptile you are. Maybe it's best that we hurry back inside before I lose you to hibernation."
Vastra gave a grateful nod in agreement and rose to her feet with ease before offering Jenny her hand. Jenny more than happily accepted it and was soon pulled to her feet. The pair then headed back towards the house hand-in-hand, with both of their faces flushed from exposure to the freezing weather.
"Oi!"
Vastra glanced questionably at Jenny, who suddenly stopped in the doorway for some reason. The brunette was staring at something in the air so Vastra decided to follow her gaze and see for herself. Lo and behold, hanging daintily above their heads was an exquisite display of none other than mistletoe.
"Why on earth is there a weed up there?"
Jenny busted out laughing at the Silurian's ignorant observation
"Oh, trust me, that is no ordinary weed," replied Jenny, still feigning ignorance as to how that mistletoe got up there."That is actually mistletoe, dear. Us humans have a tradition that when two people find themselves standing under mistletoe, they both have to share a kiss," she added with a slight wiggle of her eyebrows.
Vastra didn't know why, but her heart suddenly started beating faster. Then before the Silurian could even register what was happening, Jenny had pushed her back against the kitchen doorway. Within seconds, Jenny had her body pressed flush against her own and their faces were so close that they could see their breathing intermingle in between. Eager brown eyes locked with gleaming blue ones.
Slowly, Jenny's lips curled into a delighted smile and she spoke, "Merry Christmas, my grouchy old lizard."
"Merry Christmas to you, too, my cheeky little elf,"drawled Vastra in response, before using both hands to pull Jenny's face towards hers for a kiss, which sent heatwaves throughout her body.
Perhaps not all Christmas traditions are so bad, concluded Vastra, since this one comes with some enjoyable perks.
The couple was so enraptured with each other, that they failed to notice the TARDIS landing in their garden and a bashful looking Time Lord who stood there with his arms full of presents.
"Uhh….Merry Christmas anyone?"
So how did you all like that story! Let's face it, Strax would totally be the type to fortify the house against the invasion of Santa Clause and his demonic elves. It would at least give him the opportunity to focus his rage on something else besides the moon for once. I laughed so hard trying to imagine Strax in an ugly Christmas sweater...or an elf costume! Of course, then there was all the fluff with Jenny and Vastra, so much fluff indeed!
Hold on tight, because there's gonna be another chapter coming your way shortly after this! In the meantime, feel free to leave a review down below! If I can't get paid for writing fanfiction, then at least give me the satisfaction of hearing some feedback on how I'm writing. Have a safe and jolly Christmas everyone! :)