—-

CHAPTER 5

Thank goodness for the wonders of cellular technology. Penny has been able to get precise location information from Amy that makes it easy to meet her along the trail. After an hour long drive to the small town of Agua Dulce, Penny makes her way down the path to meet her friend.

She glances down at her phone's GPS map and sees that Amy should be about a half of a mile away. Squinting into the distance, Penny can just make out a colorful lump that is likely to be her frumpy friend. As she gets closer, she spots Amy sitting with her back propped up against a skinny tree, napping in the meager shade that it provides. She plops down next to her and nudges Amy's shoulder with her own. "Hey there, bestie."

Amy rouses and turns to give Penny a half-hearted looking smile. "Hey," she answers back while stifling a yawn. She wipes her hand over her sweaty face as if to wipe the drowsiness away. "Thanks for coming to keep me company today."

It's been no more than five days, but Penny can already spot a difference in Amy's appearance. Her pale skin is beginning to tan, and her hiking clothes hang more loosely from her body. She looks worn out. Penny is pleased to see that her friend has at least had the sense to forgo wearing cardigans on this excursion.

"Even better than company, I brought you more food and water." Penny points her thumb at her own small backpack of supplies. "I might have even stashed a little Jägermeister in there for you. But don't drink any of that until you've stopped for the night. We can't have you stumbling and tumbling around out here. Sheldon would never let us hear the end of it if you got hurt."

Too late, Penny realizes that maybe it's not the best idea to bring up Sheldon right away. She offers Amy an apologetic look. "Sorry."

"No, that's okay. How is he?"

"Sheldon is… Sheldon." Penny isn't sure how to balance the issue of privacy for each of her friends. "He did find out that I was coming out here to meet you. Leonard and I had to spike his Yoo-Hoo with Benadryl last night so that he'd sleep in long enough for me to escape without him tagging along."

Amy raises an eyebrow. "He's not going to be happy about that once he figures out what you did."

"Yeah. We really did have his best interests at heart, though, and I think he'll come to understand that. In the meantime, I fully expect a lecture from him about the dangers of drug usage."

A wistful smile crosses Amy's face, and Penny remembers her friend's peculiar enjoyment of Sheldon-based soliloquies. "Did he forget that coming with you would involve the great outdoors? There are bugs out here, you see."

Penny snorts. "And don't forget wild bunnies!"

They exchange amused glances before Amy turns to pull a water bottle from her pack. While her friend is taking a drink, Penny tries to think of what else she can divulge.

"You know, Sheldon has been pretty lost without you."

"I know the feeling. It hasn't even been a week and…" Amy's words trail off and she shrugs.

"I'm not so sure that Sheldon understands why you've broken things off. To be honest, I'm not entirely clear on it either. I know you love him—in an all-encompassing, irrational kind of way, no less."

"There's no other way to love a man like Sheldon," Amy says.

That's true enough, Penny supposes, but it doesn't help her figure out what's wrong. Before she can come up with another way to pry, Amy reaches into her pack and pulls out an envelope.

"I was going to mail this in Agua Dulce, but then I figured you could pass it along to Sheldon instead. It should answer a lot of his questions."

Penny tries to stuff her curiosity aside, just as she is stuffing the envelope into her bag, but she can't quite do it. "Look, I know how Sheldon is, and I can't say I blame you for wanting something different for your life, but don't you think you should explain things to him in person?"

Amy sighs. While she ponders her answer, she traces her finger through the dirt in a haphazard fashion. The resultant shapes aren't recognizable to Penny.

"Sometimes when I'm around Sheldon, it's hard to make myself face the truth. When I'm with him, I can't stop myself from hoping and wishing for things that are never going to happen."

Oh. Penny tries to think of some way to commiserate. "Every couple has challenges. You know, in only my first week of marriage, I almost botched things with Leonard. Yeah, he kissed another woman years ago, but he was drunk and lonely. Even in that altered state, he still ended up choosing me. More importantly, he told me the truth about it. But if I hadn't given him a chance to explain, I might have gotten caught up in fears that weren't true."

Amy looks up at her, tilting her head. Wrinkles form on her forehead as she replies, "If you're trying to relate to me with a story about your lover's overactive libido, I don't think it's going to work. This situation is not at all analogous."

If analogous means what Penny thinks it does, then Amy is right.

Pushing herself to her feet, Amy scoops up her large pack and straps it around her waist. "Come on, girlfriend, let's go for a walk."

Grabbing her own small backpack, Penny steps up to walk at Amy's side. They hike in silence for several minutes, and Penny takes deep breaths in rhythm with their pace. Hiking at this high of an altitude has them far away from the pollution that likes to settle close to Los Angeles. There's a deep canyon on their left, and hills and valleys in the distance. The sky is bright blue, nearly cloudless, allowing her to feel the warmth of the sun. Trees are present, but sparse, as is most plant life. Some foliage is able to withstand the sun and lack of water, and the green splashes of color stand out in stark contrast to the sandy shade of the dry earth and the drab grey of rocks and stones. Up here the view is clear and bright, and Penny feels a happy spring in her step in spite of her friend's predicament.

Beside her, Amy trudges along, weighed down by her heavy pack of supplies. She moves at a good clip, though, despite her burden.

"You sure you don't want me to schlep that pack for a while?" Penny offers.

"No, thank you. I've got to deal with the weight of my own choices here. Besides, I barely feel it at this point. The human body adapts quickly to its circumstances."

For the next quarter of a mile, Penny argues with herself about whether she should continue to meddle. Eventually she can't stand it anymore and blurts, "How do you know what might or might not happen in the future? Isn't it a bad idea to presume things when it comes to someone like Sheldon?"

Amy slows her walking pace as she answers, "After five years, I think I know Sheldon's heart and mind pretty well—as much as he's ever likely to show me, anyway. There's not much choice about it any more."

Penny comes to a halt as she forms a rebuttal. "But you can't know that if you don't talk to him. Amy, I knew Sheldon for a few years before he even met you. I never thought I'd see him grow into the person he is now. And you—it's all because he loves you. I don't think anyone ever expected Sheldon Cooper to have a girlfriend—much less to have date nights, sleepovers, hugs, and kisses."

Amy has stopped too, and she looks into Penny's eyes with an intense expression on her face. "It's true that Sheldon has come a long way. He has a greater capacity for love than people give him credit for. But maybe I'm not the one he's meant to spend his life with. Maybe there is someone out there who won't have to push so hard. Maybe every day, week, or month he spends with me is wasted time that could be better spent finding someone who can give him something that I can't."

Penny feels her mouth drop open in shock. She can't fathom Sheldon dating someone else. "No one is more right for Sheldon than you are and vice-versa. Hell, he has never even been interested in any woman besides you."

"Ah, but he's never been entirely interested in me either, has he? Did you know that just last month I had to explain to him why it was important to me that we reside on the same planet?"

It's hard to argue with that, but Penny wants to try. She reaches out her hand and sets it on Amy's shoulder. "I almost lost Leonard once. Years ago, you remember Priya?"

When Amy nods, Penny continues, "I had broken up with Leonard because I thought I wasn't good enough. I feared that he would be better off with a woman who has similar interests and more book smarts. But Amy, i just ended up hurting us both for no good reason."

"I wish it was as simple as that, but there is one huge difference here." Amy glances down at her feet before once again turning her sad eyes up to Penny. "Leonard has always wanted to be with you. He's always wanted everything with you."

—-

On Saturday morning, Leonard opens his eyes and is met by Sheldon's angry gaze only a few inches from his face.

"Gah! Sheldon, what the hell?" Leonard pushes his body away from those crazy eyes.

"Penny left without me. It's 9:00, Leonard. Why am I just waking up now?" he asks, sounding every bit as frantic as he looks.

It's useless to lie, but Leonard decides to give it a shot anyway. "Maybe you were really tired," he suggests.

"You left the bottle of Benadryl out on the bathroom countertop."

Uh-oh, it looks like the jig is up. He shrugs. "Sorry. I know that kind of sloppiness is a violation of the Roommate Agreement—"

"Never mind that. You drugged me!"

"Just a little," Leonard mumbles. Trying to add some confidence to his voice, he continues, "Look, I'm sorry, Sheldon, but you've been acting like a lunatic. And by that I mean even more than usual. I know you haven't been sleeping well, and by doing this we killed two birds with one stone. You got some much needed rest, and you didn't get a chance to make an even bigger mess of things with Amy."

Even to Leonard this sounds like a rationalization, but it is also the truth. Sheldon stomps out of Leonard's bedroom, and he can hear the distant sound of his friend slamming down a bowl, a spoon, a box of cereal, and finally a jug of milk.

Leonard waits five minutes before he braves going out into the living room. If he's lucky, some food and Doctor Who programming will have started to settle Sheldon down. After fixing his own bowl of cereal, Leonard seats himself into the chair to enjoy his breakfast.

Of course, enjoying a breakfast while Sheldon is brooding is easier said than done. It doesn't look like he is eating very much, because even though he fiddles with the spoon, he rarely brings it to his mouth. At his roommate's obvious distress, Leonard feels compelled to say something.

"Are you okay?"

"My girlfriend is out galavanting like some adventure book heroine, my supposed best friend has drugged me with over-the-counter anti-histamines, and I'm watching Doctor Who two and a half hours late. What do you think?" Sheldon finishes his melodramatic rant by slamming his bowl onto the coffee table and folding his arms over his chest.

The most concerning thing about Sheldon's outburst isn't the words themselves. Rather, Leonard finds himself startled that Sheldon is ignoring the little tidal wave of milk that has overflowed the bounds of his cereal bowl to drip onto the table.

There's no easy way to assuage his friend's anxiety, but Leonard lowers his voice and gives it his best try. "I know this is difficult, but you have got to respect Amy's wishes. You don't need to rescue her. She is not a damsel in distress, and you are no knight in shining armor. She won't be gone long. You can bug her when she gets back."

Leonard hopes his words will ease Sheldon's mind, but if not, he figures that he can at least help with his friend's OCD-like tendencies. He brings both of their breakfast dishes into the kitchen and rinses them before putting them into the dishwasher. On his way back, Leonard snags a paper towel from off the roll and then proceeds to wipe up the small puddle of milk that rests on the table in front of Sheldon's spot.

—

Raj can think of at least four different ways that he would rather be spending his Saturday afternoon. He could be snuggling up with his best girl and showering her with affection. Or he could be spending the day with Emily, continuing to walk the fine line between arousal and terror. There's a new space documentary that he could go see, or he could check out the new episodes of Good Eats with Alton Brown waiting on his DVR.

But Raj isn't doing any of those things. Instead, he is here playing MarioKart with Howard, Leonard, and Sheldon. If there's one thing that all four of them can relate to, it's getting rejected by a woman. Raj figures the least they can do is keep Sheldon company during his initial waves of heartbreak.

It's not always easy to be around someone like him, even at the best of times, and today is proving to be more challenging than usual. Sheldon's driving is more erratic than ever. Raj could swear that he is doing it on purpose.

"Jeez dude, I thought Amy taught you how to drive!" Raj exclaims when Sheldon's spinning car knocks them both off the Rainbow Road for the third time in a single lap.

"And now she is in the midst of teaching me the ways of chaos," Sheldon answers, sounding unaffected. Back on the road, he breaks a box that gives him banana peels. He starts flinging them wildly in front of him, initiating yet another chain reaction of cartoon carnage.

Once they all manage to straggle across the finish line, Howard asks, "What were we thinking when we decided to play this in team mode?"

Raj shakes his head. "That was a bad idea. I'd suggest we switch to a first person shooter, but I think Sheldon would just kill us all."

"Well, I would have preferred to be experiencing an outdoor adventure, but that option was stolen from me," Sheldon says with a pointed look at Leonard. "If you gentlemen would excuse me, I need to go pour my own beverage, lest I once again fall prey to the evil machinations of one Dr. Hofstadter."

After Sheldon strides from the room, Howard leans in and asks Leonard, "Do we even want to know what that's about?"

"Definitely not."

Both Raj and Howard take him at his word and don't ask for further details. Sheldon returns in short order with a glass of soda. He sets it on the table, but then slides it as far away from Leonard as possible. Raj doesn't think that adding caffeine to Sheldon's current state of mind will bode well. Unable to think of another way to start the conversation, he decides to ask about it.

"I thought you preferred to partake of caffeinated beverages only on special occasions."

"Well, I figure drugs are the theme of the day, aren't they?" he answers while scowling at the man on his left once again.

Leonard shrugs, looking apologetic, and Raj wonders if Sheldon will be able to pick up the subtle hints of remorse on his roommate's face. Probably not.

After taking a sip from his glass, Sheldon continues, "When I was growing up, my father always sought solutions for life's problems with assorted forays into the world of chemical dependency. Drugs and alcohol are the classic way to drown one's sorrows when a relationship is threatened, correct?"

Leonard sighs. "That's just soda, Sheldon."

Raj agrees, "Yeah, dude, it's just a little caffeine and sugar."

"It's close enough. Besides, alcohol tastes yucky."

While Sheldon takes a few more sips of soda, Raj helps Leonard sort through the video game options. Wii sports seems like a promising option, presuming that they don't play it as a team, of course.

After a moment or two, Howard is the next to break the silence. "Sheldon, have you considered trying to puzzle out what went wrong with your relationship?"

Raj gapes at him in shock, and he can see that Leonard is doing the same. Trying to get Sheldon to talk about his dying relationship seems like a terrible idea. The plan was to hang out with the man in friendly solidarity, not probe the mysteries of the odd couple's failed romance.

"There's nothing wrong with our relationship. In fact, I fully expect Amy to come around very soon. If she needs to frolic with nature like some Disney princess first, then so be it," Sheldon says with a shrug.

Howard tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. "You do understand that it isn't nature that you should be concerned about Amy frolicking with, right?"

As ever, Sheldon appears clueless and then tries to cover it with bluster. "I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Howard. A few more years of schooling really would have helped—for both acquiring a doctorate and improving your communication skills."

It's nothing more than a typical Sheldon-style belittling, but it seems to be effective at pissing off Howard. Raj stops flipping through the game cartridges to gawk at the pair.

Howard stands and folds his arms over his chest. His soft tone doesn't match his words when he says, "Maybe you're right. Maybe Amy will give up her last vestiges of self-respect and come back to you."

His voice turns harsher as he adds, "Or maybe she has grown up enough that she wants to try dating a guy whose balls have dropped."

Sheldon narrows his eyes. "I don't care for sports, but I don't see how dropping a ball in any of them would be a good thing."

Leonard scratches his nose and whispers a hint. "He's referring to a part of your body, Sheldon."

This time Sheldon's eyes widen. He stands up and sputters, "There's nothing wrong with my testicles, Howard. And I fail to see how that ridiculous statement relates to Amy."

Raj snorts. Of course Sheldon can't figure out what his genitalia could possibly have to do with Amy. "I think he means that you should consider using them. For something other than getting kneed by bullies, I mean."

Howard nods. "Raj gets it. My point, Sheldon, is that perhaps your former girlfriend doesn't aspire to die a virgin in the same way that you do."

"Guys, stop. Don't you think you're being a little harsh here?" Leonard tries to be the voice of reason.

"I could go for a lot less discussion of Sheldon's gonads," Raj says, tilting his head with consideration. "Of that much, I am certain."

This approach does seem unusually aggressive. Raj suspects that Howard's intent is to shake Sheldon out of his complacency. If the man still insists that nothing at all is wrong with his relationship, then maybe such tactics are warranted.

Howard shakes his head at Leonard. "No. He needs to hear this. It's not going to be any less painful for him to figure it out later when he sees her moving on with some other dorky loser."

He turns back to Sheldon. "Whatever your 'deal' is? That's your business. But what I'm telling you is true. Amy is not going to have difficulty finding another nerdy, socially awkward guy. We're everywhere. And when she finds one? Well, let's just say that he won't have the same hangups that you do."

Sheldon is clenching his fists, and Raj can see the veins sticking out along his neck. He has never seen Sheldon look so enraged before. A fight between these two is unlikely to cause much physical harm, but Raj would rather not witness the flailing. He stands and starts to move to separate them, but Leonard beats him to it and steps between them.

Leaning around Leonard, Sheldon addresses Howard. "That's not what this is about. There's no way that she broke up with me over something as simple as that. And I'm not aspiring to die a virgin. That's completely absurd," he chokes out through gritted teeth.

Leonard puts his arm out to hold back Sheldon's attempts to step forward. Raj thinks it's a good thing that someone's already got a hold of him when he hears Howard's next words.

"You tell yourself whatever you need to, like you always do. I'm just warning you that the woman you claim to love is going to find someone new. You should've plowed that field a long time ago." Undeterred by Sheldon's obvious anger, Howard continues, "I would've, if I were you. Hell, if I were single now? I totally would."

Sheldon's tone sounds like a warning when he responds, "Would what?"

"I think you know." Howard smirks and tilts his head toward Raj. "So would he."

Raj is certain that he doesn't want to be pulled in to this any more than he already has been. Though his intentions may be good, Howard has gotten far too carried away with the moment. Raj looks from Sheldon to Howard and back again. There is nothing he can say that will help right now. Fortunately, he has had plenty of practice staying mute.

"Guys, it is time for you to leave now," Leonard insists. He probably wants to get them out before Sheldon can figure out what Howard is talking about, but it turns out that Sheldon is not so naive after all.

"Don't talk about Amy like that," he warns, his eyes darting to each man in the room.

Howard sighs. He sounds genuine when he says, "Sheldon, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings here, and I'm definitely not trying to imply anything rude about Amy. Believe it or not, I want you guys to be happy. But if you can't even admit to yourself that something has gone wrong, then you are going to be facing some serious heartbreak."

Raj rubs his chin and nods his agreement. "He could've found a more delicate approach, but Howard's right. Both you and Amy are our friends, and we all want the two of you to find happiness. Maybe you need to figure out what that means, for yourself and for her."

—-