Avoiding Potter Or Not Chapter 13: The Memories, The Dark Lord,The Decision, a harry potter fanfic

aVOIDING POTTER OR NOt

Author: LilyHeartsJames - hehe… I changed again!

Disclaimer: Even though she killed off ALL of the Marauders, I still love JK so MUCH!

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my buddy Belinda, who gives me a reason to check my inbox EVERY SINGLE DAY! And also to my FAVOURITE teacher, Miss. Beahen who said she'll be leaving sometime next year, even though she only just came last term. And to tell you the truth, before she came to my school I thought she would be this old, grumpy mean teacher, but I was wrong. And now she's my favourite teacher and she isn't old, and at least SHE calls me by my nick-name, unlike other teachers lol. And yeah she told me this today, on my birthday… and I CRIED! Yep, I CRIED and no one else did… Anyway, I'm rambling lol! Sorry!

Notes: Well, I guess I DID leave you guys hanging for awhile but I had my reasons. Firstly, my younger sister had to do her assignment all week and yeah. So I couldn't go on the computer even though I did put on my alarm (which I continuously slept through for some reason!) and also, I'm at the crossroads with this story. I thought up different things to do for this chapter and this chapter alone. I thought of forwarding it to James' birthday. I thought of making Lily end up in a coma and she just 'happened' to wake up on James' birthday. I thought of making James realize he was a dickhead and went racing back to Lily, only to find her on the ground in Rosmerta's wine cellar, then he'd get her up to the school and everything would be fine. But no, that's not what will happen. I changed my mind plenty of times, but I chose this idea in the end!

Also, there is something important coming up in one day (TODAY!)

MY BIRTHDAY!

And thank you to all my reviewers, each and every one of you put a smile on my face. Oh how I LOVE reviews (hint, hint)

Ahem. Now that I've written everything that's important, here's the chapter that gave me real difficulties.

Chapter 13-

Three days.

It's been three days.

Three days and no one's come to rescue me.

Three days since I've last eaten.

Three days since I last had a drink.

Why isn't anyone coming for me? Don't they miss me at all? Don't they know that I'm stuck in a cell, or a dungeon or whatever you might want to call it? Why won't they come? I've been waiting for three bloody days. I haven't eaten, I haven't had a drink, I've barely slept because I'm afraid that the Death Eaters might creep up on me during the middle of the night and rape me. Or whack me. Or go all serial killer on me. Or, or something.

But the thing that's really gotten to me is that maybe they're not coming for me at all. Maybe they've forgotten all about me. They probably all hate me so much because I hurt James. Even Becky and Emm probably hate me.

What about Dumbledore? Surely he would want to save me. He wouldn't want me to rot away in this hell hole. Would he?

I feel faint. Possibly because I haven't eaten in ages and-

Oh my god what was that? Someone's coming…

Dun dun dun dun! Dun dun dun dun! Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun!

Okay so maybe that's a little dramatic but what the heck who cares?

The cell door opened and I stood up and shielded my eyes against the light from the door.

"Here, eat. Drink. The Dark Lord wishes to see you" the voice of a male said. His voice wasn't calm and cool and concerned, it was one of disgust, and loathefulness.

He left the bowl of food and a cup of water on the floor beside the door and left. But outside it he said; "I'll be back in ten minutes" and left.

As I hurried over to the food, a patch of light from the window flooded through. It was night time, and it was a full moon. With a pang I felt angry with myself, and guilty.

Remus would be transforming tonight, so maybe James, Sirius and Peter are with him like every other full moon and Becky and Emm were making plans on rescuing me from this, this… place. This nightmare. This horror.

As I scrambled over to the food and sat down, I looked at it. It was a loaf of bread and onion soup. I breathed in the smell of onions. Oh how I love onion soup…

I dipped my bread into the bowl hungrily and shoved it into my mouth. It wasn't boiling hot, it wasn't cold either but it was pretty warm. And it was pretty good. I thought they would give me some shitty food, like beaked beans or, or spaghetti or something.

As I finished my soup, I began to drink the water and a burning sensation went down my throat. It hurt, so bad that I wanted to rip open my neck and reach down into my lungs and tear out whatever was hurting me. And with a pang of anger, of foolishness and of sadness, I realized I'd just swallowed veritaserum.

Veritaserum. I've never had it before in my life, but I recognized the symptoms. I stood up as soon as I felt foot steps approaching.

The door swung open and the man in the dark robes looked at the empty bowl and cup and smirked.

"Foolish girl… Is you're name Lilian Jane Evans?"

My throat tore at my lungs, trying to say no, anything but the truth but the pain was just so unbearable I couldn't take it anymore…

"Y-yes" I choked out and the Death Eater smirked even wider.

"Excellent" he said and pointed his wand at me and nodded to the corridor outside. "Move, now"

I walked forwards, my throat still hurting and he poked his wand into my back until I moved off along the hallway until he told me to stop.

He opened the door and pushed me inside.

"The Mud-blood master" he said bowing as he backed out of the room. He shut the door with a snap and the room was in total darkness until a fire roared in the fireplace.

"Sit down" said a voice that sent chills down my spine.

I did as I was told, and found myself looking at a man with white, pale skin. His eyes were like cat pupils and they were blood red. He had a snakelike nose, slits instead of the normal human nose. His fingers looked spiderish, and he flexed his hand that was holding his wand.

"So, you are Lily Evans are you not?" he asked, his voice sending even more chills down my spine.

My throat began to tighten and then loosen and it burned like hot coal was being pressed to the back of my neck.

"Yes" I managed to say.

He nodded.

"And are you, or are you not under veritaserum?"

The familiar sensation was too much for me to bear… "I am" I said.

He nodded again.

"And how close are you too James Potter?"

This question startled me above all others.

"W-what?" I stammered and he smiled.

"How close are you too James Potter?"

I couldn't tell the truth, I had to lie. I had to, I had to but I couldn't, it hurt too much. But-

I gasped as the pain become even more unbearable as I said the wrong thing. "Not, not close at all"

"You lie" Lord Voldemort whispered and I shook my head, hoping it wouldn't hurt as much but it did.

"No-No I'm n-not" I managed to get out before I gasped with even more uncomfortable pain.

"Yes, it hurts doesn't it?" his voice was just lower then a whisper, but somehow easy to hear over my continuing gasps.

"I want something from you"

"What?" I said before I could stop myself.

"The whereabouts of James Potter"

My eyes widened.

"I-I don't know where he is!" I yelled, grabbing my throat now as the pain was even more unbearable, it was excruciating, it was sore, it was hurting so much.

"I think you do. Now tell me now"

"I c-can't" I said, my voice shaking.

"There is of course, another way of finding out. Finding out how close the two of you are. Finding out where he is… Finding out about how you feel towards him…"

"I-I don't f-feel anything for h-him! N-nothing a-at a-all!" I gasped even louder as the pain hurt even more.

"Lies… Lies… Lies…"

And suddenly images began floating in front of my very own eyes.

Memories…

We went up to the front door step of the house next door and mum knocked. A few minutes passed by and the door opened and I gaped.

"Ooh! Look Prongsie! Food for us how thoughtful!" Sirius Black said taking the basket from my mum and giving her a charming smile. He didn't notice me but Potter surely did. His eyes widened and I stared at him.

"Oh no! Not you!" I said stepping backwards. He gaped at me.

"What the HELL are you doing here?" he asked thunderstruck.

"The question is what the HELL are YOU doing hear!" I said glaring at him.

"Oh my God. Bless my Soul its Lily Evans!" Sirius said cackling.



"Its almost lunchtime. Would you like to join us?" Heather asked grinning.

"NO!" Me and James both said at the exact same time. Everyone looked at us and we glared at each other.

"We'd be intruding-" mum started glaring at me but I was still glaring at James who was still glaring at me.

"Of course you wouldn't! Join us please! Don't mind James!" Heather said glaring at James as well.

"Ok" mum said smiling. I tore my glare from Potter.

"What?" I said, knowing perfectly well what mum had said but wanting to know whether it was true.

"We're staying here for lunch Lily" mum said coldly.

"Oh, gee I'd really really love to and everything but I promised a friend I'd meet up with her and oh would you look at the time! I'm five minutes late!" I said starting for the door.

"I didn't think you had friends" Petunia said.

I glared at her. "I'm meeting up with… Becky" I said.

"But isn't she in Paris?" James said.

I glared at him.

"Oh yeah, bugger I totally forgot!" I said glaring at him and he smirked.

"Lily…" mum said glaring at me. I rolled my eyes and sighed defeated. Heather smiled and showed us to the table.



"James is here. I want you to be nice to him"

"WHAT?!?!?!" I yelled and she made shushing noises.

"He and his mother are in the Lounge room. Go and offer them some biscuits"

I groaned and grabbed the tray of Oreos and walked into the Lounge room, completely forgetting I was in my pajamas.

I looked at them as they glanced around the house curiously.

I offered them biscuits and said hello. Heather took one and James glared at me suspiciously before taking one and looking at it.

"I haven't poisoned it Potter. I wouldn't mind poisoning you but I wouldn't poison your mother" I said and he bit into it. I sighed and he smirked.

"Nice pajamas"

I glanced down at my pants and tank top and realized that they were embarrassing. They were green with frogs on them. I turned around and went upstairs to get dressed. Git!



I sat down on my bed and James sat on my computer chair.

"So, tell me Li-Evans. Why does your sister treat you like that?"

"She's a bitch what else can you expect?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Still, what she says must be hurtful"

"Yeah it is. But sometimes I just, I just try to block it all out and it doesn't work because as soon as I'm alone I just break down and cry" I said. I'm not sure why I tell him this, but I did. It just slipped out.

He got up and sat in front of me on my bed.

"Why is she mean to you though?" he asked softly.

I bit my lip. "Well, before I got my Hogwarts letter, we were great. We were like best friends, more then sisters and shared everything. But then the day that I got my Hogwarts letter everything changed. She was so mean to me and called me all these names and it was horrible. Some times I just wanted to curl up and die. But I got through it I guess and she makes me so angry. Sometimes I just wish we were still like that and weren't all hostile towards each other. Trust me we have worse fights then you and me do".

He looked at me. "It must be hard" he said with a smile.

"Yeah it is"

He looked at me, and I looked back at him and I didn't look away.

He leaned in, getting closer and closer until-

Freckles squawked loudly and we turned our heads and saw him stretch out his wings and shake his head. He'd just woken up.

James looked back at me and we realized how close we were and he stood up.

"Uh, listen Evans I gotta get home. Sirius is probably wondering where the hell I am cos like when we left he was sleeping and yeah. So cya"

"Yeah, cya Potter" I replied and he left and I leaned my head against the wall after he closed the door.



"I smell chocolate" Remus said and we all laughed.

"Well luckily for you, I just went out and got some!" I said smiling. He smiled too and hugged me.

"Happy Birthday for tomorrow Lils" he said kissing my cheek. "Thanks Remus" I said smiling.

Then Sirius almost bowled me over with a hug so massive it wasn't funny.

"Oh my gosh! Lily you silly um… dilly! You're the youngest and the last of us to turn seventeen oh! I'm so excited! Where's the food?" he asked as he buried his head into my shoulder.

I just laughed and stepped back. "Its in the kitchen" I said and he dashed for it, with mum hurrying after him. Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned and James stood there smiling. "Happy birthday Lily" he said kissing my cheek softly.

"Thank you" I said smiling at him. Petunia walked out of the lounge room without a backwards glance and James gave me sympathetic smile. I just sighed.

"Oh she is so gonna regret that" Becky said and I grinned sheepishly.

"You betcha" James said with a smirk. "She's not gonna know what hit her" I laughed.

"You guys are so evil! Now we better go get some food otherwise there'll be none left"

"Oh there will be" Becky said threateningly and hurried into the kitchen.

I turned to James. "How is it that you managed to get here before I did yet I finished before you?"

He winked. "Magic" he said and pulled me by the arm into the kitchen.

"I challenge you to a sculling contest. The first to down a bottle of coke wins"

"Wins what?" I asked smirking.

"A… chocolate frog" he said.

"Oh come on! That's not even tempting me!" I said punching his arm.

"Alright, looser… has to be the winner's slave" a mischievous glint appeared in his eye.

"Deal. You're on" I said shaking his hand.

"Bring it on Evans"

"Do you know who you're challenging Potter?"

"A girl" he said simply.

"Oh you are gonna regret that!" I said and we raced each other to the fridge.



James sighed in defeat. "Alright Evans, you won. What would you like me to do?"

"Clean up your mess" I said pointing at the coke puddle he'd spat out. He grabbed out his wand.

"With out magic!"

His face fell. "NO fair"

"Fair and square!" I said smirking and everyone laughed as he bent down and scrubbed with a cloth. When he was finished he chucked it back into the sink.

"You are evil!" he muttered into my ear when everyone else started eating. Goosebumps went up my arms and I tried to ignore the fluttery feeling inside my stomach.



I stared at the Prophet and sighed. "That's so sad" I said softly.

"No kidding" James said.

"God don't do that! You scared the hell outta me!" I said standing up and he smirked. I thought he went to sleep!

"Um, God didn't do that, I did" he said crossing his arms.

"Ha sodding ha" I replied and he smiled.

"What do you reckon about that kid?" he asked curiously.

"It's sad, I dunno how she could have done such a thing" I said looking away.

"That's because she didn't do it" he said knowingly.

"But the Prophet-"

"The Prophet only reported what they saw. That's not what happened"

"How the hell do you know?"

"It's my job to know" he replied smirking.

"You're still in school and you're not an Auror"

"Not yet but I will be"

"You seem so confident"

"Maybe that's cos I know I'm gonna be"

We stood there staring at each other for a few minutes before James said; "This is my theory. Voldemort" (he watched me closely but I didn't flinch and he smiled) "Went to that house and killed her parents and brother with her dad's wand so they could trace it back to the girl. Then he cast a memory charm on her, making her think that-"

"Making her think that she killed them! Then, he conjured the Dark Mark and then-"

"And then he left, and she admitted to the murder, obviously because she thought she did it but she didn't really do it, he just modified her memory and replaced it with a new one and she was able to-"

"Give the details of the murder exactly as it happened!"

"Exactly" James said nodding and we stood there staring at each other.

"Should we tell your dad?"

"Why?" he asked. I seriously tried to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"Honestly you are the most stupidest person that I have ever met" I said hitting him on the back of the head.

"I knew why we had to see him I was just being an idiot" he said rolling his eyes.

"Jesus! You have a problem!"

"Yes, you"

"Yeah well… you're my problem!"

"I thought we were civilized"

"Yeah me too"

"Friends?"

"In your dreams!"

He raised his eyebrows but I shook his outstretched hand and he smirked.

"I was just being-"

"Stubborn?" he asked and I smirked too. "Yeah, I kinda figured" he said smiling and we looked at our hands, which were still moving up and down even though the matter had been sealed about… a few minutes ago.

We released our hands and hurried over to the front door. "You do realize we're in our pajamas and are about to go outside where a tone of people can see us and little old ladies might have a heart attack at seeing you shirtless"

"Yes I know, but I'm willing to risk it" he said winking and I shook my head and we hurried over to his house, and ran up the stairs.



He continued to stare at me and I walked over to him. "James?"

"Do you think I'm ugly or something?" he asked in a strangled voice.

"What? No James I was only joking!" I said laughing but he looked at me sadly.

"No you weren't"

"What? James you idiot I was so joking! God do you always have to take things so seriously?" I asked feeling agitated.

"No. But I know you were lying. You think I'm ugly" he was glaring at me.

"I do not!" I said glaring back.

"Prove it" he said, not looking away.

I stood there, watching him and my mind was made up before I could rethink what I was about to do.

I closed the space in between us and leaned in and brushed my lips against his so softly it was as if we weren't even kissing. He didn't pull away; on the contrary he put his hand on my hip and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss.

I put my arms around his neck, and playfully ran my fingers through his hair. I heard him moan and I smirked. I wonder if any girl has ever made James Potter moan before.

He pulled his lips away from mine and leaned down and began to nibble on my ear affectionately, taking me by complete surprise because only Freckles has done that to me. Without thinking, without knowing, I moaned and he smiled and pulled away.

We stood there looking at each other, and I could see something I've never ever seen before in James' eyes.

Love. No it isn't love, its lust. No wait its love… Oh bloody hell I don't know!

We stood there, just looking at each other, both feeling confused.



"James you're a giant idiot" I said and we all just laughed again as James scowled.

"Yeah but it takes one to know one love" he answered as Carly ran up to him.

"James darling how are you?" she asked squeezing herself in between me and James so that I was pushed down along the bench.

"Er, I'm fine" he said frowning.

"Come with me for a walk around the lake sweetie" she said flicking her hair in my face. I scowled as she tossed her head.

"Er, I haven't finished eating" James replied casting me an apologetic look. I just smiled.

"So? You've had some food" she answered in her usual sickly sweet voice.

"But I'm still hungry" he said glancing at the food longingly.

I buttered several pieces of toast and put them in a napkin. I handed them over to him.

"There you go" I said and he grinned.

"Thanks Lily, you're a life saver" he said shoving a piece in his mouth. Carly scowled and got up, pulling him by the collar with her.



I sped up to walk along with James. "What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing" he said quickly.

"Yeah right, I know you James. Whenever something's bothering you, you go all quiet. It's quite freaky actually"

James didn't smile.

"I'm fine Lily" we walked into the Entrance Hall.

"Uhuh sure"

"Look Lily just drop it" James snapped and I actually froze. He stopped as the other's walked over to the table.

"Lils, I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap okay?" he said his voice filled with sadness.

I gave him a small smile. "Okay. But if you need to talk James, you know you can come to me"

"Yeah I know but that's why you're my mate, coz you care" he said swinging an arm around my shoulders and I grinned and shrugged it off as Carly looked about ready to murder.



James grabbed my hand I and laughed. "James you can't dance!"

"Wanna bet?" he asked and I grinned as we started waltzing, both of us laughing, making complete idiots out of ourselves. Remus turned the music up a bit and everyone started to watch us waltz around our little kitchen.

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face let's me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Try as they may they can never define
What's being said between your heart and mine

James twirled me around and I laughed and then the music stopped, and so did we. Next thing we know was that everyone in the classroom was applauding us and we both blushed.



"We'll always be friends right Lily?" James asked looking at me.

"Course. Great friends" I replied and he smiled.

We sat there, me leaning against the beech tree and James sitting in its branches.

"Well I'm glad we sorted that out"

"Yeah me too" I said looking out at the water.

James jumped down beside me and helped me up.

"I'll always be here for you Lily" he said softly looking into my eyes. "Always"

"I'll always like you no matter what" I said and he pecked me softly on the lips and hugged me tightly, my head resting on his chest and his chin leaning on my head…



"I used to laugh at her and she'd force me to tell her what I wanted in a guy"

'What did you want?" James asked quietly.

I paused, trying to remember. "Well… I know that I always wanted a guy that would listen to me. He would care about me so much and go to the end of the world for me. I dreamed what every little girl dreamed of, a handsome prince coming to rescue me on his noble steed. Then Petunia would laugh and say, "There's no such thing as prince charming Lily" and I'd ask her about Mark and she'd say; "He's not prince charming Lily. Because he's not perfect" I was confused and said; "well I want I guy who loves me for me, and not my looks. If I was sick and had a cold, they'd stay and look after me even if I warned them not to. But then they'd get the cold and I'd look after them"



"Hey hun" said a voice behind me.

I turned around and Alice was standing there smiling.

"Hey! Sit down!" I said patting the chair beside me.

She did and we talked for while, about her and Frank, about the ball, how we wanted Sirius and Becky together, how cute Remus and Emm were, and me… and James.

"So you and James huh?"

"What about us?" I asked quickly.

She smiled. "I see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him"

"We don't… look at each other specially. He has a girlfriend and I… have my mates"

"Uhuh, sure" but the knowing smile on her face told me she knew the truth.

"Okay, maybe I like him… a little but just as a friend" I said blushing a bit.

"Oh, yeah right… and I'm gonna end up married and pregnant to Malfoy" she said sarcastically.

"Look Alice, there isn't anything going on, really"

But before she could reply James walked up and parked his backside on my lap.

"Do you mind?" I asked, trying to sound angry but failing badly.

"No, plus Alice stole my chair and I thought it would be rude to steal it back so yeah"

"I see" I said grinning.

"How was you're dance James?" Alice asked grinning as well.

"A disaster. Whenever I looked away at anything but her she'd crunch my toes with her bloody shoes that are so sharp even sharp would they were sharp"

"That didn't make sense" Alice and I said at the same time.

"It doesn't have to, I'm beautiful!" James said and I shook my head.

"Oh my gosh, you're such a weirdo" I said and he grinned.

"Yeah I know, but you know what? You still-"

"Love you? Yeah…"

"See you know me so well you finish my sentences" he said happily.

"Yep… oh god get off me Carly looks like she wants to murder me" I said and both James and Alice laughed.

"This is serious guys! I could die!" they shook their heads.

"She'd have to go through me first Lils" James said smirking.

"Yeah anyway get off. She already attempted to kill me and you know it"

James just chuckled. "As you wish" he said getting up.

Alice stood up. "I'm gonna go find Frank. Cya later"

"Bye, enjoy the rest of the night" I said smiling.

"You too!" she said with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Don't worry, we will!" James called out to her and sat down next to me.

"So, I saw you look at me when you danced with Carly. Admit it, you missed me too much and decided to run away and sit with me" I said jokingly.

"Touché Evans that was part of the escape plan" he said shocking me.



Just then, we heard people saying; "Mistletoe! They're under the mistletoe" and pointed at us.

And we looked up, and sure enough there was a bit of mistletoe.

We stopped dancing straight away and soon people around us began chanting; "Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss" over and over again. I rubbed my eyes. I can't believe it! Even Dumbledore's chanting "snog, snog, snog"… oh but he is a bit drunk. And at the thought of a drunk Dumbledore I laughed… "Sirius spiked the punch…" I said softly and James nodded.

"Yeah" his throat was dry…

People around us continued to chant the words either kiss or snog.

Hazel met green, and we leaned in and kissed… and the rest of the world just seemed to drown out… as if we were in a different world, floating away…



(End of memories)

When my eyes opened I was looking up at the ceiling. I had a major headache and as I sat up I couldn't see Voldemort anywhere.

But when I heard his voice I knew he was still here.

"Tell me. That last memory. How long ago was it?"

My throat no longer burned as I looked around and saw him with his back to me and gazing into the fire.

"Months ago. December. Christmas" I said softly, even though I didn't have to. The veritaserum must have disappeared or whatever when he was searching through my memories. I shouldn't have told him! But he would have found out anyway.

He nodded.

""You can read minds?" I asked standing up shakily and my headache worsened and my hand flew up to my head.

"Yes… yes I can. Tell me, what are you're feelings towards James Potter?"

"I, what?" I asked even though I understood it.

He turned his back to the fire and glanced at me as I sat back down on the couch.

"You heard me" he said, his eyes looking into mine. I started to feel a bit dizzy so I looked away and immediately the dizziness stopped. I frowned confusedly.

"I don't have any feelings for him whatsoever"

"Yeah sure, and I love my filthy muggle father" Voldemort said sarcastically, a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"Look, James… James is just my friend and… and that's all" I said quietly.

"But you want more then that don't you?"

When I looked up at him, his eyes were gleaming from the firelight.

"No of course not. Like I said we're just friends"

"Do not insult my intelligence. I saw you're memories, I read you're mind. I know that you care about him deeply… and he cares about you" His eyes were burning into mine; making me feel dizzy again so I looked away, and yet again the dizziness was gone.

I looked into the fire. "Can I go now?"

"You'll do anything to avoid the question won't you?" he asked, watching me carefully.

I looked up at him. "I just want to go, I'm tired"

"You can. But I want you to do something for me"

"What the hell do you want from me?" I asked feeling agitated.

"I want James Potter" his voice was calm and controlled, but his eyes were shining brightly.

"Well you'll have to get him yourself because I am not going to betray my friend for you"

"I'm beginning to feel a little annoyed. And curious. I wonder, is there something you're not telling me?" his eyes never left my face.

"James won't come, even if you used me as bait. Because he hates me"

"After what I've just seen I think otherwise. Something very, very far from hate"

"Yeah well you didn't see him in Hogsmead three days ago did you?" my voice was bitter and angry.

He frowned. "What happened?"

I sighed. "You'll find out anyway won't you?"

Voldemort nodded. "I will read you're mind eventually"

So I told him about our fight, hoping against hope he would forget about wanting me to help him get James.

"Well… think of helping me as getting revenge on him, for the way he treated you" he was smirking now and I glared at him.

"I will never, ever help you" I snarled.

"Well, why don't you join me? You can have whatever you want. Freedom… A Dark Mark… A better life… Revenge"

I stood up angrily. "I won't join you, because you are sick and twisted. I want to go back. Send me back home"

"You're not going anywhere, until you help me get Potter. And when you do, you'll be rewarded, rewarded beyond any of my other Death Eaters. You will have order, you will command, you can stand beside me and watch me get revenge on him, for what he did to you"

"I'm not changing my mind. I'll stay here for the rest of my life if I have to but I am not helping you get James"

"And there is nothing that can change you're mind?"

"No, nothing"

I was determined. I had my mind set. I would rather die then betray my friends.

"I see" he said softly…



How can he do this? I hate him; I hate him, I HATE HIM!

Giving me a choice! He is cruel! Down right cruel!

I hate this stupid cell, I hate this stupid place, and I hate him!

I hate Lord Voldemort!

He is the worst person you could ever meet!

Honestly I wish I could hex his butt off! Hex his head off! Hex his face so it was deranged, oh wait it already is…

God!

He actually made me make a choice the bloody bastard!

He said that if I didn't help him do whatever he wants to do with James then I'd never see my family again. But I told him that he could kill me if he wanted it wouldn't worry me… but the stupid arsehole told me that I wouldn't be the one killed. He'd kill my family. So I either pick James or my family.

And I hate myself, because this is the hardest decision I will ever make in my whole entire life.

I either save my family, and help Voldemort do something really nasty to James.

Or I either not include myself in whatever bad thing he wants to do to James and risk my family being killed.

And it's finally came down to this.

My family, or the guy that I'm in love with me, regardless whether he hates me or not.

Sometimes I really hate my life…

A/N: Haha! How'd you guys like that? I'm sorry about the memories being that long! But I thought of something. Snape only saw flashes of Harry's memories right? But Voldemort saw really far into Lily's memories and I decided on that because he's a more powerful wizard then Snape is. But he'll never be the good guy that Snape was. I mean he was an arse to James, but James was an arse to him too. Therefore I thought I hated him, but when I read book seven I thought of him as a good guy, but I still didn't like him for the way he was when he was younger. Yeah.

Well, I know that last chapter James was a dick, and he realizes that. Next chapter. Trust me!

And also, Lily will be rescued eventually… I just have to plan it out!

Thank you to all my reviewers, I was gonna reply to them all but… There was too many!

Oh yeah, and to Lily the Marauder, um… the characters say 'cya' instead of 'see ya' because I'm kinda used to msn chat, even if the last time I was on msn was months and months ago… have you guys noticed I haven't said lol much? oh crap I just said it…

I'm trying not to and I'll try to write see ya instead of cya… thanks! Because when it said it annoyed you I realized the only reason I wrote it like that was because I was too lazy to write the whole thing. So from now on, that's one of my main goals.

And sorry if this chapter didn't turn out as one of the greatest… I seriously considered writing Voldemort as a random idiot, but hey I decided against it… So sorry guys, no random Voldemort!

Now hows about you guys be nice to me and give me a birthday present? review …

PLEASE!

Love always, hoping to get you a quicker review,

LilyHeartsJames

xxxoooxxxooo