Even more than the conversation with Sam, Santana was dreading the conversation with the kids about the baby. After having confirmed at the doctor's that she was indeed about five weeks along, she had debated the merits of telling the children that she was pregnant. What if something went wrong and she ended up losing the baby? In the end she decided to risk it. Antonia was already concerned about her tiredness, and she didn't want her to get hysterical if she came across her being sick one day.
Calling them into the living room after dinner a few days later, she sat down on the couch with Sam, gesturing for Stevie and Antonia to sit beside them.
"Guys, Sam and I have some news to tell you."
Toni being Toni, she clapped her hands, immediately excited. "Am I gonna get a new kitty?! Yay! A kitty or a PONY!?"
Having recently gotten into both Little Pet Shop and My Little Pony toys, she was now obsessed with the idea of having a real life pink and purple pony or else a kitten with a huge head and big eyes- real ones.
Sam was going to be a father. They went to the clinic earlier and it was confirmed that Santana was five weeks pregnant. He couldn't believe it! It felt like a dream come true. Everything seemed so perfect, and now they were in the living room, getting ready to tell the kids that they were adding another baby to the family.
He laughed when he heard Toni's remarks, and shook his head, "No, we're not getting a kitty or a pony. We don't have space for a pony anyway, right now."
"I told you that you're not getting a pony." Stevie giggled. Toni had been going on and on about how she would love to have a kitty or pony and he was glad that Sammy said no. "But why are we here, Sammy?" He asked his big brother with a slight frown.
Toni crossed her arms over her chest, her lip sticking out in disappointment. "Awwww I wanted a pony. This isn't gonna be very fun news then." She heaved a sigh, looking at Santana expectantly. "Well what is it then?"
Santana tried not to laugh, looking over at Sam. "Well, you want to say it or me?"
"Be nice, Stevie…" Sam chided before smiling again and making the announcement, "Your mommy is pregnant, Toni. We are going to have a baby in a few months time."
"Really?" Stevie's eyes widened. He blinked a few times and then asked, "Is it going to be a boy? I want a boy, so I can play with him."
Santana smiled at Stevie, reaching to pat his shoulder. "Yes, really. We don't know yet what it is. We won't until it's bigger. But either way you can play with it. Not until it's a little bit bigger though. Either way you will be such an awesome uncle to it."
She turned her gaze to Antonia, the more dramatic and unpredictable of the two. Antonia stared at her, seeming to not quite be putting this together yet. She looked at her mother, than at her stomach, frowning. "You are not. You don't got a fat tummy. Your tummy is skinny so you aren't right, Mami. There isn't no baby in there."
Santana laughed, reaching to tweak a lock of her hair. "No, there is a baby in there, I promise. It's just that right now it's very very tiny. When it gets bigger then my stomach will get bigger too."
Sam laughed at his daughter, she was so innocent and clearly she didn't understand how pregnancy worked. "Mommy's belly will grow as the months pass, Princess. It's still early. The baby is still the size of a peanut." He smiled at Stevie after that. "We'll find out in a few months. But Tana is right, you can play with the baby even if it's a girl. You can teach her how to be tough, she's going to need her uncle Stevie."
Stevie didn't want to have another girl around the house. Toni was bad enough. He didn't like being outnumbered, but he didn't have much of a choice in this. "Okay… I'll be nice to the baby…"
Santana smiled at Stevie, ruffling his hair. "I'm glad I can count on you, hombrocito. The baby is going to look up to you and want to be just like you whether it's a boy or girl."
Antonia took this in, still frowning. She looked from Santana to her stomach to Sam, as though this was still something that she couldn't quite grasp. Then slow horror began to come over her face, and she kicked her leg against the couch, her face collapsing into a heavy scowl.
"You are so mean! Why are you getting a dumb stupid baby in your tummy?! We don't need a baby around here, we got enough kids here already! No more kids, NO BABIES!" She wasn't quite in tantrum mode yet, but she was definitely working her way up to it.
Santana looked down at her, her own expression becoming serious. She had suspected that Toni wouldn't be very thrilled with this, but she hadn't expected it to sink in quite this soon.
Sam smiled at Stevie. He was such a kind boy, he would have made their parents both very proud. "Thank you, buddy." He said, pulling him over for a hug.
Stevie didn't feel as bad anymore. It will be okay. He was a big boy and he has to lead by example. Although, it looked like Toni didn't get the same memo. She looked halfway to Meltdownville. Stevie was annoyed because she was always creating a scene and made everything un-fun, but instead of making things even worse, he clamp his lips together.
Sam sighed when he saw how Toni was reacting. She was not going to make this easy. He pulled Toni onto his lap and turned her so that she was looking at his face. "Toni, the baby is not dumb. That's a mean thing to say and you are hurting your mommy's feelings. Do you want to make mommy cry?"
Antonia twisted her body around in Sam's lap, resisting his effort to hold her and making grunting noises of frustration. "Is too dumb! It's dumb and stupid and I don't want it! You are very mean to go get a baby! Take it back!"
Glancing over at Stevie, Santana pressed her lips together into a tight line. She reached to squeeze his shoulder, knowing how much effort it must take for him to be so good then given how Toni was acting, and then looked over at her daughter. As rude as Toni was being, it bothered Santana how upset she was. She didn't know what Toni was thinking other than babies were "dumb" but since she had been interested in her infant cousins the few times she had met them, she didn't know exactly why. In spite of herself, she actually did feel a little teary like Sam had said. Stupid freaking hormones. Taking a breath, she spoke to Toni levelly.
"Toni, you're allowed to be upset, but we've talked about this. You talk about upset feelings. You tell us how you feel, you don't use mean words. Try again."
Stevie was mad now. If he was the one who had said those mean things, he would be in trouble, but it was okay for her to do it. "You are being mean. You are making Tana sad and making me mad…" He scowled at the little girl.
Sam didn't know how to deal with Toni. He could see Tana's sadness and Stevie's anger. In a way he understood Toni's worries. She was the baby for the longest time. It must be hard to have to have to share that attention now.
"Why are you upset, Toni? Do you think that mommy and daddy won't love you anymore? Because that's not true, you know… We will always love you and Stevie."
"I am not being mean! Everyone else is being mean! Very, very mean!" Antonia almost screamed this, still twisting around in Sam's arms, trying to slide down to the floor. "Mean, mean, mean!"
When Sam asked if she thought that she wouldn't be loved anymore, she stopped squirming around. Her body went limp instead, and she burst into tears, hanging half off his lap. "You will not! You put a new baby in Mami's tummy! You're gonna like it better, you wouldn't go get no new baby if you did too love me! You are so, so mean to me, I don't like you no more! I don't like you at all!"
She sobbed, and Santana's heart broke for her. She hadn't ever explained how babies were made to Toni, since she was so young; all Toni knew was they grew in women's stomach and came out as babies. For all she knew they had to buy them first. No wonder she was feeling betrayed, if she had it in her head that this baby was like replacing worn out sneakers or something like that.
Reaching out to her, she took her from Sam, settling her in her own lap and blinking back the tears still not totally gone. She rocked her, shaking her head.
"Baby, that isn't true. I love you so much. I have always loved you more than anything in this world. No one will ever, ever make that go away. Nothing. Lots and lots of people get little brothers or sisters and their parents still keep them and love them. You know that. Sam is Stevie's brother, he didn't get tossed out the window when Stevie was born."
The truth finally came out. Sam was right, Toni did feel like she was being replaced. "You will never be replaced, Toni. Your mommy and I could never replace you or Stevie. You both are very special to us." He reached out to stroke her hair, not wanting to break the bond that Toni and Tana was having. Then he looked at Stevie. "You believe me right? That I love you?"
Stevie nodded, at first he felt like he was being replaced by Toni, but now he understood everything. Sammy still loved. He still did things with Stevie and he would always be special to his brother's eyes. "I believe you. I love you too, Sammy…" He smiled before hugging his brother.
It was difficult for Toni to believe that then, but she clung to her mother, gradually returning her embrace as her tears lessened a little. Santana rubbed her back, holding her close to her heart as she continued to speak softly.
"You were my very first. My very first baby ever, and no matter how big you are, even if you get bigger then me, you will always be my baby girl. You'll be my baby when you're seventy years old. And this baby will love you so much too, Toni. You will be so, so important to it."
Eventually Toni stopped crying, slipping her thumb into her mouth, and just leaned into her mother's chest, sniffly. Santana kissed her head, giving her another tight hug, and then patted her leg. "Go give your daddy a hug. He doesn't like when you're sad and he really doesn't like when you say mean things. You have to use your feeling words, Toni. You know that."
"Sorry," Toni said in a small voice as she crawled onto Stevie's lap. Santana put her arm around Stevie, giving him a hug and kissing the top of his head too.
"Good. Because I do…" Sam said to Stevie, hugging him closely. Toni was crying and that broke something inside him. He hated seeing the people he loved hurting. He felt somewhat responsible for this, he should have thought about Toni and Stevie instead of letting his desire lead the way. When Toni apologized, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "It's okay, Toni. Daddy's sorry for upsetting you. Can you forgive me too?"
Stevie on the other hand was keeping his silence. He didn't have very much to say because he didn't want to upset anybody, so he simply let Tana hug and kiss his hair.
Arms still around Stevie, Santana watched her daughter and her fiance. She patted Toni's foot, giving it a gentle squeeze. Antonia sniffled, snuggling into Sam, and nodded. "Yeah. I still don't want a baby though. I wanna still be your little girl. And I don't like it 'cause it's gonna be your real live baby and you get to be its father AND daddy and you're just my daddy and it's not fair."
Santana froze, feeling like she had been stabbed in the heart with that comment of Toni's. It was true; Toni had definitely grasped their conversation previously very well. Sam would never be her father as he was the new child's. Her throat choked up and she looked away, trying desperately to keep control of herself.
"No, that's not true. You will always be my little princess. I will always love you. Stevie's not my son, but I love him. I don't love you more than I love him. I love you all equally. That's how things are going to be with the new baby too. I'm going to love him and her the same way." Sam said trying to sooth Toni's fears.
It all were starting to make sense now. Toni was afraid that they might be replacing her. Stevie had the same fears too in the past. Why didn't he see this coming from a mile away?
"Don't be silly, Toni. Sammy will always be your daddy. He's my big brother still and he love me. We do things together alone without you. If he didn't love me, he won't do that with me." Stevie said in his brother's defense.
Toni tried to process this, still frowning faintly. She hung onto Sam, looking up into his face. "Do you promise? 'Cause you didn't get me in my mami's belly and you got this baby there, right? You won't love it more 'cause you're it's daddy more?"
Santana still wasn't saying anything, not looking at her. She just reached out to pat Toni's leg, exhaling somewhat shakily. Toni looked over at Stevie. "Yeah….I guess…"
"Thank you, buddy." Sam was glad for Stevie's interference and was even happier to know that his little brother still knew that he was loved. "I promise." He flashed the little girl a lopsided smile and kissed her cute little nose. "You will always be my little princess no matter what. That will never, ever change." Then he bowed his head so that he could whisper into Toni's ear, "I think mommy needs a hug, why don't you give her a big one so that she can feel better?"
"Okay." Finally accepting this, for now anyway, Toni gave him a small smile. With Sam's whisper, she looked over at her mother, and seeing her expression, quickly became concerned. She climbed into Santana's lap and snuggled her, giving her the tightest squeeze she could. "Sorry Mami. I love you big big big. Even if you have lots of babies. I still don't want you to though okay? How about just this one and that's all."
Santana had to laugh at that, despite her somewhat emotional response. She hugged Antonia back, kissing her head. "Love you too, mija. So, so much."
Sam watched as Toni hugged Santana, his heart feeling full and already much better for what was transpiring. Things weren't perfect in his household, but he was glad that they were at least able to talk things out. He let the two have their moment for a few more minute longer before speaking again. "It's a good day to go out and get some ice cream. What do you say we do that?"
Stevie, who had been silent all this time got excited by the news. He clapped his hands and jumped in his seat. "Ice cream! Let's go get ice cream!"
Antonia perked up too at this announcement, jumping up off her mother's lap and clapping too. "Yeah! Ice cream! Ice cream with sprinkles! Ice cream with sprinkles!"
As Santana stood too, reaching for Sam's hand, she gave it a squeeze and a private smile of gratitude. No matter what happened or how stressful their days could ever be, she knew in the end he would always have her back, and that meant they could get through anything.