Chapter 2: Tired

Disclaimer: I don't own Blue Exorcist.

A/N: Thank you for all the follows, favs, and reviews! You guys are the best! I really hope you enjoy this chapter! I love hearing all of your opinions, so please tell me if there is anything I can do to make the story better! Oh, and there's going to be a lot of referencing to Rin as a boy, but Rin is indeed a girl, so please don't get too confused.

Italics = thoughts/singing

*Stars and italics* = *actions*

Bold = demonic speaking

Underlined Italics = what's happening/where

Previously

Rin finished, her eyes were shadowed by her bangs. Little did she know there was a certain exorcist that heard every word.

And that exorcist just so happened to be Bon.

Bon was bored. He finished his homework really quickly and had nothing else to do. That is, until Yukio came up and asked him something.

"Hey."

Bon looked at Yukio questioningly. "Is there something you need?"

"Yes, there is. Can you watch over Rin? I want to make sure he's studying and not slacking off." I'm also worried about his behavior. Yukio mentally added.

Bon thought for a moment before finally making up his mind. "Sure, what do you want me to do?"

"Can you just watch him study and make sure he actually does some work? It would be nice if he got his homework done for once."

Bon snorted. "Works for me."

"Great, he should be in the dorm. If not, then he's probably on the roof. See you, I've got a mission!"

Yukio and Bon parted ways and were heading to their designated destinations. Yukio to only God knows where and Bon to the abandoned dorms where they had the exam.

The walk made Bon even more tired and he was sure as hell happy when he finally got there. Bon walked into the building and was about to head for Rin and Yukio's dorm when he realized, I don't even remember where it is! Sh*t! Bon cursed mentally. He sighed and started to head towards the roof instead. Knowing Rin, he would probably be on the roof anyway.

As Bon got closer to the roof he faintly heard someone singing.

I can't escape this hell,
So many times I've tried,
But I'm still caged inside.
Somebody get me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself.

Who is that? That can't be Rin, it sounds way too feminine, unless… nevermind. Bon trudged onwards and he could hear the voice clearer.

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal!
This animal, this animal.

Bon chuckled dryly at how alike Rin was to this song. The memory of Rin going berserk at that camping trip was still engraved in his mind.

Flashback

Rin stood, snarling and ablaze with blue flames surrounding him.

Rin's a demon?! More importantly, those blue flames… he can't be the son of Satan! Bon was frozen stiff. Whether it be from shock, fear, or even anger, he didn't know.

His instincts were screaming at him to get away, but he just stood there. And then Shiemi, the timid and shy girl who was Rin's first friend, started running towards him.

Is she crazy?! She must be suicidal!

Shura and Yukio intercepted her and stood in a protective stance before her.

"It's too dangerous! Stand back!" Yukio yelled.

Rin slowly started to walk towards them and Yukio and Shura braced themselves for the worst. Just as it seemed like Rin would attack, Shiemi ran forth.

"Rin!" Shiemi reached Rin and wrapped her arms around him. "It's alright. It's alright now."

And just like that, Rin calmed down. His eyes lost its flare and he slumped down, tired. The flames covering him went out and Shiemi kept her hold on him, as if he would disappear into the earth if she let go.

Bon looked at the duo, he felt a little pang in his heart seeing the two. Rin looked so fragile just then, like he could fall apart any second now, even though he almost burned down the whole forest.

Why couldn't I do anything? Bon thought sourly. If only you were the one to calm Rin down, to hold him like that… A nagging voice in Bon's head said, said person almost slapped himself for that thought. What am I thinking!? He pushed that thought very far down into the depths of his mind.

End of Flashback

His thoughts came to an abrupt stop when he realized he reached the roof. The music was loud and he could hear every word.

I can't escape myself,
So many times I've lied.
But there's still rage inside.
Somebody get me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself!

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me!
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal!

Slowly, Bon pushed the door open and his jaw dropped at the sight.

Rin was singing! And he was actually good! In addition to that, he was playing guitar, who knew he actually had other talent besides cooking? Bon quickly, but quietly, closed the door. His mind was racing at a thousand miles per second.

Is that actually Rin? Why does his voice sound good? How is it so good? When did he learn how to play guitar? All of these thoughts crossed his mind until one question made him stop. Is Rin a girl?

Bon thought about this question.

Why Rin is a boy:
-He is loud, obnoxious, and gets into fights all the time.
-He doesn't have 'lady parts' (...or does he?)
-He uses the boy's restroom.
-He shares a room with Yukio.
-He has a crush on Shiemi…I think.

Why Rin is a girl:
-He, err, she can cook.
-Has a high voice.

Conclusion: Rin is a boy.

Bon sighed, Rin must be a boy…Then again, I've never really seen him go into the boy's restroom, and girls can get into fights too…

Bon quickly cleared his mind of these thoughts and decided to just sit back and listen to the rest of the song.

Somebody help me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself.
Somebody wake me from this nightmare,
I can't escape this hell!

This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal!

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become.
Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal!

Bon sat in silence for a few moments after the music stopped. He was about to go onto the roof and pretend like he didn't hear a thing until the door was yanked open.

"…"

"…"

Rin stared at Bon. "The hell are you doing up here?"

Bon cleared his throat and said, "Yukio wanted me to check up on your… 'studying.'"

"Oh." Rin stared, seemingly scrutinizing him, before breaking out in a scowl.

"Well, I was about to go study now so you can leave…Stupid moley four-eyes, sending me a babysitter." Rin muttered the last part. It felt like a spell was broken and Rin was back to his normal ill-mannered self, but Bon knew better than that.

"No, Yukio told me to watch over your work, so I'm staying." Bon replied.

"Like hell you'll be staying!" Rin shouted, his (or her?) tail lashed out behind him.

The two glared at each other childishly before Rin hmmphed and stomped towards his dorm, promptly brushing past Bon on the way down. Bon tched and followed.

Once they reached the dorms Rin slammed the door in Bon's face before he could get in.

"OI!" Bon banged on the door. "Let me in!"

"…" Silence was all that was heard on the other side of the door.

"OI!" Bon waited, and waited, and waited, until he had enough. Bracing himself, he ran towards the door, hitting it with a loud thump. He repeated this several times before the door finally opened and Rin, looking quite irritated, shouted at him.

"Bastard! What do you think you're doing?!" He yelled.

"Trying to get in. So are you going to let me in or are you going to let me continue hitting the door until it falls down?" Bon answered with a victorious smirk.

Rin sighed and stepped aside for Bon to come in, which he did. He sat down on the bottom bunk bed and looked around the room. You could clearly tell which side Rin occupied and which side Yukio occupied, due to the mess and the abnormal cleanliness.

Rin stood in front of him, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Are you going to study or not?" Bon asked.

Rin stood there for a few more seconds before he started pouting and went back to his desk.

Time Skip

Bon woke up with a start. Weird…I don't remember falling asleep. He looked around and noticed it was dark, really dark. How come Yukio isn't home yet?

"No…"

Bon whipped his head around and saw Rin, sleeping on his homework.

Did Rin just say something? Bon looked closer at Rin.

"I..can't leave." Rin muttered.

Leave? Bon wondered.

"I won't…leave my…friends." Rin's brow was furrowed, he looked almost…scared.

Bon realized he shouldn't watch, it isn't polite. He was about to go when he felt a hand grip his shirt.

"Don't…leave. I don't…want to be left…alone." Rin looked like he was on the verge of tears.

Bon sighed and picked Rin up, surprised at how light he was. He put Rin on the bed gently and then took Rin's hand off his shirt. Rin looked upset at this and Bon quickly muttered something to make him feel better.

"Don't worry, you don't ever have to feel alone." Bon murmured.

Rin visibly relaxed at this and all the tension left his shoulders. Bon looked over at Rin's homework and was surprised to find it done, albeit a few-no, a lot of mistakes.

Bon smiled slightly. At least Rin completed it.

Bon, not wanting to stay any longer, left. But the events seemed to have left him with even more questions.

A/N: From now on I'm going to refer to Rin as her true gender, well her true gender in this story, so don't get confused with all the she's and her's.

The Next Day

Rin was crying, alone and sad. Why does this always happen to me? Why are they so scared of me? Why do I always feel alone? She looked up at the dark and cloudy sky. I wish I could go far away from here, where people would accept me…

Flashback

Rin was sitting in class, sleeping. Y'know, the norm. She was with the exwires and Yukio was currently prattling off about some random exorcist stuff which she already knew.

"Okumura!" A voice hissed.

Rin yawned sleepily and looked around, spotting a pissed Bon. "What? I was having a nice nap."

That was a lie. Truth be told, Rin was having a nightmare before Bon woke her up. It was the same dream she's been having lately, except it seems to be getting more aggressive, like it's anticipating something. But what?

"Pay attention!" Bon hissed once again, turning back to the front.

Rin just shrugged and went back to sleep…well she tried to go back to sleep. She couldn't because she was scared, yes Rin Okumura was scared. Of what you may ask? Of seeing what else that horrid TV would show her, what other dark secrets she would rather not re-live again.

After the end of the class, Bon was immediately next to Rin.

"Oi! We need to talk, alone." Bon whispered.

"Why? I would rather not be alone with you, thank you very much." Rin retorted.

"This is serious! I need to talk to you."

"Well, why can't we talk right now? No one is looking at us anyway."

Bon sighed irritably. "Fine. I heard you sing and play the guitar yesterday."

Rin froze momentarily before going back to her easy-going façade. "Huh? I don't know where you got the idea where I can actually sing and play guitar from, but it's not funny."

"Don't lie! I heard and saw you!"

"No. You. Didn't. Because it never happened. I don't know what drugs you're on but if you think-"

"STOP!" Bon practically screamed.

"…"

The whole room went silent and looked over at the two.

Bon turned away sheepishly and lowered his voice. "Stop lying, please just tell me the truth."

Rin shook her head stubbornly and replied, "I am telling the truth."

This angered Bon and he slammed his hands on Rin's desk. "Seriously!? Would it kill you to speak your mind for once? What are you so scared of? Why do you hide beneath your easy-going exterior? What are you so afraid of?!"

Rin looked down. "Listen, I-"

"No!" Bon cut him off, "I don't want to hear anymore lies! Please," Bon's tone took a slight pleading tone. "I…I've seen you look and listen to the teacher when you think nobody can see you, I've seen that hurt look in your eyes whenever someone says something about your…origins, and I-"

"Enough already!" Rin said, her voice rising to match Bon's volume. "I don't know what you're talking about! Stop spouting nonsense!"

The whole class was watching this exchange by now. Everyone was curious to see how far this would go.

Bon clenched his fists and Rin bit her lip. Rin knew she was pushing it, but she couldn't stop acting, not now.

"So what?!" Bon burst out, "You're just going to pretend like nothing is wrong? That you really are the dumb, violent person you want everyone to believe? Well I don't believe it! I see the intelligence in your eyes! Your ears always perk up whenever someone says something you find interesting! But yet, you still act this way! I don't understand!"

Bon stopped there, taking in ragged breaths from talking so much. "Tch." He scowled. "Or are you afraid that if you show everyone the real you, then they really will see the monster everyone believes you to be."

Rin's blood ran cold at that statement. "Take that back…" She began. "Take that back, take that back, TAKE THAT BACK!" Rin yelled at Bon and she told him over and over again to take the statement back, but Bon stood, unyielding to the other's pleas.

Rin eventually grew tired of shouting, her throat was sore and she felt like crying. All these emotions came back to her and were just flooding through her heart like an endless river, until the dam burst.

"Don't you dare talk to me like you know! You don't know sh*t about my life! So don't act all high and mighty!" Rin looked up, shocking everybody once more as they could so clearly see the tears streaming down her face and the conflicting emotions flittering across her eyes.

Rin let her bangs overshadow her eyes again and she looked down. "I… I hate living like this so much. You don't know how it's like to feel so...so alone." She said it quietly so no one would hear, but Bon did.

Then Rin bolted, she ran out the door and didn't look back, just thinking about putting one foot in front of the other.

Unbeknownst to her, Bon whispered something back.

"Idiot. I told you that you don't ever have to feel alone."

Rin ran and ran and ran, letting her feet carry her wherever. And eventually, she was led to a graveyard, but not just any graveyard. It was the old man's, Shiro's, graveyard.

Rin looked around and noticed it was raining, she chuckled dryly. How fitting of this scene, She thought. Rin found Shiro's grave and nearly collapsed in front of it, she was tired, so tired. Her happy-go-lucky mask was cracking, her true self started to shine through more and more. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. But of course, that could never happen, it wasn't possible…Right?

End of Flashback

Rin sighed and looked at Shiro's grave. "I'm sorry, old man. I can't do it anymore, I'm so tired…Is it okay if I sleep here? Just this one time…" Rin's eyes closed and she gently laid down, darkness consuming her, before it all turned to white…

Bon cursed in his mind, over and over again. He ran after Rin as soon as it finally registered in his mind that Rin was crying, that he made her cry. God, he felt like a jerk. Why couldn't he just kept his mouth shut?

He searched all over until he came to a small monastery, something told him that Rin was nearby and he looked around until he noticed a graveyard. He ran towards it and scanned it, spotting a small figure lying on the ground. "Rin!" He shouted.

As he came closer, he realized that Rin was unconscious, probably from a fever or cold. He was about to pick Rin up when said person started to sing faintly in their sleep.

Rin's Dream

Rin looked around at all the white. "So I'm back here, huh?" Rin half asked, half muttered to herself.

"Rin." An exasperated voice called out.

Rin turned to see Yume.

"Are you tired, Rin?" Yume asked.

Rin thought for a moment before nodding.

Yume nodded along with Rin and said, "What are you tired of?"

"I'm tired…tired of being me, tired of being the monster that nobody likes, of being friendless and lonely, tired of not having a friend to understand…"

Yume patted Rin's head and smiled comfortingly. "Show me. Show me how tired you are."

Rin looked at Yume, confused, and then it all clicked, and before she knew it, she found herself singing.

Look at me, look at me,
What do you see?
Am I who I am or am I
Not?

All of the people who love me for me,
Are the same people who don't.
What do you see
When you look in my eyes?
Do you see a real person
Or just, a lie?

If, you won't hate me for me
Then I'll burn,
To the ashes this beautiful mask.

Fear in your tears
And it's clear
That you just,
Can't accept me for
who that I truly am.

Turning away
From this pain,
Disarrayed,
As this ugly face,
Burns down in flames.

Oooooh, ooh, ooh.

All I ask is for me to be free.

As the song came to an end, Yume solemnly looked at Rin and asked one question.

"Would you like to visit a place where you control everything?"

Rin nodded eagerly.

"Then, take my hand."

And Rin did so.

A/N: Aaaaaaaand done! I love this chapter soooo much! Poor, poor Rin... Any-who, the song is a Misao theme song for the teacher, Sohta, and is called Beautiful Mask. It is sung by Una.

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

Krazypeople